Fractured Rules
by smartkid37
Summary: Someone is killed in the line of duty Someone else takes the blame. How does this affect the team? Which of Gibbs' Rules get broken in the fallout? Will the team survive the loss and the rules that have been broken? DEATH OF MAJOR CHARACTER
1. Chapter 1

This day started out all wrong. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't been able to sleep worth a damn last night. He'd spent hours tossing and turning until he'd finally given in and taken a damn sleeping pill. Now, here it was, 7:00 AM and he was late for work.

_Wait! 7:00 AM? Is this for real? Damn it! Man, Gibbs is gonna kill me! He gets so pissed when any of us are late. Damn it, to hell, don't even have time for coffee or a donut!"_ Tony grumbled to himself as he stumbled out of bed and somehow managed to get dressed, despite the fog that seemed to be hanging low over his brain this morning.

Strong insistent banging was heard from the vicinity of his apartment door, so his goose was cooked now. Trying to locate his long silent phone, he spotted it on the floor under his bed and scooped it up as he half-walked, half stumbled to the door before whoever it was had beaten it down. As he looked at the phone, he mentally gave himself a good chewin-out., _Good goin' DiNozzo! Kinda hard to be on time when you forget your phone on vibrate! How's anyone supposed to call your ass up outta bed that way?! _

Looking through the peep hole, he wasn't really surprised to find it was McGee coming to get him from whatever excuse Tony would lay at Gibbs' feet. He was, however, relieved, since this meant he'd still be able to get coffee and a donut out of the deal.

"Hey, Probie! Come to to rescue me from being too terribly tardy this morning?" Tony asked glibly.

"Uh, No, Tony. Came to get you for our stakeout . Something wrong with your phone? You forget? The crime scene from yesterday? We're on watch; keeping an eye out for Johnson til backup arrives." Tim answered somewhat calmly.

"No, I didn't forget, McPain in the ass." Tony grumbled.

"You okay? You don't look so hot." Tim asked in response as he ignored the grumpy attitude Tony was dousing him with. Something had been nagging at him from the pit of his stomach all morning. For some reason he couldn't explain, Tim felt a sense of doom hanging over them this morning and it left him unwilling to do anything to make the day worse. It had obviously already gotten off to a rough start for Tony, as it was.

"Thanks, McRomeo." Tony snarked back.

"Tony, look, I just meant that you look like you don't feel well." Tim explained patiently.

"Sorry, Probie. Rough night," Tony admitted humbly. "Had to take a sleeping pill to get some z's. Guess it's still hangin on."

"It's okay, Tony. Lets' go get you some coffee before we plant ourselves onsite. But, we need to hurry." Tim said sympathetically.

"Thanks, Tim." Tony offered in an apologetic tone.

"No problem. C'mon." Tim was just relieved Tony wasn't sick. He felt bad when the other guys on the team weren't feeling well and still had to carry on with the job.

The ride to the coffee shop and even the ordering and waiting went by in silence. Tin knew Tony needed time to bring his brain on target and it wouldn't help forcing him to have a conversation before the guy had his first cup of coffee of the morning. Besides, the companionable feel to this silence was nice.

After downing half the cup, Tony began to finally feel awake enough to focus. As Tim drove to the warehouse they were on tap to stakeout, Tony finished his coffee, for once grateful for Tim's penchant for pleasing people. His compassion didn't hurt on mornings like this either and right now Tony was so thankful for both, he was damn near ready to hug the Probster. Well, maybe next time. Right now, they had a perp to watch out for. _Where the hell was their backup anyway?_

Patiently, they held their position; although Tim was in much more of a patient mood than Tony was at the moment.

"Probie, this guy's not here. Let's just go in and secure the scene. Let the LEO's get him on their turf." Tony suggested in frustration.

"Tony, Gibbs said wait for backup, so we wait for backup." Tim answered with more backbone than Tony had heard from him in a while. "Besides, we've only been here for a few minutes. It shouldn't be long before backup arrives."

"Let me get this straight. we're stuck babysittin' this bozo just because he's a rat for a crook?"" Tony asked in complaint.

"Who just happens to be a former Petty Officer responsible for the theft of over a million dollars from the Navy Procurement Office where he worked." Tim patiently reminded him.

"Why the hell can't the crooks behave for just one damn day?" Tony grumbled

"I hear ya, Tony." Tim said sympathetically.

"Damn. We're gonna be stuck sittin here all day. Damn perp's not even here. Probably won't even show. Who's backup any damn way?" the older man complained.

"Balboa's team. They're supposed to be here in thirty minutes." Tim answered. "Front or side?" Tim asked as he held out a pair of binoculars for Tony.

"Side." Tony conceded with a sigh of resignation as he took the seeing-eye tools and looped them over his neck before looking through them.

* * *

_Twenty minutes later_

**"NCIS Agent Down! I need an ambulance NOW! 1221 Dock Street, warehouse facing the water! Hurry!**"


	2. Chapter 2

********************************

**_"NCIS Agent Down! I need an ambulance at 1221 Dock Street, warehouse facing the water! Hurry!" _**

* * *

Holding the phone in one hand trying to work the buttons and speaking through the speaker phone, Tim kept pressure on Tony's wound where he'd been shot. There was so much blood it turned his stomach horribly; it's contents trying desperately to escape on into his throat, but he pushed to over-rule what he didn't have time to deal with; concentrating instead on holding on to the jacket he'd wadded up to use to apply the pressure that would hopefully stop Tony from bleeding to death.

Ignoring his own pain, Tim ended that call for the ambulance and quickly made another one

"Boss. Tony's been shot. I've called for ambulance, they're on the way." Tim said without wasting any time.

**"What the hell happened, McGee?" **Gibbs demanded.

"Rushed the building, perp was waiting for us. He'd been hiding out longer than we'd been watching the place, Boss. Didn't know he was even here." Tim almost passed out from the effort of that much talking**.**

**"How bad?" **Gibbs barked

"One shot. Chest. Gotta go, Boss. Gotta take care of Tony." Tim dropped the phone as the pain from his own gunshot wounds ripped through him from his movements trying to stop Tony from bleeding to death.

The jacket his hands steadily kept in place over Tony's wound was no longer black and Tim was rapidly losing hope**.**

**"No, Tony, don't you leave me! Don't you die on me! You hear me! I can't do this without you! C'mon, Tony, stay with me!"**

_"Mc…Goo"_ Tony rasped on a breath of gasped air. His eyes fluttered open and managed to stay on Tim's for a second.

**"Tony! Oh, Thank God! Stay with me. You hear me?" **Tim demanded, his breath coming in painful sobs.

_"So…sorry, Mc…Goo.. Tell Z….love er…Abby…be…good…. . Boss….tell Boss…I'm…sorry… "_ Tony's eyes closed as his last breath left him in a gentle huff of air as Tim felt his own lungs sieze painfully and his heart right along with them.

The warehouse floor was riddled with blood, two obviously deceased people and one seriously hurt but still trying desperately to save his fallen partner. As the medics hurried to the scene, the injured agent who'd been trying so doggedly to save his partner could be heard begging the man to not give up, to not leave him.

**"NO, Tony! You can't do this! You hear me? Damn it, Tony!"**

Tim bent to apply mouth to mouth resuscitation to his fallen partner, his hands automatically going to Tony's chest, pushing down the best he could while trying to breathe into him. So determined to succeed, he failed to hear the sirens arriving or even the Medics who came upon a scene so tragic they had to stop and clear their eyes as well as their throats.

_"Oh, God! Please! Don't let him die! Don't let him leave us like this!" _Tim silently cried as he continued to try to save Tony.

"We're here now, Sir. We'll take him. Let's get you taken care of too." The medic tried to reason with Tim; who at this point, was beyond hearing reason.

**"No! Don't worry about me! You just take care of Tony! Don't let him die! You hear me? Don't you let him leave us like this!" **Tim screamed, all of his fear and pain rushing out. He was so caught up in his overwhelming panic for Tony, he never even heard Gibbs' squeals of tires as he'd broken the speed record to get there. Jumping out almost before the car even stopped, Ziva and Gibbs ran full throttle into the warehouse, both desperate to get to their team mate.

"Sir, you need to let us take care of you, you've been shot. Several times and they look pretty serious. You''re in shock. You need to let us take care of you! We have to wait for a second ambulance. We need to stop the bleeding while we wait.!" The medic pushed. This man was bleeding out from what appeared to be two gunshot wounds and he wouldn't let them near him enough for them to save his life.

Tim was so caught up in his fear for Tony, he didn't feel his own pain,

**"NO! DAMN IT!!! TAKE CARE OF TONY! DON"T LET HIM DIE!!!" **Tim screamed again, his body seizing up on him as the pain became more than it could handle. As Gibbs ran toward his two agents, Tim's body crumpled to the ground , saved only by the EMT who'd been trying to get him to let them take care of him.

**"What the hell happened?"** Gibbs barked with more anger and fear than he'd ever experienced since he couldn't remember when. Rushing up to the gurney that his fallen agent was being strapped onto, Gibbs took a deep breath and gently tapped Tony on the top of the head. When Tony's eyes failed to open, Gibbs ' heart almost stopped as it jumped into his throat.

**"DiNozzo! You don't have permission to die, remember? You hang in there! Don't give up, Tony!"**

"Sir, both of these men need to get to the hospital, now!Only one ambulance was called for. This man," the medic pointed at Tim, "will have to wait til the next one comes.l It's on it's way! You'll have to apply pressure to both of his wounds or he'll bleed to death!We have to get the other one to the hospital now! He's critical. We managed to get his heart going again but it's extremely weak!" the medic pushed to get them moving.

Stepping up to the gourney, " Tony!" Ziva cried as tears ran down her face. He looked like he'd already left them and it scared her to death.

"Ma'am, we need to go now. You can ride if you want." The second Medic stated

"Ziva, go. I'll stay till the other team gets here." Gibbs said as calmly as he could for her sake.

"Sir, the other ambulance should be here for him in a few minutes!" The medic tried to reassure Gibbs.

Gibbs nodded and took over the Medic's efforts to stop Tim's wounds from letting him bleed to death.

As the second medic jumped into the driver's seat and quickly took the ambulance toward the hospital, Gibbs was left alone at the sight of the unexpected blood battle, and the reality that he might be losing two of his agents right before his very eyes.

**"C'mon, Tim, don't you die on me! I didn't give you permission to die. You hear me? You and Tony both are gonna get through this!" **Gibbs told the young man sternly, with his heart still in his throat.

Thankfully, Balboa's team arrived shortly after the ambulance with Tony had left.

"Gibbs! What happened?" Agent Edwards asked nervously. This was not the best way to have to talk to the man who instilled fear in you.

"Help me." Gibbs ordered urgently in response.

As two of the arriving agents took over keeping pressure on Tim's wounds, Gibbs got up and took out his phone.

"Ducky, you and Abby get to Bethesda. Tony and McGee have booth been shot. Tell the Director for me. I'll meet you there. Ziva's with Tony."

Snapping his phone shut, Gibbs once again sent his eyes through the warehouse to get an eye for what had happened to his agents while keeping Tim in his Peripheral vision.

"Gibbs? What do you think happened?" Agent Balboa asked him quietly. It didn't take a genius to know what this man was going through as they waited for the ambulance to transport Agent McGee.

"They were supposed to wait for your team. This wasn't supposed to happen." Gibbs said painfully.

"I know. That's why we need to figure out what happened. From what I can tell the perp surprised them but at this point it's hard to determine who came in first. Any idea?" Balboa pushed.

"McGee called me. Said 'rushed the warehouse' didn't say who." Gibbs said woodenly.

"Okay. Hopefully the evidence will give us the answers we need to solve this. " Balboa attempted to soothe the man who was angry and scared beyond words. "Go on with your guy. We've got this."

"You'll need help with the evidence. "Abby won't be able to handle this." Gibbs warned quietly.

"Yeah, I figured. Go on, we've got this. We'll figure it out. Hope your guys are gonna be okay." Balboa offered with a comforting hand to the man's shoulder.

"Me too." Gibbs said with a rare show of unbridled fear.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few hours blended together in a smoke screen of things said and done gone by, as Gibbs' mind struggled to take it all in:

_riding in the ambulance_

_McGee seriously wounded, two gunshot wounds _

_screaming sirens_  
_  
hospital waiting room _  
_  
coffee that tasted like tar_  
_  
Abby's horrified expression and endless tears_  
_  
Ziva's tears_  
_  
Ducky's calm assurances_  
_  
waiting_

_pacing_

_Vance's sympathy_  
_  
endless waiting and pacing_

_more tar-like crap they call coffee_

_more wating_

_Ducky's promise to come back with news when he had any_

_Vance' promise that he would deal with the scene and the investigation_

_Abby's crying_

_Ziva's devastated expression_

_more pacing_

_waiting_

_Vance's promise to call Tim's family_

_coffee_

_Abby's tears_

_Ziva's tears_

_waiting_

_pacing_

Four hours after they had watched Tony being driven away in the ambulance, Ducky returned with a glimpse of hope for them.

"They are still working on both of them. Timothy was shot twice, once in the chest and once in the side. Because of the amount of blood loss he endured while trying to give Anthony CPR. They've had to give him additional blood to stablize his blood pressure. This has prohibited them in removing the bullets.

"Wait! Ducky? What are you talking about." Abby interrupted.

"The medics said Timothy would not allow them to do anything for him until Anthony had been rescucitated and stabalized." Ducky answered her.

"Duck! Tony?" Gibbs growled.

"Anthony's single gunshot penetrated his left lung. They want to remove the bullet, However, they are unwilling to put his lungs under the strain of putting him completely under anesthesia, which co course, they need to do. Dr. Pitt is enroute as we speak. They will not do anything until he has weighed in on Tony's treatment. We'll know more after Dr. Pitt has had a chance to see what's going on with Anthony."

"Thanks, Duck" Gibbs murmered.

"Yes, well, I will go back in and stay with them there is more to update you with." Ducky said as he headed back into the E.R.

Ziva dried her eyes and left the waiting room, in search of a quiet place to think

Abby's tears wouldn't stop, She loved both of them and couldn't, just couldn't fathom losing either of them.

Gibbs' was in turmoil. McGee had put his own life on the line to try to save Tony. But, which one of them had taken them in to that ware house unprepared and without the backup they were suppossed to have waited for? Damn it! Somebody was to blame for this and not knowing who it was wasn't sitting well with him. With so much time to think while they waited for both men to be stablized enough to be moved to recovery, the scenerios kept playin' in his head, one unpleasant possibility after another.

"Gibbs?" Agent Balboa approached the older disorientated man still waiting for good news on his men. What news he'd been given wasnt enough. It didn't mean either one of them were out of the woods.

"Whatdya find?" Gibbs forced his mind to focus on Balboa as the man stood before him.

"Still processing the evidence, Just wanted to stop in and see how your guys are doing. Any word?"

"Both still in surgery. McGee need extra blood and Tony's lung's been punctured. They're waiting on the Specialist who treated him for the Plague to get here." Gibbs repeated the gist of what Ducky had shared with them.

"I'll let the staff know. Hang in there, Gibbs. Your guys are tough, You trained them, remember?" Balboa attemtped to comfort Gibbs as he headed out.

Ziva came back to the waiting room with an anxious Sara McGee who immediately flew into Gibbs' arms.

"Agent Gibbs, please tell me Tim's gonna be okay! I can't lose my brother!" she cried.

"He's tough, Sarah. He'll make it." Gibbs soothed as he attempted to sooth her by running his hand in circles on her back as she cried in his arms. "Where are your parents?"

"They'll be here in a couple of hours. They were on a cruise and had to be flown off the ship by helicopter. They were half-way around the world. God, if anything happens to Tim before they get her..." Sarah didn't finish that thought. Tears ran down her face in rivlets and soon Abby and Ziva had coerced her into going with them to the cafeteria for a break and a bite to eat.

They'd been gone only 15 minutes and Gibbs was relishing the quiet around him even as his thgoughts waged war with themselves between fear for his agents and anger that one of them had created this mess, when his cell phone rang.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, Angie McGee here. Please tell me how's my son?"

"They're still working on him, Ma'am. We don't have all the specifics yet." Gibbs was unwilling to feed her any details over the phone. That would do her no good.

"You will keep me updated, won't you?" she begged.

"Yes. Ma'am, I will." Gibbs vowed.

"How's Sarah?" she asked.

"Upset, but holding together. She's with two of my team members now, getting something to eat and a chance to breathe." Gibbs reassured her.

Almost on cue, the girls returned to the waiting room, seemingly in tandem with Ducky and another Doctor. Neither of then looked like they were bringing good news. In fact, Ducky looked positvely devesated. Forgetting that he had Tim's mother on the phone, Gibbs walked up to the doctors.

Gibbs quietly ended the call, promising to call with an update when he had one. His heart was in his throat as Ducky approached them.

"Jethro, I'm so terribly sorry."

"No, Ducky! No," Gibbs answered back in agitation.

"NO! Ducky!" Abby screamed.

"Who?" Ziva asked with steel in her voice and her arm steadily holding Sarah's shoulder.

"I'm afraid we were unable to save him. We lost him ten minutes ago," Ducky admitted with tears in his eyes, as he struggled to find the way to tell them the name they needed to hear.

Sobbing could be heard from Sarah and Abby alike."

"Who, Ducky?" Gibbs asked in a choked voice.

"Anthony."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Any OCC occurrence is by accident.  
Please remembert this is fiction written for the fun of writing and reading; not for perfection of characters.  
__Please read the description - it did not lie_

_Having said that, shall we get back to our story?

* * *

_There was a moment of silent silence, of pure shock. That shock was written all over the faces of every one of the now devastated team members who had just been sucker-punched with the harshest reality they could ever imagine.

Tony was gone. The man who had embodied strength, laughter, street smarts, brotherhood, courage, persistence, charm, team work and joy had been taken from them. Everyone's big brother and protector was never coming back; had been ripped from their folds. NCIS would never be the same without him and neither would his team. This had just broken them.

Suddenly, the moment of shock gives way to all hell breaking loose as, time resumed it's normal spped and reality set in, setting off reactions that could not be stopped. One by one, their minds react to the truth they've had to accept. The first reaction among them is the domino that begins the ripple effect.

**"NO!"** Abby screamed. Her eyes were wide with disbelief and silent tears were running down her face. As she turned to run from the room; Gibbs snatched her back and hauled her into his arms; holding her as tightly as they both needed; each suddenly the other's anchor. Abby's sobs became loud and uninhibited, almost overpowering the deafening silence from Ducky, Gibbs, and Ziva. Although, silent, Ziva's tears flow as they never have in front of any of them before.

Palmer, who had arrived just in time to hear Ducky's grief-stricken news, felt lost. He looked around as everyone he'd always known to be strong and bonded together; seemed to shatter right before his eyes. It brought tears to the Autopsy Gremlin's face to see their pain and loss, feeling it too, as he thought back to the nickname Tony had bestowed on him. Suddenly he wished with all his might that he' could hear Tony call him that just one more time.

Ziva' thought everyone in the room could surely hear her heart crumble into pieces. She'd never allowed herself to let him in to her heart completely and now it was too late. She'd loved him with all of her heart; had wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. If only she'd given herself the right to try. She'd lost another love of her life. This hurt just as badly as loosing Talia. The silent tears that didn't stop gave testament to that.

Palmer remembered the Senior Field Agent turning to him for advice while Gibbs had retired to Mexico He' come to think fondly of Tony. Now, he'd never get the chance to tell him so.

Ducky looked at each of them, his shared grief in his eyes. _Anthony. Dear, Dear, Anthony._

The young man lived life to its fullest and never allowed anyone to stay down on life, if he could help it. He'd been through so much, as a boy, on the job, as a teen, in previous jobs; and yet he'd never let it stop him from teaching the others from his experiences. In fact, he'd made it his mission to make sure they learned from his mistakes as well as his wisdom.

Looking at his friend now, Ducky knew that this loss would devastate Jethro in unfathomable ways as well as obvious ones. Tony had been like a son to Jethro. What man could live through losing a second child after already losing his wife and first child? No words would come close to comforting him. Jethro, being Jethro, any attempt at such comfort would probably hurt him more.

Sarah McGee felt out of place, miserable and alone. While she only knew Agent DiNozzo briefly, she liked him and he'd been kind to her, someone who came across as bigger than life, someone her brother both loved and hated as a big brother who while driving him crazy insane with jokes and pranks one day, would help him through the next with words of wisdom and support. Through her brother's experiences with Agent DiNozzo, Sara actually became fond of the man who never stopped looking out for Tim, even when Tim failed to see it for what it was.

Now, watching his team grieve for him; knowing that Tim would be absolutely torn apart as soon as he found out his efforts to save his teammate's life had been for naught; all Sarah could think to do was leave them alone, and be the one to sit with Tim as he woke up. Being the living reminder that one of their teammates had survived while the other one hadn't wasn't something she felt good about. Sarah felt like an intruder who would be turned on once they'd remembered she was there and why.

She didn't want him to be alone. It was understandable that his team mates would not have him on their minds right now. Agent Gibbs' silence unnerved her. Given Tim's solidly entrenched belief that the man loved Tony like a son and Tim like a distant relative made removing herself from their presence at this time her top priority. No one would want her sympathy, it would feel like a slap in the face to them and that she would not do.

Slipping almost unseen from the room, Sarah went in search of her brother's room, tears streaming down her face for the tragedy she now felt caught in the middle of. How could she remain in the same room with Tim's team while they grieved for Tony, when all she could think about was how grateful she was that Tim had survived the shoot-out in the warehouse?

Ducky realized that even in the midst of their grief, there was still their gravely injured teammate to be concerned about. Looking around him at their soul-wrenching, heart breaking reactions to this sudden and tragic loss of their teammate, Ducky was not surprised that no one was thinking of Timothy at the moment. The M.E. was certain that had the young man been here in the room with them, he too, would be as devastated as the others were. Seeing Sara McGee look around her helplessly and then slip from the room, her face soaked with her own tears for them, Ducky felt for the young woman and her brother, their teammate.

Timothy still needed them; at least one of them and at least until his family arrived. While his sister was already here for him; she was too young to be able to handle alone, the responsibility of being there for Timothy. Ducky knew it would be difficult for the team to do anything but grieve at the moment, which, in itself would be detrimental to Timothy's recovery. So he silently made the decision to be the one from the team who would be here for gravely injured young man.

Stepping up to a shell-shocked Jethro who was doing his best to hold Abby up as well as himself, Ducky laid a comforting hand on the younger man's arm and quietly told him he'd be with his agents if he was needed. Walking back toward the E.R., he was unaware of the sad, heartbroken gaze of the younger man he'd just walked away from.

Holding Abby up was the only thing that kept Gibbs cognitive. Even Ziva seemed beyond devastated and barely able to function at this point. Tenderly, he wrapped his arms around both grieving women and walked them out of the hospital, away from their deceased teammate, into the fresh air that would hopefully infuse their bodies with enough stamina to keep going, one foot in front of the other. As Gibbs kept his focus on doing what the girls needed, he took them to get something to eat and coaxed them both to eat some of the food. After managing a few bites of food, Abby seemed to snap out of her mindless grieving enough to remember something extremely important.

"Oh, God! Timmy!"


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: The biggest of "Thank You's goes out to my Beta and Co-writer of this chapter; __Shelbylou!  
It is a joy to work with you and I couldn't have done it without you  
A special 'Thank You" also goes out to _FiveForFighting09 - Explanation will be forthcoming later.

WARNING: Tissues advised.

* * *

_Waves breaking against the rocks catch his attention and he realizes that the bright light has faded enough that he can now see where he's standing. Crystal soft sand under his bare feet; warm to the touch and beautiful blue-green water laps gently up to the sand, bring with it the tiny treasures from the deep._

_Looking around him he sees a man further up the beach, looking completely lost and alone. Drawn to his presence as if magnetized to him, he begins to walk toward him without even realizing what he's doing, Almost on auto-pilot, his footsteps take him ever closer to him and he hears the man's voice asking the air around him questions he obviously needs answered:_

"_Where am I? Why am I here?"_

"_Tony?" He asks in shock._

_The man turns around quickly and stops dead in his tracks._

"_Probie?" Tony's shock matches Tim's._

"_Tony! You're all right?" Tim asks excitedly._

"_Well, yeah, Probie, I'm here, aren't I?" Tony asks in his normally snarky tone._

"_Where's here, Tony? Where are we?" Tim asks with worry. He doesn't recognize this beautiful place and something doesn't seem right._

"_Well, jeez, Probie, where do you think we are?" Tony asks. He's unwilling to admit he's scared out of his gourd. He has no idea where they are and he doesn't recognize this place. Something seems 'off'._

"_Tony, what do you remember before being here?" Tim asks with rising panic._

"_Relax, McGoo, I've got a pretty good idea of what's going on here." Tony breezes through Tim's concern._

"_Well, I must say, some things never change!" a third voice is heard; it's so familiar! It can't be!_

_"Kate?" Tony asks, once again in shock. This was not what he'd been expecting._

"_DiNozzo? Always knew your sophomoric personality would wind you up here some day." Kate says with a grin._

"_Kate!" Tim can't help himself. He runs to her and hugs her._

"_Nice to see you, too, Tim." Kate says as she steps back from his hug and turns to Tony._

"_Looking good, Kate." Tony tells her as he steps up to her and hugs her tightly._

"_You weren't supposed to come here yet, Tony. You don't belong here either, Tim." Kate informs them sadly as she steps back from Tony's embrace._

"_Whattaya mean we're not supposed to be here? Where are we? Are we dead, Kate?" Tony asks with something close to fear in his tone._

"_You are." Kate tells him in all seriousness. "But, Tim's not."_

"_Aw come on__**! **__You can't be serious, Kate." Tony objects in all seriousness._

"_Looks like you're gonna have to suck it up, Tony." Kate snarks at him with her trademark grin, in an effort to ease the rising fears she senses from them._

_Tony frowns._

"_Then why are we all here together, if there's not still hope?" Tim pleads in something that resembles anguish._

"_It doesn't work that way, Tim." Kate answers with sympathy that equals what she'd given him when Erin Kendall had been killed on his watch._

"_No! You can't leave me like this! I can't be the only one of us still alive! Tony, tell her she's wrong!" Tim cries in obvious fea and sorrow._

"_McGoo. Calm down." Tony soothes as he steps up to Tim and places a calming hand on his shoulder. He hates the helplessness he feels in the face of Tim's despair._

_Tim sees the hand and the arm that i's attached to, but doesn'tt feel it on his shoulder. Suddenly, he begins to cry unashamedly;__ the deep racking sobs soon becaming loud enough to be heard over the waves crashing onto the sand__**.**_

"_No! You can't do this to me! I tried to save you! Tony, you can't leave me! You hear me?" Tim screams in desperation._

"_Probie, I don't have any control over this. You know that." Tony reasons painfully. He hates this just as much as Tim does. He never meant for things to end like this. So many people he never got to say goodbye to. Too many things he never got to go back and do right._

"_Kate! Tell me you're playin'! Please! Tell me, you're just pullin' our leg!" Tim demands "Tell me Tony and I are going back together!"_

"_I can't do that, Tim. I'm sorry. It's not in my control, either." Kate shakes her head silently and smiles regretfully at him whilst Tony looks on with confusion._

"_We've got a few minutes and I want to hear how everyone's doing. How's Abby? Ducky? Gibbs?" Kate changes the subject __as if she were trying to ease Tim's pain with the everyday chit chat._

"_They're all fine, Kate." Tony answers quietly as his brain tries to process what is happening to him as well as the level of despair that Tim is reaching with his own brain scrambling desperately to get a grip on the reality suddenly crashing down on them.._

_Tim stops begging for a different truth and walks away; closer to the ocean, alone, lost and frightened. All of his life, the sights and sounds of the ocean have calmed him in times of trouble. But, right now, calmness is the last thing he is feeling._

_Even as he stands staring out over the water, he can hear Tony and Kate talking._

"_Tony, what brought you here?" Kate's curiosity seems pointless and almost cruel in light of the helplessness they're mired in, unable to stop this pain._

"_Don't you know?" Tony's calm answer screams fear both for him and for Tim._

"_No, DiNozzo, I don't have enough clearance to know everything!" Kate says with the attitude Tony's missed most since she'd been gone. Again, her efforts to calm the situation seem only to hurt more._

"_Warehouse stakeout gone bad." Tony answers shortly. He doesn't want to talk about it. It isn't something he even cares to look back on, especially if it's to be the last conversation they have with Tim._

"_Tim? You too?" Kate throws her voice so Tim can hear the question._

_Tim respectfully turns to look her way and answers "Yeah." Before turning back to look over the ocean once more. It hurts too much to talk about . He can hardly look at them, it hurts too much to know lthey're leaving him, if his time with them is truly short, as Kate has said it was to be._

_He turns away from the ocean to face his lost friends and is surprised to find Tony walking directly up behind him. _

_Suddenly, the bright light is back and Tony and Kate's voices are fading fast._

_"Kate! Tony! Don't leave me!" Tim yells._

_"It's not your time, yet Tim. It's Tony's.' Kate's voice is a mere __whisper on the wind now_

_Tony leans forward so that his face is hovering just to left of Tim's__**. **__"Goodbye, Probie. I'm proud to have known you. Take care of yourself, man. Look out for the rest of them." Tony's words were a mere whisper in his ear._

_"Tony! Don't leave me!" Tim begs one last time._

_The light turns blinding and he closes his eyes to escape it. The sudden pressure of a hidden hand that isn't Tony's, firmly placed on his shoulder brings him back from the place by the sea._

_***************_

"_Kate!"_

"_still hope?"_

"_No! You can't leave me like this! I can't be the only one of us still alive! Tony, tell her she's wrong!"_

_Suddenly, he began to cry._

Ducky's eyes were clouded with tears as Tim's cries and tears from within his dream-swept mind sprang forth, reaching both the M.E.'s ears and those of Tim's sister, Sarah.

Sara couldn't take it, she'd run from the room in tears, almost running Abby, Ziva and Gibbs down as she reached the hallway at full throttle.

Abby steadied the poor girl as Gibbs attempted to stop her from running away.

"Sara, what is it?" Abby asked her with worry.

"He won't stop cryin' out for Tony not to leave him!" Sarah cried out as she freed herself from Abby's grasp and ran from the group.

"_No! You can't do this to me! I tried to save you! Tony, you can't leave me! You hear me?"_

As Tim's cries were heard even out in the hallway, Abby burst into tears and Ziva felt tears sting her own eyes as she helped Gibbs keep Abby up straight and keep going into Tim's room.

Gibbs felt his heart break even more. He knew Tony's death would devastate Tim. Hearing the young man already being tormented by the loss of his teammate before he'd even regained consciousness was truly heart breaking. It had taken every ounce of will-power to bring Abby and Ziva back here. Only their need to see that Tim was okay had given him the strength to do it.

_Kate! …!__ Tony and I are going back together!"_

As Gibbs stepped into his agent's room, needing to see for himself that the young man was indeed okay, he couldn't help but hurt for Tim as the young man continued to restlessly search, still within his dreams, for the answer he wanted.

_"Kate! Tony! Don't leave me! Tony! Don't leave me!"_

With all the stamina and inner strength he could muster in the mdst of his own sense of loss and pain over Tony's death, Gibbs stepped up to the bed and laid a strong hand on Tim's uninjured shoulder hoping it would get through the young man's pain filled dreams_._

Physical pain roared through Tim's body, wringing an audible gasp of pain filled air accidentally sucked in as he was returned to reality on an excruciating wave of pain, grounded only by the firm hand on his shoulder that he knew wasn't Tony's and the voice that now whispered words in his ear.

"You're with us, now. Tim. It's okay. You have to let them go."

Tim's eyes snapped open as his world came into focus once again. The physical pain from his gun shot wounds, as excruciating as it was, paled in comparison to the pain he felt in his heart. He knew, after all, that Tony was gone. _He'd just witnessed Kate taking him with her, hadn't he? Oh, God, Tony!_

Silently looking around the room, he was quick to see the tears in every set of eyes looking back at him, even Gibbs' were wet. There was no mistake. His dream had been a reality. _Tony was gone. Tim had failed. He'd let every one of them down, most especially, Tony._

In complete and utter despair, Tim turned and did his best to curl his pain ridden body into a ball, sobbing his heart break out; too buried in pain and misery to even think about hiding it.

It was all Gibbs could do to remain there amidst Tim's grief when he hadn't had time to deal with his own. As he sat gingerly down on the bed, he could only think to rub the young man's back in a gesture of comfort that he knew wouldn't go very far, but he couldn't think past the muck he was mired in to do any better for the young man.

As Abby and Ziva cried with Tim, albeit in their chairs by his bed, Tim's parents arrived to see a room full of crying people, one of which was meagerly trying to comfort their son, who was currently a curled ball of human misery. Gibbs noticed their entry and gestured for them to come take his place, knowing they'd do a much better job of comforting him then he ever could. They'd heard the last of his cries for his teammate from down the hall.

When they approached the bed, Gibbs withdrew his hand and gently stood up, not wanting to disturb Tim's position for fear of causing him more pain with his injuries. As he whispered words of warning about his injuries to the young man's parents, they nodded their understanding and took up positions on both sides of his bed.

Gibbs quietly promised to find Sara for them and tactfully retreated from Tim's room, with the rest of the group following his lead.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: The biggest of "Thank You's goes out to my Beta and Co-writer of this chapter; Shelbylou!  
It is a joy to work with you and I couldn't have done it without you  
_  
_WARNING: Tissues advised.

* * *

_"Agent Gibbs? We've finished processing everything. The only thing we need now is Tim's statement." Agent Balboa said quietly as he stood in front of the older man's desk. "I realize that it's been less than 48 hours and that there's still Tony's funeral to get through for all of you. I can hold off on getting his statement if you want me to."

Gibbs looked up at the agent standing in front of him; _the Agent he most trusted next to his own team. His own team._ Blinking away the traitorous moisture that was threatening to climb back into his eyes, hegave a thought to why the hell was he even here right now. _Oh, right, stupid paperwork, the bane of his existence; his and Tony's…………Tony!_

_Oh, God, I can't do this._ His mind screamed at him. _I need my two b's and I need 'em now!_ Still the agent in front of him deserved an answer. _What the hell was the answer? What was the question, again?_

He realized he was silently staring at Balboa and sighed heavily. The grief was weighing heavily on him and he struggled to keep his emotions in check enough to concentrate on the matter at hand

"It's up to Vance." Gibbs finally answered the almost forgotten question. His voice was almost a whisper with no emotion to support it and served as a betrayal of how fragile he was feeling at the moment.

Balboa was startled that Gibbs was sending him to the Director, the broken man sitting in front of him was notorious for his '_no one handles the team, but me'_ attitude. That simple statement, those four little words that Gibbs had uttered, _"It's up to Vance." _had startled the young agent standing in front of him. The younger man stopped himself from expressing his surprise as soon as he glimpsed the rare show of raw, unmitigated pain that flashed through Gibbs' eyes as his gaze traveled to his fallen agent's desk.

Completely understanding what was going on, the younger agent didn't push the issue. Silently, Balboa left the squad room for the back stairwell, He got it. Gibbs couldn't and wouldn't deal with the investigation in any way. It was unusual, but then again, losing an agent wasn't something you just bounced back from, especially less than 2 days after it had happened.

No one was talking, about anything. The entire office building was so quiet and it was hard to believe the full squadron of 1st shift employees was even in the building. Even the phones seemed to be respecting the need for silence, no matter how somber and oppressing that silence became. Amazingly enough, even the elevators and copy machines seemed to be taking a much needed break from making any noise. For the first time**, t**he MRCT floor was truly quiet today.

Maybe it was out of respect for Gibbs' obvious need to be there and equally obvious need to not be disturbed. There wasn't a person in the building, it didn't matterwhether they liked the man or not; who's hearts didn't ache for him at this moment? It had never been a secret that Gibbs thought the world of Tony and likened him to a son, hell**,** they'd been a team for over 8 years. That in itself was a first for Gibbs, well, except for Abby and Ducky's tenures of course.

Ziva was equally as silent at her own desk and found her eyes drawn to the now unoccupied space opposite her. She was unable to pull her eyes away from Tony's desk and found thequietness of the squad room failed to serve as the distraction she so desperately needed. His computer, his phone, the memories of him using them, his trademark smile, his, laughter, his everything! She could not think beyond the person Tony had been, the undeclared love of her life. Oh, how she wished now that she'd told him! It wassuch a painful regret to carry. How could she get through this when everyone expected her to be the strong one? She was not made of stone and the coldness she'd been accused of did not have any place in her heart, it never had; but especially not now, not for Tony. _Tony!_

Down in the lab, Abby's machines were as silent as her music. The complete and utter quiet in the normally bouncing lab**,** would have immediately knocked Team Gibbs off their feet; if it wasn't for the fact that the reason for the silence was sotragic. The fact remained, Team Gibbs had already been knocked off their feet and the happy, comfortable world that they lived in had been pulled tragically from under them. The possibility of this being the permanent state of being for Team Gibbs, had crossed Abby's mind and would not go away. Her brain had convinced her that this was it for the team and without Tony, it was hopeless.

Tim was devastated that he hadn't been able to save Tony and most likely would not be back. She knew how her Timmy's mind worked and right now, he wouldn't talk to anyone, not even his family. She'd called the hospital and spoken to Sarah. Sarah, who couldn't stop crying when she relayed the depth of Tim's despair to Abby. When Sarah admitted that Tim hadn't uncurled himself from that balled up position, even for the doctors, Abby had cried, not only for Tony, but for her broken Timmy as well.

The doctors had threatened to sedate him just so they could treat him and insure he would recover from his injuries. Sarah had told Abby that her parents had finally agreed that sedating Tim was the best thing for him. Sohere it was, almost 48 hours after he'd been shot and he was being kept in a drugged state of sleep. Abby felt it twist deeply in the pit of her stomach; Tim would never, ever be the same again. That thought brought more tears and sobs forth as she sat under her desk hugging her lab coat. She didn't even have the heart to hug Bert right now. Hearing him fart brought images of Tony's smile to the forefront of her mind. Burt always made Tony smile and it simply hurt too much to bear.

Down in Autopsy, Ducky sat in his office, in complete solitude. He'd given Jimmy the morning off. The M.E. couldn't get his last moment with Anthony out of his mind. The young man had looked square at Ducky and offered his last words. Words that had brought tears to the M.E.'s eyes.

"_Tell… them… __**all**__,..of...them. I'm… sorry."_

Recalling those words and the gasps of breath that they'd been pushed out with, once again, had Ducky wiping his eyes. He'd been relieved that the duty of Anthony's autopsy had not fallen to him. He recalled how incredibly difficult it had been to get through Pacci's, Kate's and Paula's. Even Jenny's as well as Michelle's had deeply impacted in him. Ducky knew he couldn't have handled Anthony's. He only prayed that there would be no cause to have to worry about doing one on Timothy….._Oh dear, sweet Timothy_.

He'd gotten the call from a distraught Abby not 15 minutes ago. Apparently, Timothy had retreated into himself, unwilling or unable to pull himself out of the fetal position, or at leastas much of it as his injured body had allowed him to curl into; even to be treated for his wounds. His parents had finally let the doctors sedate him just so they could treat the poor boy. In the 12 hours since Ducky and the team had left Timothy in the care of his parents and the hospital, his condition had not physically worsened, thankfully, but, there was no doubt that mentally and emotionally, Tim was in such deep despair that no one could reach out to him or offer comfort of any kind.

Ducky feared no one would be able to get through to him. What would happen to the poor boy? The M.E. shuddered to think that he would be placed in a Mental Hospital. That thought was so utterly distasteful that it left Ducky feeling almost sick to his stomach. Ducky knew that something needed to be done and someone had to try to get through to him. Even if it had only been a few days since that tragic day, the longer he was allowed to remain this way, the worse off he would be.

Not wasting any more time, Ducky gathered his things and headed out. As he traipsed up to the Director's office, he found the door wide open and Agent Balboa already in mid-conversation with the Director.

"Sir, I need his statement to complete the investigation report."

"Agent Balboa, I understand that. I also know that you'll need to talk to Gibbs about getting it." Vance seemed insistent andstuck to his guns.

"Excuse me, Director? Agent Balboa? May I?" Ducky intervened.

"Go ahead, Doctor." Vance allowed.

Ducky reached behind him and closed the office door before he spoke.

"Director, Agent Gibbs is in no way prepared to have to deal with this investigation. Surely, you are aware of that? As far as Agent McGee is concerned, he, apparently, is in no condition to deal with anything at the moment." Ducky advised.

"What do you mean, Dr. Mallard." Vance asked.

"This remains in this room?" Ducky asked pointedly.

Looking at Balboa with his own glare, Vance then looked back at the M.E." You have my word."

"Mine, too." Balboa vowed.

Ducky nodded somberly and removed his glasses. He pinched the bridge of his nose sharply in an attempt to gather his thoughts, he put his glasses back on and sighed heavily before continuing.

"Timothy is so distraught at Anthony's death that he is being kept sedated just so they can treat his injuries."

"I'm not following you." Vance admitted.

"Director, Agent McGee feels completely responsible for Anthony's death and is unable to cope with that at this time."

"How do you know what he's feeling? And who the hell told him that his partner didn't make it?" Vance asked angrily.

"You will remember that I was there with his sister before he awakened? He was apparently seeing Anthony and Caitlyn in his dreams and he kept crying out to both of them. He was begging for them both not to leave him. It was truly heart-wrenching, Director. When he awoke, he immediately noticed everyone's tears and folded in on himself, you might say. His parents report that he remained that way for hours until they sedated him for his own good."

Balboa blinked away his tears as Vance looked away for his own silent, contemplative minute. Suddenly, getting McGee's report didn't seem important anymore but unfortunately, it was important and as much as Balboa hated having to do it, there wasn't any way around it.

Ducky waited patiently for the two men to gather their thoughts and sat down in one of the chairs directly opposite Vance.

"Director, I wish to be relieved of duty for the foreseeable future. I feel it is necessary that I reach out to Timothy. He will want to be at Anthony's funeral. This young man does not need to have anything else to regret; and not being there to say goodbye to his teammate will be the one thing that devastates him. When the situation fully catches up with him he will need all the support and help we can give. Despite the state he may be in right now, it will most definitely catch up with him." Ducky forecasted.

"All right, Dr. Mallard. But, I expect to be kept updated regularly on Agent McGee's condition." Vance allowed. "We don't have a case right now; I'll get someone in here to cover for your absence. And good luck, Dr. Mallard. I truly hope you succeed in bringing Agent McGee back to us."

"Director, I fear you are hoping for too much. You must realize that Timothy will most likely not return to NCIS. While I understand that you do not know him as I do or as his team does; I can assure you, that his gentle nature is unable to cope with the mere thought of causing a friend pain, let alone not being able to save his friend. Knowing the end result is so much more tragic than the pain, will affect this young man in far more reaching ways. I ask that you not lay this expectation on him. He will not be able to live up to it."

"I hope you're wrong, Doctor Mallard." Vance said quietly.

"As do I, Director. But, I believe you should take the time to familiarize yourself with who Agent McGee is on the inside. I suggest you read his file, thoroughly. Perhaps then, you will see the person you are setting too high of expectations for. I will keep in touch. Agent Balboa, I will call you when Timothy is ready to give his statement, or maybe you could provide me with a tape recorder and I could get it for you that way."

Agent Balboa was weighing the options in his mind and decided that a tape recorder would be the best bet. He wasn't shirking his responsibilities onto Ducky, he just had a feeling that Tim would be more comfortable with talking to the kindly M.E**.**

"I'll get you the recorder, Dr. Mallard. I'll be right back." Agent Balboa stepped outside the Director's office and made a phone call to his team, one of whom brought him the desired recorder. Balboa slipped back inside the Director's office and handed the small digital recorder over to Ducky.

"I will call when there is something to report." Ducky offered as he took the recorder and headed out. As he took the elevator to the parking garage, he called Abby.

"Ducky." Abby greeted quietly.

"Abigail, I will be with Timothy until further notice and have taken leave for the foreseeable future." Ducky advised her.

"Oh, Ducky, that's good right? I mean I'll miss you here, but, it's good that Timmy will have you with him." Abby said.

"Well, let's hope I will be able to do some good, hmm? Take care of yourself while I'm gone, my dear." The M.E. requested.

"I'll try, Ducky." The lab rat offered quietly, Ducky could almost visualize Abby's tear stained face gazing hopelessly at a picture of Anthony….._Anthony!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: The biggest of "Thank You's goes out to my Beta and Co-writer of this chapter; Shelbylou!  
It is a joy to work with you and I couldn't have done it without you_

WARNING: Keep Those Tissues handy.

* * *

"_What the hell are you doin', Probie?"_

"_Tony?"_

"_Who else, McGoo?"_

"_But, you're…"_

"_Dead? Yeah, I know. Thanks for that."_

"_OH, God, Tony! I'm so sorry! It should have been me!" _

"_Hey! Probie! Stop it! I didn't mean it like that! I'm sorry man. You tried. You did your best, you really did. You should be proud of yourself."_

"_How? How can I be proud of myself when you're gone?"_

"_Timothy no middle name McGee, you listen to me! Stop this!"_

"_I can't, Tony!"_

"_Don't make me "Gibbs-slap you, Probie!"_

"_You can do that?" _

"_No, but… Hey, that's beside the point!"_

"_I can't help it, Tony."_

"_Yes, you can. You're stronger than this, Probie."_

"_Not without you, not like this."_

"_Probie, you really not goin' to my funeral?"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_If you don't pull yourself outta this you won't be at my funeral and then I really will head slap you!"_

"_Tony, I … You know…"_

"_Probie, this isn't' the first time you've lost an agent, a teammate, or a friend."_

"_You think that makes it any easier?"_

"_It should"_

"_Not possible Especially when…"_

"_When what, Probie?"_

"_When it's my fault you're gone!"_

"_Probie, we've been through this."_

"_Doesn't change anything, Tony"_

"_No, you're right, McGee, it doesn't. So learn how to get on with your life in spite of it! _"

"_I can't."_

"_You mean you won't Come on McGoo, help me out here!"_

"_No, I mean I can't"_

"_McLiar. You know, you never were very good at lying."_

"_I'm not lyin' Tony."_

"_Hmph. So, you comin' to my funeral or not?"_

"_Course, I'll be there."_

"_Not if you don't pull yourself outta this."_

"_All right!"_

"**Timothy?"**

"_Ducky's here for you , Probie."_

"_What? Where"_

"_Waiting for you to wake up."_

"_I can't."_

"_Come on Probie, you owe it to him. Don't put him through this, McWhiney"_

"_Tony, you sound like you'd rather I be happy you're gone!"_

"_Course not, Probaliscious, but doesn't mean I wanna see you curl up and just give up on everything either."_

"**Timothy, can you hear me? I do wish you would wake up, young man. I realize you're hurting, but you are not alone! I really do think you would want to be in attendance at Anthony's funeral tomorrow and if you don't wake up and force yourself out of this state, you will not be able to go and will be that much more traumatized for it later."**

"_You heard the man, Probie. Don't you know by now, I always know what I'm talking' about?"_

"_Don't go there with me, Tony!"_

"_Sorry, man. Look just snap yourself outta this and be there for me, hell, for Abby, for Ziva, for Ducky, for Palmer. Be there for Gibbs. I don't care how you do it but just be there. I gotta go now, man. Don't let me down, Probie."_

"_I won't Tony. I'll be there."_

"_Good! If you're not, I'm sending Kate after your ass!"_

"_I promise, I'll be there."_

* * *

Tim's eyes snapped open, and as he looked around his eyes met those of Ducky's. The M.E. smiled warmly at him.

"Timothy! You're awake. I am so glad to see it my boy!"

"Its' Tony's fault." Tim quietly announced unexpectedly.

"I beg your pardon? What is Anthony's fault?" Ducky asked carefully,

"That I'm awake. He told me if I didn't go to his funeral, he'd head slap me and sic Kate on me." Tim said quietly. "Ducky, when's his funeral?"

"Tomorrow afternoon my dear boy."

"Can you promise me now, that I'll be there? No matter what happens Ducky, I have to be there!" Tim vowed with a startling conviction given his present condition.

"All right, young man. But that will require some effort on your part! That includes eating and functioning beyond what you've been recently doing." Ducky quietly admonished.

"I know, Ducky. Where are my parents? Where's Sarah?"

I sent them back to their hotel to get some rest. Timothy, if you promise me that you will stay with us this time, I shall be able to let them know so they can get some sleep and will be able to visit you this evening.

"Ducky, I can't see anyone right now. Please, I just need to go to Tony's funeral." Tim said unexpectedly with an edge of sorrow.

"Whatever do you mean Timothy? Your family have been worried about you."

"I don't deserve anyone's worry. _Please _Ducky, don't let them waste their time on me." The young man said quietly.

"Timothy, whilst I do understand what you are thinking, no one can even start to comprehend how you are feeling. But you really need to reconsider the way in which you are thinking at this moment. Anthony's death was not your fault my dear boy and regardless of whatever unwarranted guilt you have, you are still deserving of the love from your family and friends, young man."

"No, Ducky. I'm not! Since, I'm awake, I need to take care of some things. Can you help me, Ducky?" Tim finally looked back at the M.E.

"Certainly, what is it you need me to help you with?"

"I need to make my statement and I need to make it to the Director."

"And your team?'

"NO!"

"Why ever not?

"They don't need to hear from me."

"Abigail is beside herself with worry about you, young man. Do not continue to cause her more pain!" Ducky rebuked.

"I know, Ducky. Can't you call her and tell her I'm okay. Please? I can't handle talking to her right now."

"Yes, well, I'll grant you my understanding on that matter. I will get the nurse to bring you some food and will make your calls for you, although, if I had any sense, I would hand you the phone and tell you to make them yourself. These are the steps you need to take in order to move on. You need to take these steps to move on."

At the flash of intense pain that flooded Timothy's eyes, Ducky clamped his mouth shut and laid his hand firmly on Tim's shoulder before heading out to get the young man the nourishing meal he so desperately needed. Despite Tim being given the nutrients his body needed to heal, through the IV that was still hooked up to his young friend, Ducky knew that Timothy needed to start eating regular meals again, if anything to try to regain some sense of normality to his life. He made his way over to the nurses' station and requested some food before making the promised calls.

"Director's Office."

"This is Doctor Mallard. I need to speak with Director Vance, please."

"Dr. Mallard, this is fast. You've made progress already?"

"Yes, well, I'm not sure how long this willingness to stay with us will hold. But, Timothy has asked to speak to you to make his statement."

"I'll be right there. I'll tell Gibbs his agent's awake."

"No, Director. Timothy is refusing to see or speak to his team. He does wish for Abigail to know he is awake. But that is all he wishes to have happen in that regard."

"I don't understand Doctor. They're his team."

"And he currently feels as though he is undeserving of them. We must respect his wishes or run the risk of losing him back into his former state. The only reason he has given for wanting to remain with us at the moment, is to make certain that he is able to attend Anthony's funeral tomorrow. This is as I suspected I'm afraid."

"All right Doctor, I'll be there shortly. I'll talk to Ms. Scuito first."

"Thank you, Director." Ducky ended the call.

Vance got up from behind his desk and headed down to the forensics lab. When he got there, he was shocked to see the state his Forensic Scientist was in. She looked even more forlorn and lost than Gibbs and Ziva. Vance shook his head and remembered the lost looks on their faces when he'd passed by overhead and paused at the railings to look down at them.

"Ms. Scuito?" Vance asked to the eerily silent room.

"Director?" Abby crawled out from under her desk and stood at attention.

"I don't mean to sound drab, but are you all right?" he asked with concern.

"No, Sir….I'm not, I don't think I will be all right ever again." She honestly told him.

"Believe me, Ms Scuito, I understand."

"No Sir. I don't think you do. Tony was my big brother and Timmy and I …well, before he got drafted by Gibbs, we dated and …"

Abby started to pace nervously, the movements somehow seeming wrong given her present state of mind. Vance reached out and placed his hand on her elbow in an effort to still his forensic specialist.

"Miss Scuito……Abby!I get it. I know this is hard for you, Dr. Mallard has asked me to give you a message. He said Agent McGee is awake."

"He is? Oh that's so great! I need to see him" Abby got excited.

"You can't." Vance told her sadly.

"What? Why not?"

"Because he's refusing to see anyone except Dr. Mallard and myself." Vance told her sympathetically.

Hurt momentarily flashed through Abby's eyes, only to be replaced by anger a moment later. "Why? Why you?"

"He wants to make his statement about what happened in the warehouse. I'm afraid you'll have to speak to Dr. Mallard about the rest of it."

Abby's eyes narrowed slightly at the directors last comment

"Director, Timmy's not asking for you just because he needs to give you his statement."

"What do you mean?"

"He could give his statement to anyone! Oh my God, he's asking for you so he can give his notice! He's gonna resign. I bet he thinks you're gonna fire him and he wants to save you the trouble and maybe salvage his record. Oh no Timmy! Leon,I guarantee that's what he wants to see you about!"

"You may be right, Ms. Scuito, but I won't know until I speak with him and won't give way to speculation right now."

Vance's comments seem to fall on deaf ears as Abby seemed too lost in her theory

"You can't let him do this! This job meant everything to Tim!"

"Apparently, not everything Ms. Scuito." Vance reminded her gently with a tinge of sadness in his voice.


	8. Chapter 8

As Vance made his way to Tim's room, he noted how quiet it was on the hospital floor. Unusually quiet, given the normal hustle and bustle of a hospital. He stopped in the doorway of his Agent's room and noted, with alarm, that the young man looked unwell beyond his injuries.

"Timothy, I am sure Director Vance will enforce your 'no visitor' request with your teammates just as I am sure they will be hurt by it. However, I do understand your reasoning for it."

Vance shook his head sadly and could almost hear the reactions from Gibbs and Ziva.

"You can rest assured Agent McGee, that if you don't want your team to see you, then they won't. Though I have to admit with Doctor Mallard, they won't like it." Vance said as he stepped into the room.

"Director." Ducky greeted the man as he got up to offer the two a chance to talk in private.

"Ducky?" Tim's voice had an edgy, panicked tone to it.

"Relax Timothy, I shall be right outside."

Tim's panic seemed to subside slightly at Ducky's promise. "Thank you Ducky….. For everything."

"You are quite welcome Timothy." Ducky handed Vance the digital recorder and left the two alone, closing the door behind him as he reached the hallway.

Once he was alone with his young agent, Vance got right to the point.

"Ms. Scuito seems to believe that the only reason you would ask for me to personally take your statement is because you intend on resigning."

"Abby does know me pretty well. She's right, Director."

"I'm not surprised. However, I do need to know why."

"Can I give my statement first, Please?" Tim asked.

"Okay. You'll have to settle for me recording it, I've gotten too used to having an assistant."

"Okay."

"McGee, you know we need a witness to your statement right?"

Tim nodded slightly before shaking his head. "Please don't ask Ducky." Tim begged quietly.

Vance looked at him with concern and surprise.

"All right. I'll see if I can get one of the nurses to do it if that would help."

Vance left the room in search of a willing witness and returned a few short minutes later. He had managed to find a nurse who was willing to help and wasted no time in getting the youngwoman's name and other pertinent information. When the formalities had been taken care of, shetook a seat in the corner to act as a silent witness.

"The warehouse shooting that claimed the life of NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and seriously wounded NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee. This is the sworn statement of Special Agent Timothy McGee. Witnessing this sworn verbal statement is Bethesda Hospital Nurse, Megan Hamilton.

"Go ahead, Special Agent McGee."

"This is Tim McGee. On the morning of March 18th, 2010, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and I arrived at the warehouse we had been instructed to stakeout by Special Agent Gibbs. We each took a pair of binoculars and watched through them vigilantly for signs of the suspect we were trying to locate. The suspect, Nathan Johnson was suspected of conspiring with a former Petty Officer who was accused of stealing over a million dollars from the Navy Procurement office where he worked. Johnson was reportedly selling his information to the highest bidder. We were assigned to keep an eye on him until backup arrived and then we were supposed to bring him in for questioning."

"Why did you require backup?"

"We required backup because he was considered armed and dangerous. He'd reportedly shot at several people that he thought had been tailing him the day before. One of whom, worked in the warehouse Johnson was supposedly hiding out in."

"The man who'd been shot at that worked in the warehouse, he gave you the intel that Johnson was hiding out there?"

"Yes, Sir."

"How long did you and Special Agent DiNozzo stake out this warehouse?"

"Fifteen minutes, Sir."

"Did your backup arrive at that time?"

"No, Sir."

"What happened at that time?"

"We decided to go in and secure the building."

"By 'We', Special Agent McGee, who exactly are you referring to?"

Tim's silence seemed to go on forever. His eyes remained glued to the floor and his body tensed from the effort of holding whatever it was that was ripping through his emotions, in check. Finally, after several extremely tense moments, he answered the question.

"I….. I, Timothy McGee decided to secure the building."

"Before your backup arrived? And against the express orders of your supervisor, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Why?"

Again, Tim looked down at his lap. This time the silence seemed to go on indefinately .

"Agent McGee, why did you go enter the warehouse without the back up, you had been expressly orderd to wait on?"

"Didn't think Johnson was anywhere around." Tim finally admitted quietly.

"For the record, NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee. Please repeat what you just stated."

"I, NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee made the decision to go against the express orders of my Supervisor Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and that of my Senior Field Agent, Anthony DiNozzo and rushed the warehouse. Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo accompanied me against his wishes, in order to provide me with cover"

"Then what happened.?"

"The suspect, Nathan Johnson ambushed us as we entered the building. He shot Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo once and shot me twice."

"For the record, Special Agent Timothy McGee, what was the end result of the decision you made to rush the warehouse, instead of waiting for your backup as you had been instructed?"

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was shot in the chest, the bullet had entered his lung and with his compromised lungs from the plague several years ago, he didn't survive the injury. The end result of my decision to rush into the warehouse, without backup, was that it cost Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, his life."

"Anything else you would like to add, Agent McGee?"

"My resignation Sir. Effective immediately."

"Your resignation is accepted Agent McGee, effective immediately."

Vance stopped the tape, got up and walked out. Nurse Hamilton got up out of her seat in the corner and watched as the agent in the bed came apart at the seams. As he curled back up in the ball he had previously been coaxed out of, she could see the struggle to maintain the position as the pain from his injuries made it difficult. She watched as he lay there and sobbed, Openly and brokenly, causing her heart to break for him.

Compassionately, she covered him with his blanket and placed her hand on his back for a minute before leaving him to try to get his emotions out. Stepping out into the hall, she met the M.E. that had helped to get the agent to stay awake this long without retreating back into his grief. Apparently, giving his statement and his resignation had sucked any of the self control he had gained right out of him, only to be replaced by the debilitating grief that he'd fallen into before. She hoped and prayed that this kindly, elderly man could pull him back out.

Timothy's gut wrenching sobs reached Ducky's ears even out in the hallway. He'd already witnessed a very silent and angry Director take his leave a moment ago and so wasn't really surprised to hear Timothy crying now. But he was alarmed at the sheer depth from which the grief continued to come. Ducky decided to leave the young man to get it all out and sat silently in the chair, patiently waiting for the hell storm to abate.

As Vance got back to his office, he felt the steam smoldering on his anger. McGee had cost DiNozzo his life and ruined his own career, and life in the process. DiNozzo was a great agent and although Vance had never admitted it to anyone, he knew the Agency was blessed to have him. There was no doubt about how Gibbs felt about the Italian, they'd forged a strong bond which after over 8 years of working together, nothing else would be acceptable in a job that required absolute trust in each other.

There was no doubt that Gibbs' team would be greatly affected by this tragedy and that the repercussions would be far reaching. Hell, the whole agency would be suffering from the aftershocks of this! It was better for all concerned, that McGee didn't return to NCIS, it would only cause pain and suffering to everyone who knew Tony, and McGee.

Picking up his phone, he called Agent Balboa and Ms Scuito to his office immediately. As both of his employees were ushered into his office, the door was firmly shut behind them. Vance started with the easy assignment he had to give out.

"Agent Balboa, this is Special Agent Timothy McGee's taped sworn statement. Please get it transcribed and ready for the relevant signatures as soon as possible. "

"Yes, Sir."

"That will be all, Agent Balboa."

"Yes, Sir." The agent left quickly, leaving Vance alone with Abby.

"Ms. Scuito. It seems you were correct."

"He resigned, didn't he?"

"Yes he did. However, I don't have to accept his resignation."

"You don't? You can make him stay?"

"No. That's the one thing I can't do."

"Well, that means…….. no! You're not gonna fire him, are you?" Abby cried.

"I don't know yet, Ms. Scuito. He has certainly earned it."

"What? What are you talking about? Tim's dedicated his life to this job!"

"And Agent Dinozzo?"

"Oh God, Tony! Tony was just as dedicated! Neither one would EVER do anything to jeopardize their job! They both loved working for NCIS!"

Leon sat back in his chair and scrutinized Abby

"That'll be all Ms Scuito."

"What! You're just gonna leave me not knowing? That's it?"

"No, actually, that's not all. I need you to stay late tonight. I have an assignment for you."

"Okay."

"AFTER everyone and I mean everyone, in the squad room has gone home I need you to pack up McGee's desk. I also need you to clean up his computer. You think you can do that?"

"Ye...Yes, Sir."

"I realize this is hard Ms. Scuito, and I'm sorry that it has come to this. But, McGee has left me with no other options. Regardless of whether or not I accept his resignation, he is no longer an Agent with this Agency."

"I understand, Sir." Abby said quietly, as tears filled her eyes. Silently, she took her finger and wiped the tears from her eyes as she turned to leave.

"Oh, and Ms. Scuito? Let's keep this to ourselves, hmm?" Vance requested.

"Yes, Sir." Abby answered.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N; We apologise for the delay in updating. We beg your indulgence. When co-writers live 5 time zones apart,  
it makes for tricky manuvering to get the story written to where both writers are pleased with it._

_Two warnings: **1**. Tempers flare in this chapter - much yelling is heard & **2**. don't forget the tissues._

* * *

Tim had finally sobbed himself into an almost peaceful sleep with Ducky watching over him. Looking up from his book, Ducky noticed Tim's parents standing in the doorway. Silently, he slipped out, closing the door gently behind him as he met with them.

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. McGee. Young Timothy is still sleeping. It has been a most difficult day for him I am afraid." The M.E. reported solemnly. He felt a glimmer of relief that Timothy's door to his room did not have a window that would enable the young man to realize his parents were here when he was still unwilling to see them. It would only cause him more pain to turn them away.

Tim's mother looked over at the door to her son's room and sighed heavily. She wanted nothing more than to sit with her son and to try to ease his suffering. As her gaze slowly trailed back to Ducky, he was momentarily stunned by the fact that Timothy's eyes were exactly the same shape, size and colour of his mother's. He was soon pulled out of his reverie by a gentle hand on his forearm.

"We appreciate you staying with him Dr. Mallard, but we really would like to talk to him."

"Please, call me Ducky; all my friends do. I'm sorry to say that Timothy is most unwilling to see anyone at this time because he is beside himself with guilt and feelings of worthlessness over Anthony's death. I'm afraid you will only aggravate his current state of mind if you push the situation against his wishes."

Tim's parents nodded sadly and Ducky felt his heart break even more when a lone tear trailed its' way down his mothers face.

"Ducky! How is he?" Abby's voice called from the elevator a few feet away behind Tim's parents and sister.

"Abigail, shush! He'll hear you. I'm afraid he doesn't wish to see anyone my dear. As I was just explaining to his family, to push him to change his mind now will only aggravate the situation.

"But, Vance said Timmy resigned."

**"What?"**  
**"No!"**  
**"Tim loves his job!"**

The shocked statements from Tim's family rang through the corridor.

"Timothy gave his statement of what occurred in the warehouse this afternoon…. "

"Did anyone witness him giving it?" Abby jumped in worriedly.

"I did" said a small voice from behind Sarah McGee.

"And you would be who, my dear?" Ducky asked gently.

"Megan Hamilton I was a silent witness to his statement. All of you work with him, right?"

"Well, Ms. Hamilton, These are his parents and his sister. Abigail and I do work with Timothy."

"What can you tell us?" Mr. McGee asked.

"Not much. I don't want to get into any trouble. But, I can tell you that Mr. McGee admitted several times that he disobeyed a direct order from an Agent Gibbs? He said something about being told to wait for back up, but going in without it anyway. When he was asked whether he wanted to add anything to his statement, he just said 'My resignation'. The other man, his boss maybe, well he immediately told him his resignation was accepted effective of immediately. The man got up and left without saying another word. Then Mr. McGee lay down and started crying real hard. He didn't even notice when I covered him with a blanket, because he was sobbing so much.'

"Yes, and he subsequently cried himself to sleep. I am not surprised to hear of his resignation." Ducky sadly offered.

"Yeah, But Ducky! Vance said he didn't have to accept it! But, he said the one thing he couldn't do was make him stay. That leaves, firing him! He said Tim had earned it! But, that's not true, is it? I mean he can't accept Timmy's resignation and then turn around and deny it just so he can fire him, can he? And why would he fire him, anyway?"

**"Abigail!!" **Ducky admonished angrily.

"I'm sorry! I just don't understand! What does he mean, Ducky?"

"It means its Tim's fault" Sarah said quietly with tears running down her face. "It means Tim admitted on record that it's his fault that Tony died."

They all looked toward Megan who could only nod her head in agreement.

Abby's face drained of all it's colour and Ducky had to quickly help her to a chair before her legs buckled. As the sombre group tried to absorb the truth of Sarah McGee's words, Abby sobbed with complete disbelief. She stood suddenly from the chair and, despite stumbling along the way, ran to the elevator and quickly disappeared as it the doors closed; taking her away from the painful truth she'd just been handed.

She'd known deep down, what the facts were adding up to before she'd come to the hospital. But, she'd needed Ducky's reassurance that she'd gotten it wrong. It had to be a mistake, Vance couldn't be right. But, even if he was wrong, the bitter truth was still there, unchanged. One of the guys had gone against Gibbs' orders. One of the guys had cost Tony his life. They were all suffering from that choice now. The new truth that had been verbalized and acted on hurt like a fresh punch to the gut and Abby started to genuinely find it hard to breathe.

Abby barely remembered what it was that she was doing and went home, she set her alarm for later that evening and curled up in bed. She allowed her emotions to completely take over and cried herself to sleep. When her alarm clock woke her at 8 that night, she felt totally disorientated but soon remembered the task that she needed to do. An hour later, she found herself back at NCIS, which thankfully, was empty of the remaining MCRT members.

She sat down at Tim's computer and fired it up in readiness of the painful task ahead. She began boxing his personal things while she waited for his computer to boot up and anything that wasn't personal, she set in one of the desk drawers. Every personal item she dropped into the box seemed to bring more tears to her eyes as she reminisced about Timmy sitting at his desk.

She soon became totally absorbed in her task, but while she worked at cleaning up Tim's computer hard-drive, she felt a presence hovering behind her. She turned to find Jimmy watching her with such sadness in his eyes that she felt compelled to reach out to him. Getting up from the chair, she walked up to the Autopsy Gremlin and enveloped him in her arms.

"You okay, Jimmy?"

"I think so, what about you? You worked a lot more closely with them then I did, and for a lot longer." Jimmy answered respectfully.

"I know Jimmy. It's just so hard." Abby said as more tears slipped from her eyes.

"You're cleaning out Tim's desk? He's not coming back?" Jimmy asked sadly.

Abby shook her head as the tears started to fall harder. Jimmy put his arms around her and hugged her back, trying to offer a small modicum of comfort to his shattered friend.

"Is he okay?" Jimmy asked after she'd calmed down and pulled away from his embrace to sit back down.

"No. He's not. None of us are anymore Jimmy." Abby replied painfully.

* * *

Upstairs in the Director's Office. Vance and Gibbs stood in mid argument; the standoff was similar to the ones of the past, the only difference being the shockingly painful subject matter.

**"You knew and you didn't tell me!"** Gibbs raged.

"I only found out this morning when he woke up and asked for me in order to give me his statement!" Vance volleyed back at him in matching anger.

Gibbs went quiet for a long minute, when he finally spoke it was much more subdued than his previous tone.

"He did more than that, didn't he Leon?"

"Yes, Gibbs, he did. He resigned, but, I may not accept it."

"Damn it Leon, what are you talking about. He admitted it was his fault, didn't he? He said he made the decision to go against what I told them to do, right?"

"Exactly Gibbs! That's why I'm seriously considering officially firing him instead of letting him get off with resigning" Vance admitted.

Gibbs blew out an angry breath. Had this been any other situation, besides the death of an agent - his agent, Gibbs would have defended McGee as quick as lightening. But now? Tony's death was Tim's fault and that was so damn hard to swallow. It almost choked him just thinking about.

He found himself in a catch 22 situation, he either had nothing to say or he'd say too much.

Silently, he turned to leave.

"Gibbs!"

Still silent, he turned back to see what Vance wanted.

"Come back in and close the door." Vance instructed quietly.

"You have more you need to tell me?" Gibbs asked almost sarcastically as anger still pumped through his veins.

"I've asked Ms Scuito to clean out McGee's hard drive and his desk. She's doing it as we speak. For her sake, I'm suggesting we let her do it in peace. This whole situation has been very hard on her."

"You don't have to tell me how hard it is on her, Leon! I've known her a hell ova lot longer than you have!"

"Then you know how deeply she cared for both of them." Leon said pointedly.

Gibbs nodded, once again silent for a minute.

"Anything else, Leon?"

"Tony's funeral. If McGee shows, I want him escorted out."

"He won't show, Leon." Gibbs replied with confidence.

"Maybe. Maybe not. If he does, I want him to know he's not welcome."

"Trust me, he won't show his face." Gibbs said knowingly as he turned to leave

**"You think that's just? Jethro?"** Ducky's voice boomed across the office from the door and shocked them both, neither of them had even heard it open.

**"Whatta you think?'"** Gibbs angrily threw back at the M.E.; unmindful of the volume he'd allowed himself to use.

**"I think, Jethro, that Anthony and Timothy worked side by side for more than 5 years and they managed to build up a relationship with each other; one that you counted on, I might add. They thought of each other as brothers, meant something to each other; I also think that the fact that Timothy has been beside himself with grief, should speak to you loud and clear, that he is still very much human and deserving of better treatment than what the two of you are willing to show him." **The fact that Ducky's voice resonated through the office and seemed to bounce back at them was almost enough of a shock to penetrate the wall of anger surrounding the other two men; almost.

"**It's his fault Tony's gone, Ducky!" **Gibbs exploded. **"Read his damn statement!"**

**"And you've never made a mistake, Jethro? Never made a mistake that got someone hurt or killed?" **Ducky pushed with unrelenting anger of his own; another rarity from the normally peaceful man.

**"I never disobeyed a direct order, Doctor Mallard!"** Gibbs exclaimed as he stormed past Ducky angrily.

**"Jethro!"** Ducky exclaimed with even more anger than any of them had ever heard from him before.

**"What?"** Gibbs bit out as he turned around to look at Ducky, sheer fury radiated off the man at the moment, but Ducky didn't back down.

**"God forbid, Timothy decided he cannot live with this mistake. If that happens, I truly hope his death doesn't haunt you the way that Anthony's death is haunting him now!"**

**"You may be angry with him at the moment, but how you handle this with him will affect the way in which he handles this with himself. Make no mistake about that Jethro! We all know that your team follows your lead, but if you refuse to forgive him, then Ziva and Abigail will most likely choose the same path. God help you if his team, his friends,**** abandon him to deal with this alone."** Ducky said no calmer than he'd been since he first stepped into this unpleasant conversation.

Gibbs glared at him for a silent minute that was fraught with anger and hurt. The air in the office seemed charged with the raw emotions that filled the room. Suddenly, the younger man turned on his heel and headed for the stairwell. Ducky remained for an additional silent minute before he turned to go.

"Doctor Mallard." Vance stopped him; his voice steel with his own allotment of anger. "Was there something you came here to discuss with me?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact this was. I came to advise you that I will need that extended leave we discussed. However, if it is more feasible, I will accept vacation time instead. A month should suffice." Ducky answered in an exaggeratingly polite tone.

"A month that you will use to do what exactly Doctor? Take care of the person responsible for costing DiNozzo his life?" Vance asked with bitterness.

"I do not believe that you have a need to know why I require a month's vacation, Director. Suffice to say, it is personal. If that is not acceptable, I will have no trouble submitting my retirement papers instead." Ducky proposed angrily.

"No, Doctor Mallard, your vacation time is approved. Will there be anything else?" Vance asked with a touch of sarcasm.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, there is, Director. I respectfully request that this conversation not leave this room. It need not become anyone else's concern." Ducky stated heatedly.

"I agree." Vance answered. "Good night, Doctor Mallard. I'll have your vacation request ready for your signature tomorrow after Agent DiNozzo's funeral."

"If you would be so kind as to bring them with you, Director, I would prefer to get them signed as soon as possible." Ducky requested stiffly.

"That can be arranged." Vance granted brusquely, wishing everything else about this agency could be handled as easily, albeit less painfully.

******************

Tim woke early the next morning. As his memory cleared, he recalled giving his statement to Vance and then crying out his pain and sorrow. He felt sad, almost depressed, that Tony hadn't visited him in his dreams last night and that fact, actually left him feeling desperately lonely and more worthless than he'd felt before; not that there was much room left for more.

"Ah Timothy you're awake. I've spoken to your parents and they wish to accompany you to Anthony's funeral. I've also spoken to the funeral Director who assures me that you and your family may witness the funeral from his office, by video. You will be there but will not be subject to any problems."

"Vance has threatened to have me thrown out if I come?" Tim asked quietly.

"That does not matter, Timothy. Anthony was your friend and partner and you have every right to be there." The M.E. replied with conviction.

"Do I?" Tim's disbelief in his own self-worth rang clear.

"Yes. You do. Now, I won't be able to remain with you during the service, I must be with the others. But I will back for you after the service." Ducky offered.

"Ducky. I appreciate it. But, you need to be with the others. My parents can handle this." Tim reasoned. "They can take me. I don't want to cause trouble between you and everyone else."

"Timothy, how can you expect your parents to handle this when you haven't allowed them to handle anything for you yet?" Ducky asked

"I know Ducky. Are they here? I'd like to talk to them." Tim requested.

"Yes, dear boy. They're here. They've refused to leave you despite your earlier requests." Ducky admitted as he headed out to get Tim's family.

"Ducky?" Tim called out to him.

"Yes, Timothy?"

"After Tony's funeral, do you think… that is…"

"What is it?" Ducky encouraged.

"Never mind." Tim gave up. Suddenly, he remembered that he didn't have the right to ask anyone for anything. He'd cost an innocent NCIS Agent his life and it wasn't the first time an innocent person had died as a result of his actions.

"When you're ready to ask me, I'll be ready to listen. I'll send your parents in to you. And I will be here until it is time for me to go to Anthony's funeral." Ducky promised.

Thirty minutes later found Mrs. McGee searching for Ducky as Tim's father and sister stayed with him.

"Ducky?"

"Mrs. McGee, is Timothy all right?"

"Yes. I need to ask you for a favour. Tim doesn't think he has the right to ask anything of anyone right now. So, I'm asking for him. Is there anyway, he can stay with you when he checks out of here? He can't stay alone and without a job, he can't keep his apartment. He's not even willing to keep his car. He's asked us to sell it for him. Tim says he'll need that money to pay for his support."

"Certainly, he may stay with me. I have already requested the time off from work." Ducky replied.

"How did you know?"

"I didn't, but I was more than willing to push for it. He should not be alone right now." Ducky agreed.

"Thank you, Doctor Mallard. His father, sister and I will be going to his apartment to pack it up for him. He says he doesn't want to keep it because it harbours too many memories of the friends and teammates he's lost. Besides, as we've already discussed, without a job, he can't keep it, anyway."

Ducky kept his mouth shut. He knew that Tim's refusal to keep his apartment was of bigger concern than his parents were focusing on. He decided to leave it for another conversation because they needed to handle one thing at a time with the damaged young man at the moment.


	10. Chapter 10

NCIS Special Agent, Anthony DiNozzo, Jr.'s funeral was crowded and overflowed with people from every job he'd ever worked and every person he'd ever taken the time to befriend. As they packed the church full, his NCIS friends, colleagues and team mates – what was left of his team anyway - stood out and between their emblazoned jackets and mourning armbands; there was no doubt in anyone's minds, as to who they were.

Tim sat in his wheelchair and stared intently at the scene in front of him. It was strange to be viewing the funeral from afar. It at least made him feel better knowing that he hadn't completely let Tony down, despite not being able to attend with his team and his friends.

He let his eyes linger on the casket that was laid out in front of the pulpit and felt the first prickle of tears burn in his eyes, the moisture finally breaking through that barrier of numbness that had descended on him this morning. It wasn't only the sight of the casket that had pulled at his heart; it was the sight of Abby standing there, one hand laid gently on the polished oak and the other one laying a single black rose down just underneath the plaque that adorned his friend's beautifully crafted casket. He felt his throat constrict as Gibbs reached over and pulled Abby round into soft hug as he tried to offer the comfort that, by all rights, Tim should have been there to offer himself.

Tim's mother reached over to her son and handed him a tissue before settling back in the chairs that had been provided. She was sitting close enough to Tim to be able to keep one hand on him at all times, the small action, that one little gesture serving to anchor Tim and ground him into the reality by which he needed to stay.

He wiped at his eyes and started to silently sob as he watched Ziva, Jimmy and Ducky join the broken team. He wanted........no, needed to be there with them but knew that he couldn't and at this point in time, he felt the bubble of guilt meld with the grief. He felt so powerless and lost.

As he watched his team try to comfort each other, he noticed Gibbs' head turn sharply to the right before shaking slightly, as if he'd seen something he didn't necessarily believe. Tim leaned in closer to the monitor and sucked in a deep breath at what he saw. Tony, Kate, Paula and Jenny were all standing to the side of the casket. They were all facing out toward the church with sombre expressions on their faces. Tim felt his already shattered heart, skip a beat at the sight.

To Tim, it felt as though the three ladies were all there to help Tony say his final goodbye to everyone and to help his transition that little bit easier for his friend to bear. The only glimmer of something other than despair came with the realization that all of them were sporting their NCIS Caps. Kate's for some reason had a hole in the middle of the lettering. Seeing that brought a trace of a smile to Tim's mouth, but nowhere near his eyes and it was gone so quickly, no one had even realized it had been there. His eyes locked back on his teammates.

Abby pulled away from Gibbs abruptly, and turned to walk over to the pew that had been reserved especially for Tony's team and colleagues. She settled down in between Ziva and Jimmy, and in a rare display of affection on the Israeli's part, felt Ziva wrap her arms round the distraught Goth. Jimmy looked over at the two grieving women when he felt Abby's soft, warm hand grasp his own firmly.

She had let Gibbs comfort her, his strong arms helping to make her feel safe. That was until she remembered the harsh words that were spoken between the two usually steadying rocks in her life, as they'd squared off in Vance's office. She remembered the meanness; the absolute cruelty of the decision to keep Tim away from the funeral and all of a sudden, those comforting arms did nothing but make her cringe inside. So she had done the only thing she could think of and had pulled away, leaving Gibbs standing there alone.

Gibbs was sure he had seen Tony and Kate standing there, no, not just Tony and Kate, but Paula and Jenny too. Damn it, the grief was wreaking havoc on his mind and he wondered briefly, as to whether losing Tony had been the one thing that had sent him over the edge. He turned to look over at Ducky and made to move over to his dear friend, only to stop himself when a flash of anger raged through his body.

It wasn't anger at his friend. They had disagreed before. It was anger at himself for not having the guts to step up and ask for the opportunity to share his grief with the kindly M.E. as well as offer the support that he knew his friend so desperately needed himself. Gibbs' head momentarily hung towards his feet and he turned in the opposite direction and sat down next to Jimmy on the pew.

"How're you doing Abs?" Gibbs asked her quietly. Her pulling away from him had stunned him; hurt him even and he wondered what he'd done to deserve it.

Abbey melted more into Ziva's embrace started to cry silently, her tears trailing down her face freely. Gibbs frowned and turned his gaze on Ziva. He wished he knew what was going on but would have to figure that out later.

"Ziva?" Gibbs quietly asked his only remaining active Agent.

"I am ok Gibbs, thank you for asking" Ziva answered stoically, her resolve toughened now that Abby obviously needed to lean on her. When her eyes weren't glued to Tony's casket, she kept her eyes trained on Abby.

Gibbs nodded and settled back when the organist started to play the funeral song that signalled the arrival of the priest, and the start of their final goodbye to Tony. Much of what the Priest said passed on a blur, obscured by the raw emotions flowing through the church from every person there. As one person after another stepped up to the podium to speak on Tony's behalf, the tears flowed openly throughout the church and muffled sobs could be heard echoing through the old building.

If you were to ask any of the NCIS people sitting in that row; the one reserved especially for Tony's team; none of them would be able to repeat the words they'd gotten up to speak on Tony's behalf. All of them would tell you that they felt like someone else had walked them up to that podium and someone else had spoken those words. None of them would be able to tell you exactly what those words had been, only that they were words that shouldn't have waited until Tony was gone to have been said.

Even DiNozzo, Sr. who had surprisingly enough, agreed to this funeral, was surprised by words spoken on his son's behalf. The turnout for his son had almost blown him away though the man had never given Tony credit for the man he'd become. Obviously, he'd been seriously mistaken and should have taken Agent Gibbs' advice about Tony. Now, he'd never get the chance, and that lost opportunity was one he'd forever regret.

Thanks to one Timothy McGee, that is. Before the service had even started, he'd heard from the agents at the funeral that it was his fellow teammate, Agent Timothy McGee, who had disobeyed a direct order from Agent Gibbs and that was ultimately what had ended up costing DiNozzo Sr. his son. He wished with all of his heart that he could get his hands on that "McGee" now. He'd show him exactly what he thought of him, he'd tell him how getting his son killed like this had taken away any opportunity for DiNozzo senior to make his peace or to build a relationship with his boy.

Ziva had steadfastly remained quiet and felt as though she was gradually shattering on the inside whilst trying to stay stoically strong on the outside. For Abby, for Gibbs, for Ducky and even for Jimmy; Ziva stood strong and silently supportive whilst shrouding her eyes behind a screen of concern for the others. Somehow, it helped her get through it all. The realization that she would be allowed to give in to her emotions after this was all over when she was alone, also helped get her through.

Abby was starting to feel both physically and emotionally drained because she had barely slept last night and her grief was weighing heavily on her soul. She'd heard Ducky yelling at Gibbs while she'd been cleaning out Tim's computer and it had completely shaken her to the core. The sheer force of her emotions during the task she'd been expected to do had left her feeling completely chilled and strangely empty and sent tremors through her already unsteady world.

She thought back to that night, when her and Jimmy had stopped talking and had both run up the stairs, fearful that something out of control was getting ready to happen. They'd taken up position somewhere that they wouldn't be seen, but could hear everything that was being said. What they'd heard had scared Abby senseless and now, here she was trying to get through Tony's funeral, without Timmy to hold her up. Timmy; who'd been there for her for years, now, couldn't even be here for himself, let alone for her.

Vance had forbidden it and Gibbs had backed him up! Abby's world was so out of balance and off kilter that she felt like she was in danger of flying off it at any moment, her body desperately flailing against gravity, holding on by only the thinnest of threads.. She couldn't even bring herself to hold onto Gibbs; her usual steady rock .The only way she was getting through Tony's funeral was by leaning onto Ziva and holding Jimmy's hand.

She was surprised to find Ducky sitting with them after everything she'd overheard, but she'd offered him a small smile and left it at that, it was a simple gesture to let her beloved M.E know she was thinking about him. She realised that, in the aftermath of the blow-up between the two gentle giants in her life, she was unwilling to do anything to pit one against the other any further, and especially not at Tony's funeral.

No one had mentioned Tim's name since the angry battle between Ducky and Gibbs and for everyone to be able to get through Tony's funeral, it would need to stay that way. Even as Vance stepped up to the pulpit and solemnly extolled Tony's virtues and raved about his accomplishments while he'd been on the team, the pall over the NCIS team remained.

"Finally, I would like to call on Anthony DiNozzo Senior to accept the Presidential Medal of Freedom on Special Agent DiNozzo's behalf. The medal has been awarded with posthumous recognition for the brilliant and dedicated young man we are here to mourn today. It is with great sadness that this honour has been bestowed too late."

Vance turned to Anthony DiNozzo Senior and handed him the medal. He shook Tony's father's hand firmly.

"Sir, it was both an honour and a privilege to have had the opportunity to work with such a fine young man and I would like to say, that your son's accomplishments and standing as an NCIS agent have been an asset to the agency. It is a big loss for us all"

_Tony stood with Kate, Jenny and Paula; feeling completely torn between pride at being awarded the medal, and anger at the fact that his son of a bitch, sperm donor father, had been asked to step up and receive the medal on his behalf. Gibbs had been more of a father to him than that man had ever been._

_"What the hell! Kate, do you see that? He's got a hell of a nerve stepping up there like that!" _

_"He's your father DiNozzo, who else was going to accept it?" Kate's neutral tone had Tony frowning over at her._

_"'Er, Gibbs. He's been more of a father to me over the years, than this guy ever has!"_

_"I know Tony." Came Kate's quiet reply. "But there's not a lot you can do about it now. Just suck it up and be proud of the fact that you've been shown the respect you've always had coming from the Agencyl"_

_Tony huffed slightly as he watched his father walk slowly back to his seat with the medal box clutched at his chest. He felt his resolve soften slightly when he saw a tear roll slowly down his father's cheek and for the first time ever, he saw something in his father that he thought was impossible........emotion; love, pain, anger and loss._

_"Tony, the fact that he's here for you, should tell you something." Jenny told him quietly_

_"She's right, Tony. Remember my funeral?" Paula asked wistfully. "My father didn't even show."_

_Tony took Paula's hand and squeezed it sympathetically and offered Jenny a small smile of thanks. Then he took a minute to search the room and realized the one person who'd promised him he'd be here, wasn't._

_"Jesus Kate, Probie's not here. There'd better be a damn good reason for that"'_

_Tony felt a sliver of resentment towards Tim, because at that point, all he could think of was that if they had gone in to the warehouse when they were supposed to, then he wouldn't be attending his own funeral. Probie hadn't had any backbone that morning and Tony had paid the price. Well, okay, they both had. But still..._

"No matter when you went in, it wasn't going to end well, Tony." Jenny told him gently as if reading his mind.

_"I've been let down before, it's certainly not the first time!" Tony said bitterly "He wimped out. Couldn't take comin' here to say goodbye."_

_'DiNozzo, you don't know that, so why don't you just wai.......'_

'NO! Listen, he's not here and it's obvious he never meant to keep his word, but! I'll get over it." Tony said firmly. He thought for a minute and seemed to calm down before he spoke again. "McGoo's a mess right now; he's not thinkin straight. Maybe, just maybe, I'll cut him some slack."

_"You know what I heard, Tony?" Paula offered._

_"I don't know Paula, What did you hear?" Tony asked impatiently._

_"When they were still outside, some of the Agents, before this started, were talking about how Vance told security to escort McGee off the property if he shows up! They were still in shock about the fact that Gibbs had backed Vance up on it. Apparently Gibbs and Ducky had a huge blow-out over it last night up in Vance's Office"_

_"You're kidding me!" Kate said in shock._

_Even Jenny's eyes had gone large with surprise. She immediately felt a wave of sympathy for McGee. _

_"Vance is just harbouring whatever feelings he has, and has managed to turn this completely around! He's using the weight of his chair because he can." Tony tried to reason out for himself. "And we all know that Boss is just lost right now, just like he was after each one of you was killed."_

_"Maybe so, Tony. But when have you ever known Gibbs to turn his back like this on any of us before?" Kate asked with tears in her eyes for what Tim must be going through._

_Tony looked back at her for a long silent minute. This conversation should never have had to happen. It just wasn't right. What if Kate and Paula were right? _

*****************

Tony had moved forward to stand just to the side of Gibbs before getting down on one knee. A sharp pang of pain washed through Tim when he saw Tony lay a gently hand on the team leader's leg right above the knee, obviously trying to reach out to the hurting man. He couldn't help the thought that ran through his head, 'Good Tony, someone needs to be there for the boss right now'. Gibbs reacted as though Tony had really been trying to comfort him and looked down towards the knee that Tony's hand rested on. His hand moved to the spot that was occupied by the phantom hand and it looked as though he was resting his palm directly over Tony's. He watched as Tony stood and walked back towards the small group standing by the casket.

Tim's eyes were drawn to the small group of his lost friends who were standing slightly to the side of the casket. He had seen the flash of anger that ran though Tony as his father walked up and accepted the medal and had watched the exchange between his friend and Kate and felt his grief deepen because he wanted nothing more than to be near them right now.

Looking at his team, Tim noticed Gibbs' look of panic as the man looked toward their fallen teammates and friends. Wishing he could reach out to the man; even if he was partly responsible for Tim not being allowed to be 'in' there. Tim felt a fresh wave of sorrow course through him for what his devastated boss was obviously struggling with but was relieved to see Tony, Kate, Jenny and Paula here to pay their respects to Tony and probably to say goodbye to the rest of them. Tony needed all the support he could get and Tim was relieved beyond measure that he was obviously going to be getting it.

****************

This was tragedy times two and it was incredibly difficult to keep their emotions in check. For Tony and in Tony's honour, they did, as he would have done. Tim knew he shouldn't be here regardless of whether Ducky thought he had a right to be. The only thing keeping him here was what Tony had said to him in his dream and he was thankful that no one else would know that he was here and that everyone could get through this day. If he was lucky, he'd get through it too, albeit alone and even lonelier than he'd ever felt in his entire life.

When the church had emptied of the people who'd come to the funeral, Tim remained glued to his spot and not just because he'd refused to get out of the wheelchair that the hospital had provided for him. He'd made it through the service, all of it; the speeches, the announcement of Tony's posthumous award- the identical medal that Director Morrow had awarded Kate when she'd been killed in the line of duty. That had brought the tears to Tim's eyes and they hadn't actually stopped, the only difference now, was the fact that they had somehow morphed into tears of pure despair that had his family swarming around him in an effort to provide him some comfort.

Somehow, now that the service was over, he'd lost the desire to move and found himself watching morosely as Tony, Kate, Jenny and Paula all walked beside Tony's casket as the pallbearers carried Tony's body off to its final resting place. Tim reached over and touched the screen as the sight of his friend being carried out because too much for him to bear. He felt his bones shaking with every gut wrenching sob and slumped forward in a display of complete, abject misery. He let his father pull him back and melted into the strong arms as they supported him through his breakdown.

After the sobs had diminished into small whimpers, his mother reached over and wiped a tissue over her son's tear stained face. Moving aside, she made room for Sarah, who came and wordlessly wrapped her arms around her big brother and clung to him harder then she'd ever done before, silently willing him to not blame himself for this tragedy.

But, Tim had retreated once again, back into that place where he could feel only the empty numbness that came from being responsible for the life of another human being; worse, someone he loved like a brother

After giving Tim a few minutes of silence, his father wordlessly pushed him back out to the van. Tim's parents gently loaded him into the van and took time to carefully secure his wheelchair in place.

_"Hey, Tony, Look!" Kate exclaimed as she pointed toward the side of the building._

_"What, Kate?" Tony grumbled as he came to stand beside her._

_"It's Tim! He was here all along! He kept his promise to you, Tony." Kate reported to him happily. _

_"The best way he could with Vance and Gibbs turning on him like that." Paula said with a sad smile._

_"Oh Tim.........Just look at him, He's so miserable." Jenny said sadly._

_"Told you he was a mess right now." Tony reminded them sadly. "You know him being treated like this by them has gotta be tearing him apart even worse. You all know how sensitive he is." Tony said with a wave of fresh anger surging through him for Vance and Gibbs for turning on his Probie like this._

_"Are those his parents? Kate asked sadly. She couldn't imagine having one's parents have to see you like that._

_"Yeah." Tony answered quietly._

_"Wonder if they're taking him back to their home now." Kate asked._

_"With the way he's being treated by the Agency, it's probably the best thing for him." Jenny said quietly._

_"This isn't right! I gotta do something about this!" Tony exclaimed angrily._

_"It's out of our control, Tony." Kate reminded her. "You gotta keep in mind why everything that's happened has turned out like this."_

_"We'll just have to see about that!" Tony declared."And just so you know, Kate, 'Why' this is happening? It's not something I'm likely to ever forget!"_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: You may need a tissue (maybe just one) for this one.  
Again, I must thank my co-author, Shelbylou._

We both thank our loyal readers and reviewers.

* * *

Ducky had given Tim's parents a key and had advised them to do what they needed to do to get Timothy settled in whilst he was at the graveside attending Anthony's burial. That was the part of the day that no one had mentioned in front of Tim, purely because he'd want to be there to say his final farewell and that was the one place that there was no way for him to blend in to the background and remain unnoticed. As badly as Tim wanted to go, needed to be there, he couldn't. And even though no one said anything, it hurt deeply and felt as though Tony was actually twisting the knife himself.

Tim had tried to hold on to the numbness, tried to use it as a tool to shut away his emotions, but his efforts were thwarted when the tears returned, refusing to stop. His parents and Sarah had brought him to Ducky's house and settled him into bed in what had been Ducky's mothers' bedroom suite at the M.E.'s insistence, Ducky had stated it was much bigger and had the ensuite bathroom that Timothy needed, as well as the layout that was required for the wheelchair to freely move. They bustled around him until Tim promised them all he was okay and that they could go take a nap. He even pushed Sara to go back to class. The truth of the matter was though, that he was far from okay.

His sorrow seemed endless and his heavy guilt engulfed him; the weight of both together was damn near bone crushing and left him feeling as though he was drowning in his emotional turmoil. As his sobs returned, he buried his head in the pillows and gave in to the intense pain, both physical and emotional and as he let it hurt, his mind made the decision to let it to hurt so badly that he wanted to scream. He felt as though he deserved it; all of it, every last bit of the pain and grief that swallowed him up into that black hole he was wallowing in. So he accepted it and just let himself cry into the empty room until exhaustion finally dragged him under once more.

******************

Ducky returned to his house feeling almost completely overwhelmed and exhausted. His struggle to be there for the team when he'd felt more needed by Timothy, was most heart-wrenchingly difficult as well as physically tiring but somehow, he'd managed to strap on a thin smile of encouragement when it had been needed and had been there for everyone throughout the service and the burial. His thoughts, however, weren't with the team that he stood beside; the very team by which he felt should have been united in their grief; near as much as they'd been with the two brave and wonderful souls that this team had lost to this tragedy, both in life and in death.

All throughout the day, Ducky's thoughts seemed to be playing tennis; what with Timothy on one side of the court and poor Anthony, Bless his soul, on the other. It was constant, the thoughts rotating from concern for Timothy to sorrow for the loss of Anthony. Glimpses of something else broke through the rotation of the two thoughts and there was one more ache in his tormented mind. Sitting central to the swirling grief and concern, was the suffering Tony'd endured in the last hour, the suffering that seemed to feed on the two rotating emotions. There was no peace from any of it for the M.E. and quite frankly, it exhausted him greatly.

He felt marginally better as he reached his house. There was a sense of relief that he and Jethro had managed, albeit silently, to both be there together for the sake of the now broken team, thankfully, without seeming to damage their already strained friendship; and more importantly, the team. For that, Ducky was eternally grateful. He slowly got out of his car and headed into the house to see what state Timothy was in and to make sure his young friend and his parents had settled in.

It didn't take long to ascertain that the young man's parents were resting comfortably in the guest room downstairs and his sister had long since departed. Ducky wasn't surprised to hear silence and he'd assumed that Timothy would be sleeping. His assumption proved correct as he checked on the young man. Taking a closer look, Ducky could see that Timothy was in serious pain even as he slept; his face holding the etched lines of agony that it did when he was awake.

Looking at his watch, Ducky noticed it had been five hours since Timothy had last taken any pain reliever and was certainly due for a dose now. Between the funeral and the burial service, as well as his parents needing to rest after getting the young man to sleep, the meds had unfortunately, been put on hold. Heading back to the kitchen, the M.E. retrieved an apple for the Tim, knowing full well he wouldn't have an appetite for anything but the meagre offering, especially seeing as the pain and angst seemed to severely waylay the young man's appetite. Wasting no time, he drew a glass out of the cupboard and fixed a glass of ice water to offer the young man as well, before heading back to the injured man. He made sure to grab the young man's pain medication as he went.

Waking Timothy was an unpleasant task and the knowledge of knowing he would be trying to move around in pain, was something Ducky wished he didn't have to put him through. Still, the boy had to eat before taking his meds. It couldn't be put off any longer.

"Timothy, you must wake up and eat, my dear boy. There you are. Come now, let's get you sitting up as comfortably as we can, shall we? I suggest you try to sleep in an inclined position for a little while yet because this moving around is not going to feel very good."

Tim opened his eyes and blearily looked around. _Where was he? Why was Ducky here? Then again, where was here? _As his memories slowly returned, reality crashed through the gates of his wakefulness. Tim desperately fought back the tears, he'd cried enough for a lifetime and it was time to stop.

Gingerly, he worked at sitting up with Ducky's help. He had to agree with the M.E.'s suggestion; there wouldn't be any giving in to the desire to lay down again. The pain from sitting back up was simply too much and sapped whatever little bit of energy he had. He'd been awake for all of two minutes and he felt almost as exhausted as he had before he'd fallen asleep.

"Thanks, Ducky." He managed to rasp out. His voice so quiet, it was almost a whisper.

Ducky understood and didn't push him to do anything but eat so he could take his meds. Silently he took Tim's vital signs and wrote them in the chart that Ducky had set up. He knew it was going to be a while before Tim had passed the risk of infection and Ducky had realised that the best way of catching any of the warning signs would be to monitor Tim and keep records, it was the best way and Tim understood how important this was in lieu of any new developments.

'How do you feel, Timothy? Are you experiencing any dizziness or breathing problems? Do you feel as though you are in more pain than before you fell asleep?" Ducky asked the questions in quick succession as he recognised the worsening tiredness.

"I'm okay, Ducky." Tim answered in return, his voice almost a whisper.

"Timothy, you must tell me exactly how you are feeling in order for me to know if your injuries are causing you any problems." The M.E. admonished gently.

"I'm not dizzy, but then again I haven't tried to get out of bed yet, either. The pain's about the same." The young man answered the previous questions with the same monotone voice he'd used a minute ago.

Ducky silently set about checking Tim's wounds for any signs of infection.

"Thank you for taking me in like this, you didn't have to do this." Tim offered politely.

"Nonsense my dear boy! Need does not factor into this nearly as much as choice. I choose to do this because you needed someone to look after you until you've recovered from your injuries. In addition to your physical injuries, we must work to help you overcome this belief that you seem to be harbouring, that you are responsible for what has happened. I made the choice to be that someone and that is the end of that discussion." Ducky directed.

"Ducky, Please. Don't waste your time." Tim said miserably.

"Timothy! " The M.E.'s anger was impossible to miss and the warning made Tim flinch momentarily.

"I'm just being honest, Ducky." Tim defended himself meekly. "It's not that I don't appreciate what you're doing for me, but .."

"But, nothing, young man! Now, I will hear no more of this!" Ducky ordered in a tone akin to Gibbs. Tim looked over at Ducky and noticed the same fierce look in Ducky's eyes and realised exactly how much Gibbs actually does rub off on the people that work with him.

Tim said nothing, realizing he couldn't expect Ducky to understand; not completely, anyway. He didn't want to upset him or be rude to him, but he couldn't help how he felt. The best he could do was compromise. He'd sit on his inner self and make sure he'd do nothing but be cooperative and polite toward his benefactor and his parents. .

"Thank you, Ducky." Was Tim's first step to attempt his self enforced, fragile stoicism.

"You are quite welcome. Now, are you ready to get out of this bed? Do you think you can manage getting yourself into the chair or do you require assistance?"

"I can do it, Ducky. Thanks." Tim answered determinedly and set out to prove to himself just that. It was hard and it hurt like hell, but soon, he'd accomplished the task and felt a little better for it, even though it did seem to sap what remaining energy and strength he'd had. Still he pushed himself.

"All right. I will wait for you in the kitchen Timothy. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes please Ducky. I'll be there soon." Tim conceded as he slowly wheeled himself into the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind him.

When he was finished in the bathroom, Tim wheeled himself out and headed down the hall to the kitchen, moving at a snail's pace. He never made it there; instead, finding himself drawn to a small sitting room. The open door seemed to beckon to him with its' obvious appeal of both privacy and solace. He wheeled himself over to the huge picture window that displayed the peaceful, inviting look into the world outside for him. As he sat at there, gazing hopelessly out of the window, his mind clouded away from the here and now and settled into a place where he hoped he'd finally find some peace or at the very least, some answers.

_"Now, what the hell are you doin', Probie?"_

_"Tony?"_

_"Who else?"_

What are you doin' here? I'm not asleep so I'm not dreaming."

_"You never heard of day dreamin, McDoubter?" _

"I thought you'd be busy today."

_"I was, but now I'm here. I gotta ask. What happened today, Probie?"_

"I was there Tony. The only way I could be a least"

_"Yeah, kinda figured that, Tim. Thank you for that. It meant a lot to me to know you were there."_

"But, you didn't know, did you? You had to have thought I flaked out on you..."

_"Maybe a little bit, but not for long. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you came despite the Brass balls tryin' to stop you. How you doin?"_

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

_"Considering I'm dead? Uh, No McGoo."_

Tim was silent.

_"Huh, You're still giving the Duck Man a hard time, Probie. What's up with that?"_

"I'm trying not to Tony. But, I can't just put what happened in a drawer somewhere and act like it didn't happen. That's exactly what he thinks I'm capable of doing, but I'm just not strong enough Tony"

_"He's concerned about you, McGee."_

"I know, Tony. I know. But, I still can't just..."

_"You gotta move on, Probie."_

"I can't. For God's sake, Tony! You just died four days ago! We just... They just buried you today!"

_"I know, but don't you think you've punished yourself enough Probie?"_

Again, Tim was silent_. _

_"I mean, you can't forget that you're still recovering. We don't want you compromising your health." _

"I won't Tony; it wouldn't be fair to Ducky. He's put his life on hold to take care of me, so have my parents and my sister. I can't let them do that for any longer than necessary. I'm not ..."

_"NO! Do NOT make me head slap you, McGee!"_

"I thought we'd already agreed that you can't do that. Besides, Tony, I'd rather you didn't; If you know what I mean."

_"Yeah, Pal. I do. I'm really sorry about the boss, Tim_

"We both knew he'd take this hard, Tony. I just wasn't prepared for exactly how hard. Guess I shoulda been, huh?"

_"No one can ever be prepared for something like this, Tim. Give him time, he'll be back lookin' out for you like he's done since he pulled you onto the team, before you know it."_

"No he won't but that's okay. I mean why would he? I don't work for him anymore. Hell, Tony, I don't work for anyone anymore and probably never will again."

_"What the hell kind of pep talk is that, McPessimist?"_

"Realism, there's no point in glossing over things"

_"Listen, Probie. It's obviously not doing you any good to think about all of this now so back up on the dwelling on everything and just concentrate on getting better."_

"Tony..."

_"And don't let me hear you trying to tell someone or even yourself that you're not worth their time! You got me?"_

_"Tony..."_

_"I SAID, you got me?"_

"Yeah, Tony, I got you."

_"Yeah? I'm holding you to that."_

"I'll try. I'm not making any promises."

_"We'll work on that, Probie."_

"Tony?

_"Yeah, McGee?"_

"Can you do something for me?

_"Me? I'm dead, remember?"_

"I know that Tony, It's not like I need to be reminded of that, okay?"

_"Sorry kid. What favour?"_

"Never mind."

_"Tim, I am sorry. I didn't mean to throw it back in your face. You really do need to remember it's not your fault."_

"We were a team, Tony. We were supposed to protect each other, of COURSE, it's my fault!"

_"PROBIE!"_

Tim sighed heavily.

_"Look ,I gotta go, Probie, ask me the favour already."_

"I was just wonderin' if you could tell the others that I miss them, always have."

_"Yeah. Sure, that I can do."_

"Thanks, Tony."

_"No sweat, bro. I'll be back. You'd better be on your best behaviour_!"

"You're one to talk!"

_"Take care of yourself , McGoo."_

"You, too, Tony."

***************

Ducky had been sitting in the kitchen for half an hour and was starting to become concerned about Timothy. As he traipsed back down the hall, he could only hope that nothing was wrong but when he reached the bedroom he found it empty, his concern stepped up a notch and he headed down the hall to look for him.

As he neared the kitchen again he checked in the other open rooms. He noticed that the sitting room door was open and let out a small sigh of relief. Surely, Timothy had found the peaceful view outside and was taking advantage of it. It was the place his mother would often sit with her morning coffee. Sure enough, there Timothy was there sitting in his wheelchair. He had stopped the chair so that it sat adjacent to the window and had rested his head against the window frame. Ducky walked round to face Timothy head on and couldn't help but see the tears sliding down the young man's face even though his eyes were closed.

Ducky silently retreated to the door and stood watching Timothy from the short distance. He was pulled out of his silent vigil when he heard voices approaching. Ducky turned his head to see Mr. and Mrs. McGee quietly talking as they headed his way. He quickly strode down the hall to meet them in order to give their son time to pull himself together.

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. McGee. I trust you were able to get some rest? The M.E. asked in a normal tone.

"We did, Ducky, thanks to your generosity. How's Tim?" Mrs. McGee answered.

"I'm okay." Tim answered quietly from the doorway as he wheeled himself through it and headed towards the kitchen. His parents watched him with concern but Tim handled the trip down the hall by himself. Both of his parents looked at Ducky expectantly and waited for the truth about their only son's condition. Ducky sighed heavily and took off his glasses to clean them, to a stranger, this action was nothing, but to his friends it was a sign of deep Ducky's worry was.

"He is trying to be fine which is most likely for our benefit. Let's at least allow him that, shall we? His injuries are on the mend and as yet there are no signs of infection. We have enough to watch out for my dear, let's not make it worse for him by focusing on what we believe he's not telling us, hmm?"

"You're right, Ducky. We need to somehow show him that we believe what he says, unless he gives us reason to worry." Mr. McGee answered.

"All right, then, shall we go and try to lure him outside so he can get some fresh air?"

Ducky and Tim's parent's met him in the kitchen and decided to go and sit out on the back porch. They sat around silently, just taking in the daylight and the beauty of the day in the sunlight that remained. The silence seemed to go on forever before Tim broke it with an unexpected request.

"Mom, Dad, I need you to stop putting your life on hold for me. You both have jobs to get back to and it's not right for you to give up you leave time for me. You count on that time for your vacations. It's bad enough Ducky has to give up his, I can't deal with all three of you doing it."

"Tim, Ducky shouldn't have to do this alone." His mother reminded him gently.

"Ducky, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"Nonsense, Timothy. I understand completely."

"Are you sure that this is what you want, Tim" Mr. McGee asked his son gently and watched sadly as Tim nodded morosely.

"Yeah, Dad. I'm sure." Tim replied "It's not that I don't appreciate everything you've done for me, because I do. It's just...I can't... I just need to know that you're going on with your lives, not being railroaded by what happened in my life. Please, go back to what's normal for you both, and for Sarah."

"Tim..." His mother began to object, her voice was choked as if she was struggling to hold back her tears.

"Mom, please?" Tim begged.

"All right, Son. Just as soon as we get your apartment taken care of, we'll head home, Ok?"

"Thank you."

* * *

In the first few hours after the funeral; after Ducky had gone home, Ziva and Abby remained glued to each other's side and gratefully accepted Jimmy's offer to drive them to Ziva's apartment. That in itself was a first and it spoke volumes to Jimmy as to just how devastated these normally strong people were. As he dropped them off, he waited for them to go inside before driving home; his mind a whirl of emotions and thoughts that had simply refused point blank to be compartmentalised. It worried him. The fact that this ordinarily close knit family were suffering the loss of a friend, of _family,_ and had become separated ate into him.

Abby and Ziva both felt as if they were walking through a field stuffed with thick underbrush and each step became harder to take then the one before it. Once they reached the security of Ziva's apartment, they both sat down on the couch and gave in to the tears they'd held back during the course of the day. They held on to each other tightly, allowing the other to lend them strength and act as the lifeline that they both desperately needed. Both of them clung to each firmly and sobbed.

_"Look at them, Kate. This is bad. Really bad."_

_"Tony, they have each other. And they have the others. They''ll be okay."_

_"If they took a minute to worry about Tim, they'd be able to get through this; he's great at being supportive when you really need it."_

_"That's not gonna happen, Tony. I think you know that."_

_"What? You tellin' me that they blame him, too?"_

_"Tony. They loved you." _

_"They loved McGee, too!"_

_"You've been ripped away from them Tony and he officially took the blame."_

_"This sucks!"_

_"I know, Tony. I know."_

_Tony walked over behind the girls and put a hand on each of their shoulders. He stooped down to whisper into the air between them._

_"Abby, Ziva. It's gonna be okay. I love you guys. Look out for each other now, and don't leave Tim behind. Take care of him for me."_

Abby and Ziva both seemed to hear someone talking to them and felt the hand that rested on their shoulders. Both of them stopped crying and sat up, as if listening for more.

_"I know you're pissed and sad right now, but you gotta let this go, Guys; for Tim's sake. For all of your sakes, you gotta be the ones to let this go."_

"Tony?" Abby whispered.

_"Yeah, Abbs. It's me." _

Looking towards Tony, Abby smiled. Tony watched as that tiny smile sparked a glimmer of hope in her green eyes. "Tony, you're here?"

_"Just to make sure you guys are okay."_

"Tony?" Ziva's tremulous voice tore at Tony's heart as much as Abby's had.

_"Yeah, Zee. I'm here._

"Tony, I never got to tell you..."

_Tony bent down low and whispered in her ear. "I always knew you loved me, my little ninja chick. And I love you too, always have. Don't ever forget that."_

Ziva's small smile lifted the gloom from the room and she felt the heaviness in heart lighten slightly.

_"I gotta go, ladies but I need you to promise me that you'll take care of Tim for me. You need to help Ducky out with that because they both need you."_

"Okay, Tony." Abby whispered.

"I don't know if I..." Ziva whispered.

_"This isn't Tim's fault Zee."_

Confusion played across their faces as they silently thought about what Tony was telling them.

_" Promise me you'll take care of Tim." Tony insisted. ._

"I'll check on him.." Abby vowed.

"Tony, I can't. Not yet." Ziva's quiet voice shook with emotion as she spoke honestly.

_"Just don't wait too long ok? He needs you." Tony kissed both their cheeks tenderly. "Bye, my beautiful girls."_

Both girls wiped fresh tears away and hugged each other, this time it was with a little less grief as a little bit of joy pushed it away after the visit they'd just had from their beloved Tony. They both felt a glimpse of resolve, and decided to make the effort to pick their feet up and trudge through the pain that they seemed mired in. Had they known that Kate was there as a silent witness, they probably would have Gibbs-slapped her for not letting them visit with her_._

_Kate, on the other hand, was busy wiping her own tears away as Tony put his arm around her and escorted her out, away from their friends._

_*************_

Jethro had once again earned his two b's now, but somehow it wasn't helping. He couldn't even bring himself to think past the two blatant facts about the situation hurt the most - _It shouldn't have happened. And Tony died because McGee disobeyed a direct order._

Those two thoughts kept swirling like thick fog through his mind and he couldn't help but wish, with all the times Shannon had come back to visit him whenever it seemed to have needed to see or hear from her, that today would be the next time that she did. He needed to be able to draw on her strength.

Ironically, and with that funny sense of timing that always seemed to be in play throughout his life, Gibbs felt a presence with him in his basement almost as soon as that thought crossed his mind. Turning towards where Shannon's ghost usually stood when she came to visit, he was shocked to find not his beloved first wife, but his much loved Jenny.

_"Hello Jethro."_

"Jen." Gibbs struggled to keep his voice calm and the small crack betrayed his emotions.

_"I'd ask you how you are, but anyone looking can see the answer to that."_

"Why are you here?"

_"I'm not really sure, Jethro."_

"Well that's reassuring."

_"I'm fairly sure that I'm not here to do that."_

"I'm glad we talked."

_"That was quite a blow out you had with Ducky."_

"News travels fast."

_"When it creates the shock wave that you have, it does."_

"That why you're here?"

_"It's possible."_

"Meaning you don't know."

_"I already told you that, Jethro."_

"You have any idea the pain you caused?"

_"Not something I ever thought I'd hear you admit. The stoic NCIS Agent finally admitting his feelings? Now that's a first."_

"Wasn't talking about me, Jen. It took Tony a long time before he stopped hating and blaming himself for what you did. Vance blamed him too. You almost cost him his career! You know, Ziva barely managed to keep it together. What the hell were you thinking?

_"It's ancient history, Jethro and I'm positive I'm not here to talk about that."_

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

_"What are you gonna do, Jethro?"_

"About?"

_"Ducky!"_

"What about him?

_"You can save acting obtuse for someone who doesn't know you, Jethro. You just gonna leave things the way they are between you? Broken?"_

"Is that what you call it?"

_"Are you?"_

"Wasn't aware it was a matter of life or death, Jen."

_"Well, you need to have a rethink, because it very well may be, Jethro."_

"You're telling me that you're here because Ducky and I had a disagreement?"

_"No, Jethro. I'm telling you that I'm here because what you do or don't do about this has the potential to have catastrophic consequences that you won't be prepared to live with."_

"Thought you didn't know why you were here."

_"It just came to me. I'm here to remind you that you seem to be breaking your own rules."_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: You may need a tissue (maybe just one) for this one.  
Again, I must thank my co-author, Shelbylou._

We both thank our loyal readers and reviewers.

* * *

The rest of the evening passed quietly for Tim, Ducky and his parents. Tim ate what Ducky suggested, took his meds and then went to bed; by all rights, he was the perfect patient, too perfect in fact, even for Tim. The trouble was, he wasn't really foolin' anyone.

Ducky and his parents let him be, realizing he needed to do this in his own way because only he knew what he was feeling; what he was going through. While Tim's parents knew he was devastated over his teammate's death and taking the blame for it, as well as physically wounded and in serious pain from that. Ducky knew that the poor boy's parents didn't fully understand the magnitude of the problems Tim was buried under. The M.E. knew that all of that pain was compounded by the deep hurt that came from the knowledge that the one person Tim most desired respect and praise from, after six years, had turned their back on him and was almost treating him like a criminal.

He couldn't even begin to imagine the full brunt of sorrow that Timothy was dealing with. The poor boy had to deal with everything, perfectly aware that the other members of his team were unable to help him through this. What was worse for the young man, was feeling and admitting, on record even, that you were responsible for them losing their teammate and close friend. That alone had to be driving that sorrow that much deeper into his tortured soul. Yes, Ducky had no doubt that the young man sleeping down the hall was in desperate need of a friend, as many as he could get, truth be told.

The McGee's went to bed early to prepare for the planned events the next day. Despite the silence of the house and the soothing camomile tea he had brewed to help him relax, Ducky couldn't sleep. He finally conceded and got out of bed, quietly making his way down the stairs to the front porch where he stood contemplatively watching as nature unwound its nightly rituals. He was trying o find a sense of peace in the beauty that surrounded him in his largely untouched spacious, wooded side yard.

* * *

As the evening drew on, Abby and Ziva somehow found the strength to step past the acute pain of loss and begin the journey of remembering Tony with love. They reminisced for a long time, talking solidly about Tony and his antics, his little quirks, his wonderful qualities and the irritating ones as well.

It was a night spent shoring up the memories that would remain in their hearts forever, memories of the man they'd loved and lost. Somehow, it helped them to begin their healing journey and gave them a way to ease the pain enough, that when exhaustion finally claimed them, they both of them slept well. Tomorrow would be a day of moving forward, step by baby step. They could only hope that the pain would begin to lessen, at least enough for them to breathe normally once again.

* * *

Jimmy couldn't sleep and had found himself tossing and turning fruitlessly because he couldn't get the images of the MCRT's brokenness, loss and grief out of his mind. He had finally relented and got up and dressed so he could go for a drive to clear his head. He drove along almost in a daze, his mind seemed drawn to a place where he knew he'd be welcomed, though, he wasn't fully sure why he was going, only that he needed to get there. When he arrived, he was surprised at what he found. In all the years he'd worked under this man, he'd almost never seen him look so sad, so lost or so in need of a friend. Jimmy frowned and silently hoped, that he would be sufficient enough.

"Dr. Mallard?"

"Jimmy! What brings you out here at this hour?" Ducky was pleasantly surprised that his thoughts had been interrupted by a welcome visitor.

"I dunno, Dr. I just felt like I needed to be here." Jimmy explained hesitantly.

"Never fear, my dear fellow. You are most welcome here. Come, sit down. Enjoy the evening watching nature unfold, as I am. Would you care for something to drink?"

"No, Dr. I'm fine, really. How's Tim? How are you?"

"Timothy is doing as well as can be expected right now, which I'm afraid is hard to tell, as he's determined to 'buck up' as Tony would say" Ducky frowned slightly as he mentioned Tony's name " He's got it in his head, that he doesn't want t be a burden to any of us. I am fine, although, I must admit, I am quite tired after the trials of today." Ducky replied with quiet honesty.

"Do you want me to stay here? I could help you take care of Tim, let you get some extra sleep? Vance gave me tomorrow off and has arranged for your temporary replacement to start the day after tomorrow. I would really like to help." Jimmy offered sincerely.

"That would be most appreciated, my dear boy. However, Timothy's parents will be going to his apartment in the morning to pack it up and clear it out. It would be a big help for him perhaps, if you could go with them and lend them with your strong hands and back? I will manage to look after Timothy much better, knowing they have help and are not trying to do it by themselves." Ducky answered.

"You think Tim would mind? I mean, I would feel like I was invading his privacy." Jimmy explained nervously.

"Under normal circumstances, Mr. Palmer, I would agree with you. However, these circumstances are far from normal by any stretch of the imagination. I am sure, Timothy would be most grateful if his parents don't have to do it alone," the M.E. answered with a look of deep sorrow on his face. Jimmy nodded sadly.

"Okay. Sure, I'd be happy to help. It's gettin pretty late, you sure you're okay?" the younger man pressed, even though their relationship was more formal, the kindly M.E. really did remind him of his grandfather sometimes.

"Honestly, Jimmy, I am fine. I will turn in soon though, as it is, as you say, getting late. You are more than welcome to sleep in the den or even the office to save you driving home, that is if you prefer, both rooms have a pull out sofa. I'll get you a blanket and a pillow."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"No, Jimmy. It is I who wish to thank you." Ducky said as he headed inside, ushering the younger man in with him.

While Ducky disappeared to locate an extra pillow and a blanket for Jimmy, the Autopsy Gremlin pulled out his cell phone and called Ziva. He thanked his lucky stars that he'd insisted on getting hers and Abby's phone numbers earlier in the day, when he'd been seriously concerned about them. In light of his concern and their obvious distress, they had recited their phone numbers to him without question.

"Ziva David" came the sleepy answer to his call.

"Ziva, I'm sorry to wake you." Jimmy hedged nervously, despite the fact that it was late and he already knew what he needed to say.

"Jimmy? Is something wrong? Did something happen to Ducky?" Ziva's exhaustion fell away in the wake of her concern.

"No, oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to think that. I just needed a favour." The young man pushed. He had long gotten over his fear of the brash Israeli and after today, had realised just how much of a friend she actually was. He'd also felt like he'd possibly done Tony proud by being there for the two women Tony had loved most, as they'd all known he had.

"Now?" Ziva asked in disbelief.

"Um. No. In the morning." He answered sheepishly.

"What favour do you need?" she asked carefully. Jimmy could almost see her lying in bed with a suspicious look on her face. The thought made him think back briefly to the time's Tony had been on the receiving end of that look, the memories drew a rueful smile out of him.

"I need you and hopefully Abby to come with me to Tim's apartment."

"Why would we want to do that?" Ziva asked with a tinge of anger climbing into her voice.

"So we can help his parents. They're packing it up and emptying it out and could use all the help they can get. I thought it would be the least we could do for them. This has to be really hard on them." Jimmy explained.

"I see. I will think about it." Was the best Ziva could offer, the anger abating slightly at Jimmy's explanation.

"Will you ask Abby for me?" Jimmy pushed.

"Yes." Ziva answered shortly.

"Thank you , Ziva. I know it would mean a lot to Ducky if we could do this." The young man told her. "He's busy taking care of Tim and he's really exhausted, it's Just, he's worried about the McGee's having to go through this alone. Seeing Tim this broken down and injured on top of it everything, can't be easy on them." Jimmy explained compassionately. "I'm going to be helping then and I would appreciate it if I wasn't the only extra pair of hands there." He heard Ziva sigh slightly.

"For Ducky, I will do this. And for you, Jimmy." She replied and hung up the call. She was not ready to do anything for McGee just yet, the painful repercussions of his actions were still fresh and painful; just too much. Tony's words came back to haunt her and she realised, that maybe, her feelings of reproach towards her shattered team mate could be more damaging somewhere along the line.

_" I need you to promise me that you'll take care of Tim for me. You need to help Ducky out with that because they both need you."_

_"This isn't Tim's fault Zee."  
" Promise me you'll take care of him."  
"Just don't wait too long ok? He needs you." _

Tony's words haunted her thoughts, but his pleas didn't seem to be strong enough to break down the wall of intense anger at Tim's actions, the actions that bought this tragedy to the team, the actions that had stolen any chance for her to finally be with her one true love. No, she could not face McGee and would find it extremely difficult, painful and trying to be in the company of his parents, but she'd never go back on her word. She would do it for Ducky and Jimmy's sake, and because somehow, she knew, it was what Tony would want her to do; it's what he would have done, if he'd been here.

As she settled back down for sleep, she set her alarm clock and got comfortable. "Tony, I hope you're there with me tomorrow. I do not know if I can do this alone." She said out loud to her empty bedroom.

_"You're not alone, Zee, you never will be."_ The words whispered across her ear with a gentle puff of air. _"Let me hold you."_ Tony whispered gently as he lay down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. _"Go to sleep now my little ninja and stop being angry at him. I told you, it's not his fault."_

The quiet words startled her, but she managed to let go of them long enough to embrace the warmth she felt from the phantom arms wrapped around her. She could actually feel the comforting embrace and she melted into it, her resolve soon sliding into oblivion. It wasn't long before she slipped into slumber, peaceful at last, as Tony's next sentence once again, drew a smile from her heart.

_"I Love you, Ziva"._

****************

He couldn't get the words out of his mind:

_"You just gonna leave things the way they are between you? Broken?"_

_"I'm telling you that I'm here because what you do or don't do about this has the potential to have catastrophic consequences that you won't be prepared to live with."_

_ "I'm here to remind you that you seem to be breaking your own rules."_

What the hell had she meant by that? He and Ducky had had serious arguments before. They were guys, they didn't make a big deal out of them, hell, he was a Marine and that spat was mild in comparison to some he'd been in. In time, they'd figure out what needed fixing and they fix it. It was no big deal; it's just what guys did. Although, he did have to admit to himself that he had NEVER seen or heard Ducky that angry with him before and it was seriously disconcerting. Still he couldn't dwell on that right now.

_When was the last time Jenny visited you, Jethro? When did she ever get involved in your personal issues with someone else, for that matter?_

That voice inside his head obviously knew better and he realised that there was truth to her words. He needed to not only face that fact, but admit it to himself in order to actually do something about it. But, now was NOT the time to worry about it. He couldn't think about how Ducky had warned him in similar fashion just last night. Relentlessly, the M.E.'s words and anger came back to him now, anyway, as if to spite him.

_"God forbid, Timothy decides he cannot live with this mistake. If that happens, I truly hope his death doesn't haunt you the way that Anthony's death is haunting him now!"_

_"You may be angry with him at the moment, but how you handle this with him will affect the way in which he handles this with himself. Make no mistake about that Jethro! We all know that your team follows your lead, but if you refuse to forgive him, then Ziva and Abigail will most likely choose the same path. God help you if his team, his friends, abandon him to deal with this alone."_

NO! Gibbs angrily pushed those words away. Right now he could barely bring himself to even think about getting some sleep in order to face the next day, the first day of the rest of his life without his Senior Field Agent, without Tony. Now he'd have to replace Tony on the team, but he could never really replace Tony, his friend, his _son_. Those were two words he'd never wanted to ever have to contemplate, much less act on -_ replace Tony_. He'd told himself a thousand times that he wasn't willing to lose any of them and he'd meant it, hell, He'd told Tony countless times over the years that he wasn't allowed to die. Look where that had gotten them. God and the fates had laughed in his face and taken the young man anyway.

Now, the option of having to repl.....no, _substitute _Tony, had been forced upon him, he'd had no final say in the matter. Just as he would have no choice now, but to find someone else. NO! He'd have to find someone to sit at Tony's desk; but his place could never be taken; his shoes could never be filled. No one on earth could ever fill the void, and no matter what, no one would ever again enter his life to the degree Tony had, it simply hurt too damn much.

**'Damn you, McGee! Damn you to hell!"** he exploded verbally as he threw his bottle of bourbon across the basement, listening to the satisfying sound of shattering glass and splashing liquid, the cathartic sounds opened the floodgates to his pain. Sliding down to the floor in his basement with his back against the wall, Leroy Jethro Gibbs let the tears flow freely; the sobs soon racking his frame as the full supply of his sorrow came pouring out in such a devastating tidal wave, it left him unable to do anything but gaze into the emptiness of his vast basement with tears streaming down his face .

_The emptiness of his vast basement. _That one sentence encompassed him and compounded the torturous pain; it summed everything he was feeling in one simple metaphor. His heart was broken, his soul was destroyed. Both of which lay bare _in the emptiness of his vast basement, _in the emptiness of the hollowed out shell that Gibbs knew he had become.

The tears continued to fall as the harsh realisation that things would never, ever be the same again, his world was different now. The tears were relentless, and at that moment in time, he knew, deep down, that they would never truly stop. He swiped harshly at his eyes and looked down at the tears that pooled on the back of his hand.

_Is this really what Tony's life amounted to? Is it really what the young man would want?_

No, it wasn't but right now this was all he could physically and emotionally offer, he had nothing else to give and so, he sat with a pain in his chest and gave the only thing he had, his tears.

*******************


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: NO TISSUES NEEDED FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!!!!_

**_We ask that you read the following in the spirit of the fiction story for which it is written.  
It is not meant to be official.  
We do not own NCIS or any of its' characters or storylines. We only have a whole lotta fun with it._**

_Again, I must thank my co-author, Shelbylou._

Having said that, for this chapter we both extend our appreciation to the following people for their support, cooperation and agreement for the 'use' of their rules. We extend acknowledgement with full respect for the authorship of each one of them.

_Embololia RedMoonSky Vanessa Sgroi & BenquashaFraser._

* * *

**"**We all know that "Gibbs Rules" are Legendary.  
When reading through this list (Put together solely for the purpose of serving this story)  
**we ask that you, the reader remember the following facts:**

1. Only 22 of the '50' have been officially declared a rule and assigned a number. NCIS has, in three instances, given the same number to two different rules on this list.

2. For the sake of our story we have re-designated the 2nd rule in each case, to a different number. For the sake of our story, the yet to be disclosed rules have been unofficially filled in; either by things said on NCIS or by the writings of other writers  
(borrowed with their permission and recognition of their authorship)

3. For the sake of our story, we're only using the "Umbrella Rule" that was officially quoted, in regard to the "lawyer" statement "There are 7 rules about lawyers" For this story's purpose, we have decided that Tony's statement was an exaggeration to try to impress the tad, Wilson..

4. Gibbs said "There are **about **50 of them" (emphasis, ours)  
For the purpose of our story, we've decided, with creative license, that there are in fact, 56; a few with subsections to ask for your indulgence, in the event that you do not agree with our choices.

_  
_AND NOW:

**THE RULES**

Rule #1: Never screw over your partner. (Blowback, 4.14)

Rule #2: Always wear gloves at a crime scene. (Yankee White, 1.01)

Rule #3: Don't believe what you're told. Double check. (Yankee White, 1.01)

Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best. (Blowback, 4.14)

Rule #5: Never let suspects stay together. (Yankee White, 1.01) (Redelegated from 2nd #1)

Rule #6 Never work the system when you can work the people (Unofficial rule Gibbs told Kate this)

Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie. (Reveille, 1.23)

Rule #8: Never take anything for granted. (Probie, 3.10)

Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife. (One Shot, One Kill, 1.13 ; Missing, 1.20)

Rule #10: Never be unreachable. (Deception, 3.13) (Redelegated from 2nd #3 )

Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away. (Semper Fidelis, 6.24)

Rule #12: Never date a coworker. (Enigma, 1.15)

Rule #13: Never, ever involve a lawyer.(Collateral Damage, 6.07)

Rule 14: Never hide an injury from Gibbs. (Rule # and Rule borrowed from Vanessa Sgroi)

Rule #15: Always work as a team. (Leap of Faith, 5.05)  
Unofficial addendum: Be willing to take on for the team because there is no I in team.

Rule #16: Don't apologize. It's a sign of weakness. (Unless it's to a friend – Smoked, 4.6 – unofficial #)

Rule #17: If You're gonna regret It, don't do it. (Borrowed from Embolalia)

Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. (Silver War, 3.04)

Rule #19: Teams don't keep secrets (Unofficial Rule from "Jane Doe")

Rule # 20: Failure is not an option_ (_borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

_Rule 21: _If one of your team is in trouble - it is your duty to protect them. If they ask for help, give it to them immediately. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation. (Smoked, 4.10)

Rule#23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live. (Forced Entry, 2.09)

Rule #23 A: Live By The Marine Code .(made it up/the umbrella rule for the Marine Rules)  
Rule #23B: Semper Fi. -"Always Faithful" in Latin –  
Rule #23 C: Once a Marine always a Marine, there are no "former" or "ex" Marines.  
Rule #23 D: We Don't Leave Our People Behind  
Rule #23 E. We Take Care of Our Own  
Rule #23 F: You rat, you fry.

Rule #24: Don't explain the process to Gibbs or speak geekspeak. Just give him the bottom line, in English.(unofficially enforced)

Rule #25:. Always keep a spare (unofficially stated twice,)

Rule #26: Never lie to Gibbs (unless ordered to by higher ups) (Unofficial Rule)

Rule #27: Two ways to follow: First way they never notice you, second way they _only_ notice you. (Jack Knife, 7.15) If you wanna find something, then you follow it (Gibbs told Mike he learned that from him)

Rule #28: Always go through the chain of command _(borrowed from __BenquashaFraser)_

Rule #29: Trust is earned not given. (Stated by Gibbs at least 1x)

Rule #30: Always Listen to your gut _(borrowed from __BenquashaFraser)_

Rule #31: "Always watch your partner's back

Rule #32: Listen to all the facts before you judge.(made it up by your authors)

Rule #33: Take no stupid risks (borrowed from Embolalia)

Rule #34: Do it right or not at all (borrowed from Embolalia)

Rule #35: Recognize your limitations, and work to improve on them. (borrowed in part from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #36: never let the bad guy get away (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #37: Never trust an undercover agent unless it's one of your own. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #38: Your case, your lead. (Bounce, 6.16)

Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence. But there is such thing as luck (unofficial Rule, one Gibbs (and his team) lives by)

Rule #40: Excuses are for school kids, the CIA and the FBI. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #41: Keep Looking for answers until you're satisfied (unofficial rule - Gibbs said it to Tim in one episode)

Rule #42: Your team is your family - never take it for granted. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #43: Only your best is good enough. . never accept anything less from your team or yourself (borrowed in part from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #44: The bodies belong to Ducky. If you want to touch them, you have to ask him. (Unofficial Rule the Agents live by)

Rule #45: Never show weakness in front of your team - it would scare them. . (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #46: NEVER let a case go cold. . (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #47: You're Not Allowed To Die (rule # and principal borrowed from Red Moon Sky)

Rule #48: Respect your team and earn their respect. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #49_:_ If you think the boss is wrong make sure you get evidence to back you up. .(borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #50: Never underestimate your opponent. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #51. Loyalty is a powerful motivator - earn it from your team. . (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #52: Always carry a notepad and pen with you. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #53. : Know how to do every job your underlings can do. (created by Shelbylou)

Rule #54: If you haven't got the evidence – bluff.. (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)

Rule #55: The Evidence does not lie (unofficial rule)

Rule 56: These rules should never be written - it is the job of every team leader to teach them to their team. . (borrowed from BenquashaFraser)


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: You may need that box of tissues again._

_We thank you all for your patience and your continued reading and reviewing._

_Shelbylou - you're the best. Couldn't have gotten this chapter done without you._

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and beautiful but to the grieving remaining members of Team Gibbs, and their relatives, the beauty of the day was laughing at them and seemed to shine down on them like a spotlight on their pain. However, in beds all across town, the few remaining members of the MCRT and their scientist teammates , dragged themselves out of bed to began their day, each with their own feelings about the pain that were in still very much locked in place, still sharp and very real.

Even visits from their lost loved ones had not managed to dull the pain. The gentle reassurances, the harsh reality checks; the fact that they had spoken to people lost to them wasn't enough, and they knew that only time would succeed in taking away their sorrow. But time was not their friend right now and each day seemed to drag on longer and more painfully than the one before it. Would things ever get better? Some of them doubted it, even the ones who'd lived through personal loss like this before. _Like this_? Truth be told; none of them had been through loss _quite_ like this before, on one hand there was the tragic loss of a friend, on the other, the loss of an innocent soul, alive in body, but in every other aspect as dead as the man they had recently buried.

But, still, a few of them firmly believed things would get better and the optimist among them embraced those little rays of sunshine and saw them as a means to start the healing process. Time would bring peace, time would make it easier to live with, less painful to think about; eventually they would be able to look back and remember their fallen friend with a light heart and a smile at the memories of his antics….Eventually. Even the people deadened by the loss believed they would only be able to move forward from this point on, one painfully small baby step at a time.

As Ducky got out of bed and headed toward the shower, his mind immediately drifted towards Anthony and how empty life was going to seem without him. He let the massaging effects of the hot shower soothe his aging body and wished with a heavy heart, that it could do the same for his tortured emotions. His heart finally relinquished his own grief and pain and in the sanctuary of his bathroom and amidst the noise of the shower, Ducky wept. He wept for the loss of Anthony. He wept for Timothy's pain and the guilt the young man was burying himself under. He wept for the girls, both of whom loved Anthony on completely different levels, but were equally as devastated. He wept for Jethro, who'd lost a son; someone he'd had a unique and close-knit bond with. His heart clenched at the thought and he knew that it was possible that his old friend wouldn't be able to climb back out of that pit he'd fallen into when Shannon and Kelly had been ripped from him, the same pit that Jethro Leroy Gibbs was slowly falling into over the loss of Tony. Having watched the man teeter on the edge of that chasm when they'd lost Caitlyn and again when they'd lost Jenny; it wasn't hard to imagine the real possibility that this time, Leroy Jethro Gibbs would not find his way back. Ducky stood there, in the privacy of his bathroom and wept for all of them, and finally, he wept for himself.

***************

Jimmy woke up, he had no idea why, but he was soon wide awake and quickly put the pull out bed away before heading into Ducky's kitchen to start brewing the coffee for everyone. Realizing that Dr. Mallard still hadn't got up, Jimmy started setting out what food he could find to make a reasonable breakfast for the kindly M.E. and his guests, though he knew that there was a distinct possibility that no one would be hungry.

Mr. and Mrs. McGee were the first to appear in the kitchen and were surprised to find a strange young man preparing their breakfast. Jimmy handed them both a mug of the rich coffee and introduced himself to them without any fuss. He found it slightly disconcerting to meet Tim's parents under these circumstances, especially seeing as he hadn't laid eyes on the former agent since this tragedy had taken place. He settled for asking them a question instead.

"How's Tim? I haven't seen him since the morning this happened." Jimmy quietly admitted with a tinge of shame to his voice. Tim's mother smiled ruefully.

"He's devastated but is trying to get through this one day at a time." Tim's mother answered quietly. "We're going to pack up his apartment and clear it out for him this morning."

"Yes, Ma'am. Dr. Mallard told me. He also thought you could use some extra help and I would like to assist by taking some of this burden off your shoulders. I called Ziva last night and asked her if she would help too, she said she would and is going to ask Abby. I'm fairly sure, Abby will say yes."

Jimmy watched Tim's mothers eyes glaze slightly with unshed tears at the kindness shown.

"Thank you, Jimmy. That's very kind of you. It was very nice of you to round up more help for us, I have a feeling we're going to need it."

"No need to thank me, Ma'am. We're a team; I know I'm not as close to Tim as everyone else, but I still care about him. I know this has to be really hard on him, you know, Tony was like a brother to him. You couldn't miss the sibling rivalry they had going on." Jimmy said. A small smile played across his face at the memories of them both at work.

"Quite right, Jimmy." Ducky remarked as he made his way into the kitchen, pausing to notice the continental style breakfast and fresh coffee already laid out. "Did you do this, Mr. Palmer?"

"Yes, Doctor Mallard. I thought I'd do what I could to help here too, before going with Tim's parents to help them."

"Bless you, Jimmy." Ducky said with a smile on his face and patted Jimmy's shoulder in full appreciation of the simple act. Ducky turned to Tim's parents and was pleased to see them both standing there with coffees in their hands.

"Good morning." Ducky said gently. "How is young Timothy this morning?"

"We haven't checked on him, except to look in his room. He was still sleeping, so we decided to let him rest, right now, my boy needs all the rest he can get," Tim's father answered gravely. Seeing his son so vulnerable and emotionally fraught had shaken him down to the core. The sheer depth of his son's grief, along with the news that they'd almost lost him as well, had rocked his world off its' axis and, if the truth be told, it still felt unstable. Frankly, the only thing holding the senior McGee up and keeping him going was the necessity of being there for his wife and kids throughout this terrible situation. Ducky sipped at his own coffee and placed it down on the kitchen table with an empathetic nod.

"Well, I must go check on his wounds and change his bandages. I'll check his blood pressure and such to make sure there are no complications. I won't be long, but please, don't hold breakfast on my account." Ducky said as he headed down the hall to check on his young charge.

****************

Gibbs return to the waking world was slow and painful. He was lying sprawled on his bed, fully dressed, with no memory of actually making it to his bedroom the previous night at all. Instinctively he rolled over and reached for his watch to check the time but the movement seemed to act as a trigger and it all came crashing back to him; coming home last night to a quiet house; immediately seeking the sanctuary of his basement and his bourbon and despite a visit from someone, although at this moment, he couldn't remember who it had been; he'd managed to drink himself into oblivion. He vaguely remembered throwing something and the sound of shattering glass tinkled through his fragile mind. He remembered the crying, the deep wracking sobs. Wait! Had he really done that?

He knew he should get up, take a shower and eat something, but none of it sounded as though it was worth the effort. Instead, he got comfortable and tried to hurry his body back to sleep before the pain and the memories knocked on that emotional door. Just for now, for a short time anyway, he wanted to keep his broken world at bay. He tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, desperately searching for the escape of sleep, but with no avail. His mind finally cleared of the tormenting thoughts, at last, and he finally got up. He wasn't hungry, but that nagging voice inside his head was demanding that he eat something to counteract the nausea that lingered from the bourbon.

He felt as if he was having an out of body experience of sorts. Gibbs managed to force himself into the shower, allowing the hot beading water to sooth his stretched nerves and aching body. As he stood under the endless spray, his mind traveled off on a tangent on its own accord.

_God hated him_.

Gibbs felt it in his gut. Either that, or the man upstairs had a horrible sense of humor and this was just some sick twisted joke to snap him back in line. Never had he had such thoughts about God in all his life, with the exception of when other loved ones in his life had been taken harshly; Shannon, Kelly, Pacci, Kate, Paula, Jenny and even Langer and Lee. Each of their deaths was another nail in the coffin that held that truth;

_God hated him_.

He'd give anything to hear any one of those annoying little many movie lines Tony'd loved to spout throughout the years. Contrary to popular belief, Gibbs usually listened to everything that his team said to him. If they felt the need to say it, he listened, it was as simple as that; especially Tony. The most glaring rule he lived by, the one he religiously worked was rule number 42 – your team is your family – never take it for granted, well he had. He had taken the fact that his family wouldn't be broken; his family would always have Tony's sense of humor and movies lines to fall back on when they were down, the fact that he wouldn't be having this conversation with himself if it wasn't for that damn decision. All of it, was taken for granted and he wanted nothing more than to go back and let Tony know exactly how much he listened and would forever more, miss those damn little quotes. While the world at large saw Tony as irritating as hell, the boss accepted Tony for who he was; an acquired taste that he'd long since gotten used to.

People who knew them both had realized that Tony was ultimately a younger version of Gibbs. Even Ducky had commented on the fact that they seemed so alike a time or two. It didn't take a genius to see that the two of them had so much in common, that Gibbs obviously enjoyed being reminded of his younger self and had found someone he could fully relate to. Seldom did it escape the team's notice that Gibbs placed most of his trust and faith in Tony when it came to the casework.

It never mattered how much goofing off Tony did because, no matter what, he got his work done. Well, either that or he pawned it off on McGee effectively enough. Gibbs was okay with that and either way, it was a system that had worked brilliantly all these years. Tony had taken on the responsibility of training the Probie on his shoulders, so that Gibbs didn't need to expel any precious effort in that area. After all, that's what he had a Senior Field Agent for, that was DiNozzo's job.

It was often the case that Tony's seemingly crazy spouting, tended to be insightful and a perfect fit to the case they were workin', Tony's off the wall way of looking at the world had proved to be right on more than one occasion and was that refreshing breath of air that everyone needed. Gibbs shook his head, trying to clear the reminiscing thoughts from his mind. It was too painful to keep going here. Tony was gone and there was nothing he could do to bring him back. Damn it! Damn it to hell!

He turned off the shower and started to go through the motions of drying off and getting dressed, it was almost robotic and the movements ended up being stiff and uncaring. It didn't take him long before he descended the stairs to his kitchen where his mind and body seemed to switch onto auto-pilot, fixing a pot of coffee, rummaging through the refrigerator for something that he wasn't even aware he was looking for and didn't necessarily want. His hands wrapped around a store bought breakfast sandwich he'd tossed in there from the freezer the morning of the shooting and an overwhelming sense of sadness washed over him when he realized how truly alone he felt.

When this thought crashed through his mental fog, the few tears he had left somehow found their way out and flushed out of his body in steady rivulets. He dried his eyes on his sleeve; he stood up after releasing his grip on the sandwich and left it sitting in the fridge. He walked over to the large window and was soon engulfed by the all consuming fog; a world of mindlessness and blurred images, muffled only by his own self erected walls. The numbness prevailed as he remained oblivious to the world around him and his thoughts, once again, travelled where ever they wanted to, all on their own without any chance of Gibbs gaining control.

They had all seen Tony cheat death before. Gibbs had seen him do it countless times. Each time he'd scared the hell out of all of them, while seeming to thumb his nose up at the Angel of Death. It was all part and parcel of who Tony was; he was a risk taker, a dare-devil, even. He always seemed to beat the odds. The fact that he always came back from the experience smiling, was part of his charm.

He'd been the one to save Kate and McGee from that car bomb, just hours before Kate was killed in the line of duty. Tony had been the one to rescue him and Maddie from the water when Gibbs had stubbornly went after the thugs who'd kidnapped her, by himself. Even with his already compromised lungs, Tony had risked his life to save both of them. Yeah, he was definitely the risk taker of the team.

That was the reason why it just seemed so damn senseless to die from something as stupid as not waiting for backup. It was something a cocky rookie would do; something a 'green' agent would do in a bid to impress their boss. It wasn't the actions of a seasoned investigator; much less two of them. Tony knew better; hell they both did!

Yeah, the truth was, God really did hate him. How else could he rationalize Tony being taken from them this way? How else could he cope with the knowledge that Tony really was dead? His faith in the fact, that no matter what God would prevail, God would help, God was merciful, seemed to leak away in that realization.

_God hated him._

* * *

Abby dragged herself out of her spot in Ziva's bed, Ziva had insisted on sleeping on the couch but Abby couldn't even think of going home because the last thing she wanted was to be alone. The thought of going home and looking at her coffin was too much seeing as the memories of Tony's casket were still too fresh in her mind and the intense emotions that the sight would stir would be too much for her to handle. The fact was, as soon as she did go home, she intended to hide it under several blankets so she wouldn't have to even think about it, much less see it.

She didn't seem to know what she was doing from one minute to the next, her mind was numb and her body moved on autopilot. Spending hours last night reminiscing about Tony, with Ziva, didn't seem to be magic answer it had seemed like at the time. The only thing Abby was only able to think of was her big brother, gone from her forever. At this, her knees buckled, and she fell back onto the bed in a heap with Tony and Tim's names playing on repeat in her head. She sobbed her heart out and felt as though her sorrow was endless, the very sorrow that was wrapped up with thoughts of both of her surrogate brothers.

Ziva struggled to force herself to get up off her couch when she woke up, today was a new day and it was with a deep sadness, that she remembered her promise last night. She had every intention of keeping that promise, though the task ahead daunted her more than she would ever readily admit. After all, the one thing that Ziva was, was reliable. Everyone on the team had fallen under that category. Until this happened.

Sighing heavily, Ziva forced her mind to stop focusing on the job she would do with little emotion, and went toward her bedroom to wake Abby because if Ziva was going to do this, then she needed Abby there, she needed the Goth to ground her. It didn't hurt that Abby had dated McGee and was, in all likelihood, already acquainted with his parents.

As she knocked on the door, Ziva couldn't help but hear her friend's sobbing coming from the other side of the door, she quickly entered and immediately went to Abby to try to provide some semblance of comfort. She sat down next to her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Abby. You must calm yourself. You will make yourself sick by going on in this way." Ziva chided her gently.

"I…can't….help…it." Abby managed to get out in between her tears, even as her sobs eased enough for her to say that one simple sentence.

"It is good for you to get it out, yes. But, do not make yourself sick about it. Abby, breathe." Ziva directed firmly whilst reaching over to grab the box of tissues on the bedside table.

Abby sat up and accepted the tissues from her friend. As she wiped the tears from her face, she took the opportunity to look Ziva over to see how she was doing. She didn't like what she saw and Ziva was trying to be here for her, so she would return the favor. Maybe if they found that middle ground for both of them then they could get through this together.

After several minutes of silence, filled only with the sounds of Abby blowing her nose and clearing her throat, Ziva forged ahead, unsure of how Abby would take what she needed to say.

"Jimmy called last night."

"Oh? Is everything okay? Is something wrong with Ducky? With Tim?" Abby was worried; she couldn't help it because it was in her nature to worry about the people who mattered to her.

"Abby. Please, calm yourself. He simply called to ask if we would help Mr. and Mrs. McGee pack up McGee's apartment. Apparently, he is moving out of it immediately. Jimmy said Ducky is taking care of McGee and is exhausted so he is in need of our assistance."

"Oh, no! Ziva, why would Tim give up his apartment? That can't be good!" Abby worried.

"He is injured and cannot care for his own injuries yet. Since he resigned, he has no job and given the circumstances of his resignation, he will most likely not be able to find another job anytime soon, he certainly will not be able to work until his injuries heal. It is understandable for him not to be able to afford his apartment." Ziva reasoned in an abrupt firm tone.

"You can't stay angry at him, Ziva. You heard Tony and I told you what Ducky said. Tim's a wreck and this has shattered him. We all know how much he always worried about hurting other people, he's always hated it when he thought he'd hurt someone's feelings. I can't even begin to imagine how he's feeling right now!" Abby defended her friend.

"Abby. I do not think I am ready to have this conversation right now. I would prefer that you come with me to do what is necessary. You have met the McGee's when you dated McGee, yes?" Ziva answered.

"No. But, I know for a fact that they know what happened when Tim and I broke things off, I know they probably hate me for hurting him." Abby replied sadly.

"Well, if they want our help, they are just going to have to deal with it." Ziva bit out.

"Ziva! None of this is their fault. Don't start attributing blame because it doesn't help at all." Abby told her defensively.

"I know this, Abby. I also know that I am only doing this to as a favor to Ducky and Jimmy. According to Jimmy, Ducky has his hands full taking care of the patient."

"I get it, Ziva. But, please, don't take this out on the McGee's!" Abby begged.

"I will not take it out on them. I promise." Ziva answered.

"Thank you." Abby answered gratefully.

*******************

The girls arrived at Tim's apartment an hour later just as Jimmy was just arriving with Tim's parents. As Jimmy made the introductions, everyone's mood immediately shifted from surprisingly friendly to warily angry. Seeing a major blow-up on the horizon, Jimmy quickly tried to ease the tension by turning Tim's stereo on and finding a station that they could all work to. He knew that for Tim's sake, Abby would silently tolerate it to keep the peace. With only the music playing on a normal noise level, the apartment was otherwise nerve-wrackingly quiet.

While his parents tackled Tim's bedroom and bathroom, Ziva and Abby tackled the kitchen and Jimmy got started on the massive book and record collection that adorned the shelves in the living room. Abby had wandered out and stood in the doorway watching Jimmy as the young man deliberated about the best way to tackle Tim's vast collection of literature and Jazz. If it was a more generic selections of music and books, then the whole lot would be boxed quickly, they all knew, however, that his collection was in parts rare and all in all, very important to Tim. Abby shook her head and stepped over to her friend.

"Jimmy, unless you're gonna write the whole list of every book and what crate you put them in, I suggest you just start at the beginning and work your way down." Abby said with a small smile of encouragement. Jimmy looked up and saw Abby watching him carefully; he smiled at her and pulled out the first book.

"Thanks, Abby." The look of relief and gratitude brought the first, genuine small smile from Abby since finding out about Tony. It was short lived when the door to the apartment opened.

"Hey! What are you all doing in Tim's apartment?" Sarah's angry voice carried to them from the apartment door where she stood in shock. She hadn't expected Tim's former co-workers to be here when she had headed over to help her parents. Sarah knew she shouldn't be angry with them and was taking her anger out on the people that Tim cared about, but she just couldn't help it. Since Tony's death, these people had literally turned their backs completely on her brother and right now, the rage she felt for them on Tim's behalf was all consuming. He loved these people like they were part of their family and they'd thrown him away.

"Hi, Sarah." Abby said quietly as she walked over to the younger girl. "We came to help."

"Why would you do that? You can't even show Tim an ounce of decency while he's falling apart but you can come help clean out his apartment? We don't need your help!"

"We just buried Tony, yesterday, Sarah! We haven't even had time to breathe, much less..."

Sarah shook her head and stormed over to Abbey, to the untrained eye, the Goth seemed to hold her ground, but her friends knew differently and Jimmy could just about make out the small tremors in her hands. Sarah was now standing in front of Abby with her finger pointed in her chest.

"A phone call! One measly little phone call! Would it have killed you to do that for him? You're supposed to be his friend."

"Sarah Elizabeth McGee! That is enough!" Mr. McGee's voice boomed through the apartment as he stood in the hallway and watched his daughter go off on his son's former coworkers.

"Dad, you know I'm right! It's not right!"

"Sara, come in here and talk to you mother. NOW!" Mr. McGee ordered.

"Yes, Sir." Sarah mumbled as she stomped past the other three and disappeared into Tim's bedroom.

"Abby, I think we should go." Ziva said as she set the glass in her hand down on the counter and headed toward the door. She knew this was a bad idea. They'd only been here an hour and already war had been declared. The sad part was the team who had lost a member hadn't even fired a shot.

"I am sorry about Sarah's outburst." Mr. McGee offered sadly. "She's angry and scared. She's never seen Tim like this. We haven't either. "

"Yes, but you do get to see him again, yes?" Ziva bit out as she stormed out in a quiet burst of speed driven by an anger so hot, she thought it would burn her alive.

"ZIVA!" Abby hollered with tears flowing down her face.

"Abby, calm down, Please." Jimmy asked her with worry.

"Jimmy, I can't just let her go like that!" Abby said sadly.

"I'll go find her. " The young man offered.

"No, I think she's right. I think we need to just go. Mr. McGee, I'm sorry. Obviously Sarah and Ziva are both too upset to be in the same room together. We're just gonna go, so you can finish this in peace."

"I thought you loved Tim!" Sarah accused loudly from behind Abby.

Abby turned around in surprise and saw Sarah standing in the doorway to Tim's bedroom with tears streaming down her face.

"I did. I do. We just wanted different things, Sarah." Abby tried to explain.

"I'm not talking about when you dumped him and broke his heart! I'm talking about as a friend who was at one time more than that to you!"

"He's my best friend, Sarah." Abby defended herself.

"Really? You sure have a funny way of showing'' it! How many times have you been to see him or even called to ask how he's doin?" Sarah pushed angrily.

"Sarah, I…" Abby stammered in tears.

"You need to leave. Now." Sarah bit out harshly.

"I know. We're leaving. Sarah, I'm sorry. We just came to help." Abby offered as she started walking towards the door, she paused when Sarah carried on with the pained diatribe.

"You wanna help? You wanna help my brother, try letting him know he's still worth something, cause right now, he doesn't think he's worth a damn to anybody; even himself! But, you know what? I bet you and Ziva, crap; even Gibbs doesn't even give a damn how he's doin! All any of you gave a damn about…all you wanted from my brother, was when he could do what you wanted him to do on your stupid cases and computers!" Sarah burst into tears and turned around, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

Soft murmurings filtered through the door and down the hall, as Mrs. McGee tried to work on calming her daughter's pain. Mr. McGee was obviously uncomfortable and busied himself fixing a pot of coffee for his wife. With Sarah's outburst baring the family's sense of abandonment, that very feeling that, up until now, was all they had witnessed by their son's former team, he had no idea what to say. He wouldn't apologize for what Sarah had said, this time his youngest child was right. She'd only spoken what her parents were too polite to say because they felt the same way she did. They'd been willing to set that aside, for Tim's sake and his former teammates had wanted to help, on his behalf; who were they to refuse?

Sarah had taken that decision away from them. But, her actions had come directly from the depths of her heart, the heart that was, at the moment, so full of pain and anger on her brother's behalf, that she obviously couldn't think straight, much less guard what came out of her mouth. The damage was done and there was no fixing it, at least, not until things calmed down for all involved. After all, there had been truth to Sarah's words. Maybe, it had needed to be said; it most definitely needed to be heard.

Seeing movement by the apartment door, Mr. McGee looked up to see Ziva standing there, with a closed off look on her face. Recalling Tim's description of Ziva's ingrained sense of keeping her feelings locked up tight; he could only imagine what she might really be thinking. Tim had only even brought it up when he'd been upset that he'd hurt her feelings about something and wanted advice about how to deal with it when he couldn't read her emotions, his poor Tim, his boy, was a sensitive soul which fed the sense of guilt he had felt over hurting this stoic woman's feelings. He'd told them, barely, with no detail, of how she'd stayed behind last summer, and how the team had had to go in and get her back. There had been no details, no names given, no mention of injuries or how it was done. It was simply, "she was a prisoner and we got her out."

That had been the end of the background information he'd shared before asking how to handle being certain not to hurt her feelings unknowingly. Looking at her now, it was hard to imagine that this woman even considered his son a friend, or even felt a glimmer of appreciation for anything his son had done for her.

Jimmy was shuffling his feet nervously at the exchange and watched Abby gently hedge further and further towards the door. He moved into the kitchen and cleared his throat.

"Uh, I er...I think we just all need some time, it's been a rough couple of weeks and……."

"I know Jimmy, trust me I do and I sympathize, but you have to understand that my boy survived this terrible situation and he needs us. Surely you can see that that is my main priority now."

Jimmy nodded sadly and glanced towards the living room.

"I understand, and will be there for Tim as a friend, but you also have to understand that we are grieving and that will take some time."

Tim's father paused what he was doing briefly to think over what Jimmy had said.

"It hurt's doesn't it?"

"Sir?"

"Losing someone, knowing that there was nothing you could do, it hurts?"

Jimmy nodded sadly. "Yes sir, it does."

"Then you'll understand when I say, that I can't lose my son and Tim is currently hell bent on curling up to die. He's not living Jimmy, he's existing. I want my boy back."

"Sir. I'll do what I can for Tim because I can't lose another friend either. Look, I'm going to go and make sure the girls get home alright. Can I…..can I come and sit with Tim tonight?"

Tim's father put down the coffee pot and patted Jimmy firmly on the back.

"Of course you can son; I'll let him know you are coming over."

Jimmy said his goodbyes and walked over to Abby, they headed out, propelling a silent Ziva with them as they went. It had been a genuine attempt; but one that had definitely gone horribly wrong. This is one thing that would have been better for them not to have even attempted, but all good intentions had left them feeling obliged to help. As a quiet Ziva and a still weeping Abby headed back to Ziva's place, Jimmy departed for Ducky's.

He'd have to break the news to Ducky and he was not looking forward to it at all. He could only hope that Ducky wouldn't get too horribly upset about the events that had transpired. His guilt started to consume him and the Autopsy Gremlin couldn't help but feel like he'd failed them; all of them, but most especially, Ducky, Tim and Tony.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: You may need that box of tissues again.  
__We thank you all for your patience and your continued reading and reviewing.  
__Shelbylou - you're the best. Couldn't have gotten this chapter done without you._

* * *

Jimmy stood on Ducky's front porch and hesitantly knocked, he wasn't sure what he was going to tell the good doctor but knew that he sure as hell had to let him know what had gone on before the whole thing was explained by Tim's parents. He waited patiently and heard the clip of shoes on the hardwood floors. The door opened to reveal a very tired looking Ducky.

"Ahh, Mr. Palmer. How are you young man? Where are Timothy's parents?" Ducky's face was kindly and supportive which made the concern obvious to Jimmy.

"I'm alright Doctor Mallard. How's Tim?"

"Much the same I'm afraid, the poor boy just can't seem to function. Please, do come in."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I'd like to speak to him at one point if that's okay?"

"I'm sure Timothy would appreciate that Mr. Palmer, but for now young man, how about we have a little talk in the living room, I'd be interested to find out why you thought it prudent to catch a cab." Ducky looked at Jimmy with what can only be described, as a knowing eye.

"Er, oh. Dr. Mallard, there was an incident at Tim's apartment so we left Mr. and Mrs. McGee to it."

"Ah, I see. I'll go and make some tea, why don't you go and sit down in the living room."

Jimmy went to the living room and sat down on one of the large, comfortable armchairs. He was trying to figure out what to say when Ducky walked in carrying a tray laden with the tea and some sandwiches.

"I doubt you've eaten today, so I took the liberty. Here you go, now what happened?"

************

"and so Sarah starting shouting at Abby and told her that basically all everyone that we only care about him when we want him do to something on one of the cases."

Jimmy had recounted the whole saga to Ducky who had listened graciously and only offered questions that he had. The M.E. was aghast at the whole debaucle and wondered how the ladies were really doing.

"How were Abigail and Ziva afterwards?"

Jimmy picked morosely at his sandwich, he hadn't really been hungry but had managed to eat two bites out of it to keep Ducky happy.

"Abby was…well she was Abby. She cried a lot in the car but when we pulled up to Ziva's apartment she seemed to pull herself together slightly. Ziva clammed up tight but was obviously wound tightly. I didn't like to leave them but didn't know what else to do."

"It's ok my dear boy, there wa……."

_**"Nothing either of them could do? Like hell, Ducky! They could have fought for Tim, they could have come here! They could act like they give a damn about him!"**_

Jimmy jumped so hard that the plate holding his food dropped to the floor and broke in half. Ducky shook his head sadly before looking towards the familiar sounding voice.

"Ahh, Anthony. I was wondering when you'd visit." Ducky returned calmly and even with a hint of a relieved smile.

Tony sauntered into the room and stood in front of the large fire place.

_"Yeah, thought I should seeing as everyone else is keepin' their distance. He doesn't need this, Ducky. Doesn't deserve it, either."_

"I know he doesn't Anthony, but what do you propose we do?" Tony looked towards Jimmy and grinned broadly. Jimmy jaw was slack and locked into a little 'o' of surprise.

_"Catchin' flies Jimmy. And how is my favorite little Autopsy Gremlin doing on this fine day?"_

"I'm ….I…. ?"

"You are not imagining things Mr. Palmer." The M.E. soothed.

"Why aren't you surprised?" Jimmy asked in shock.

"Mother often comes to visit me, I was hoping for the same by Anthony."

_"Oh yeah, Ducky I saw your Mom before. She said she's going to go sit with her bridge pals for a while."_

Ducky chuckled slightly and turned his attention back to the heavy subject matter at hand. "Anthony, I take it you know what is going on?"

*****************

Tim's father drove his family back from Tim's apartment feeling at a complete loss. He had already made sure Sarah was back safe at her dorm and sat next to his wife in complete silence……._At least I can make sure one child is safe. _

Sarah's words had cut deeply into his heart and the fact that his youngest daughter had pinpointed exactly how his son was feeling drove the stake of Tim's abandonment, further into his heart. Whilst driving home, his mind had fluttered subconsciously to one of Shakespeare's sonnets, the one that touched on death in a way that he likened to Tim at the moment.

**_No longer mourn for me when I am dead_****_  
Then you shall hear the surly sullen bell_**

_Tim won't die!! I won't mourn for my son whilst his heart is still beating!_ His thoughts started to dispute the lines of the sonnet and the more he thought about it, the more his resolve toughened. _That damn bell won't toll! If I have anything to do with it. My_ _son will not do this to himself._

**_Give warning to this world that I am fled  
_****_From this vile world, the vilest worms to dwell_**

Tim was barely existing; not living. His heart was beating in an empty shell that was devoid of anything, that bright spark that had once dwelled inside his son was gone. In a way his father felt as though Tim had fled the world but had left something behind. Was the world really so vile that Tim couldn't physically function. Were the worms of hatred so strong that Tim would no longer function as a person? **NO!** Tim's father would be damned if that was ever going to happen!

His hands gripped onto the steering wheel and his knuckles whitened with every passing second. _NO! I will not let my son, my firstborn do this to himself. Something needs to be done!_

The journey was silent and the fierce resolve that Tim's dad developed in the car escalated when they reached the house. He sat in the car for a moment and starting piecing together his strategy. His first port of call……Tim!

**************

_"Yeah, Ducky. I do. This is all bullshit, he's given up and there's nothing I can do. I've tried talkin' to him. He's too damn stubborn."_

"Hmm, it does appear that way."

_"Appear? Ducky he HAS given up, not appeared to and the jackasses on my team have completely turned their backs on him. And don't even get me started on the bossman!"_

"Jethro, why would Je…"

The front door swung back with enough power that it smashed against the wall. All three sets of eyes swung round to see Tim's dad barreling up the stairs. A harassed looking Mrs. McGee followed in and checked the wall for damage.

"Oh no, Ducky, I'm so sorry. He was getting more wound up in the car and kept mumbling under his breath. I'm sorry."

Ducky walked over to Tim's mother and gave her a quick hug before guiding her to the living room. She looked over and saw Jimmy sitting there hugging a mug of tea.

"Jimmy, I'm glad you're here, I'm sorry about Sarah. She doesn't know when to stop and tends to let her mouth run wild. Thank you for today, you're help was well appreciated."

Jimmy offered the cup of tea to Mrs. McGee with a sad smile.

"You're welcome and don't worry about Sarah. She was angry and had to let it out sometime. No harm was done."

Tony slinked off into the background and waited for the scene in front of him to play out. What had he missed? What had happened? He'd soon find out as soon as Tim's mom left the room.

**_"I don't give a damn what you want Timothy! It is breaking our hearts watching you. You have given up every bit of fight you have in you and we are at a complete loss as to how we help. I do not appreciate you giving up on yourself like this Do you have any idea what you're doing to your mother? Your sister? What do you want Tim, what can we do?"_**

**_"Talk to me Tim, damn it! This is hard for everyone; hurting all of us and we are doing the practical things that would help, clearing out your damn apartment is one thing, but what about helping you."_**

They were all disturbed by Tim's father's loud voice trying to get his son to respond. They stood stock still and listened intently to the conversation which ended with a pleading that shook every member in the room. Mrs. McGee started to move upstairs towards her family and left Ducky, Tony and Jimmy standing in the living room in utter shock and sadness.

**_"Oh no you don't Tim, Don't you dare phase out again! You will listen to me!"_**

_"**DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN**! **There is only one person who ever did that and you're not him, Dad!. You don't get to do that! Your'e not Gi………."**_

_"Listen guys, I've gotta go." Tony said urgently. "Can you both do me a favor and make sure Probie wan Kenobi pulls himself out of this, he's not thinkin' straight and the fact that no one outside his family but you two has bothered with him is making him feel crappier than ever. In fact, I'm betting that it's what's keeping him from even trying to do fight back."_

Ducky and Jimmy told Tony they would make sure Tim was well looked after, the gentle assurances that were currently hollow given the conversations that needed to be had.

_"Good. Oh hey Ducky, you need to speak to the bossman, try to make him see sense will ya? Because he's bordering on the self destruct mode and he doesn't even realize' he's taking Tim right along with him. He doesn't deserve it all, you know. Tim's done nothing wrong!"_

With a nod of his head, Tony was gone.

* * *

**_Across town…………_**

Gibbs realized he hadn't seen the girls since the funeral and started to worry about how both of them were doing. He knew Abby would be shattered and that her emotion would outwardly show. In some ways, Abby's way of dealing with grief was the best, because she actually grieved, she got the pain out and worked through the situation which allowed her to carry on through the long, lonely days. Abby, his special little girl, was the only person he knew who wore her heart on her sleeve with complete earnestness. Her honesty, her caring nature, they were the constants that he could rely on in hard times.

Ziva on the other hand, allowed herself to appear as a cold fish most of the time. While she had uncharacteristically allowed her sadness to show at Tony's funeral, Gibbs knew that her emotions would once again be locked up in that tight chest that resided in her heart and made her seem emotionless and hard to read. She was the opposite of Abby and her pent up grief did nothing but sit like a landmine in the field of the grieving, waiting for someone to step on her so she could blow. It wasn't healthy for anyone who happened to be in the explosions path. Being the champion of holding things in,

Gibbs understood perfectly, what it was like, as well as the dangers of handling pain this way. He understood the need to shut down, push those emotions back until they become too much, until that final release threatens to tear at the very fabric of your being and that of the people around you. He knew that it was going to be tough because he had no idea how to help. How could he help someone when he can't even help himself? He was going through the motions and didn't want to be in the path of Ziva's eruption when it happened. He had to be though, he had to be there for the girls.

************

Abby was sitting on Ziva's bed in quiet contemplation. They had arrived at Ziva's apartment a little over an hour ago and had said goodbye to Jimmy before taking their own alone time. She felt horrible that things had gone so badly with Tim's parents and knew they had to be going through their own hell and really could have used the extra help. That thought prickled at her conscience and expedited the guilt she felt over the whole situation, the showdown at Tim's apartment shouldn't have happened, it was something that added to everyone's stress. Despite this, she knew that Sarah needed an outlet for her anger and was prepared to be that person; that punching bag, that Tim's sister so desperately needed.

Ziva had been silent on the journey home and gone directly over to sit on the couch with her mask firmly back in place. She sat silently stared with glazed eyes, at the photographs on the wall. The only movement she made, was to accept the proffered bottle of water with a nod of her head and Abby knew that, at that moment in time, there was nothing she could do for her friend. She leaned over the back of the couch and gave Ziva a small hug before moving towards the bedroom.

And so, 30 minutes later, here she sat; clutching her phone in her trembling hand. Sarah's words crashed through her mind like a tidal wave and left her feeling completely doubtful and at a complete loss as to what to do.

_"A phone call! One measly little phone call! Would it have killed you to do that for him? You're supposed to be his friend."_

Abby stared down at the large screen, In a moment of sheer courage, she opened the phone and scrolled through her phonebook to highlight Tim's number. And so it was, some 25 minutes later, she was still sitting there holding her phone, still staring at it as if the answer to her quandary was going to jump right out of that little LCD screen and slap her square in the face.

_"You can't even show Tim an ounce of decency whilst he's falling apart…….."_

Timmy! Her beloved little Timmy was falling apart and she'd allowed herself to forget who he was on the inside; the sensitive, people pleasing person he was; allowed herself to forget how devastated he'd be at having caused this much pain to anyone; much less people he loved like family. She hadn't given Tim's pain a second thought and had chosen to concentrate on her own agony; hers and Ziva's.

Abby had chosen to support Ziva in hers instead and turned her back on the one person who had loved her unconditionally, no matter how she'd treated him; the one person who'd do anything for her, anytime she asked; the person who needed her the most right now. She was a bad person; she had become something she vowed never to become, someone, she herself, looked upon with disgust and loathing. There was only one solution, there was only way to fix it so sucking in a deep breath, Abby pressed the green connect button on the phone and waited for it to stop ringing to signal either Tim actually answering the phone or his voicemail. Either way, she would let him know she cared.

"Abby?"

Ziva's voice cut through her newfound confidence in the solution to her doubt, and she lost her nerve, every bit of newfound gusto sapped away leaving her feeling weary. Snapping the phone shut when she started at Ziva's voice, she silently cursed herself and forced her gaze to look at her stony friend.

"Yeah Zee, what's up?"

"I am angry and upset at what has happened today. We offer to help and Sarah just threw it back at our bodies." Abby sighed heavily but knew that Ziva needed this, needed to be able to release her pent up feelings in order to be able to move forward.

"_In our faces,_ Ziva, Sarah threw it back in our faces."

"So you agree?"

"Agree with what?"

"Sarah was unreasonable, yes? She has no idea about the pain we are feeling right now. Her brother is still alive whilst Tony is not! How dare she try to take that pain away from us!"

Abby was patiently waiting for the opportunity to jump in. "Oh Zee. I don't think she's trying to do that. She's angry and upset because we haven't been to see Timmy."

"Why would I want to see him? It is because of him that Tony has been taken from us! He made a bad decision. He broke rule number….?"

"**Gibbs rules? You can't think like that. You can't let those damn rules consume you!"**

"They make sense Abby, they give us structure. Tim broke a few rules with that decision. Had he followed them, then Tony would still be alive."

"Ziva…."

"And Sarah. She is only…"

* * *

Whilst lost in his thoughts, Gibbs had subconsciously let his feet guide him to the front door of the Ziva's apartment. He had to know how they were doing, he hadn't been able to keep Tony safe, he refused to help Tim but was going to help his girls through this, even if it killed him in the process.

He stopped in front of the door and sighed heavily at the raised voices he heard in the apartment, _Damn it to hell, she's blown……….._

***************

**"Damn it Ziva! She's looking out for her own, she's doing something we should all be doing. We are all breaking Gibbs rule of conduct right now. Rule number 15, Always work as a team!"**

**"We are not in the field! It does not apply**!"

**"It _always_ applies, regardless of where you are. Tim is one of us…"**

"Then would not Rule 42 be better for the purpose – Your team is your family?"

Abby huffed out a sarcastic laugh at her friends shouted question. "**And once again……Broken! And let's not forget the Marine Code? "We don't leave our people behind" We all know those Marine Rules are incorporated into Gibbs' Rules! We sure as hell've broken that one, haven't we? Hell, even Gibbs has broken that one! He's acting like he wishes Tim was dead!!"**

Ziva was becoming more and more angry as the conversation went on, it would have been funny if the subject matter wasn't so damn serious. Ziva's mind went back to Tim.

**"He made a bad judgement call, Abby. It cost Tony his life and you want me to forgive and forget? I am sorry, but I cannot do that right now."**

Abby's response died on her lips at the sharp rap on the front door, so loud it was heard over their voices raised to each other in anger. Ziva continued to glare at Abby for a few seconds before moving out to answer the door. With her anger so fresh, she didn't bother to look out of the peephole as she usually did and was shocked to see who was standing on the other side of the door.

*********

Gibbs knocked and waited patiently for the door to open, the shouted conversation about the rules had cut him like a knife and at that moment, he wasn't sure what he was going to say. If Ziva had been alone, then he would have walked away and left his Agent to get her anger out. But no, Abby was there in all her innocent glory and she didn't deserve to be standing in the wake of hurricane David when the crap really hit the fan. He raised his hand to knock again when the door finally opened. He was surprised to see the depth of the angry glint in Ziva's eyes and couldn't help the disturbing thought that ran through his head….._Aw crap, that land mine has already been stepped on!_

* * *

_"_Gibbs?"

"Ziva. Came to see how you're doing."

"We are fine Gibbs, there is nothing to worry about." She stepped back to let Gibbs to enter her small apartment and forced her mask back in place. She pushed her anger to the side and watched as Abby walked out of the bedroom and straight into her boss' arms. The sight of her Silver Haired Fox seemed to completely wipe away her anquish that she'd been feeling over the war of words she'd heard between him and Ducky, the very words that had left her feeling insecure, unsafe and scared. At this moment, she was genuinely glad to see him and needed the comfort of the warm embrace he offered. She hoped deep down that he'd be receptive to what she was trying to explain to Ziva, as well as help her feel better. She also hoped, she could get him to see how hurtful he was being towards Tim.

*****************

Tim was lying on his side staring out of the window. The night was starting to descend and left a beautiful sunset in its wake, _goodbye to anther empty day._ The colors of the sky did nothing to his numb heart, it didn't lift him, it was nothing more than something to look at, something to act as a focal point while he dwelled on his guilt and pain. He was startled and jumped slightly when his father stormed in the room and stood at the end of the bed.

"Tim, look at me, Son!" Tim shifted slightly and hissed loudly at the pull of his stitches. His father moved quickly round the bedstead to help him sit up.

"Ok?"

Tim nodded sullenly; he was now sitting up in the bed with pillows piled up behind him.

"Good, because you're going to listen to what I have to say, do you hear me, boy?"

Tim balked at the use of 'boy', it was something his grandfather used to call him. It was a rare signal that his dad not only meant business, but was seriously pissed at him on top of it. He ran his hand over his eyes wearily and sighed.

"Dad I……."

**"I don't give a damn what you want Timothy! It is breaking our hearts watching you. You have given up every bit of fight you have in you and we are at a complete loss as to how we help. I do not appreciate you giving up on yourself like this Do you have any idea what you're doing to your mother? Your sister? What do you want Tim, what can we do?"**

"Nothing. You can't do anything, Dad."

**"That's crap and you know it Timothy. We need to do something, you have no idea what you're mother is going through right now!"**

Tim's father's raised voice did nothing but compound his son's guilt. Not only had Tim gotten his best friend, his brother, killed, ruined the lives of his whole team, and earned the hatred of one of the men who'd meant the most to him in the world. Now he was destroying his family as well. Could he do nothing right?

**"Talk to me Tim, damn it! This is hard for everyone; hurting all of us and we are doing the practical things that would help, clearing out your damn apartment is one thing, but what about helping _you."_**

Tim let his gaze swoop towards the window again and let a lone tear trail down his face. _Damn it to hell; his father had no idea how much he didn't need this right now!_

**"Oh no you don't Tim, Don't you dare phase out again! You will listen to me!"** His words vibrated with anger, but fell on deaf ears and with a heavy heart, he made a decision that he would come to immediately regret.

Reaching over to his son, he smacked him upside the back of his head in the manner he was well aware Tim's boss had used on the people who worked under him. A movement that, the second after doing it, he regretted. Tim's face crumpled completely before falling slack for a moment. His brow creased slightly as if in thought before the anger started to surface.

Tim's father looked on in shock, he'd registered the flitting emotions but what he wasn't expecting was that once handsome, pale, drawn face flush beet red with rage.

"**DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN**! **There is only one person who ever did that and you're not him, Dad!. You don't get to do that! Your'e not Gi………."**

The words died on his lips as he was wracked by sobs so hard, his father swore he could see the bed frame vibrating slighting with each convulsion. Mr. McGee knew that this had to be hurting his son, physically, as much as emotionally, but was helpless to stop his son's pain.

"Tim." His father attempted to soothe his son's misery with a quiet tone.

Nothing, no answer, no recognition……Nothing.

"Tim, look at me, Son!" Mr. McGee pleaded.

Tim had curled into himself, once again, and he had completely shut down to let his body take the lead, to let his body work completely separate from that brilliant young mind that was now so clouded and broken, he thought his son had completely reached the point of no return. And he, in his heavy-handed push to get him to snap out of his funk, had inadvertently sent him over that edge. Mr. McGee had never felt so helpless or so sad before, in his life. How on earth was he supposed to explain this to Tim's mother? Would Tim ever forgive him for this grievous error in judgement?

Tim's father tried fruitlessly to get his son to respond, to do something, anything. Just an acknowledgement would work right now. Anything but this meltdown, this complete catatonic state that Tim had settled into after his sobbing had finally faded to nothing but silent tears.

He rubbed his hand harshly over his face before reaching over to lay his hand on Tim's shoulder. He felt Tim flinch at the contact but held fast, he'd done his damage and he needed to atone for it, he needed to know his son didn't blame him for this recent torture he was putting himself through.

"Please, Tim. Please, Son, talk to me. I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry, Son."

His pleading still fell on deaf ears and Tim's blank expression held enough weight at the moment to completely shatter his already broken heart. He felt as if those shattered shards were beyond repair at the moment and wanted nothing more than to take back the past half hour, those soul destroying minutes that had done more harm than good.

"Honey, is everything ok?"

Tim's mom was standing in the doorway, she still wore her Jacket and the silk scarf that Tim had given to her last Christmas. She looked worried and her brow had knitted into a deep frown. Tim's dad looked up from his position on the bed and sighed.

"No, things aren't ok, Sweetheart. I've made things worse. I thought tough love might work and I've hurt Tim even more. I don't know what to do, he's completely shut down."

"Let me, he's going to be angry with you right now. Leave him with me for a while, Ducky's got tea on the go so go be with them for a while."

Her tone was cold, it had ceased being kindly when she realized what her husband had done, he had hurt her already fragile little boy, albeit unintentionally. Her only son had already been slipping away from her, that very fact, that little bit of knowledge felt like a physical blow. She watched her husband stand and move towards her before pausing briefly to apologise.

"I'm sorry, Honey, I thought it was the right thing to do."

She nodded and removed her jacket and scarf and handed them over to the broken man in front of her.

"Don't worry about it. I'm probably going to spend the night with Tim because I don't want him to be alone right now."

"Ok, Honey."

He kissed wife's cheek tenderly and left her alone to try to get through to their son.

****************

Tim's mother waited until her husband had left and exhaled loudly. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath, but wasn't really concentrating on anything but the fragile figure lying in the bed. She toed off her shoes and moved to the side of the bed.

"Hey sweetie, you ok?"

Her question filled with concern was met with heart wrenching silence. Her son had never before in his life, ignored her.

"No of course you're not but you will be baby. Things will get better, I can promise you that." She leaned forward and slipped her hand through Tim's now flat, dull sandy hair.

"Tsk, we need to get that hair washed baby. You'll feel better after a shower, I'll ask Ducky whether or not it's all right with your injuries."

She continued her ministrations and leaned over to slip her hand behind his shoulders.

"Lean forward Tim, you'll be more comfortable lying down."

Tim was robotic in his movements, something that wasn't missed by his mother. He did everything she asked him to do……Everything but talk to her. She waited for a minute until Tim was settled and pulled back the covers to join her son in the bed. She sat upright in the bed with her back leaning against the headboard, it wouldn't be comfortable to sleep in all night, but the position was one she had taken when Tim had nightmares as a child.

She waited patiently and was rewarded by her son shuffling briefly so he could lay his head in her lap. She reached down and started to card her fingers through his hair, the actions perfectly mirroring those of when Tim was a child. There was one thing missing though, one thing that his mother used to do. Smiling she started to softy sing one of her favorite songs, changing only one word in the lyrics. her beautiful soprano voice filled the room and gently lulled Tim to sleep.

_Young boy don't cry  
__I'll be right here when your world starts to fall  
__Young boy it's alright  
__Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly'_

She couldn't help but think how fitting the words were right now, and as Tim finally succumbed to the lull of pained sleep, her song started to wind down as the tears she had been holding started to fall, tears for her son and for the lone thought that started to run through her head.

_He's slipping away, my baby's slipping away from me._


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Tempers Flare, once again.  
Are Tissues needed for this chapter, you ask?  
You might wanna bring the box to this reading._

* * *

_**LAST TIME On "Fractured Rules:"**_

**"And once again……Broken! And let's not forget the Marine Code? "We don't leave our people behind" We all know those Marine Rules are incorporated into Gibbs' Rules! We sure as hell've broken that one, haven't we? Hell, even Gibbs has broken that one! He's acting like he wishes Tim was dead!!"**

Ziva was becoming more and more angry as the conversation went on, it would have been funny if the subject matter wasn't so damn serious. Ziva's mind went back to Tim. **"He made a bad judgement call, Abby. It cost Tony his life and you want me to forgive and forget? I am sorry, but I cannot do that right now."**

Abby's response died on her lips at the sharp rap on the front door, so loud it was heard over their voices raised to each other in anger. Ziva continued to glare at Abby for a few seconds before moving out to answer the door. With her anger so fresh, she didn't bother to look out of the peephole as she usually did and was shocked to see who was standing on the other side of the door.

*********

Gibbs knocked and waited patiently for the door to open, the shouted conversation about the rules had cut him like a knife and at that moment, he wasn't sure what he was going to say. If Ziva had been alone, then he would have walked away and left his Agent to get her anger out. But no, Abby was there in all her innocent glory and she didn't deserve to be standing in the wake of hurricane David when the crap really hit the fan. He raised his hand to knock again when the door finally opened. He was surprised to see the depth of the angry glint in Ziva's eyes and couldn't help the disturbing thought that ran through his head….._Aw crap, that land mine has already been stepped on!_

* * *

"Gibbs?"

"Ziva. Came to see how you're doing."

"We are fine Gibbs, there is nothing to worry about." She stepped back to let Gibbs to enter her small apartment and forced her mask back in place. She pushed her anger to the side and watched as Abby walked out of the bedroom and straight into her boss' arms. The sight of her Silver Haired Fox seemed to completely wipe away her anguish that she'd been feeling over the war of words she'd heard between him and Ducky, the very words that had left her feeling insecure, unsafe and scared. At this moment, she was genuinely glad to see him and needed the comfort of the warm embrace he offered. She hoped deep down that he'd be receptive to what she was trying to explain to Ziva, as well as help her feel better. She also hoped, she could get him to see how hurtful he was being towards Tim.

**And now…**

"You don't sound 'fine', Ziva." Gibbs' no-nonsense tone spoke volumes; it was the tone he had shown her when she first joined his team, to let it be known to the recipient that he knew better. Ziva's eyes widened slightly as they locked onto the blue eyes that seemed to be assessing her every movement.

"Really, Gibbs. I am fine." She answered and turned away from his scrutiny. She headed to the kitchen and started to busy herself with needless tasks. At that very moment, she found that she needed something to do to keep her occupied enough for her to rebottle her emotions and started preparing coffee for the three of them.

"Abby?" Gibbs asked softly. The lovable Goth continued to hold onto him like he was serving as her only anchor through the harsh storm and kept her arms wrapped tightly around him whilst she wept quietly into his shoulder.

"I'm okay." Abby said quietly in between her sniffles as she worked to calm down from the angry exchange of words she'd just had shared with Ziva, her friend and one of the few people that she hated arguing with.

"Abby, I'm not deaf. I heard you two arguing BEFORE I knocked on the door." The boss admitted ruefully, it was one thing to let grief consume you, but arguing the way his two surrogate daughters had just been doing, opened one way doors to places that would tear down relationships in a heartbeat.

"Oh. Well, then I guess there's nothing else I can say, Gibbs. You already know." Abby stated heatedly. She let go of him and walked over to the couch, flopping down dejectedly with slumped shoulders.

"Wanna talk about it?" Gibbs pushed. "Haven't seen you two since the graveside service. What's goin' on?"

"We got into it with Timmy's parents today." Abby said sadly, with fresh tears prickling at her eyes.

"What? Why? Did they come here?" Gibbs asked with a flash of anger. If the McGee's wanted to start trouble, he'd show them what for! "You wanna tell me what reasons they had?"

"NO! No, Gibbs, they're not like that!" Abby defended them with matching anger. She was starting to get more and more wound up at the prospect of arguing with the people who were supposed to stick together during this difficult time and wanted nothing more, than for the arguments to stop.

Abby's unexpected anger startled the man; causing him to stop and rethink the situation before he opened his mouth again. Ziva's continued absence from the conversation was unnerving and Gibbs had a feeling that those bottled up emotions that surfaced in his newest agent, had been suppressed until next time they felt the need to surface. Little did Ziva realize that the longer she did this, the more convinced he became that indeed, all was not well with her.

Gibbs ran his hand over his face tiredly and sighed. "Okay, Abby. Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me what's going on here? What happened?" Gibbs offered in the tone that made the statement a request which bordered on a direct order.

Abby sucked in a huge, heaving breath and looked over to Gibbs who was sitting there watching her intently, waiting for her to explain why it was that the two of them got into a fight with Tim's parents.

"Jimmy rang Zee and asked us to help Tim's parent move his stuff. You know me and Timmy dated back when he first started working at NCIS?" Her voice was hesitant seeing as she had no idea whether or not Gibbs would be comfortable discussing that.

"I know Abbs. What happened?" The repeated question was soft and comforting and seemed to urge Abby into continuing.

"Well, we were all packing up the apartment and everything was going fine until….." her breath hitched slightly as she fought to control her emotions "Until Sarah turned up and asked us what we were doing there."

Gibbs felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention at the mention of Tim's sister. He knew from past experience that she was a feisty character who tended not to hold back, choosing instead, to pull the punches with words that could wound deeper than any physical hit. He frowned at Abby's silence.

"Go on Abbs." He pushed gently, he watched carefully as she pulled herself out of her own thoughts to continue.

"She thinks we don't care, that we only want him for selfish reasons. We don't Gibbs. **I** don't, I love him and even though things didn't end well when we were dating, I still love him as a friend."

"Abbs…" Gibbs used his boss voice to rein in her babbling. He knew for a fact that once she started running away with herself, the only way to rein her in was to be firm.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just that it doesn't matter, anyway, where were we. Oh yeah, Sarah was harsh and nothing we could do or say was right. Ziva lost her…"

"I shouted at McGee's father. I told him that he still gets to see his son and left. Was I wrong?" Ziva chimed in defensively.

Gibbs frowned at the coldness in her voice and shook his head.

"No, Ziva, you weren't wrong." the whole conversation had knocked him for a loop. There were certain things that he'd meant to ask but they got sidelined with the talk about Sarah. Abby frowned but let it slide for now.

"After Ziva left, Sarah questioned my love for Tim and told me I had a funny way of showing him that he was my best friend." She paused for a brief moment. "…. And so, we ended up not helping very much at all; unless you count giving Sarah the chance to vent her anger at us." Abby ended her spiel in the same sad tone that she'd started it with and it tugged at Gibbs' heart to see and hear her so sad.

Gibbs sat silent, the whole conversation was buzzing around in his mind as if a swarm of hornets had nested there. He could feel every sting, every angry little pain that was bought forward from the girls' words tonight. One thought suddenly burst forward from the angry swarm.

"Why were you clearing McGee's apartment, he's not there?"

Ziva snorted loudly and slammed her mug down on the coffee table.

"No, he is not."

"Well, where is he Ziva?" his shouted tone struck a nerve with Ziva and he could see her shoulders tense menacingly as her hackles rose.

"He is staying with Ducky." She spat out and stormed out of the room leaving Gibbs sitting there with Abby.

"What do you mean he's staying with Ducky? Talk to me Abby…**NOW!**" Abby jumped at his loud voice.

"He's recovering from two gunshot wounds, and he's given up on living, Gibbs, what did you expect, that just because you and Ziva have given up on him; left him to die; that Ducky would, too?"

Gibbs stayed silent and looked down toward his feet. He hadn't noticed Ziva slipping back into the room and was surprised by her loud voice as it echoed through the room.

"He does not deserve help Abby! **He** is the reason **Tony is DEAD**!!"

"Everyone needs help sometimes, neither of you have a clue as to how he is doing or care about the fact that he has given up."

Gibbs had heard enough, he picked up his coat and moved towards the door and reached out to grab the door handle. He was stopped by Abby's sobbing voice behind him.

"**You act like you wish Tim had died, too! You and Ziva both do!"**

"**Abby! I did not say I wished McGee had died**!" Ziva protested angrily. Abby ignored Ziva's protest and kept her eyes fixated on her boss, the man that was once her rock, but now acted as If he didn't care. How could she ever look at him the same way again?

"Do you? Do you, Gibbs? Cause from what I hear, he's given up on life anyway, he wishes he was dead even more than either of you ever could!" Abby was on a roll, her pent up frustration, her anger and her fear poured out and pooled in front of her, the words cascading out into the room in a way that pulled at everyone's heart strings. **"Heartless! That's what you all are, heartless. How could you? Why………"**

Gibbs turned his head and looked at his lab rat for a pain-filled, silent minute before turning back to the door. He snatched it open and left angrily; letting the door snap shut loudly behind him.

**************

As he headed to his car, got in and started the engine, the words he now heard echoed around him and shocked him to the core of his very existence:

"_You don't leave your people behind, right Boss? Abby's right, you know. You've lived your whole adult live by that rule, until now, when one of your own needs you to uphold it the most."_

Gibbs shook his head, trying to get Tony's voice out of his mind.

"_It won't work, Boss. I'm not up there. I always ride shotgun, remember?"_

Gibbs' head snapped over to the passenger seat. As if he was almost on auto-pilot, he turned the key and switched the engine back off. His eyes remained transfixed on the figure sitting next to him; he was sitting there, clear as day, with a look of pure, unadulterated sadness on his handsome face.

"Tony!" Gibbs said with an air of tinged sadness he couldn't shake.

"_You're killing him. You know that, right?"_

"DiNozzo! " the frustrated bite was harsh but Tony didn't back down.

"_No, Boss! You can't shut me up anymore. I'm not leaving until you fix this!"_

"What is it I'm supposed to fix, Tony?" Gibbs asked quietly.

"_Why aren't you listening to anyone? Ducky's told you, Jenny's told you. I've told you and Abby's told you; PROBIE NEEDS YOU, GIBBS!"_

"No, Tony. He doesn't."

"_Ok. I'm tired of tryin' to beat my head against your stubbornness. You don't want him to need you because , well, then the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs would have to act like he cared about Tim McGee, who was never even close to your favorite!"_

"You think this is easy for me?" Gibbs snarled.

"_Hey, don't bite the messenger! I know it's not easy, Boss. But, you need to ask yourself the same question with regard to Probie."_

"Not ready to worry 'bout him right now, Tony." The steel in Gibbs' voice was unmistakable; it was cold, hard and downright cruel. He caught Tony's wince out of the corner of his eye.

"_Yeah? That why you're getting' ready to go stormin' over to Ducky's? Cause you're not ready?"_

"I'm going over there to see what the hell's goin' on!" the former boss said angrily.

"_Ok, now who exactly are you worried about again?"_

"Ziva. And Abby." The answer came on a sigh of frustration.

"_Oh, Okay. And going over to Ducky's fixes things with them, how exactly?"_

"Need to know what's going on with the team. The team includes Ducky." Gibbs explained in the tone he used when talking to a child. It was the same tone, that when used with an adult, suggested the fact that the other person should really understand.

"_And?"_

"And what, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked with complete resignation.

"_Ah, I see. Now you've decided to leave yet another man behind, treat him like he doesn't matter."_

"What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" the anger was palpable and Tony could hear the malice that was back in Gibbs' voice.

"_Palmer!"_

"Never said he didn't matter." The older man said on a sigh.

"_You never said he did either. You never did give him the time of day."_

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs snarled, but he was suddenly snarling into thin air.

"Damn it!" he bit out as he started the car back up and pulled away from the apartment complex a little faster than he should have done and slowed down when he heard the tires screeching in protest at his angry departure. He fisted his steering wheel and fixed his steely gaze on the road. One thought ran through his head:

_Damn it DiNozzo, why do you always do this to me?_

******************

Tim's father joined Ducky and Jimmy out in the living room and sat down heavily on the couch with his head in his hands. When he looked up, Ducky could easily read what was in the senior McGee's heart. They say the eyes are a window to the soul, well there were things that was evident in the man's eyes, hurt, pain, shame, disgust. These emotions shone brightly in the despondent man's green eyes and left that window wide open. It was obvious that Mr. McGee's body seemed to want nothing more than to shy away from the world, to hide away and wallow with the shame of what he had done. Ducky sighed quietly and poured a cup of tea for the distraught man. If anything, he had just got his first insight as to where Timothy got his inability to hide exactly what he was feeling most of the time.

"Mr. McGee, are you all right?" Ducky asked in concern as he handed the man a soothing cup of tea.

"No, Ducky. I'm afraid I've made things worse for my son." The saddened parent admitted.

"What happened? I must admit we heard your voices and it did not sound like you were able to have a pleasant talk with Timothy." Ducky replied.

"No, I pushed him too hard. I was angry at him for trying to give up and tried to bully him out of it. Needless to say, it was the wrong thing to do." Tim's father admitted with a small huff.

"Why did he yell back at you, if you don't mind me asking, Sir?" Jimmy asked out of concern for both of the McGee men.

Mr. McGee rubbed his hand across his forehead as if trying to erase his heartache at what he had done. His voice was soft and soothing, though Ducky and Jimmy could hear the pang of guilt that ran through it.

"I don't mind, Jimmy. Since you're both here for my son's sake, you'll need to know anyway. It seems that that small burst of intense anger was all it took to send him back into hiding for good. Oh God, I hope not!" Tim's father was obviously a mess of emotions; all of which seemed to be fighting to get out in one fell swoop.

"I did what I knew his boss has always done. Tim's always talked about how it was a sign that his boss gave a damn about him. Always talkin' about how Tony was getting' em all the time. It was how Tim knew Tony was Gibbs' favorite."

"Oh, no." Ducky said. He knew now, exactly what Mr. McGee had done to try to get through to Timothy and the M.E. wasn't surprised that it hadn't only backfired, but had angered young Timothy as little else had until now or likely would have.

"I'm afraid I don't follow. Dr. Mallard?" Jimmy turned to the M.E. as he'd obviously figured out what Mr. McGee had done to upset Tim so much.

"The head slap, Mr. Palmer." Ducky reminded his assistant.

"The head slap? Oh! Right! The head slap!" Jimmy's brain caught up with the conversation and he looked to Tim's father for confirmation that he was on the same page. The older man nodded with a sad silent agreement, his eyes wet with unshed tears at what he'd unknowingly done to further damage his son's spirit.

"I'm afraid, there was no way you could have known the effect that would have on Timothy. Jethro's refusal to speak to young Timothy is not something any of us ever expected. It is blatantly obvious that his boss' reaction to everything has pushed Timothy further into his destructive quest and has expedited his feelings that have pushed him to lose his will to live. After all, Jethro has been your son's mentor as well as his boss, for well on 5 years now. They were a team."

"Apparently, not a strong enough one." Tim's father said with anger. "If the team meant so much to each other, Gibbs would be trying to help my son through this!"

" **It's not my job to help your son through this! My job is to help my team through this!**" Gibbs unexpected and angry voice boomed through the room and could be heard from where he stood in the doorway to the living room. Ducky's front door was hanging silently open behind him.

"**Honestly, Jethro, must you come in unannounced like that?"** Ducky demanded angrily.

"**Like I told Jenny, I've kicked in too many doors to be polite."** Gibbs barked at the M.E.

"Yes, well I am not a fellow field agent as she was. She may have overlooked such behavior, but I shall not!" Ducky declared in rising outrage.

"Why don't you just tell me what I wanna know and I'll go, Dr. Mallard?" Gibbs demanded ferociously.

"Very well, Jethro. What is it that is so important that you feel the need to disregard our years of friendship and act this way?" the M.E. conceded. He glared at his friend from where he sat.

"I wanna know what happened with Abby and Ziva today. Why were they subjected to packing up the apartment of a former co-worker?"

"I asked them to help." Jimmy piped up timidly from the corner.

"**Why?"** Gibbs demanded as he turned angry eyes onto the M.E.'s assistant.

Jimmy had seen and heard enough, ordinarily, Gibbs evoked a shyness in Jimmy that made him look like a bumbling fool, but at this moment, he was so angry at Agent Gibbs his timidness melted away leaving a fierce anger in its wake. He didn't give a damn about the fallout from what he was about to do. Somebody had to do something about this madness!

"**Because Gibbs! Whether you like it or not, the entire team lost Tony! NOT just you! Just because Tony was your favorite agent, doesn't give you the right to treat Tim like he doesn't matter! He made a mistake! If Tony had made that mistake and Tim had been the one who died; you would NOT be acting this way! You'd be bending over backwards trying to convince him it was a mistake that was forgivable!!" **Jimmy yelled out, too pissed to care who heard his words.

Gibbs' was stunned into silence. Even though his questions hadn't been answered, he couldn't think of anything he had left to say. Turning on his heel, he took a step toward the door.

"**SPECIAL AGENT GIBBS!"** Mr. McGee's voice boomed out in the true manner of the Navy Commander he had been in active service time; an extremely pissed Navy Commander who's outranking of the former Marine still commanded the respect of his subordinates.

Turning back around, Gibbs looked at his former agent's father from across the room. Silently, with smoldering anger, he waited.

"**Why?"**

"**Why what?"**

"**Why do you insist on treating my son like he is no longer important to you? He gave you five years of his life! Dedicated, honest, hardworking, always tripping over himself to please YOU! And THIS is how you treat him in return? WHY**?

"**HE DISOBEYED A DIRECT ORDER AND GOT HIS TEAMMATE KILLED, COMMANDER!!" **Gibbs roared.

"**JETHRO!" **Duckyshouted with sheer abject horror.

"**GIBBS, HE IS A HUMAN BEING! HE WAS PART OF YOUR TEAM!" **Commander McGee bellowed across the room.

"**I NEVER SA…" **Gibbs yelled out defensively before he was interrupted**.**

"**STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!**" Tim screamed from behind his father; His mother, who'd left her son to come stop the awfulness she'd heard, had her arm wrapped around Tim's waist in an effort to stop him further injuring himself. The room seemed to completely still and every member of the argument had turned their shocked faces towards the ailing young man.

"TIM!" Mr. McGee turned to his son, automatically reaching for him even as his wife stood helpless and silent with tears streaming down her face.

"NO! DAD! He's right!" Tim yelled before he fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

As Gibbs watched the scene in front of him unfold, his anger left him; it just evaporated into thin air and left him stuck to the floor in shock at the condition Tim was in. The way that Tim refused to look at him or say his name sucked every last bit of air out of his lungs and all he could do was watch as Ducky, Jimmy and Mr. McGee gently picked Tim up and carried him back to his bed; leaving only Mrs. McGee behind.

Silently, the distraught woman looked at the man her son had damn near worshipped for the past five years; had trusted his life to; believed in; and now felt abandoned by. Too angry and heartbroken both for her family and for the man her son had become, she turned away with nothing to say to the man who was causing her son so much pain.

Then she remembered what Tim had told her of the pain this man had been through and stopped to face Gibbs once more. Tim had once told her that he hoped and prayed daily that none of the team ever died while Gibbs was Team Leader because Tim knew that the man wouldn't be able to come back from the pain and the grief; especially if it was one of the others on the team.

The tragic death of his wife and daughter, and then his fellow agents, and finally, the Director whom he had loved; had already been almost more than the team leader had been able to bear. That conversation came back to haunt her now and she finally understood a piece of what this man before her was going through. The trouble was, the man was so blinded by his anger over the senseless death of his agent; that he couldn't see the upcoming death of her son, emotionally and then, most heartbreakingly, physically. It was happening right in front of his eyes. Gibbs never would see the shards of her son's soul breaking off piece by piece. This man would never understand how empty Tim had become and until someone reached out to him; with compassion instead of anger, he never would.

Her little boy; who'd grown up and learned so much from this man; had a heart full of compassion and respect for the former Marine was being broken by him. It was at this moment, that she knew she needed to do _something_ to help these people to get through this painful nightmare and help them find the point where they could possibly see the light; something that would make her son proud.

As Gibbs continued to silently stare into the air between them, Mrs. McGee did what came naturally to her; she let her heart lead. Steadily and with intensity glowing from her sorrow-filled eyes; she walked up to Gibbs and hugged him.

"I know you're hurting. I am so sorry for your loss." She whispered in his ear as she clung to him for a minute of compassion that she hoped would seep through to his heart.

Stepping back from her son's former boss, she kissed his cheek; and turned and headed back out of the room to be with her son. As she reached the doorway that led back towards the bedroom, she turned back around and looked at Gibbs one last time, this time beseeching him with her tear filled eyes, to listen to her words as she spoke:

"I know you can't forgive him yet. But, I'm begging you, PLEASE, don't throw him away like this. He won't survive if you do."

***********


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: I'd keep those tissues close by; just in case._

_We'd like to take a moment to thank our faithful readers and reviewers for their continued support.  
This wouldn't be near as much fun to write without you guys._

_Thank you Shelbylou!_

* * *

As the door slammed shut behind an extremely pissed Gibbs; Abby walked back down the hall towards Ziva's bedroom. She paused before moving inside and softly closed the door behind her and threw herself down on the bed to let the anguish that she had stored, deep down, lead her. It was suddenly screaming to get out and before she knew it, she was sobbing into a pillow as she lay on Ziva's bed.

Ziva moved to the couch and sat listening to the gut wrenching sobs coming from her bedroom. She knew that Abby was currently pouring out her pain, pandering to that outlet that seemed to come so easy to the lovable Goth. For ten long, contemplative minutes, she sat lost in her own wishful thinking. Suddenly, she heard that voice, that incredible voice that she was more than willing to die for if only it would bring him back to her.

"_Why aren't you listening to what I'm telling you, Zee?" _The voice was soft but the tone seemed detached and disappointed somehow._  
_

"Oh, Tony!" Ziva let out on a sob of anguish and buried her head deeply into the couch pillow.

_"I told you it wasn't Probie's fault. Told you he needed you. ALL of you!"_

"But, Tony, he…" Ziva's voice was desperate as she jumped to her feet and started to pace agitatedly. Even she could hear the sheer desperation as she tried to explain.

"_Accepted you and welcomed you without reservation when you first arrived. Zee, he was the only person who did that at first and he doesn't deserve you turning your back on him like this. He wouldn't dream of treating you like this."_

"I know, this, Tony, but he also…"

_"Took a graceful backseat while you were partnered with me in the field? Over and over again Zee, year after year."_

"Yes, Tony, he did.. However, he..."

"_Always treated you like a friend? Respected you and your privacy?" _Tony kept firing the rhetorical questions her way knowing full well that their impact would be stronger than any statement, there was no way she could refute his point and he watched as Ziva started to get aggravated more and more with every passing second.

"Yes, Tony, but, he also…"

"_Grieved for you when we thought you were dead? You know he was all alone right? And all because the rest of us left him out in the cold while we all grieved for you together."_

"OKAY, Tony, but that does not excuse what he…"

"_**He**__ risked his life, just as much as Gibbs and I did. __**He**__ fought just as hard to get the guy who'd kept you prisoner and all the while managing to get a good ass kicking in the process, I might add, just so we could bring you home alive." _Tony's point was harsh and he could almost see the very chord of discomfort his statement caused. It was time for him to get tough with the people he loved in order to bring Probie back from the hell he was currently in.

Ziva sighed in frustration. Tony was deliberately refusing to let her get a word in edgewise and was avoiding exactly what he knew her point was.

"TONY!" Ziva yelled in frustration at Tony's blocking. He had so far managed to block every verbal move and every argument she'd had in her.

"_Ziva David. I never thought I would see the day when you, of all people, would turn their back on someone because they made a mistake." _

"That Is NOT fair _Tony_!"

"_No, Zee. What's not fair, is you joining ranks with Gibbs against McGee. You know what? Abby's right. You do act like you wish he'd died instead of me. I'm disappointed in you, Zee." _Tony's disappointment was emphasized with a small shake of his head.

"Tony! Why can you not understand? I have suffered enough pain and loss in my life and am not ready to lose you too; especially not because McGee disobeyed Gibbs' order and did something so stupid!" She was bordering hysterical and the argument she was now having with her dead friend, the man she loved. It was stretching her patience and emotions far beyond their capability.

"_I know you're hurting Ziva and I know this is hard for you. It's a tough situation to go through after everything else life has thrown at you, but you have to remember that you are not the only one going through this. Never thought I'd get away with saying this, but my death has affected a lot of people, Ziva_."

"I cannot worry about the other people, Tony."

Tony laughed sarcastically at her comment. Could she really be that self centered? This was an argument he was going to have with her, after all, there is no _I _in team.

"_Rule #42, Ziva." _He shrugged nonchalantly knowing the coolness of his body language would infuriate her to the point she would heed his words "_Rule #23, too."_

"I am not familiar with these Rules, Tony. Why must we always talk about the rules?" Ziva was waving her hands around with pure frustration. The rules, those damn rules, were ones that Gibbs expected them to live by, but working with the team had soon shown her that no one had actually managed to memorize them but Gibbs.

"_You know I love you, right, Zee?"_

Ziva's resolve loosened slightly and with that one comment and as the fist around her heart unclenched, she felt the loss overwhelm her again. She managed to choke out a reply despite the tears that threatened to fall.

"Yes, Tony. I know this. I love you, as well."

"_Then do me a favor and figure out what those Rules are; and go back to followin' them, even if no one else will. Do it for me Zee."_

Tony's statement signaled the end of the conversation and Ziva felt her heart constrict once more at the prospect of being left alone. She would beg if it meant Tony would stay with her for just a few more minutes, she would get on her knees and plead shamelessly for that one iota of extra time with her love.

"Tony, please don't go!"

Her words were ignored and Tony shimmered out of the room leaving Ziva to crumple into the couch and at long last, allow her tears to freely flow. She didn't even realize that Abby was standing in the doorway after having heard and seen most of their conversation. Her own tears flowed freely down her face; this time though, they were in sympathy for Ziva's pain.**

* * *

**_"I know you're hurting. I am so sorry for your loss."_

"_I know you can't forgive him yet. But, I'm begging you, PLEASE, don't throw him away like this. He won't survive if you do."_

The words weaved themselves into the thoughts already filling Gibbs' head. He stood there, stock still and too stunned to move or protest.

Mrs. McGee had wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly with a genuine compassion that threatened to crush the air right out of his lungs.

She had apologized for his loss.

She had told him she understood that he couldn't forgive her son, yet!

She had begged him not to give up on her son!

Over and over again, those words, and the words of his former agent vibrated through his mind. Tim had brought himself into the midst of the confrontation so he could end it. Why did the sight of Tim in his wounded and battered state hurt if he was so determined to not forgive him? Why did his words clutch at his heart so much? ……why?

"_**NO! DAD! He's right!"**_

Mrs. McGee's plea blazed its' way to his heart as he somehow managed to make it out of the house and he now found himself sitting behind the wheel of his car. After leaving Ducky's house, after Mrs. McGee left him standing there, with her plea to forgive her son, NO, to save her son, he found her words tearing his emotional walls to shreds.

He was too unfocused to drive so he just sat there, trying to pull everything together; trying to make sense of a situation that seemed to continue its descent through limbo. Things weren't getting better, they were getting worse.

The fact that Tim was slowly declining into the seventh level of his own personal hell had stung him. He could see that the guilt and grief was ripping his former agent apart piece by piece. That fact, the agonizing truth, that McGee was currently the centerpiece in the grieving pool of people, alive and dead, was slowly destroying the bonds of the once united team and until they would feel ready to face up to the situation, there was no way those bonds would ever be fully connected.

"_Wow! Guess it's a good thing Abby wasn't here to see that, huh?"_

Letting out a sigh of frustration, Gibbs looked over at the figure who was once again sitting in his passenger seat. He had to admit, DiNozzo had a good point, Abby _would have_ been beside herself if she'd been here and heard that confrontation. If she had seen the state McGee was in, he was sure that his surrogate daughter would have fallen right into that pit of despair that he himself had so often teetered over.

_McGee! _Gibbs wasn't as heartless as Abby accused him of being. Lost, scared and feeling like a complete and inadequate failure, yes; heartless, no.

How could he make her understand what it was like from where he stood? How could any of them understand? It wasn't that he hated Tim. He just hadn't found a way to get past the raw emotions that Tony's death had drudged up for him.

Seeing his former agent, so physically hurt, emotionally damaged, and oh, so distant, had seriously rattled Gibbs. Until now, he'd thought nothing of brushing off everyone's warnings about what this whole situation was doing to the young man, _what they were doing to Tim!, not just the situation__. _

That thought joined the others running around in his head and left him feeling as though he'd definitely earned that second B. Suddenly, he realized he couldn't avoid the truth anymore. It had just reached up and hugged him, planting itself in his grief-stricken heart; it came to him in the form of the peaceful, understanding and forgiving woman that was the injured and seemingly broken young man's mother. She had made her move and pointedly reached out to him despite her own son's plight. Despite the fact that she held him responsible and accountable for the state Tim was in.

"_Boss?"_

"Yeah, DiNozzo. You're right." Gibbs answered quietly.

_"Still think he doesn't need you?"_

"Doesn't mean I can help him. I'm not there yet, Tony."

Tony snorted loudly and shook his head. He understood that they weren't ready, he really did. But right now his Probie was self destructing and his biggest fear was the fact that it wouldn't take long before he hit complete burn out.

"_Look, Boss. I appreciate what you're going through on account of me; really I do. But I gotta tell ya; you're screwin' around with something you don't have a whole lot of."_

"Yeah? What's that, Tony?"

"_Time. Boss."_

"What are you sayin?" Gibbs was confused, if anything, Time was the one thing he felt like he did have at the moment. Time to grieve, time to let himself reach the point where he could logically function again. He knew Tim was hurting, but Time is a great healer right? That's all Tim needed too, wasn't it?

"_I already told you, you don't have a lot of time to help him. At the rate you're going, you're gonna be too late. That really what you want? Is Abby right about that, too?"_

"DiNozzo!

"_Did you know that you've broken at least 10 of your own rules now; most of them at Tim's expense? And I'm not even talking about Rule #1, here.__Seriously Gibbs, what happened to 'lead by example'?"_

"_Is that right?"_

"_Oh yeah. Now, I don't know 'bout you; but it sounds to me like you've got some serious fence mending to do. I mean after all, Boss, you've broken: Rule #17, #21, #23, #32, #41, #42, #47, #48, #51 oh, and #55, too!"_

"Damn it!, DiNozzo, don't…" Gibbs looked over only to discover, once again, that he was talking to himself.

_Damn it to hell!

* * *

_Mr. and Mrs. McGee stood together next to their son's bed as Ducky administered a sleeping aid to Tim. He had already checked Tim's vital signs and was concerned that the young man's little jaunt out of bed and down the hall may have caused more damage to the healing wounds. Ducky had been especially concerned about the possible damage done when Timothy had bodily hit the floor the way he had but was gratified and relieved to find that the young man's body had held up well, and the only worrying thing was the raised blood pressure that the argument had caused which, with reassurances, he declared to be a symptom of the stress. The event had also left Tim with a feeling of all out exhaustion that had soon claimed him, Ducky had only added the sleep aid in hopes of giving Timothy a peaceful and long night of much needed sleep.

"I'd like to stay with him." Jimmy said quietly from the doorway. He looked close to tears and the young man approached Tim's parents. "I'm so sorry. I feel like this is my fault."

"We appreciate you wanting to stay with him tonight, Jimmy. Actually, that might be a good idea. Maybe Tim won't feel so stressed about waking up with you there instead of his Dad or I." Mrs. McGee offered softly.

"Thank you. I'll just go get my blanket and pillow. I'll be right back." Jimmy said quietly. He left the room as silently as he'd entered leaving Tim's parents feeling stunned at the pure support Jimmy was freely offering.

"Ducky? Why would Jimmy feel responsible for what happened?" Mrs. McGee asked with deep concern. She really couldn't understand why the young man would harbor these feelings of guilt over a situation he had helped them fight.

"Jimmy has always been fearful and uncertain around Jethro. Tonight was the first time that young man has ever even thought to raise his voice at the man. I'm afraid he's equated the loss of his temper with Timothy's need to get involved " Ducky explained ruefully.

"Oh, but that's not right. It wasn't his fault." Mrs. McGee said with more than a tinge of sadness in her voice.

"Quite right Mrs. McGee. And in due time, Jimmy will come to realize that. But for now, he'll gladly accept the responsibility of staying with Timothy for the evening." Ducky reassured her gently.

As Tim's parents stepped up to their son's bed to whisper their good nights and brush the hair out of his face, Ducky took his leave to give them some much needed privacy.

Ducky saw Jimmy heading back up the hallway and stopped his assistant before he could enter the room.

"Jimmy. I realize you feel responsible for Timothy's excursion out of bed; but you mustn't. His parents do not hold you responsible, nor do I. You will only add stress to an already overly stressful situation for them if they feel the need to persuade you otherwise."

"Thank you, Dr. Mallard. I understand and am relieved that none of you blame me though I do feel slightly responsible in some way but of course, I'll not let it be another problem for them."

"Very good, Mr. Palmer." Ducky patted Jimmy on the arm and continued walking in the opposite direction.

It wasn't but a short fifteen minutes later that everyone under Ducky's roof had settled in quietly to try to get some much needed sleep.

As Jimmy struggled to get comfortable on the floor, snuggled only in a sleeping bag, of Tim's room, he suddenly felt a fizzure of unease go up his spine. Sitting up, he hurridly turned on the small lamp in the corner of the room, lit just enough to

stave off the ominous but not quite bright enough to wake Tim. He jumped as something across the room startled him.

"_Relax, Jimmy. It's just me." _The younger manfelt his pulse rate slowly start to return to normal.

"Tony?"

_"Well, yeah, Gremlin, who else would it be?"  
_  
Jimmy got up and closed the bedroom door. "Why are you here, Tony? Is it true ghosts only come around when they have unfinished things to take care of? Is that why you're here?"

"_Yeah, Jimmy. It is."_

"Lemme guess. You're unfinished business is between Gibbs and Tim?"

_"Not entirely."_

"Well, are you here to see me or Tim?" Jimmy was confused, something that wasn't helped by his emotionally drained, tired mind.

"_You."_

"Something I did wrong? Cause I gotta tell you, I'm really sorry about what happened tonight!"

_"Why? Why should you be sorry for it? You have any idea how long Gibbs has needed to have the truth handed to him like that?"_

"What, you mean, I'm not in trouble?"

_"Palmer, who would you be in trouble with?"_

"What about Tim? I mean he got out of bed when he shouldn't have; walked all the way down the hall when he shouldn't even be moving arou……."

_"Jimmy. What did Ducky just tell you?"_

"That it wasn't my fault."

_"And you need to accept that. Ducky would have told you if it was your fault. He's not in the habit of holding back on his honesty, never has been and I shouldn't have to tell you that"._

"Then, why are you here, exactly?"

"_Just came to say thank you. You've been doin' a hell ova job, Jimmy. I'm really proud of you."_

"Thanks, Tony."

"_I need you to stay with it, keep fighting for Tim. Even if…when he gives up on himself. Don't let him wither away or hide. Or worse."_

"Tony, I'll do what I can. But, you know as well as I do that I can't force Tim to do something he doesn't wanna do."

"_It'll be tough, but you can do it. I have faith in you, Jimmy. _

"Thanks, Tony. That means a lot to me." Tony's words had finally lifted the final little bit of guilt that Jimmy felt, he felt invigorated at Tony's new found confidence in him and vowed to do his friend proud

"_Oh, and you can release Gibbs from those pit-bull jaws of yours. You've shaken him up enough. He got the point. And they really do need to work this out."_

"Okay. Tony?"

"_Yeah?"_

"I really am sorry you're gone."

"_I know. Jimmy. Thanks."_

Jimmy watched as Tony disappeared from sight before Looking around, he was relieved to find Tim still sound asleep and settled down on the floor. It took him a moment to get comfortable in his sleeping bag again and soon felt himself relaxing, this time leaving the light on.


	18. Chapter 18

_Gibbs was standing on the ledge with his back against the wall looking down over into a large chasm. It was dark, with the only light that could be seen coming from the ominous red glow from the swirling rivers of lava that ran hot and menacing, below him. His bare, naked feet barely fit onto the ledge and he could feel the sheer volume of heat radiating upwards towards his scantily clad body. He couldn't do anything but stand there, boiling in the steam that curled around him and hung in the air in wispy tendrils. Every tendril that passed seemed to have a faint whispering voice attached to it and with every pass they made, they ghosted a hiss of something that was too quiet to hear but loud enough to send shivers down his spine. Every now and then, one of them would be loud enough to actually hear, small phrases that stabbed him directly in the heart because he understood exactly what they meant._

"_He won't survive…."_

The tendrils seemed to step up their game and soon, the whispered sorrow seemed to fill the large cavernous chasm that he was desperately trying to avoid falling into.

"………_.He made the decision."_

It was unbearable! They were coming at him like a swarm of angry hornets. The words, the anger and the pain stung him over and over again as the pure desolation laid heavily in the torrid atmosphere making it more and more difficult to breathe. He eyes were drawn back down at the river that ran beneath him and he winced when the smooth stream of lava seemed to get more agitated with every passing second. It swirled dangerously before spitting out 4 large globules of hot Lava._  
_

_" Timothy …… cannot live with this mistake"  
_

"……_..his team, his friends, abandon him to deal with this alone."_

The ledge shuddered beneath him and he felt rubble from the walls fall on his bare arms as he held on for dear life. The fear of losing his grip on the warm wall engulfed him, that would prove more than fatal, sending him barreling into a fiery death. He watched the 4 globs of hot, red lava jump higher in the air and felt a sense of sheer horror as they slowly morphed into Tony, Kate, Jenny and Paula.

"…_.. potential to have catastrophic consequences."  
_

" …_.. breaking your own rules"  
_

The ground shook again making him push himself further back into the wall so he could cling to the the little bit of support it had to offer. All if a sudden there was a blinding light that made him cringe and close his eyes. When he looked up, his fallen agents and friends were all hovering in front of the ledge, dressed in nothing but black and wielding what looked like whips. The tendrils of steam silenced and one by one his fallen friends all started shouting at him, the words cutting through his skin as though the whips that they were wielding were lashing into his flesh. Every sentence they spoke was accented by a real lash of the whip which hit the wall to the side of him.

_"You're killing him boss…."_

"_Jethro, you need to stop now…."_

"_I expected better of you Gibbs…."_

"_I don't understand, why?"_

Their words were as hard as the whips they were wielding and soon had Gibbs falling off the precipice he had been clinging too. Hot wind burned the skin of his face and his eyes widened despite the acrid smoke that was billowing up, it was too close and he was going to hit at any moment…………………

"Arghhhhh………..!!!"

Gibbs bolted upright in his bed with a rigidness that was caused by every muscle in his body tensing painfully at the nightmare. His breathing was ragged and unsteady and his heart pounded in his chest like a jackhammer, he honestly felt as though it was trying to escape the confines of his body so he tried to focus on where he was and what had just happened.

"_Sucks, doesn't it?"_

Gibbs' eyes snapped over to the chair in his bedroom towards the voice that seemed to being hounding him everywhere he went. It struck him as odd, that when alive, his meandering ways didn't annoy him at all, though alive he could issue a head slap. The irony was, now Tony was dead, he was doing more than invading his sleep these days which served to irritate the hell out of him which just fed his guilt about the fact that he should be wanting nothing more, than for Tony to visit him, not wishing he would leave him alone.

"Tony."

"_Yup. Gotta tell ya, Boss. This mess is wearing me out! Trying to go to all three camps is exhausting! You really need to get this figured out."_

"So give it up then, DiNozzo."

"_I don't think so, Boss. You know that's not gonna happen. So, had any thoughts on Probie yet?"_

Gibbs scowled harshly at his field agent…._crap he would never stop thinking of him that way_?

"Thoughts about what exactly? I thought I'd made myself clear on this already."

"_Crystal, Boss, only problem is, you're totally wrong."_

"That a fact?"

"_You know it is. For cryin' out loud, Boss, you saw him! Even you have to admit McGoo's not looking good right now." _Concern dripped off of Tony's frustrated voice. It was the one thing that tugged at Gibbs' heart.

"No ,Tony, he's not. What do you want me to do?"

"Forgive him. Boss."

It was a simple statement that was filled with so much compassion, so much brotherly love that Gibbs couldn't help the tear that rolled down his face. He angrily swept the covers off him and stood up to storm his way to the bathroom.

"_Hey, where are you going?"_

"To take care of business, DiNozzo and don't even thing about followin' me!"

"_I wouldn't dream of it. While we're on the subject of dreams, you want to talk about it?"_

"No!"

"_Huh, ok." _

The silence hung in the air heavily making Tony squirm in the seat he had chosen. Tony frowned heavily as he tried to beat out a drum riff on the arms of the chair but was met with nothing but more silence as his hands quite literally ghosted over the polished oak. Giving up, he waited patiently and soon heard the faucet running before Gibbs walked out of the bathroom and back to the bed.

"You still here?" He asked Tony gruffly.

"_Obviously! I'm not going anywhere till you talk to me."_

"So talk."

"_It's a two way street you know. Boss, listen. Probie's hurting physically and mentally and you have no idea how much this is tearing at his family. Ducky's at the end of his rope caring for him and hasn't had a chance to grieve himself."_

"I know this already!"

"_No, you __**think**__you know this when in fact; you haven't got a freaking clue boss. What would you do if the tables were turned and it was McGee that had died?"_

Gibbs' face softened slightly. _Could it really be that simple? Had Abby been right? Is that really what he wanted? No it wasn't, that much was true._ Tony watched as the different emotions flickered over that hard face and realization hit him like a brick.

"_SERIOUSLY? Abby's right? You really do wish it was Tim instead of me?"  
_

"Don't be stupid DiNozzo, I don't wi……."

"_The look on your face suggests otherwise. Aww hell, Boss, that's just wrong!"_

"WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME? I do _not_ wish it was McGee who'd died. I was trying to figure out what I'd do if the tables were turned."

"_And?"_

"I can't answer that, DiNozzo, I just don't know." Gibbs voice was full of shame at the admission that things may have been different it had been Tim that had died and not Tony. He didn't want the young man dead; he wouldn't wish that on anyone. He was just ashamed at the fact that he knew things would be different if the tables were turned.

"_So, I'd be treated better than the way you've treated Probie? That's just as wrong, I never believed Tim's claim about your favoritism towards me until now; although it's was a given that Abby held a key to your heart."_

Gibbs was silent as he contemplated Tony's words. _He was right and had it been Tony, he would have been there for him no matter what. So why did he find it so hard to be around Tim? Why did he blame the young man for so much? And why didn't he give Tim the benefit of the doubt?_

"_I'm right aren't I?"_

"Damn it, DiNozzo, why are you doing this to me?"

"_Because I don't want McGee sitting on this side of the fence any time soon, Boss, and at the rate he's going, it's not gonna be too long before he's sittin' right here next to me; on my side of things. Not very long at all."_

"It won't come to that. Ducky and McGee's family are there to pull him through. He doesn't need me."

"_We've already talked about this, Boss. You know that's not true. Besides, it's not you he wants, it's your understanding and forgiveness for a situation that wasn't his fault! That's what matters right now because until you give him that, he's not going to listen to anything you have to say. Hell, he's not hearing anyone right now because you've as much as convicted him and he's never been one to buck up against the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs!"_

Gibbs felt his eyes stinging with the unshed tears that he had been holding in since seeing Tim collapsed in the floor at Ducky's. He knew deep down that Tony was right, he just didn't know how he could bring himself to do what Tony was asking.

"Tony, I'm tired and am going to hit the hay. So if you have anything else you wanna say…."

"Don't leave it too long, Boss, times a tickin'."

Gibbs lay back down in bed and turned away from the ghostly apparition that seemed hell bent on haunting him until his dying days. "G'night, DiNozzo."

"Huh, guess it's time for me to go then. Tick Tock, Boss, tick tock."

"Go to hell, DiNozzo."

"Not until it freezes over, Boss, Thanks for that, though. Tick tock. Don't forget, time is the one luxury we don't have right now so don't stew on it too long."

"Heard you the first time, DiNozzo."

"Yeah? And I suppose you're gonna tell me that you heard Probie's Mother forgive you and ask for your forgiveness for her son in return, the first time, too?"

"Yeah, Tony, I did." Came the quiet answer riddled with seriousness.

"And yet, you insist on hangin' on to that solid wall of unforgiveness. " Tony's voice was full of disbelief. "You're on borrowed time here, Gibbs. And Probie's gonna be paying the piper for it."

Tony left his boss and shimmered out of the room. It was uncanny, that now he was dead, he could feel the energy of his other fallen team mates as it vibrated off every wall in the house and led him to their location down in the basement. He re-appeared and gaped at the shards of glass that littered the basement floor. He looked up to see Kate and Jenny standing there with looks of shock on their faces that rivaled his own.

"_Hey_ _guys, I'm guessing that this is the result of the bosses latest temper tantrum._"

Kate snorted loudly and moved over to his side.

"_Well yeah, DiNozzo, either that or Gibbs is trying out a new innovative material for building boats. Not quite sure it'll work though; he might struggle a bit."_

"_You know what, Kate, I really missed our little chats, the conversation was so…..Tantalizing."_

"_Yeah? Somehow I doubt that very much!"_

Tony shook his head and laughed softly at the familiar banter.

"_Never change Kate, don't ever change."_

Jenny had busied herself throughout the conversation and found herself circling the remnants of the broken bourbon bottle on the floor. It had only been a few days since she'd been here with Gibbs and she was more than a little bit concerned about the mess that he'd left behind. The fact that her agent….her ex-agent, had felt so angry and was full of so much frustration was the icing on that wonderful little metaphorical cake, it was the deciding factor in the debate of should she implement her genius plan or not. Feeling as though she needed to intervene with her two bickering friends, she walked over and stood in front of Tony and Kate.

"_Children! A little decorum please."_ She waited for the two of them to give her their undivided attention and glanced up towards the door to make sure Gibbs hadn't decided to do his mid-night clean up duty after his nightmare.

"_Ok, here's the plan. We're all batting for the same team right?"_ She waited for the nods of assent and smiled gently at the curious looks that graced Tony and Kate's faces.

"_Good, so the next step is to get our offense in place because that is the only way we are going to defend everyone otherwise."_

"_Jenny, you cannot be serious. You're talking sports? A good offense is a good defense?"_

"_Tony, look at it this way, we need to fight for everyone right now, but most of all we need to fight for Team. The only way we are going to do that is by planning our next steps. Are you in?"_

"_Well yeah. It's just that game tactics was something I didn't expect from you that's all."_

"_Can it, DiNozzo!"_

Jenny grinned at Kate's rebuke and watched as Tony started to look slightly crestfallen before puffing out his chest in pure indignation.

"_Thank you, __**Kate**__. So ladies, what's the plan of action?"_

Jenny was practically humming with enthusiasm at her plan, it was one that they hoped would work, if not it was fallback onto plan B which involved more than a little ghostly shenanigans that were guaranteed to scare their friends into running to Tim.

"_Phase One, we need to get everyone to talk to Tim."_

"_That's not going to be easy. The boss has given up even listening to me and Ziva? Damn she's a tough one to crack at the best of times."_ Tony added thoughtfully.

"_How about you leave Gibbs to me Tony, you two have seen him anyway and now it's my turn."_ Kate seemed keen to talk to her ex boss and left no room for argument from Jenny or Tony.

"_He's all yours Kate, as long as I get Zee and Tim."_ Jenny nodded her assent at Tony's simple statement.

"_Ok, but I think a tag team is in order here, Tony, you go see Ziva. Kate, we've got work to do."_ Kate grinned broadly and nodded in a way that could only be likened to the way Abby did when she was excited. All she needed was the pigtails.

Tony was trying to figure out what the meant by tag team, but judging by the look on his ladies faces, he just knew that no matter what, they knew what they were doing. At the same time, he felt a twinge of relief that Paula had been assigned a new task, not involved in Team Gibbs; since there were already the three of them on the case. He didn't think Gibbs would react too well to yet another ghostly visit to remind him of the losses he'd suffered through as team leader.

_Phase One………….._

Ziva had finally managed to slip into a restless sleep. She had lain awake for what seemed like days, but was in fact mere hours, tossing and turning as the uneasy sea of her mind threw around the random images of her life. The waves of torment seemed to crash against her emotional wall and tore it down brick by brick. Once asleep, her dreams were just as uneasy and she soon found herself being torn abruptly out of her slumber by a singing voice ringing through her apartment.

"_I'm Henry the 8th I am,  
Henry the 8th I am, I am,  
I got married to the widow next door,  
She's been married 7 times before,  
And everyone was a Henry ........"_ She sat up in bed with sheer confusion and caught sight of Tony sitting in the chair in the corner of the room.

"TONY! WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING?"

Tony grinned broadly at finally waking Ziva up and gave her the once over. She was currently blearily looking at him and was starting to get seriously pissed. Grinning broadly, he carried on with his midnight serenade. _  
"And every one was a Henry (Henry),__  
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)__  
I'm her 8th ol........."_ "

TONY STOP!"

He sat forward in the chair and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. "_You know, this reminds me of ghost when Sam sang that very song to Ode Mae to get her attention. I can't believe it actually worked!"_

Ziva's anger was reaching boiling point. It was one thing to be woken up by her dead partner, but to be woken up by that damn song AND a movie reference was just plain wrong. She swiped her hand across her eyes with exasperation and sighed heavily. "Tony, please?" "

_You look like crap Zee. You ok?_

"No Tony, I am not. Just leave me alone."

"_Nope, not until you hear what I've got to say."_

"You will not go until I listen will you?"

Tony chuckled. "Sorry, Zee, I need you to hear me out." His tone was now serious; it was the only way to get her to listen.

"Now is not the time Tony."

"_Second verse same as the first,_ _I'm Henry the 8__th__ I am......."_ "

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Tony, I am tired, cat tired and need to sleep so please, what do you want?"

"_Dog tired Zee, it's dog tired. I need you to go to the warehouse and take a look at the security tapes for me, or at least get them and take them to Abbs to look at."_

Ziva's eyebrows shot up with surprise, out of everything he could have asked her to do, this was not what she was expecting. "Why?"

"_Because I asked you to?"_ He accented the question with a nonchalant shrug. "And because Balboa's team, for some reason, never thought about that possibility"

"When?"

"_ASAP, my little ninja chick."_

Ziva was eyeing him dangerously and saw the genuine, unadulterated sincerity in her love's eyes.

"OK FINE.......My little hairy butt."

Tony smiled with pride at having won Ziva over so easily, it wasn't much, but it was a step in the right direction and he vowed to annoy her every night until she complied with his request.

"Thanks, Zee, I gotta go. Get some sleep, ok?."

He stood up and moved to the side of her bed. He bent down and placed a feather light kiss on her cheek.

"I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

Abby was curled up on her couch hugging her faithful Burt tightly. She had made the decision to leave Ziva's after that horrendous argument, but her deep seated loneliness was making her regret that decision and all she had left in her, was her deep rooted resentment at the things that Gibbs and Ziva had said. She felt another tear roll down her face and gave her Hippo another squeeze eliciting a loud fart that seemed to echo through her living room.

"_That better have been the hippo, Abbs."_

Tony's usual joking voice rang through the living room and fell on the silence that was uncharacteristic for his girl's usual habits.

"_Abbs? Hey come on." _Abby looked up at Tony and watched as he lowered himself onto the couch next to her.

"Tony, I can't do this anymore. It's tearing us apart and I don't know what to do." Tony could see the raw pain in those pale green eyes and reached out to ghost his hand across the tracks of her tears.

"_Abbs, don't ok?. None of this is your fault and you're doing the best you can."_

"No Tony, I'm not. If I was doing the best I can, then I wouldn't be such a bad person and would have been to see Timmy before now."

"_Ok, you got me there. But you are one of those special people that haven't given up on him. Gibbs and Ziva have turned their backs on him completely which is something I need your help changing."_

Abby looked up at him with a furrowed brow and sniffed loudly.

"What can I do, Tony? It's not like either of them listened to me before is it?"

"_No they didn't, but you can't give up on him, Abbs. I need my little Goth to keep fighting in Tim's corner because he needs all the help he can get."_

"I argued with Gibbs and Ziva over him! I told them how I feel, but I just don't know what else I can do." She was genuinely upset at the whole situation and Tony could see the sheer level of sincerity that oozed off of his friend.

"_You can do something for me, Abbs." _He waited for Abby to look up at him and smiled soothingly "_You can make it up to Ziva because I've asked her to do something and she needs help."_

"How? We said some pretty harsh things to each other."

"_Yeah, but friends forgive and forget, Abbs, that's what they do. Do it for me, please." _Tony used his best puppy dog look knowing full well Abby wouldn't be able to resist.

"For you, Tony, anything. What do you need?" The face had worked and he watched Abby's resolve melt out of her making her more compliant to his request.

"_I need you to go back to the warehouse with her. I've asked her to get the tapes and to look at them but she's not going to be strong enough to do that by herself. Can you do that for me Abbs?"_

Abby nodded as another wave of tears overtook her. Tony moved closer to her and wrapped his arms completely around her shoulders in a hug that was so intense with emotion; it made Abby's breath hitch slightly. He knew she had felt it and pulled back to see her sitting there with her eyes closed as if revelling in the feel of his love.

"_I knew I could count on you, Abbs. One more thing before I go. You really need to go see Probie. He needs you. He needs to know he's not alone in this."_

It was a simple request with no strings attached to it. Just one that would require Abby making those first tentative steps towards letting Tim know that she was there for him.

"Tony, you don't know what you are asking me to do."

"_Yeah, I do, Abbs, I know it's hard when it seems like you're going against Gibbs, but you have to do it." _Tony had resorted to pulling the punches when it came to Tim and as much as he hated having to goad Abby into the visiting, it was a necessity.

"Why? Tony, Tim's family hate me and after what happened at his apartment, I'm not sure I'm gonna be welcome." The raw pain that was attached to that one statement tugged at his soul, he knew it wasn't going to be easy for her, but knowing the way McGee's mom had reacted to Gibbs gave him hope that it could be done without any problems for her.

"_This isn't about them, Abby, it's about McGee needing every last bit of help he can get. You have to at least try."_

Tony could see her resolve slipping again and grinned broadly at the small nod she gave him.

"_Thanks, Abbs, I knew I could rely on my forensic scientist extraordinaire."_

She smiled at the reference and watched as he shimmered out of the room, with one more squeeze of Bert, she pulled out her phone and dialed Ziva's number.

"Hey ,Ziva, it's Abby. Can I come over so we can talk?"

Abby had talked to Ziva briefly on the phone and had set off to go to her friend's apartment. Ziva had sounded relived at the fact that Abby had called and welcomed her visit with open arms which made Abby feel better about going to talk to her. There was just one thing that she wanted to do first though and she soon found herself pulling up outside Ducky's house.

She gave herself a moment before stepping out of the car and slowly walked towards the M.E. house with complete trepidation and a strong fear of being rejected weighing heavily on her heart. She didn't have to worry though as the door opened before she got there and Ducky walked down the porch steps to meet her.

"Abby, what a wonderful surprise! I saw you pull up and thought I'd come out to greet you." He held out his arms and smiled as his lovable Goth melted into them in a tight hug.

"Hi, Ducky, I've come to see Timmy if that's ok?" Her voice was soft. "Don't get me wrong, I wanted to see you, too, but you know what I mean."

Ducky chuckled softly at Abby's comment and nodded his head to show her he understood.

"Of course, my dear. I'm delighted that you're here, regardless. Tell me; how have you and Ziva been?"

"We're okay. We've been keeping each other company." Abby told him without raising her voice. She tried to keep her voice fairly neutral so she didn't alert her friend to the argument that had taken place.

"Wonderful. You both need to help each other through this terrible time. I am relieved that you two have each other."

"Me, too. Are Tim's parents here?"

"No. Timothy's parents have gone home at his request, I'm afraid." Ducky admitted.

"Couldn't you get them to stay?"

"Not without setting Timothy's emotional recovery back, my dear. I'm afraid that we still need to guard against pushing him to do something he doesn't wish to do; and that included having his parents put their lives on hold for him. He was quite adamant, actually."

"Oh, Ducky! So, who's helping you take care of Timmy?"

"His sister. She comes when she doesn't have her classes and Mr. Palmer has been helping out as well."

"It's good that you're not trying to do this alone, Ducky. How is he?"

"I'm afraid he's still quite withdrawn; refusing to talk to anyone. Refusing to eat as well. Needless to say, he's lost weight on top of everything else"

"Oh, Ducky! Can't we do something?" Abby's voice took on a note of panic at the news of her Timmy refusing to eat or talk to anyone. The fact that he had lost weight before this whole thing didn't bode well for this situation because she knew that he couldn't afford to lose anymore. He'd worked so hard at toning himself up and getting fit, and now this terrible ordeal was gonna take that away from him, too.

"We can't do anymore than we are already doing, Abigail. Short of admitting him into the hospital, then there is nothing else we can do. For now, he needs his friends and someone to talk to when he feels ready, though until then, we can only try to get him to eat and talk to him. His physical wounds are healing nicely but the little excursion out of bed didn't help much and he has developed a very mild infection which is being treated with antibiotics."

Abby nodded solemnly and looked up towards the house.

"Why was he out of bed, Ducky? I mean...." Ducky patted her on the arm to stop her futile questioning.

"It was nothing my dear, so why don't you go and see if Timothy is awake. Whilst you're at it, would you mind taking one of the nutrition drinks up to him, if I can't get him to eat then I've have to get something reasonably substantial into him."

He held out his arm and waited for Abby to link hers through before leading her up to the house to see her ailing friend. After a quick stop at the kitchen to pick up the drink, Abby silently walked down the hall towards Tim's bedroom. She stopped at the door to fully compose herself before making her way into the dimly lit room . Despite this, she couldn't help but feel the twinge of fear and sadness at the sight of her friend. He looked frail, too frail for his age and the sallow look to his skin struck a chord with her because she'd seen it so many times in people close to death. Moving over to the bed, she placed the shake on the nightstand and reached over to push the damp, flat hair off his forehead. Tim didn't stir so she sat down in the chair that had been placed next to the bed and sat there watching his chest rise and fall in an attempt to calm her nerves and reassure her that he was in fact very much alive....._for now._

"Oh Timmy. I'm so sorry. I...." She broke off to wipe away the stray tear that had broken free "I just don't know what to say because I've been a horrible friend. I let you down Timmy, I let you down."

She reached over and picked up the hand that had been laying palm down on the bed, noticing how cold it felt.

"Oooh, you're so cold." She reached over and grabbed the blanket that was folded on the foot of the bed and proceeded to unravel it and pull it over Tim.

"There, that should make you feel warmer. Where was I? Oh yeah, Tim I've been awful to you and I don't know what I can do to make it up. I can't stand the fact that you have given up like this and it just breaks my heart knowing that you have resigned yourself to what? Waiting to die, well that's not going to happen, McGee, you hear me. No siree is that going to happen, we've lost Tony and I'm not about to lose you, too!"

Her gaze didn't falter from the gaunt haunted face in front of her, the fact that he hadn't woken up worried her but she understood the fact that his body needed rest, even if his mind was turbulent and filled with destructive thoughts.

"I don't know what happened out there Tim, but you need to know that not everyone is out to get you or hold you accountable for what happened. I mean, sure, it was an error of judgment but that doesn't give everyone the right to hate you or completely ignore you. I know it's hard and I know you are giving yourself a hard time over this right now, but we need you to fight Tim. _I _need you to fight."

There was still no response from Tim which made her feel even more uneasy than she was before.

"I'm scared and so alone right now and it's killing me watching the way everyone is. I can't seem to get my head around what happened or even why, but it did and there's nothing we can do to change that now. I'm just happy that we didn't lose you too because I don't mind telling you, I couldn't stand that. Please Tim, fight ok. You can get back from this, you can get back to where you were before, but you have to fight."

She suppressed a sob and stood up to give him another quick kiss on the cheek before turning and walking towards the door.

A gentle pressure on his cheek pulled him from the darkness, it was strangely familiar and yet so distant as well. Opening his eyes, Tim saw Abby disappearing through the door and tried to call out but found his voice weak and raspy and was unable to get it above a meagre whisper.

"Hey Abb's.......Abby!" He frowned when she didn't turn, didn't acknowledge the fact that he was calling after her. Sitting up gingerly on the bed, he put his head in his hands and sobbed heavily, letting out all the pain and sorrow that pooled inside him.

"_you ok, Probie?"_

Tony's voice startled him and he managed to pull up his head to see Tony standing at the side of the bed.

"Tony?"

"_Yeah it's me, McGoo. How're you doing?" The concern was evident and made Tim flinch a little bit._

"Ok."

"_Like hell you are. Hey you know Abbs was just here talkin' to you right?"_

"Yea, I now ,Tony and I'm glad I didn't have to listen to what she had to say." Tim's voice was just so weak and made Tony frown heavily.

"_Well you should have because she had a lot of nice things to say to you."_

"What, like how much of a screw up I am, what I did wrong. I don't need her to remind me of that Tony and I sure as hell don't need her to come here in person to ream me a new one to get her point across."

"_MCGEE! Don't tell me that's what you really think her visit was about. She came because she loves you and want to help."_

"THEN WHY THE HELL HASN'T SHE BEEN HERE THEN, DINOZZO? She's had plenty of time and that is the only reason why she would come now. She hates me and wanted to tell me in person how much of a screw up I really am." Tim's tone wavered from anger to complete despair in a matter of seconds, even in his weakened state.

"_Not a screw up McGee, that's one thing you are not. But I will give you a bit of sage advice and that is for you to keep your head in the game and don't give up, ok. Not everyone is out to get you and the sooner you get that through that thick head of yours, the better. Abby's on your side right now, so how about we don't look a gift horse in the mouth."_

Tim was saved from replying when an incredibly puffed out Ducky entered the room.

"Ah Timothy my dear boy, and how are you feeling?"

Ducky waited momentarily and busied himself with the various bits of kit he needed to take Tim's vitals and make sure that there was nothing else going on with the young man. He didn't like the panic that he saw rising within Tim and reached over to his bag to pull out a syringe and a vial of clear liquid and placed them both on the nightstand next to the shake that Abby had bought up.

"I'm good, Ducky just really tired so do you think we could do this later on."

"Nonsense, we are going to do this now, I need to check you over to make sure you are all right and then I will leave you with young Anthony here." Ducky was busy cleansing a small patch on Tim's bicep and gently injected the contents of the syringe into Tim's arm.

"_How did....?"_ Tony was incredulous and didn't know what to say given the fact that he had hidden himself in the darkness.

"Well, I would say I heard you breathing, Tony but unfortunately that can't be the case. No, I heard Timothy's raised voice and came to investigate." Ducky watched as his young charge soon drifted off to sleep when the sedative took hold.

"O_k. How's he doing, Ducky?"_

"He's fine, or at least as fine as he can be given the circumstances. I've given him a sedative to help him sleep"

Tony nodded sadly and looked over at his friend who had succumbed easily to the pull of the medication .

"_I know Ducky and we are working on it."_

Ducky looked over at Tony with a look of sheer confusion on his face, he had no idea what his young friends plans were and found his curiosity prickling wildly.

"Working on what? Anthony, I don't know how much you feel you can do, but you are limited now and that isn't going to change."

"_No it isn't, but while I can still be heard, I plan on at least trying to get everyone back on Tim's side." _The passion in Tony's voice didn't go unmissed by the M.E. and he smiled ruefully, not knowing how Tony expected to achieve that goal.

"Anthony, Timothy is in a very bad place right now which isn't helped by his colleague's actions. Granted, they should be here for him but I have no idea how you expect to achieve that or how it will affect young Timothy."

"_Duck Man, have faith! I can't do anything physical but I can point people in the right direction, or at least try to. I'll give my best shot and will keep going if it means Probie here can pull himself back from wherever it is he's at right now."_

"That I do know my dear boy, and I appreciate your efforts though please, don't leave it too long because I don't think this young man has much left in him at all."

"_That is something we both agree on."_

"What on earth got him so agitated , Anthony, and don't even think about lying to me!"

Tony chuckled slightly at the comment.

"He thinks Abbs was here to tear a strip off him. He couldn't have been more wrong."

"Ah yes, but in his frame of mind that would be the easiest reasoning for him, given her distinct lack of visits. He needs to be able to recognise the help when it's offered to him and not see the worst case scenario."

"I know, Ducky, and please trust me when I say this, I plan to help Tim as much as I can."

* * *

Tim woke up feeling more desperate and angry than he had ever felt in his life. Everything was crumbling, the friendships he had, the respect he'd gained over the years, the job he loved. Even the confidence he had gained over time has waned to the point that he literally felt as though he couldn't do a damn thing. It was all gone, everything down to his apartment, leaving him with nothing but the damaged shell he lived in. He'd lost more than his best friend and brother that day, he'd lost everything that he had worked hard for and he was a complete loss.

He curled up into a tight ball and ignored the harsh pull of his wounds that chose to remind him that they were there. If anything the pain grounded him and was something he deserved, something he earned for his actions and that was totally unforgivable. Glancing up at the window he noticed that it had started to rain slightly and frowned at the small droplets that stuck to the window pane. _Even the weathers taunting me_ was the torrid thought that ran thorough his mind, crashing into the other thoughts of being worthless and nothing but a burden to those who actually offered him a helping hand.

_I'm a burden, Ducky shouldn't have to do this. _

He lay there curled up in that tight ball for 10 minutes watching the rain patter against the window, he was dwelling and it hurt. Recently, he had hidden the fact that the grief had started to manifest itself physically, it was slowly killing him and he was doing nothing but drag the people who wanted to help down with him. Tim lay there and thought about the aches and pains he constantly had, he felt as though he was getting a cold and the nausea was relentless but the fact that he had no appetite anyway helped with that.

_What am I going to do, I can't stay here anymore._

He thought of Ducky, a man his age shouldn't have to babysit someone who by all rights should be able to take care of himself. It just wasn't fair! He let his thoughts go back to Tony and his words of encouragement, the only problem being, how could he move forward and fight when Tony wasn't there to help him? Tony was his rock, the one constant in his life that was guaranteed to make him feel better when he was down or they had a rough case. _Tony wasn't there........._

It hit Tim like a ton of bricks had rained down on him and he soon found himself sobbing with self pity and grief. Even that was endless.

_Tony wasn't going to be there and I'm doing nothing but stopping people from grieving, I'm a burden._

He uncurled his body and stepped out of bed. He had to get out; he had to leave his friends to grieve in their own time without worrying about him. He put on the slippers that sat by the edge of the bed and walked out silently so as not to alert anyone to his disappearing act.

Ducky stood in the kitchen and glanced at the clock, it really was time for him to wake Tim and give him his medication but he knew the young man needed sleep. He decided to keep himself busy and went about making Tim a sandwich in hope that the young man would actually eat it.

"Dr. Mallard, I'm going to make a coffee, would you like one?" Ducky looked up at Jimmy and smiled, his young assistant had been invaluable recently and the warm, innocent face melted the apprehension he felt slightly.

"That would be wonderful Mr. Palmer, though I would much prefer some Earl grey if you don't mind."

"Of course Doctor. How's Tim doing?"

Ducky's face turned dark and Jimmy frowned at the deep rooted sadness that his boss was feeling. It was tearing Ducky apart and the fact that the man had busied himself with something other than grieving and pouring his efforts into letting his grief out worried him.

"Not good, Mr. Palmer. Abigail and Tony were here earlier but unfortunately it had an adverse affect. I had to sedate him."

"I'm sorry to hear that, maybe I'll take him up a cup of te...."

Jimmy was interrupted by the front door closing making him frown slightly. Ducky had given him a key so that he could help, but no one else had that privilege and there was only one other person in the house....it dawned on him; the one other occupant had left the building.

"TIM!"

Ducky was hot on Jimmy's tail as his assistant ran towards the front door to stop Tim from doing himself more harm. Getting up to stop the argument had been bad enough, but this was guaranteed to knock Tim's health back even further.

"Mr. Palmer, grab my bag and a thick coat out of the closet. Timothy has been feeling the cold recently and he's bound to be freezing."

Jimmy grabbed the coat and Ducky's bag and stopped dead at the open front door. Tim was weaving his way over the lawn before his knees gave out and he sunk down, his shoulders convulsing with each sob that wracked his weakened frame. That sight broke his heart and was something he wasn't prepared for but before he knew it, Ducky was pushing past him and running towards his young patient.

"Oh Timothy, you silly boy. What on earth possessed you to do something so impromptu?"

There was no answer and instead he was met by a broken young man weeping openly, every emotion was being laid bare for the world to see and it was obvious that the pain that washed over him had left his judgement clouded.

"Mr. Palmer, bring that coat over here and help me get him inside. It'll do him no good out here in the rain."

Jimmy ran over with the coat and draped it over Tim's shoulders before helping him stand.

"Come Timothy; let's get you tucked up back in bed so we can see what you've done to yourself this time. What on earth made you come out here?"

Tim's quiet voice was barely audible leaving Ducky straining to hear what was being said.

"I can't do this anymore; I just want to be left alone to die!"


	20. Chapter 20

Jimmy and Ducky were so focused on getting Tim back to the comfort and safety of the house, that they didn't notice the figure lurking in the bushes, hiding in the protection of the darkness that they provided so as not to be seen. They waited until the two men helped the shaky and obviously sick Timothy McGee into the house and stepped out with a tear in their eye.

Ziva watched sadly as the door closed behind them and couldn't get the image out of her mind, of Tim staggering over the lawn before finally dropping to his knees and sobbing uncontrollably as his efforts of escape came to an end. He was running, from what she didn't know, but he was running away just the same and his pure, abject misery tore at the very fiber of her being.

She found it difficult to watch and the scene played out in her mind over and over again making it difficult for her to hate the man that had made that agonizing decision that had taken Tony away from her and put a block on any chances she had with the man she secretly loved. It was short lived though and the thoughts of Tony dragged that suppressed anger back making her turn to leave.

"_Ziva." _The voice was familiar and somehow comforting to Ziva's pained ears, turning towards the voice, she saw Jenny moving out of the bushes on the other side of garden towards her.

"_Ziva, you need to swallow whatever pride you have right now and go and speak to Tim."_

"Director….." Ziva's voice threatened to betray her emotions and she swallowed hard before replying, she was cut off before she got the chance.

"_Jenny, Ziva. You can call me Jenny now; I'm not your director anymore, though I am your friend. We were friends long before I was your boss, remember?I just want to help, won't you let me?" _

"Help with what exactly. McGee is the reason why Tony is not here with us now_." _The sheer stubbornness that usually made her a good agent shone through.

"_You need let go of that. You've punished Tim enough. I know for a fact Tony has been trying his hardest to get you to visit Tim and you say you don't want to see him. Yet here you are, why?"_

"I needed to speak to Ducky. I needed to….."

"_You needed to see whether or not Tim is a bad as Tony said he was. You really needed proof for that Ziva? Didn't you trust Tony?"_

"Of course I trust Tony, I just don't know how by speaking to McGee, we are going to be able to forgive him for what he has done." Her tone was earnest and packed with a tinge of malice towards Tim for the decision he had made.

"_After everything he has done Ziva, can you really be sure of the facts?"_

"Yes. He has admitted his guilt, what more do you want me to believe?"

"_I understand Tony asked you to do something for him?" _Jenny knew she had to rein this in because Ziva's anger was palpable and when the ex-Mossad agent got that way, there would be no getting through to her.

"You understand nothing, Jenny. Maybe it is you who is wearing the rose tinted glasses when it comes to McGee!"

"_And maybe you need to do what it was, that Tony has asked of you. You need to do that in order to move on and help Tim because he really hasn't got much time. Did you hear what he just said?"_

"No." If Ziva was going to be honest, at that point in time, she didn't really care. Initially the sight of Tim broke her heart, but now she had turned full circle and the blame she felt towards him stopped her from moving towards the house.

"_Then I won't tell you, but I will tell you that if you don't stop this blame game, Tony won't be the only casualty in this tragedy; you'll lose Tim too Ziva. Two friends who have both been there for you, in a huge way I might add. They saved your life at great risk to their own by travelling thousands of miles despite the fact that they didn't know whether you were alive or dead. Please, don't do this to him!"_

"Jenny, I cannot just switch off my feelings. I loved Tony….I loved him." Realization dawned on her and now she had finally admitted her feelings for Tony, she knew that there was no turning back and those floodgates that held back her emotions had been well and truly opened. She knew what the two younger men in her life had done and would be eternally indebted to them because of it, but that one fact, that one little admission would cloud her judgment forever more…._I loved him._

_"That's your call and I know you loved Tony more than you will ever reveal to anyone else, but you need to put things into a perspective that will be help all of you be able to recover from this tragedy. Everyone Ziva! Not just you, Gibbs, Ducky, Abby and Palmer but McGee too. You're part of a team, here. A family! Don't ever forget that!"_

Ziva could feel her resolve melting a little bit and looked over at Jenny with deep sadness in her eyes_._

"I want to be able to. I want to see McGee but I am afraid that if I do, I will not be able to hold my tongue and will cause him more pain." The quiet admission shocked Jenny but the words were heartfelt enough to let her know that it was all a matter of time. Unfortunately, that was something that was in short supply at the moment. Jenny could tell that it probably wasn't the right time for Ziva to see Tim and nodded her understanding.

"_I know Ziva, and hopefully he'll still be here when you are ready to talk to him. Maybe you should go home, is Abby still with you?"_

"Yes, she is sleeping and I was restless and so decided to go for a walk. I ended up here somehow."

"_Go back Ziva, go be with Abby and tomorrow get the tapes that Tony asked you get because until you do, there is absolutely nothing else that can be done to help."_

Ziva felt the tears stinging her eyes before feeling the full force of the floodgates that opened. She doubled over as the sobs started to wrack her body and simply ran, ran away from Jenny, ran away from her grief and sorrow towards home and the one person who would be able to soothe her right now.

Jenny felt the presence behind her and turned towards Tony as he walked out of the shadows. It still struck her as strange that she could feel her fallen comrade's energy but she had to admit that she liked it.

"_Tony, what are you doing here?" She _watched as Tony smiled ruefully at her.

"_I could ask you the same thing, Jenny. You're not supposed to be here."_

"_I know. But I just had to talk to her."_

"_Why? I thought you and Kate were going to tag team Gibbs." _The confusion was evident and Tony just couldn't understand why she had changed the plan when they had carefully plotted it all out.

"_You're right Tony and we will. I had a gut feeling that I had to roll with, something I completely understand now."_

"_You think she'll soften up?"_

"_She already is Tony, listen I need to check on Tim. I don't like what I just saw and the fact that he has just tried to run un-nerves me." _She looked at Tony with concern in her eyes and shimmered out leaving Tony standing there staring at the big house_._

"_What's happened, McGoo? What did you just do?"_

* * *

_"Besides, it's not you he wants; it's your understanding and forgiveness for a situation that wasn't his fault! That's what matters right now because until you give him that, he's not going to listen to anything you have to say. Hell, he's not hearing anyone right now because you've as much as convicted him and he's never been one to buck up against the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs!"_

Gibbs couldn't get Tony's accusation out of his head. Along with the image of Tim collapsed on the floor at Ducky's, it was a powerful combination and one he was slowly losing the fight against_. _

"_Never thought you'd be this damn stubborn, Gibbs." _Kate's voice came at him from out of the blue, it was disconnected and far away leaving Gibbs wondering whether it was all in his head.

"_Come on Gibb's you can do better than that. What happened to your rules?" Kate's voice had moved, giving the impression his deceased agent was circling him like a shark out for blood._

"KATE! What do you want from me. Jeez, between you and Tony you're gonna drive me CRAZY!"

But she didn't stop, she was going to keep going at the man until he would finally break.

"_You don't have time for this Gibbs, how about you pull your finger outta your ass and give McGee a break."_

"It's not that easy Kate, what do you want me to do?" He was getting angry and the pissed tone didn't go amiss with Kate. She smiled to herself and appeared in front him.

"_WE want you to go see McGee before he completely loses it, Gibbs. Honestly, do you think he's dealing right now? Because I gotta tell you, he's not."_

"DEALING? Oh he's dealing all right Kate. He made that decision and he needs to live by that right now."

"_Is that a fact Jethro? What happened to forgive and forget……..Oh that's right, you can't." _Jenny shimmered in and nodded at Kate.

"What is this? Gang up on Gibbs day?"

"_Let's call it a little wake up call." _

He balked slightly at Kate's teasing tone, it was something he would ordinarily miss but right now he just felt tired and wanted nothing more than to go down into his basement and wallow in his own crap.

"Huh, that right. And what kind of wakeup call do you think you can give me Kate, Jenny?"

"_The kind that will open your eyes Jethro. Though you really do need to use your skills as a trained investigator to realize certain things."_

"LIKE WHAT! Damn it Jenny, stop being so evasive and give me the answers I want." He was royally pissed at the pair of them right now and between their visit and Tony's incessant, pain in the ass visits, he was at his wits end.

"_Evasive Jethro, Moi? Now you're going to listen to me now because I'm sick of playing nice. Tonight I saw a once vibrant young man who gave his everything to you and this team, collapse with pain, guilt and fear and openly admit that he wishes he was dead. That is something I don't ever want to see again and the only people who can ever make it stop is his team."_

Gibbs took a minute to absorb her words and sank down into the nearest chair.

"McGee's got all the support he needs right now. I don't think he needs me there."

"_You have no idea how wrong you are right now. Wow Gibbs, you really did earn that second B didn't you. Shame there's not an O in there too because you could be an oblivious bastard too. Except, you're not oblivious, you're in denial. I know for a fact that you've seen the shape he's in. Tony's told you how bad it is and he's warned you that you need to do something about it! No, You're definitely not oblivious; a bastard yes, but not oblivious."_

Jenny smiled slightly at Kate's comment but shushed her all the same.

"_Kate, that's not helping. Jethro, Tim has had to fight for his position on your team. He endured years of teasing about his different background and the fact that he is a gifted young man. It took guts and a lot of time and effort to gain the respect he earned. Well, all of that fight has gone now, there's nothing left and all you can do is sit there on your laurels feeling sorry for yourself. What do we want you to do? We want you to recognize the fine young man Tim has become…..had become, and help him fight whatever demon's are currently knocking at his door. Stop leaving your man behind!"_

"Come on Jen! Those demon's knocking at his door are his own doing, he made a decision that killed his partner therefore He's not my man anymore!"

"_Semantics, Jethro." _Jenny stood there and smiled slightly at the memory of the argument she had with him in the lift, she really had hoped that he had actually used a dictionary to look up the word but didn't hold out much hope. She could see that he was about to reply when Kate beat him to it.

"_Is that what your famous Gut is telling you Gibbs? Because sometimes the truth really does hurt and the fact is, you haven't given him the time of day and he's killing himself over a situation that he couldn't avoid. You know what, my eyes have been opened right about now, Tony really was your Golden boy wasn't he? It wasn't just initiation you let him dish out to Tim, was it?" _Kate's raised voice betrayed her anger and she disappeared briefly only to re-appear directly in front of Gibbs. He felt the atmosphere around him go cold as she spoke.

"_Not everything is black and white! You know that, hell you taught us that, along with those little rules that you like us to live by, you know, the ones that you have broken right about now. I've gotta ask Gibb's, is it cold up there on that podium you have placed yourself on, because right about now you really are being a self-righteous bastard."_

"ENOUGH KATE! I'm being a what? You have no idea do you, TONY IS DEAD! And McGee has admitted to being responsible for that!."

"Yes he has Jethro, but everyone makes mistakes, and you need to swallow your pride before you can follow your instincts. You are too tainted by grief and pain to realize what you're doing, but do one thing for me, when the girls bring you a security tape, make damn sure you watch it; every last frame of it!"

Gibbs sat there and watched the two women shimmer out of view before standing and making his way down to the basement. Jenny and Kate's words rallied around in his head making his gut clench even more than it had been……

_Denial? Self- righteous? Why can't I see this? Was Palmer right? Would I have forgiven Tony by now?_

* * *

"Timothy, why must you put yourself through this? You will not recover from your injuries if you insist on neglecting your health this way." Ducky chided Tim with more than a touch of anger tainting his normally calming voice. Although he had tried to keep his emotions out of Tim's treatment and care; he suddenly found himself unable to hold it in any longer.

"I'm sorry, Ducky." Tim said guiltily. "I'm really sorry."

"And so you should be, young man! I will not stand by and watch you continue to self destruct because you feel responsible for Anthony's death! You must stop this!"

"You're right, Ducky." Tim agreed quietly, it was somehow easier that way and if it stopped Ducky tormenting him with his admonishments then he would do whatever needed to be done. Especially, if it meant Ducky got over being pissed at him.

After Jimmy managed to pick his jaw up off the floor at Tim's admission, he helped Ducky settle Tim back into drug induced sleep courtesy of a sleeping aid. Jimmy felt both ticked off and deeply saddened right about now and didn't what to do other than stand there and watch his friend sleep.

_Why would Tim be so careless with his health after Doctor Mallard had gone so far out of his way to take care of him?_

Tim had never been disrespectful before. This was a side of this agent that Jimmy did not like and he hoped he would never have to see it again. On the other hand, the endless pit of sorrow and guilt that seemed to be a constant overwhelming presence in Tim's life was actually understandable. He felt responsible for the life of his teammate, one he'd worked closely with for over 5 years and that wasn't something one could just dust off your hands and walk away from. Still, it irked Jimmy that Tim would throw Doctor Mallard's care and concern back in his face in such a way.

Oh Yeah, the more Jimmy thought about it, the more ticked off he became about the whole situation and he found himself pacing fiercely in the bedroom as his anger slowly made his blood start to boil. He hadn't noticed Ducky standing in front of him and very nearly sent his boss flying as he almost paced into him.

"Mr. Palmer. You have to report to work in the morning. Go on, go home and get your rest." Ducky's voice interrupted Jimmy's simmering anger enough for him to actually read the M.E's face. He didn't like the sadness he saw in those normally sparkling blue eyes and sighed heavily whiles carding his hand heavily through his hair.

"Doctor Mallard, I don't want to leave you alone with him. What if he does it again?" Jimmy asked.

"I appreciate your concern, Jimmy. However, Sara is on her way to spend some time with her brother and he will most likely sleep through the night now anyway. Go on, head home. Oh and Mr. Palmer, thank you for all of your invaluable help."

"You're welcome, Doctor Mallard. Please, call me if you need anything!" Jimmy insisted.

"Of course, I will do just that." Ducky vowed.

"All right, then. Good night, Doctor Mallard." Jimmy quietly answered as he headed out. Ducky watched him leave and slowly trailed his gaze over to the curled up form in the bed.

"Oh, Timothy. What am I to do with you?"

"Doctor Mallard?" Sarah McGee's voice came from down the hall as she made her way to her brother's room. "I passed Jimmy as he was walking out the door. Is Tim all right? Jimmy seemed upset."

As Ducky gently led Sarah back to the kitchen and sat her down, setting a cup of tea and a sandwich down in front of her. Ducky handled the unpleasant task of letting Sarah know of her brother's latest jaunt out of bed brilliantly, because she would, after all need to know about the risk Timothy taken that threatened to delay his recovery.

"Oh, no! What are we going to do?" Sarah asked in distress. It was getting out of hand and she wanted nothing more than to cart her brother off and wrap him in cotton wool until he was feeling better, _after_ she reamed him out for being so careless with his health, of course.

"Well, my dear, we must take things one step at a time. Worrying will not do any of us any good and young Timothy has enough regret and pain locked up inside as it is. Getting angry with him might do some good because he appears to listen, but, worrying just seems to make him curl into himself again and won't do any good at all."

"Okay. So, you're saying we can yell at him now?" Sarah asked just to be sure. "Because you wouldn't let me do it the other day."

"He was too fragile the other day. Now, while he is still fragile, he has also started to make foolish choices and is acting upon them. He needs to be shown that we are here for him and are holding him to the expectation that he take care of himself and get better. If yelling at him does that, then so be it." Ducky vowed.

"Cool!" Sarah answered with a grin, there was so much she had wanted to say to her brother to try to pull him out of his slump and she was angry at the weakness he had been allowing himself to sink into. She looked Ducky directly in the eyes and grinned cheekily.

"So when can I see him?"


	21. Chapter 21

After a quiet night spent catching up on much needed sleep in Ducky's guest bedroom, Sarah McGee carried the breakfast tray that Ducky had prepared, to her brother's bedroom. It was laden with food that she hoped and prayed Tim would actually eat as well as a glass of juice and a mug of coffee that she had practically begged Ducky to let him have. She glanced down at the tray when she reached the doorway and sighed at the sight of Tim's medications sitting there. The meds saddened her more than she would ever admit to and she hoped and prayed that Tim would be able to get through a day without them soon. As she entered his bedroom, she was surprised to find he was still sleeping.

Walking over to the window, Sarah pulled back the curtains, just enough to light up the room sufficiently enough to wake Tim and see his food well enough to eat it comfortably. Tim's closed eyes soon began to register the light and flutter open sending clear signals for his body began to shift into wakefulness as well.

"Morning, Tim" Sarah said in a hushed tone so as not to startle him. For the time being she planned to hang on to her anger but had every intention of giving him hell after he'd fully woken up and eaten, though wanted him lucid so she would catch him before he took his meds. Timing, after all, was everything.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Tim asked, his voice thick and raspy with sleep and the outburst of emotions he'd allowed himself to give into.

"Having breakfast with my brother." Sarah's answer was simple and straightforward and she never missed a beat with trying to keep her voice as neutral as she possibly could.

"Don't you have class?" Tim asked.

"Heard about the stupid stunt you pulled last night, bro" Sarah stated pointedly as she deliberately changed the subject, but no longer able to wait to let the subject air.

"Wasn't exactly thinking clearly, Sarah." Tim turned his head away with shame, refusing point blank to look his little sister in the eye.

"Do you really think I'm so stupid that I'm gonna buy that load of crap?" Sarah asked angrily. "I may be younger than you, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid, Tim!" Her harsh statement had the desired effect and she watched as Tim shrank into himself slightly.

"You're right, Sarah. I'm sorry." Tim gave in. He wasn't about to fight with her, knowing she had every right to be pissed at him and knowing that if he had any hope of letting this die down, it would only happen if he just accepted the culpability for it; apologized and got them all to move on from here and simply added it to the pile he was already buried under.

He'd already figured out what he needed to do. Tim needed everyone to understand that he was okay; that they needed to stop treating him with kid gloves and he decided that now was as good a time as any to implement that. Sitting up straight, he silently let his little sister have her say.

"Does this mean you're gonna stop giving up? You ready to get your ass back in line and get better?" Sarah pushed. "Don't think I won't get Dad back down here if I have to!"

If Tim hadn't been feeling so down in the mouth, he would have been amused by the fact that Sarah was slowly morphing into a younger version of their mother. He managed to give her a small, rueful smile which he hoped would placate her enough to get her off his back.

"Sarah, I promise. Everything will be okay from now on." Tim quietly promised. "Is Ducky still here? I really need to talk to him."

"Yeah, he's in the kitchen. I'll go get him. You really pissed Palmer off last night, too, by the way. I don't even know him very well, and I could tell he was really upset when he left here last night." There was no way Sarah was letting this go easily but her tone had softened slightly at her brothers new found resolve…_Maybe it was just a moment of madness _was her first thought.

"I know. I'll apologize to him this morning." Tim finally looked her square in the eye " Hey Sarah? I am sorry." Tim quietly insisted. Even though he was pushing for her to believe him, the one thing he wasn't doing was changing the tone in his voice or looking her in the eye unless he was issuing an apology, everything else he said was voiced without him even looking at her.

"I know Tim, but you've gotta bear in mind that it's not just you that hurting right now. I'll let Ducky know you need to talk to him. I'll be back later." Sarah promised in a tone that made it sound like a threat before walking out of the room to leave Tim mulling over what she had said.

While Tim waited for Ducky to come in and talk to him, he moved his body around in the bed, first his legs, and his arms before giving in and working to sitting up. He worked through the pain and waited for it to abate enough for him to move forward through more movement. It sucked feeling so much physical pain that it hurt to breathe but he had to find a way to be able to handle it and keep moving.

As Ducky entered the bedroom, he was pleasantly surprised to find his patient sitting up in bed with his breakfast already half-eaten. He paused momentarily to take a better look at his young charge and noted the difference in Tim's demeanor straight away.

"Timothy! How nice to see you apparently doing much better! Sarah tells me that you wish to talk to me?"

"I'm sorry about last night, Ducky." Tim quietly got right to business. "I know it seemed like I was throwing everything you've done for me back in your face, but I didn't mean it like that. You know, that's the last thing I would ever wanna do. I would never intentionally disrespect you!"

"Relax, Timothy. Unlike Mr. Palmer, I fully understand what tragic circumstances can do to our emotional stability. Once that stability been rocked; 'normal' suddenly becomes obsolete and we all learn to adapt. Do not concern yourself about it, any longer. Just continue to eat well, take your medications and rest. You will find yourself feeling better in no time." Ducky promised.

"Okay." Tim answered. He'd already said more than he'd wanted to and didn't want to make any promises he couldn't keep. If his sister's anger was anything to go by then enough people had already been hurt by his actions. 'Can you tell Jimmy that I'm sorry, please?"

"Certainly, dear boy. Now. Your sister wishes to spend some time with you. So, I will leave you in her capable hands. Be certain that you sleep when your body tells you it's had enough." Ducky answered jovially.

"I will, Ducky. And thank you for everything." Tim offered genuinely although still quietly.

"You are quite welcome, dear boy. Quite welcome." Ducky responded with a smile and a comforting pat on the shoulder as he headed out to the kitchen.

As Sarah and Tim spent a pleasant hour playing checkers, Ducky reveled in the turnaround that Tim seemed to have made in his mental state. He almost thought he was dreaming because it was such a great thing to see. Though Tim's small revelation last night still made his gut churn uneasily, he had to admit that Tim's attitude was a lot more positive but hoped the young man wouldn't revert back to the broken person he had become.

Sarah walked into the kitchen carrying her brother's water glass and placed it on the work surface next to the sink. Tim had fallen asleep around about mid-morning and she decided to give him some space whilst he rested. Wearing a smile, she turned and hugged Ducky, thanking him for taking care of her brother before making a suggestion that surprised him.

"Doctor Mallard, you've been taking care of him non-stop since he woke up in the hospital. You must need a break. I'm here and he's asleep so how about I'll get him to eat his lunch and keep him company when he wakes up and you go out and relax for the afternoon. We'll be fine til you get back.

Ducky smiled gratefully at Sarah and patted her arm affectionately.

"You are right, my dear. I do wish to check on the others but are you certain you want to do this?"

"We'll be fine. I can do this. If he gives me too much trouble, I'll just call Dad on him." Sarah promised with a grin and a wink that promised she would do just that if she needed to.

* * *

Thank God they'd been given the rest of the week off because it gave them all the chance to catch their breaths and try to recuperate a little from the overwhelming emotions that they'd been doused with at Tony's funeral.

They all had a lot of things to work through, that much was a given, but there were things that should have been said to the young man when he was alive, and things that never should have been disclosed at all. It was proven that they all had regrets which should never have even see the light of day but they did, something which wasn't helped by the fact that no one could hold back their emotions and their hearts were openly displayed on their sleeves.

Here it was only two days since Tony's funeral and time seemed to come to a screeching halt for their grief-stricken hearts. It didn't seem to matter how many times Tony's ghost had appeared and pleaded for them to listen to him because their hearts were cemented in the pain and sorrow that made them deaf to the pleas for help that Tony offered.

Ziva had clammed up completely and still refused to talk about any of it, except to Tony when he visited her. She had even stopped discussing her feelings with Abby for fear of driving a permanent wedge between them after the awful argument they'd had. Her pain was escalated by the fact that she couldn't turn to Ducky for the comfort he would readily give, a fact that left her feeling lonely and heartbroken. It wasn't the fact that she couldn't turn to the man that had offered sage words of advice over the years, it was the fact that _t__hat_ privilege was already taken by **him**.

Ziva couldn't even bring herself to say his name, in her mind it was one of the many taboo words that she refused to utter in fear of them shattering her fragile temper and undoing her in ways that she would quite possibly end up doing more harm than good. It wasn't that she'd blown off what Tony or Jenny had told her in their attempts to remind her of the man Tim had been to her - the friend, the co-worker, loyal, trustworthy and kindhearted.

No, she hadn't forgotten anything about him. Nor had she forgotten that Tony was gone from her life forever and the chance of pure happiness had been taken away from her with that stupid, foolhardy decision. It just needn't have happened; the senselessness of it all kept her locked in pain and misery and unforgiveness.

Abby spent that day keeping Ziva company, but the Israeli woman remained locked inside herself, wallowing in the pain and sorrow that fed her stubborn unwillingness to totally forgive Tim. Abby's mind was already made up for her and even though she knew that Tim needed, her gut feeling was that Ziva needed her more. It was something she felt in the deep in her broken heart, Ziva was alone here without anyone else to stand by her or act as the rock that she desperately needed. No, Ziva needed her, even if they didn't speak to each other. It wasn't about the conversations; it was the company, the silent support and the desperate measures they set in place to ensure neither of them were left feeling alone in the wake of such loss.

Somehow, in almost perfect but silent harmony, they looked after each other by cooking, cleaning and holding on to each other through the silent, unyielding tears that never seemed to stop, they always returning to hit them when they least expected it, knocking the wind right out of their sails. They stood by each other and stayed close; both separated in belief but completely united in the grief that threatened to consume them.

* * *

Jimmy returned to work that day feeling alone and very lonely. It was the first time in over four years that someone else, besides the lovely Dr. Hampton, was his boss, even if it was a temporary measure. He hated the very idea of it, especially when he took that extra second to force himself to think on why it was that things were the way they were now.

He knew that none of the other MCRT members; what few remained anyway, were here today. No, today, he was floundering on his own and couldn't even call on Michelle, rest her soul, for help. For the first time since joining NCIS, Jimmy felt seriously and utterly alone and sat in autopsy looking like the epitome of sheer misery.

_"Jeez,_ _Knock it off, will ya, Gremlin?" _Jimmy jumped as Tony's voice boomed across autopsy.

"Tony? What are you doin' here?" Jimmy asked with a shocked tone, he took on a deer caught in the headlamps kind of look and flicked his eyes nervously around the room "You're gonna get me in trouble!"

_"Not if you stop talking to yourself."_ Tony said with a grin and the familiar twinkle in his eyes.

"Did you say something. Jimmy?" the temporarily assigned Dr. White asked with confusion as he sauntered out from Ducky's office. He wasn't used to the way in which Ducky ran Autopsy. He didn't fully understand why the current staff insisted on talking to the residents and as there was currently no residents on the tables. The poor man was beginning to believe that the young man's issues with talking to dead was something more serious. Little did he know, he wasn't far off the mark in this case.

"Ah, no, Sir." Jimmy stammered as he glared at Tony who was sitting back on the last Autopsy table with the biggest Cheshire cat grin on his face that Jimmy had ever seen.

"All right. Why don't you manage the supply inventory and requisition? I believe that should keep you busy until lunch." the slender man, who matched Tim in stature, suggested the task with a small smile of encouragement.

"Yes, Sir. That would be about right, time wise."

"All right then, I will be up with the Director for at least the next hour, so you will have complete peace and quiet in which to work, unless, of course, the phone should ring, eh?" the good doctor said with a cheery wave as he left the room and boarded the elevator. For some reason the new, temporary M.E. grated on Jimmy's last nerve, which was probably down to the fact that he liked the way in which Ducky worked and enjoyed his company. He realized then, that whilst seeing Ducky regularly, he missed the old M.E. at work.

Jimmy turned on Tony in a flash "Are you trying to get me in trouble?" he demanded as Tony sat completely and utterly still and silent, his eyes twinkling as he silently dared Jimmy to stand up to him.

"Why is it you don't think this is hard enough for me?" Jimmy exclaimed in a sudden burst of sadness mixed with genuine anger.

"_Hey, man. I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you. Even though you and I were never that close, I understand."_ Tony said as he suddenly stood next to Jimmy_. "Although, we did work great together while Gibbs was in Mexico, didn't we?"_

"Yeah, we did. But No, Tony. I don't think you realize just how hard this really is." Jimmy said sadly.

"_Why don't you explain it to me?"_

"For the first time since I got this job, Tony. I don't want to be here anymore. Especially, if Dr. Mallard isn't coming back. And even most especially, if Gibbs is!" Jimmy exclaimed unfurling his anger and resentment of the situation he was now in.

"_Look, Jimmy. We all have to deal with changes we don't like; hate even. But running from them doesn't help. You've got no reason to run from Gibbs__, __he had it coming and when this is all said and done, he'll respect you for standing up to him; especially since it was for Tim's sake and not your own."_ Tony tried to inject some enthusiasm into his speech to encourage Jimmy.

"You don't really believe that." The Autopsy Gremlin argued making Tony cringe. Tony sighed slightly and shook his head and couldn't help the random thought that ran through his mind ……._Damn, tough audience recently_

"_Let's just say, I'm working on it so that you can believe it."_

"What?"

"_Trust me, Jimmy. Everything's gonna work out for you. You just need to stick with it. And don't give up on yourself or on Tim. Look after him for me."_

"Are you leaving us now? I thought you had to stay until Tim and Gibbs had fixed things between them?"

"_Nah, I'm not goin' anywhere yet. But it is kinda difficult to keep tabs on all of you at once. you know?" _Tony said with a straight face that had Jimmy laughing, it was a rare thing to see and even then it inspired smiles and laughter.

"Tony, I can only promise to try my best to look after Tim." The younger man acknowledged with a slight shrug.

"_That's good enough for me. Later, Gremlin."_ Tony said as he filtered out and disappeared leaving Jimmy sitting there thinking about ways in which he could help.

He was still sitting there half an hour later when the temporary M.E walked back into the large room and didn't notice him until a hand was clamped tightly down on his shoulder.

"Mr. Palmer, how are you getting along there? Are you all right?"

Jimmy was pulled out of his reverie and nodded his head.

"Yes, Sir. I'm fine thank you."

* * *

Gibbs returned to work the next day but found his first day back extremely painful. He couldn't seem to drag his eyes away from Tony's desk…….._No, the desk that had been Tony's_, and spent most of his time remembering his senior field agent as he was. Ziva also returned to work, having been convinced by Abby that they all needed to keep going and the only way in which to do that was to get right back on the horse and return to work. If she was going to be totally honest with herself, it's what Tony would have wanted; what he would have done and knowing that they were doing something that was supposed to feel and be normal did little to ease the grief process.

Having to sit in the same work area without the same people there, was uncomfortable. It was about the comfort zone; you go to work and expect the same colleagues to be sitting there with that familiar banter. That was gone though, all because of the stupidity of one choice made in a moment of recklessness by one of their own…. a former one of their own. That fact only served to keep the anger burning and until that fire was out, neither of the remaining MRCT team would ever be able to move on.

They continued the arduous fight to distract themselves from their grief as they trudged their way through the cold cases that had been foisted on them in lieu of the missing team members……_the ex team members._ It was boring work, trolling through file after file to see whether or not there was anything else to do or any new leads but they'd been piling up for them to go through and with their minds overwhelmed with everything that had happened, the security video from the warehouse was soon forgotten.

Gibbs even tried to return to building boats, but it wasn't working out well, he found that the constant motion and the endless work that went into building a boat only provided him with a small part of the mindlessness he needed and thrived on when his mind was in turmoil as much as his heart, like it was now.

And so here he was, on the first night after returning to work, unable to sink into that safe haven deeply enough to pacify his tortured mind. He knew what was in store for him when he slept and saw nothing but memories and the people visiting him as soon as he closed his eyes. Somehow, he even expected to see Tony again. At least in that regard, he was right.

He stood in the middle of his basement staring at the timber that he'd picked up after work and could feel that he was no longer alone in his basement and although he'd been visited before when such 'senses' came over him, it had usually been Shannon or Kate or Jenny. Right now, at this very moment; for the first time in his life without Shannon; he sincerely hoped it was not her that had come to see him because he hated the thought that she would see him in this fragile state of mind that made him feel weak.

Turning around to face whoever it was, he wasn't really surprised to find Tony sitting there, although, this was the first visit the younger man had made to his basement in this form. It filled him with a sense of relief that the younger man was still around and still came to see him despite his bull headedness previously.

"DiNozzo!"

"_Hey, Boss."_

"Why are you still hanging around?"

"_Guess I'm supposed to try one more time to talk some sense into you."_

"About?"

_"You know what about, Gibbs!.... Probie." _Tony was exasperated, how many times did he have to cover old ground with his boss before the pig headed, stubborn man actually pulled his finger out and listened to him.?

"Not talking about this, DiNozzo!"

"_Boss, it wasn't his fault."_

"Yeah? You got super powers now? You able to solve puzzles from over there?" His voice dripped with unwarranted sarcasm that he hoped would rile Tony into leaving this subject well alone.

"_Don't have to. I was there, remember?" Tony wasn't backing down and managed to answer with a similar disdain, it was a playoff, a complete power play that was going to played out until one of them backed down._

"DiNozzo!"

"_I'm tellin' you, Boss. It wasn't Tim's fault." _

"Only one way for that to be possible, Dinozzo. You tellin me that you rushed that warehouse?" It always amazed Tony how easily Gibbs could smoothly transition from being pissed at the world to being the investigator and found the professional tone to his voice slightly un-nerving. He got up and walked over to where Gibbs had sat down and gazed directly into his ex-bosses crystal blue eyes.

_"Evidence doesn't lie, Boss_.

"Neither does McGee. We all know that."

"Are you sure about that? Probie always was a bad liar. Ever stop to think about the times he tried?" Tony finished that sentence off with a short huff of laughter.

"What are you talkin' 'bout Tony?"

_"You're tellin' me that you never caught on to the only reason McGee ever tried to lie to you? And we're not talkin' the lie of omission about his books here."_

"No, Tony. Never spent much time thinkin' 'bout it." He wasn't lying, he really hadn't ever thought about it, I mean sure Tim was a lousy liar, but the kid had seemed so sincere that it left little doubt in Gibbs mind that he had told the truth.

Tony just stared at him silently and sadly, there were no words, there was nothing he could say at this moment in time so decided to use the patented Gibbs stare to try to make the older man uncomfortable. To his surprise it worked and he watched Gibbs squirm before throwing down the wood and standing to face off to Tony.

"Whatever it is you're tryin' to say, DiNozzo, just say it!"

_"Boss, the only time Tim every even tried to lie, was when he was covering for someone else's screw-up."_

"Was?"

"_Was!" _Tony saw a small glimmer of hope that he might just be breaking those walls down and he had possibly planted that little glimmer of doubt into Gibbs' mind. He watched as Gibbs sighed heavily and pushed his hand through hat silver hair.

"Why you tellin me this, DiNozzo?"

"_Cause he needs you, Boss."_

"McGee's never needed me DiNozzo, he's always had his family behind him so, again, why are you tellin' me this?"

_"Man, you really have been wearing blinkers when it comes to him, haven't you? Not everything is black and white, Gibbs, you know that!" _

Oh yeah, Tony was getting pissed, it was starting to feel like an age old argument that was actually starting to grate on his last nerve but he wouldn't back down, not whilst Probie needed him.

"DiNozzo!"

_"He's always needed you! How the hell can you stand there and say he never did? What kind of crap is that, Gibbs? Seriously, how can you sleep at night? How can you stand there with a straight face and tell me you don't give a damn about him?"_

"What are you so pissed about? What's so important about now?" Tony had struck a nerve and made Gibbs' anger bubble dangerously on the surface. Tony stepped up to him, had he been alive Gibbs would have been able to feel his breath blowing menacingly on his face.

"_You ever wanna see him alive again?"_

"What the hell are you sayin, DiNozzo?" Gibbs stepped back slightly, even though Tony couldn't do him any harm he felt threatened by the close proximity.

_"I'm sayin', BOSS, that the last time you saw him was broken and buried in guilt and blame and if you don't want that to be the last time you ever see him then I suggest you go find him tonight. Unless of course you'd rather Kate and I keep him company from now on while you explain things to his mother. As I recall, she begged you not to let that happen."_

Gibbs gut began to clench at Tony's warning, he knew Tim was in a bad way but judging by what Tony had just told him, the boy was close to doing something unimaginable. He had his family though, hell he even had Duck and Jimmy lookin' after him so Tim didn't need him.

His brain whirled Tony's words round like a broken record that stuck at a certain point which fed his unease at the situation. Even the words of Tim's mother came back to haunt him, yet again. Needless to say, he didn't get much sleep that night.


	22. Chapter 22

Gibbs kept his head in the game the next day, if he was going to be honest with himself, it was specifically for Tony, and for everyone else? Well, he would make sure the team pulled themselves back together; one small step at a time. It was an incredibly slow journey with each of them too battle scarred and beaten down after having lost their teammate/best agent/friend/big brother, to be able to find much determination to go on. But for Tony, they plodded on, living one day at a time and trying their damndest to get through life. They continued to put one foot in front of the other, taking each lonely, agonizing step again and again; over and over. It wasn't really living; it was going through the motions as they wearied on.

Ziva and Gibbs got busy working cold cases and were unwilling to go be forced to focus on fresh cases because they were unable to find the place beyond the pain and emptiness that came from the loss of Tony. It was difficult and with each cursory glance across to Tony's desk, they thought they would never get to the point where they could even bring themselves to think about accepting someone else sitting in that chair.

On the second day since his return to work, Abby brought him a report halfway through the morning. Stopping in front of his desk, she handed Gibbs the manila folder and stood waiting patiently for him to respond.

"I've been asked to give you this."

"What is it?"

"It's a copy of Tony's Au…" Abby couldn't finish the words any more than she could stop the tears that spilled out of her eyes.

"Abby, I don't know who told you to give it to me but I don't wanna see it." Gibbs said as calmly as he could physically manage despite the emotions churning though his mind and heart. He was struggling at the fact that, at that moment he was having this discussion thrust upon him from out of the blue.

"But, Gibbs!"

"Abby! I said, I don't wanna see it!" Gibbs barked at her in a rare show of impatience directed at her; driven by his unrelenting grief and anger over the loss of his Senior Field Agent.

Ziva listened patiently to the conversation and was reminded of Tony's request, of the security video that she had promised to retrieve for Tony. She stood up and silently made her exit, it was so sudden that she couldn't ignore Gibbs' calls that seemed to echo across the squad room. She turned and made her excuses, claiming she had an appointment that she had forgotten about.

She drove carefully through Washington and soon found herself thinking about the fact that this journey would be wasted, turning on the radio, she was surprised by the blast of cool air that blew across her hand.

"_Hey Ninja. Where you goin'?"_

"Tony." She acknowledged him with a stiff nod of her head. "I am doing what you have asked and going to collect the security footage."

Tony frowned at her cold, calculated voice and leaned in close.

"_Good to see you finally listening to me, Zee, I knew you'd come round." _

"Come round to what exactly, Tony? You seem to be intent on getting us to review this tape. _Why?" _Ziva was practically begging him to tell her and couldn't help but snort her distaste when he grinned broadly.

"_And spoil the fun? Agent David, you disappoint."_

"TONY!"

"_Ziva just look at the tape ok? I need you to do that for me."_

"I'll look at the footage Tony, but I am not sure how much they can help."

"Anything's worth a try, Ziva." With that he shimmered out leaving Ziva alone as she pulled into the grounds of the warehouse.

Once she'd tracked down the owner of the warehouse and got him to admit to actually having his building under surveillance with the cameras; she felt a sharp sense of relief run through her, it wasn't relief that the truth would finally come out, it was relief at the fact that no matter what, she had been able to do one last thing for Tony. It was short lived though because when she asked for the tapes, the owner admitted sheepishly, that there weren't any because the cameras hadn't worked in months.

She thanked the owner with a shallow voice and walked defeated to her car feeling completely empty and drained at the fact that her enquiries had come to nothing. With a pang of anxiety in her gut over having to explain why she was empty handed, she headed back. This saddened her more than the revelation that there wasn't any evidence to collect there, she had failed, _and she__ had let Tony down._

That fact tore through her heart ripping away every last shred of resolve that she had built up since the funeral. It wasn't fair and no matter what she did to try to get Tony's respect and adoration, was torn away from her, leaving her feeling more alone than ever. At least he still visited; she would never kiss him, never hug him and never have that close relationship she wanted, but for now he came to her giving her heart some respite from the torrid grief.

Ziva finally returned to NCIS and decided to corner Agent Balboa so she could actually push him for the truth. She really had to know and the question of whether or not there were in fact any working cameras in that warehouse on that fateful day had to be answered. Balboa promised to get back to her as soon as possible, obviously feeling bad about the fact that his team had simply taken the word of the warehouse owner and not double checked behind the man's tenant's who may have very well gotten them fixed for their own purposes. Balboa promised to have the tape delivered if there was in fact one in existence and apologized for the mess-up that had been made.

*****************

No one in the agency had stopped grieving for Tony but it was Team Gibbs who remained catastrophically lost in the depth of that mental black hole that they currently resided in as they learned to do what Tony had done for them in-between his numerous cat naps. Regret and grief were the daily thorns in their sides and every time they happened to look over at his nearly enshrined desk or his computer, that thorn twisted painfully inside, reminding them of what once was and what could never again, be.

Not a hour went by where it seemed as if the heavy burdens weighted down on Gibbs, Abby and Ziva and there didn't seem to be an hour where someone among them didn't have to wipe away a tear or pull their eyes away from his tragically empty desk. Even his painfully silent computer keyboard and phone caused the memories to flood back; the sight of Tony sitting there trying to type with his awkwardly hunt and peck speed to find them the information they needed. They even missed the infuriatingly annoying relaxed stance or seeing him sitting back in his chair with his hands linked behind his back citing movie references like they were going out of fashion. The days of chatter or conversation were as long gone as the sound of him chatting away on his phone digging up the answers they needed, using that smooth tone that was guaranteed to work. They were as long gone as the sight of their beloved Ladies Man himself; sitting behind that empty, dead desk that did and always would, belong to Tony. There hadn't been a smile, a laugh or even a joke in the squad room since that horrible day making the ache in the remaining team member's hearts even more prominent as they tried to wade through each day, taking each hour as it came.

On the evening of the second day since Gibbs' returned to work, Tony once again paid Gibbs a visit. This time, the older man wasn't surprised but he did find himself becoming tired of these verbal battles, even if it was nice to see and hear from his former agent but the arguments were getting old and Gibbs was getting more and more frustrated with the broken record that Tony had become. Tonight's discussion was quick to get started and threw Gibbs straight into the line of fire.

_"I wonder"_

"Wonder what DiNozzo?" Gibbs tone was of exasperation and he wanted nothing more than to talk to Tony the way they used to, father and son together without a care in the world/

"_Do you even remember?"_

"What are you talkin' about? Just spit it out!"

"_When Probie shot Benedict, do you remember what that did to him?"_

"Yeah, I remember. I was there, Tony."

_"No, Boss. You weren't."_Tony's voice wasn't harsh, but it was firm and true sparking a glint of anger in Gibbs' sharp blue eyes.

"Come again?"

_"You weren't there."_

"Ok, I'll bite. What are you getting at?" Gibbs felt the anger melt away leaving nothing but confusion in its wake.

"_When Probie almost quit that night because he thought he wasn't cut out to be a field agent - you weren't there - I was."_

"Ok. You're right about that."

_"When he felt like he'd screwed up too badly to keep his job- felt responsible for Erin Kendall's death; you weren't there, Kate was; but she told me about it. Probie was devastated. All you did was tell him he'd done a good job on the report."_

"Yeah Tony, I know."

_"When he felt responsible for not being the one Ari killed instead of __K__ate - you weren't there - I was. I'm the one who had to try and convince him not to feel responsible. Almost __impossible task,__ I mean we're talking about Tim "__M__r. I'm responsible" McGee, after all.__AND I was the idiot who asked you why Ari hadn't shot McGee, like a jack-ass!__"_

"We all were kinda just fumbling our way through the dark back then, Tony."

_"When Paula's team was killed because they took the tip line that weekend instead of us; when it hit him; not only did he lose two close friends before it was over; but he lost them in his place.; you weren't there, Abby was, but she told me about it after we'd had a chance to move on."_

"It wasn't easy for any of us, Tony."

"_You didn't know him like I did - like you kn__e__w me. And I was happy with that because that meant I didn't have to worry about the two of you ever ganging up on me or that you'd make me stop havin__'__ fun at his expense.__Or that you'd get to that place where he was your favorite; instead of me." _

"Where you goin' with this?" There it was; the frustration at having your words and your heart held hostage by a point that Tony obviously felt he absolutely had to make was palpable.

"_You didn't know him like I did. __But, then again, y__ou never tried. Because if you did, you'd be there for him right now, not here, wallowing in self-pity, and still blaming him."_

Gibbs turned to snap back his reply but Tony had gone, leaving him standing there completely alone; again. Tony hadn't even given him the opportunity to answer the charge; he just left his last comment hanging heavily in the air making Gibbs feel like he'd earned that second B more than ever. Gibbs knew the night was going to be hard and resigned himself to spending yet another night, awake with his thoughts.

To say that the team was frayed at the edges now and they were once again, floundering their way through each and every day was an understatement of gigantic proportions. The only respite seemed to come when from out of nowhere in the form of stacks of files which had been innocently laid on the 2nd empty desk in the work area. They were strategically placed so that neither Gibbs nor Ziva had to look away to keep from thinking about the one who used to sit there; the one who had forever changed their lives against their will.

Somehow, it didn't seem to matter how often they'd each been visited by Tony because Nothing seemed to shake the pallor of his absence from their work space which was disturbingly empty and lonely all the time. There really wasn't a day that went by where they didn't long for what they could no longer have, something that was totally out of their reach; the team reunited.

Gibbs walked over to Tony's desk the 3rd day back at work. It was mid morning and he had made the decision early on whilst knocking back his first mug of coffee. He unlocked the drawer that he had secured his missing agent's recovered identification and wallet in and had to hold back the tears that threatened to fall; there was no way in the world he was going to cry in the middle of the squad room, not when he was the one who was supposed to be the stoic team leader that kept everyone together.

Looking at Tony's weapon and taking a silent reflective moment to look into the eyes of his agent as they stared up at him from the ID that accompanied his badge, he wiped his finger across the photo sending up yet another heartfelt apology to his lost agent whose absence was continuing to eat a hole straight through all of their hearts. The girls watched with tears in their eyes and a clenched heart as Gibbs respectfully locked Tony's badge and service weapon in his own desk for him before pocketing his ID for safekeeping. The significance of what they had just witnessed took both Ziva and Abby's breath away leaving sadness in their heart that they felt would never go away. They had known Gibbs would be forever deeply affected by what had happened to Tony and only hoped that he wouldn't fall as deeply as he did when he lost Shannon and Kelly.

Abby and Ziva retreated to the sanctuary of Abby's lab, leaving Gibbs alone in the squad room to gather his thoughts and pull himself together. Usually, this didn't bother him, but right now it sent fresh waves of pain and anger over the loss of such a treasured soul; washing over him all over again like a tidal wave and sending him reeling with every fresh wave of emotion. "_Tony; I'm so sorry!" _Gibbs silently cried hoping the young man was listening up above and accepting it.

As he fought to keep the tears away, he glanced at Tony's desk again and it was then that he realized he needed to put this all away, if anything, then for the girls' sakes. Shaking his head slightly in an effort to push emotions back into their hiding places by the sheer force of his willpower alone, he picked up his coffee cup and went in search of a refill and the space to breathe freely without worrying about causing anyone excess pain.

Gibbs had already filled his mug and stood staring out of the window, he couldn't actually tell anyone what he was looking at because for all intent purposes, it was only his eyes that gazed out, his mind was too busy working overtime rationalizing the situations since the funeral. The first one that drifted into his mind, was Tim.

He thought back to the day at Ducky's, that fateful day when Tim appeared looking weak, haggard and downright sick. He remembered how much resolve it had taken his agent….._ex agent_ to stand there and diffuse the situation when it was obviously causing him so much emotional and physical pain. He heard Tim's words:

_"NO! DAD! He's right!"_

It hadn't struck Gibbs as strange before now, but the memory sparked some kind of realization that smashed into him like a mack truck. _Why didn't I see it before? Have I really been that blind?_

He remembered back to his conversations with Tony and at that moment felt his heart melt slightly, add those to the look in McGee's eyes during that fateful argument and Gibbs felt his resolve melt away slightly leaving him with the urge to go and be the secondary father figure he was to BOTH his boys and to be the boss that had BOTH his agents' six's.

The memories flooded in; Tim and Tony in the squad room bickering like brothers; the protectiveness that the boys had over each other; the practical jokes……….Everything!

It all fell into place, strengthening his belief that he had dealt with the situation wrong; until he remembered that phone call, the one telling him that his agents had been injured. That soon melded into the memory of him being told that Tony had died and whatever he felt, whatever resolve to help Tim that he had built up was fractured again, leaving room for that dark shroud of grief to return to his heart.

He stood in the break room for a good fifteen minutes pondering what had happened and felt a new wave of tears threatening their assault, he pushed them back expertly and poured himself another coffee before moving back to the squad room before pausing briefly to regain the calm control he often protruded. It took every ounce of restraint he had, to keep from running to his car and driving until he finally felt free by letting the monogamy of the roads soothe his troubled soul. He waited until he finally felt calm enough to face the rest of the day and wandered back towards his desk with a fresh coffee in his hand and was brought to a standstill; as in shock, he found find one Anthony DiNozzo sitting squarely in the middle of his boss' desk.


	23. Chapter 23

Gibbs was completely struck dumb and had no idea what to do or say to Tony. His fallen agent was currently scrutinizing him with a look that the team leader just couldn't put his finger on. He actually started to squirm under Tony's glare, so he walked all the way up to his desk and sat down heavily in the chair. Tony was forced to turn so he was perching to the side and turned his head to look at Gibbs.

"What are you doin here?" Gibbs asked him quietly.

Tony kept silent and without answering the boss' question, he reached over to the desk phone and punched the speaker phone button for Abby's lab. He stayed silent until he heard the voice he was hoping for.

"Abby Scuito's Lab."

_"Abby. Ziva there with you?" _He decided to forgo the usual happy greeting and kept his tone business like.

"Tony?" Abby's incredulous voice came through very loudly.

_"SShh. Abby. Yes. It's me. Now is Ziva there?"_

"Yes, I am here." Ziva's doubtful voice came through.

_"Good. All three of you listen cause I'm only gonna say this __**one. more. time**__. Looks like I'm here to jump start all of you off your asses so you're gonna hear me out regardless of how you're all feelin'. All of you are walkin' around here like your world has ended! Well, newsflash people; __**None **__of you are dead and you all need to stop acting like you are! Get back to living and enjoying the life you've been given! I would tell you to fill my spot on the team, but there's something much more important that you need to do first." Tony paused slightly before continuing on his pep talk "Get out there and_ _find Probie and save him before it's too late. And I swear, If I hear one more of you say that he doesn't need you or you can't forgive him yet; I will head slap you so hard you'll think you were over here with me! And if that's not good enough, I'll sic Kate on you and I'm pretty damn sure she'll be bringing Jenny and Paula along with her!"_

"Tony." came Abby's soft whimper, his speech seemed to impacting her in ways she couldn't understand.

_"Oh, and one more thing. Again. this is the last time I'm gonna say this, so you'd better be listening; __**This. Is. Not. Tim's. Fault**__!" _with his last angry, heated statement he shimmered out before he ended up doing more harm than good.

Gibbs watched Tony fade out and looked down to the phone that was still connected to Abby's on the other end of the line. With a heavy heart he disconnected the line without uttering a word to unified sobbing that rang through the lab. He marveled momentarily at the silence before letting his mind roll with the internal struggle which was centered around everything he'd heard and even said since Tony had died.

Jimmy was watching from the shadows and could only hope that this last ditch effort on Tony's part would do the trick. He prayed that it would and whilst musing the scene he had watched unfold, he sensed he wasn't alone; Jimmy turned his head to look behind him only to discover Ducky standing there waiting patiently.

"Dr. Mallard, what a surprise! I thought you were at home taking care of Tim." Jimmy quietly greeted him, he felt his heart lighten slightly at the sight of his boss though still felt that pang of panic at the fact that Tim was on his own.

"Yes, well, young Timothy finally seems to have turned a corner. He ate his lunch; the first time he's eaten anything since poor Anthony was taken from us. His sister is with him for the afternoon and I am free to come see how the rest of the team is faring. It appears I was also in time to witness one of young Anthony's infamous speeches."

"Oh, you saw him, too?"

"Oh, yes, Mr. Palmer. I also heard his very wise speech. I certainly hope it did some good this time." Jimmy didn't miss the edge of sadness that surrounded Ducky at the moment and prayed that the elderly M.E. was right.

"Oh, No. Gibbs is coming! I'll be back in Autopsy, I'll see you later Dr. Mallard." Jimmy said as he quickly hit the stairs before Gibbs could say anything to him. He hadn't laid eyes on Jimmy since the night the younger man went off on him; and if Jimmy had his way; it would stay that way until Gibbs decided to treat Tim like he deserved to be treated; as a human being in need of all of his friends and family; and their forgiveness and understanding.

"Ducky. How've you been?" Gibbs asked quietly as he approached his long-time friend.

"Agent Gibbs." Ducky answered in the usual code for his purely pissed and offended mood.

"Ducky. I know I've been an ass lately and I'm sorry." Gibbs told him with a rare show of wearing his heart on his sleeve. "I know I've been taking this out on you and I shouldn't have."

"No, Jethro, you certainly should not. Be that as it may, it is not myself I am concerned with. I simply came up here to see how Ziva is doing. I have not seen her since Anthony's graveside service." Ducky answered caustically seeing as the recent events were too fresh in his mind.

"She's in the lab with Abby." Gibbs told him without changing his tone or volume. He knew he'd screwed up royally where Ducky was concerned and he needed to tread lightly if there was any chance of salvaging his friendship.

"I will go see how both of them are faring, then." Ducky said dismissively as he turned and hit the button for the elevator silently. He had no intention of engaging in conversation with his old friend just yet fearing that his words would do irreparable damage. He hoped the silence would give Jethro time to think hard about what young Anthony had just said so loudly and clearly.

"Mind if I go with you?" Gibbs asked with an uncharacteristic politeness. It was wasted on Ducky though and his response was cold and clinical.

"Suite yourself Jethro, who am I to stop you?." They were the last words either man said to each other and entered the elevator with a tense barrier wedged between them.

As the silent duo reached the lab, they were met with eerie silence, there was no music playing and no voices were heard. With trepidation in his heart, Gibbs poked his head into the lab and looked for his lab rat and his one remaining agent. It was strange to know that this normally bustling, happy, musical lab was now so quiet, It just wasn't right and seemed out of place in the whole messed up situation.

Gibbs exhaled with relief when he found them, not openly sobbing as he expected after Tony's visit, but silently looking at team photos of happier times, of times when it seemed as though the team didn't have a care in the world and were family. Gibbs watched as Ziva pulled out the photograph that Tony had taken when they were stripping an AI car. It was one where Ziva and Tim had fallen inside and were caught on camera in a compromising situation….They were happier times. Abby took the photo from Ziva and felt the tears start to stream down her face, not only had she lost her big brother, but she felt as though she had lost her Timmy too. Abby's face was shining with the tears that freely flowed and Gibbs watched as his little girl accepted the support from Ziva, whose own eyes had a sheen covering them as she tried to rein in the tears. She had both hands resting on Abby's shoulders and watched as her friend filtered through the photo's until she found one of Tony, that was all it took for the stoic Israeli to lose her grip on her grief and the two of them sat there mourning together with a newfound closeness that pulled them together.

"Hey." Gibbs said quietly as he approached them carefully. Ducky stayed standing in the doorway of the lab in order to give the girls some much needed room to grieve and get out whatever frustrations and tears that they had.

"Gibbs!" Abby cried as she launched herself into her silver haired fox's arms. The photos and Tony's visit had strengthened her need for a fatherly hug and she soon found herself burrowing deep into Gibbs chest to try to draw on any bit comfort his was willing to give.

"Shh Abbs, its ok. Tony's right. We need to get started with moving on." Gibbs was rubbing his hand in a soothing circle on her back as she wept into his shoulder.

"Let's not forget that Anthony was right about our need to save Timothy from himself as well." Ducky stated loudly from where he stood.

"Ducky!" Abby cried as she ran to the M.E. and threw her arms around him in her typically bone crushing hug.

"Hello, my dear. How have you been?" His voice was empathic and smooth as he gently hugged Abby back.

"I'm okay. How's Timmy doing?"

"He seems to be better. Thank you for asking, my dear. He did finally manage to eat some lunch which is a step in the right direction seeing as it is the first time he has eaten since he was injured." Ducky reported.

"Are you serious, Ducky? McGee has not eaten anything in all this time?" Ziva asked with the first trace of concern for Tim she'd shown since Tony's death.

"I'm extremely serious, Ziva." Ducky answered. "He had given up. He sent his parents home the day after they had their run in with you and then with Jethro later that night. And until today, he had not eaten anything. I was on the verge of admitting him to the hospital, but that would not solve anything since he would have to go willingly."

"Ducky, is someone with him now?" Abby asked tearfully.

"Yes, my dear. His sister is with him this afternoon."

"Wait! Ducky what run in?" Ducky's word filtered through her concerned thoughts.

"It was just a small altercation Abigail. Timothy is fine and is finally starting to get back on track."

"SMALL ALTERCATION!" she turned her attention to Ziva and Gibbs who were both standing there looking slightly sheepish as the revelation. "I swear that if any of you hurt Timmy I will not be responsible for my actions."

Gibbs stepped forward to try to calm Abby down.

"He wasn't hurt, Abbs. It was just a misunderstanding…."

"Gibbs, don't lie to me. I can't believe that after everything he went through you caused him more pain."

"Yeah ,Abbs, I know, but you haven't been to see him either, have you?" Gibbs really didn't want to get into the argument that occurred on that fateful night and he found himself thinking back to Tim's collapsed form sobbing uncontrollably. The knife of guilt twisted further into his gut as his emotions threatened to spill over. Ducky watched as Abby's contorted face softened slightly as the realization that she was no better and was surprised when she turned towards him.

"Actually, Gibbs, I have been to see him, but he was asleep. I'd like to come see him after work tonight. If that's okay." Abby asked earnestly, turning to Ducky with her request.

"Me too." Ziva admitted. "It is time that I start listening to 'my little hairy butt" She grinned broadly at her turn of phrase and hoped that it would have the desired effect. It did and she soon heard the lab ringing with laughter as Abby started to giggle uncontrollably

"I think that would be just what Timothy needs. You may find it difficult to persuade him that you genuinely care about him; since he hasn't seen or heard from you since this ordeal began. Be prepared for that." Ducky reminded them before he turned to leave; his heart somewhat lighter now that the team seemed to be moving on from negative emotions to healthy and hopefully helpful ones; especially where Timothy was concerned.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and headed out towards the elevator with Ducky in tow calling out for him as he left the lab

"Jethro!"

"Duck?" Gibbs asked carefully.

"I accept your apology and really do hope that this means you are willing to start looking after Timothy's welfare."

"Duck I need some more time. There's still a lot of unanswered questions for me and I'm not sure whether I'm ready to be there for him just yet."

"And if Anthony's warning is precise? If you run out of time?" Ducky decided to push gently so as not to infuriate his friend. He needed to get his point across but he was on thin ice at the moment and hoped it wouldn't crack.

"Didn't you just tell us that he's turned the corner; he's eating again?" Gibbs was confused, it was either a case of Ducky was lying to him or the fact that the M.E. was once again trying to see the positive in an awful situation.

"Yes, Jethro. I did remark on that. He does seem to have turned the corner."

"Then, I don't understand the problem."

"Jethro, he is very much in need of your forgiveness, something that he needs to hear from you first hand. You are well aware of how much that young man put himself out there to please you at almost any costs."

"Which is why I still have questions, Duck."

At this point in their conversation, they'd reached Autopsy. Jimmy saw them coming and made himself scarce. This time retreating only so far as Ducky's office where he could listen without being seen; and without making an exit that would bring undo attention to himself.

"Well, I shall endeavor to answer them for you, Jethro." Ducky vowed.

"Why would McGee disobey an order from me? He's never done it before. Gibbs dove straight into the question that was slowly burning a hole through his heart.

"It would appear that you are in the habit of breaking your own rules, lately, Jethro."

"I'm gettin' tired of hearing that. What are you talkin' 'bout, Ducky?"

"Well, isn't one of your "Rules" to never assume?" Gibbs was standing there looking at Ducky with a look of sheer confusion on his face. Yes, he had broken the rules, but at the end of the day, the rules he'd broken hadn't lead to someone getting killed.

"What is it exactly that you think I'm assuming, Duck?"

"How many times must Anthony repeat himself, Jethro? I do believe that the poor boy is getting fed up with having to keep reminding you of your duties"

"What are you talking about, Ducky? Will you just spit it out already?"

"Hasn't he said repeatedly that what happened was not Timothy's fault and that you should help him?"

"Tony's just tryin' to fix things between McGee and me Duck. McGee disobeyed my order and got Tony killed!"

"No, Jethro, he did not!"

"Didn't you hear what he said that night at your house? Read the report he filed on it?" Gibbs demanded.

"Yes, Jethro, I heard what Timothy told his father that night and I read his report." Ducky answered, dispelling a sigh of frustration and sorrow.

"What else is there to say, Duck? He hasn't changed his story! That says it all!" Gibbs returning anger and sense of being let down resonated through Autopsy.

"No, Jethro, it does not!" Ducky corrected firmly with a touch of anger tainting that normally smooth, soothing voice.

"What the hell are you sayin' Duck?" Gibbs demanded.

"For a seasoned investigator, you're certainly failing to see the evidence clearly this time Jethro. Your judgment is clouded, my friend. What's more, you are refusing to move out from behind that cloud!"

"Care to explain?"

This heated conversation was starting to feel dangerous and both men had to hold back slightly.

"I wouldn't have to if you'd follow your own rules and allow the evidence to speak for itself! From what I hear, you've refused to even _look_ at the evidence; thereby breaking your rule about not assuming."

"I'm listening now."

"Anthony couldn't have been standing behind Timothy when he was shot. The evidence does not substantiate that."

"What evidence? Just spit it out, will ya, Ducky?"

"What I am saying, Jethro, is that based on Anthony's injuries, the autopsy report, the photos from the warehouse, and the trajectory that has been worked up, it was Anthony who entered the building first, consequently getting shot by the assailant in the only way that consistently matches up with his injuries."

"McGee's report says he rushed in and Tony backed him up! You tellin' me, McGee lied in his report? Why the hell would he do that?"

"I believe it is Leroy Jethro Gibbs' Rule # 1? Rules or no rules, Jethro, you know; we _all_ know Timothy well enough to realize he would **not** allow Anthony's name to be tarnished by something such as an error in judgement at a stakeout. Nor did he remain absent from his coworker's funeral. Timothy would not dishonor Anthony in such a way; even if you and the Director did your best to take that away from him." Ducky stopped to catch his breath "Jethro, Tim's actions have not only been those of a colleague and partner, they have been of a brother and best friend. What would you do in his position?"

"I sure as hell didn't see him at the funeral, Ducky!"

"I'm certain you didn't. _That_ part of your order, he obeyed without question, as was his right. You had no right to ban him from Anthony's funeral, Jethro! Were you trying to drive the young man away? We've already lost Anthony. Do you really wish to lose Timothy as well?"

Before Gibbs could offer an answer, the phone on Ducky's desk rang.

"Autopsy" Gibbs said as he answered the phone after hitting the speaker phone button.

"Ducky?" Sarah McGee's urgent and desperately upset voice carried through the large room and bounced off the walls; hitting both men with the force of a sledgehammer.

"Sarah? What's wrong my dear?" Ducky asked as he quickly made his way to the phone.

"He's gone!"


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N - We're hoping you don't mind getting two chapters so close together._

_- Bring your tissues! Shelbylou found the need for them while she worked on this chapter with me._

_So she wanted to be sure that the warning was given._

* * *

Tim McGee wasn't thinking clearly and unfortunately, he seemed to be the only person who didn't realize this. In his mind, he was thinking clearly and rationally. After all, wasn't he the one who'd figured out just how much the team didn't need him anymore? Wasn't he the one who had finally figured out that no matter which way you cut it, he was to blame for Tony's death? And wasn't it rational to realize there was no going back to anything close to resembling normal now?

And hadn't he figured out nice and early that he'd never see Gibbs again; at least not in a good way? Then again, that one had been easy to figure out. Yeah, he'd seen that one coming a mile away and it was finally becoming okay, though. This meant he no longer had to worry about measuring up to the man's standards. No more worrying about what the guy thought of him; or if he was proud of him. No, he was free of all that, now.

_But, wait a minute, if it was a good thing; why the hell did it still hurt so damn much? Why did his gut stay clenched and unable to accept food? _

As he stopped running from the people who didn't need to lay eyes on him again; after all he'd caused them to lose one of their own; his body seemed to continue on its' trek toward shutting down on him. It had staged a temporary hiatus for the last two days and allowed him to actually appear as if he'd been turning around in his recovery. Although, he hadn't been able to eat anything, he'd at least not been doubled over in pain from both the stomach cramps and his wounds.

But, now; now that he'd done what needed to be done; now that he'd removed himself from Ducky's responsibility and Sarah's; the pain had returned in full force and each moment brought with it the wish to end the misery he seemed to be entrenched in.

He'd made sure no one could find him seeing as he wasn't worth the trouble, or at least that's what he thought. Tim hadn't made that decision entirelyon his own. Sure, he may have fostered the idea; but his 'team' had done nothing but enforce it; with their absence and silence. Hell, even when they did bother to come see him, it had only been to rake him over the coals time and time again. That was the one thing he did not need. He was perfectly capable of roasting himself for what happened; after all he'd been doing it since he'd woken up in the hospital without any help from anyone, hadn't he?

Tim felt like he was holding the answer to the universal question of life and death, and glanced down staring at the object that was nestling perfectly in his hand. He fingered the cold metal and curled his hands around it, his fingers fitting around it just right; perfect fit, actually. It was amazing how easy it had been to get his hands on this small item, the very thing that had the potential to end his misery here and now. All he had to do was finish what he'd started.

The mess that had become his life, needed to be cleaned up, and no one was gonna do it for him. This was something he needed to do for himself. Hell, he didn't want anyone else to have to do it for him. He'd made this mess; it was his responsibility to clean it up. And Tim McGee never shirked his responsibilities. No, Sir. Tim McGee was born and raised a gentleman and he would die like one. It was one of the few things he had left, that he had any say in. The other was, when he would do it, he would do it today. After all, there wasn't any point to putting off the inevitable. No, the point was to give yourself what little control could be found in the situation.

As he sat in the porcelain place of choice; the place where he'd finish what he'd started in a way that would make it easiest on everyone; his mind returned to the words that had been his heart's battle cry; words that no one had heard or understood;

_Take these tears, put 'em in a bottle.  
Don't let these tears I cry be in vain.  
Take these tears, keep them up in heaven.  
Water my life with tears like rain_

Hear me, hear my words unspoken,  
Restore my faith in hoping  
Hear me, I am feeling broken I am broken open.

Take this life, turn it into something,  
I'm afraid it's just wasting time  
Turn this life the sun has ripened, grow it slowly on the vine.  
Turn my tears into wine

Hear me, hear my words unspoken,  
Restore my faith in hoping  
Hear me, I am feeling broken I am broken open.

Turn my tears into wine, turn these tears into wine.  
All there's left of me are traces.  
Make me stronger in my broken places

Hear me, hear my words unspoken,  
Restore my faith in hoping  
Hear me, I am feeling broken I am broken open.

Turn these tears into wine, turn my tears into wine  
Hear me...

A battle cry gone unheard. It had done him no good. There was no making him stronger and his broken places just weren't fixable. There was no hope to be had; no reason to hold on to any faith that there was. His career was over, his name was ruined; and his reputation as a brilliant computer whiz and a good field agent; was all shot to hell. Yeah, his pitiful excuse for a life had run its' course. It was time to shut it down.

As he cradled the piece of metal in his hand, crooking his finger around the correct place for it; he felt the tears forming in his eyes. Why couldn't he have found someone to love him for who he was; settle down with him; have a family? Was that really too much to ask? Not that it would change things right now; well, no, that's not true. If he had a wife and kids than he couldn't have run away like this.

_Wait! I'm not running away, damn it! I walked away; to give them back their lives! I did the right thing here! _Tim's brain screamed at him,

"_Man, Probie, you really are pathetic, you know that?"_ Tony's voice was full of disappointment and an underlying sadness that tore at Tim's heart.

"Go away, Tony. It's not like you can change anything that's happened. All you're doing is hurting us, everytime you show up like this; it's just another slap in the face that you won't be back with us! Just go away and leave me alone!" Tim yelled at him as his emotions boiled over once again.

Didn't Tony realize how much it hurt? How bad he felt being reminded like this that he had done something so permanently tragic and unfixable? Why didn't Tony get it?

"_I get it, Probie, I get a lot more than you think I do. I know you're hurting and I know it's not going away, or even lightening up. But, that's because you're trying to get through it alone, man. You should know better. And what the hell do you think you're doin' runnin' off like this? You think this is fair to Ducky or Sarah; Jimmy or your parents? Just what the hell is going through that head of yours, man?"_

"I'm doing them a favor! They shouldn't have to take care of me. Hell, they shouldn't even have to think about me! They need to just move on. This way, they can do that!" Tim yelled at him "Leave me alone!"

"Is that what you really think? THAT'S what's going through your head right now?" Tony asked incredulously.

"For the most part." Tim stopped yelling to answer in resignation

"Nu-uh! I wanna hear all of it. NOW, Probie!" Tony snapped out in his most authoritative voice.

"Tony, don't!" came Tim's angry answer mixed with pain so sharp it was nearly palpable.

"Look, I'm sorry. All right? I know that's a touchy subject, but you've always been my probie and you know that. Now, I'm serious, I wanna hear exactly what's on your mind. Don't make me sic Kate on you!"

"No, Tony. Please. I can talk to you. I just can't…" Tim's voice broke as he pleaded with Tony to understand what he couldn't put into words. The pain that filled his eyes was heartbreaking to see.

"Ok. Tim. Talk to me." Tony's sympathy rang out real and clear.

As Tim relayed everything that had gone through his mind as he'd made the choices he'd made and taken the steps he'd taken to remove himself from the situation, Tony sat in silence listening; his heart breaking a little more with each passing minute.

Finally, when Tim had finished what he'd needed to let out, Tony couldn't help it, he immediately pulled him into an embrace, or as much of one as he could manage; and whispered to him.

"_Oh, Tim. You don't know how very wrong you are."_

"No. Tony. I'm not wrong. Not about this." Tim's answer came back with regret and more resignation. The fight had gone completely out of him.

"_I hear that you believe what you're thinking. I get where you got it from; but, it doesn't make you right, Tim. Here's the thing. I want you to promise me something."_

"No, Tony. I'm not making any more promises." Tim replied meekly as he stepped back from Tony and sat on the closed down toilet seat.

"_Just this on__ce and I'll never ask you to promise me anything after this."_

"NO. Tony." Tim somehow regained a measure of anger at Tony's audacity.

"_Tim. Do it for me. For Kate. For Paula, For Pacci, even for Jenny. Do it for Erin."_

"Tony!" Feeling sucker punched by Tony's low blow; Tim huddled in on himself as he sat there.

"_Hey, this is that important, Tim. I'll call on whoever I need to, to get you to agree to this" _Tony pushed, acting oblivious to Tim's discomfort. He needed to push him, needle him; make him care again.

"Damn it! All right, what is it?" Tim asked in aggravated resignation. He was just so tired of fighting it all. Whatever it was Tony wanted from him; it had better not be impossible to do.

"_I want you to promise me that you won't do anything with that little piece of metal you have in your hand right there; for at least 12 hours."_

"12 hours, Tony? Are you nuts? Why the hell would I wanna wait 12 hours? What, you don't think I'm miserable enough? Now you want me to stay miserable and in pain for 12 whole hours? What the hell kind of friend are you, Tony? Tim was pissed.

Tony was acting like this was some kind of waiting game. Did he get that the whole reason Tim was here was to end it now? Not to suffer through some god-forsaken, miserable 12 hours of being in pain and misery.  
_  
"The kind that won't let you do this to yourself if I can do something to stop it, McGoo."_

"Wouldn't it be simpler just to take it away from me?" Tim asked sarcastically.

"_Not something I'm allowed to do, Tim. Believe me, if I was, I would have already done it. No, this has to be your decision. I'm just asking you to promise that you won't make the final one for 12 hours. Get some sleep; stop thinking yourself into this hole you can't find your way out of."_

"Tony…"

"_No, McGee. You keep insisting on trying to end this__ alone; but this is not the way to handle this. You need to realize that you need help. There's no shame in that. All I'm asking is that you give me time to make sure you get that help."_

"No, Tony. I won't do it. I came here to get away from them; to stop dragging them into my messes!" Tim yelled at him in rising anger.

"_Tim, we both know that if Gibbs had acted like he gave a damn about you, you wouldn't be here right now, making a decision that's gonna affect all of them." _Tony calmly reasoned, determined to keep talking Tim through this insanity, hopefully until he came to his senses_._

"No, It's not! Why would you even think that? They've turned their backs on me, remember? They don't give a damn what happens to me and you know what, Tony? I'm okay with that!" Tim couldn't seem to stop yelling at Tony's way of thinking.

"_That why there's tears in your eyes, Probie?"__ Tony's sympathy was so real, it was as if he'd just wrapped Tim up in a blanket full of it._

"Leave me alone, Tony!" Tim crumbled under the sympathy of the big brother he'd never again get to share a day of life with. As he screamed out his pain; using the rebuke in an effort to push Tony away before it became entirely too hard to let him go; Tim left the bathroom and took himself to the window by the bed, tears filling his eyes.

"_Not happin__', Tim. You know I'm right. That's why you have to give me time to get them to try to help you." Tony pushed relentlessly.,_

"Now, who's talking about something that's not gonna happen?" Tim asked bitterly as he set the object that had been in his hand for over an hour, down on the table next to the bed. He immediately returned to the window, needing to look out at the world beyond his own painful physical state of healing injuries and crushed spirit. Angrily, he brushed his tears away.

"_They will want to help you, Tim. You just have to let them" _Tony dug his heels in and kept pushing, unwilling to let go of his little brother's hold on life.

"No, Tony, they won't but, you know what, I don't care anymore!" Tim settled into leaning against the window frame where it met the wall.

"_I know that you really want Gibbs to fix things between the two of you, Probie. It's in your eyes. It's the biggest reason you want to take the easy way out, here; because he hasn't even tried to talk to you; hasn't acted like he cares__, You figure he never will and you have nothing left." _Tony tried once again to offer his understanding and sympathy._._

"Drop it, Tony. You're not helping by bringing it up. If you really cared, you'd stopping ripping it open!" Tim couldn't stop the tears from falling any more, Tony's words and on target assessments of his feelings, had ripped the bandaids off.

"_Tim, Listen to me."_ Jenny's voice shocked Tim into turning around and looking at her as she shimmied into the room to stand next to him. _"Come over here and sit down with me. We really need to talk. Tony, you go do whatever it is you need to do."_

As Tony shimmered out, Kate invisibly took up a spot near the door, anxious to see if Jenny would be able to help stop Tim from making this choice. She stayed where Tim couldn't see her; she'd heard what he'd tried to explain to Tony. She understood why he didn't feel comfortable talking to her; but that didn't' mean she didn't care a great deal about him and want this to turn out right.

"Director." Tim said in a voice shaky with emotion from all different levels now. Stoically, he once again wiped away his tears and dried his face.

"_Tim. You've had a rough time of it since I've been gone; the whole team has. But__ you; you've hung in there and you've finally grown into a good place on the team. You're needed and you're important, as a person. The team is your family, remember?"_

"C'mon, Director, even you have to realize, that's gone now!. There's no coming back from this!"

"_All right.__ Let's talk about this choice you're making. Tony's right. If Jethro had treated you better, this wouldn't be a choice in your head right now, would it?_

"Does it really matter? He's not gonna change who he is. And who he is, hates me; has always considered Tony to be his son. And I took his son away from him. I get that, Director, Why expect something that's never gonna happen? Better to learn to live with your choices, right?

"_But, you're not doing that, Tim. You're giving up. And since that's not working fast enough for you, you've decided to do something drastic to step things up a couple of notches, hmm?__ Isn't that what this hiding out is about? You choosing to stop living with your choices?"_

"I didn't make all of these choices, Director. I've just gotten stuck living with some of them."

"_Yeah, Tim I know. I'm really sorry about that. We all are."_

Jenny's soft and sympathetic answer was Tim's undoing. Once again, the tears flowed.

"_Tim, lie down here and try to get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here with you."_

"Why would you stay with me?" he asked through his tears.

"_Because, Tim. I agree with Tony. You need to let Jethro help you. And I'm not leaving until he gets that chance."_

"Why are you forcing me to do this? I don't want his help! He didn't wanna help me before it got to this. Why the hell would he bother now? Oh, because he couldn't handle it if I did do this? Well, you know what? You're both wrong! Gibbs won't give a damn either way! As a matter of fact, he'll probably be relieved he'll never have to think about me again; except he will when he remembers why Tony's no longer here! Gibbs won't care that I'm gone! He'll be glad!" He cried out as the tears ran unchecked down his face He was so caught up in lashing out, his tears, for once, failed to bother him.

"_McGee. Do you believe that I know Gibbs pretty well?"_ Jenny asked calmly, as she placed a reassuring hand on his arm.

"Well, yeah, you knew him better than anybody, except maybe Ducky, well, in a different way, but…" Tim stuttered as he yet again wiped at his face and forced his tears to stop.

"_I get it, And you're right I did know him better than anyone on different levels than Ducky. The point is, Tim. I know you're important to him. He cares about all of his team members; like his family."_

"No, not me. I was the 'red-headed step-child" Sorry, he said sheepishly.

"_Yeah, I get it. I also understand that you really believe he doesn't care about you like he does the others. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can say to convince you of anything different. But know this, Tim. Gibbs does care about you."_

"Can we just agree to disagree on that, Director?" Tim asked respectfully as he tried to smother a yawn. His body already hurting and drawing up painfully from the stress and physical exertion he'd overdone.

"_Yes. Of course. Get some sleep. We'll talk about this when you wake up."_ Jenny coaxed as she deliberately ignored his outburst. She'd seen Kate silently crying in the corner and knew that the best way to diffuse this was to let Tim catch up on his sleep.

With a silent nod of his head, Tim gave up the fight, and lay down the bed, curling into a ball as much as in healing injuries would allow. As he pulled the blanket up over himself, he seemed to literally shrink before their eyes; It wasn't long before exhaustion caught up to him and Tim was finally asleep with Jenny and Kate watching over him.

"_Wow. I never saw this side of him before."_ Paula said softly as she shimmied into the room.

"_What are you doing here?"_ Jenny asked her quietly as they both stepped over toward Kate and away from the sleeping man.

"_I was told I was needed for reinforcement_." Paula said in the same quiet tone.

"_Okay. Kate, you okay?"_ Jenny turned to the still crying figure now huddled in the corner.

Kate nodded silently as her tears continued to flow.

"_Oh, Kate. You know we're gonna stop him from doing this, right? You know, Tony. He'll get them here. Tim will see__; he's nowhere as alone as he thinks he is."_ Jenny soothed the younger woman who had thought of this man as a younger brother who needed to be protected from the big bad world.

Watching him give up on the world and on himself was heartbreaking, but Jenny knew they could pull him out of it. She just wished like hell that Jethro would stop for one damn minute and think of Tim, not as the person responsible for Tony's death; but as the young man who'd given his life to the team and taken all the crap from everyone while doing it. A young man who'd grown into a hell of an agent; a fine young man; a treasured soul. A member of his team who needed him the most right now.

As Tim slept on, his ghostly guardians all stood watch and hoped and prayed that Tony would succeed in his efforts to bring the team to their senses in time to save this special young man from himself.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Fasten your seatbelts and bring the tissues!_

* * *

_Ducky?"  
"Sarah? What's wrong my dear?"  
_"_He's gone!"_

"Sarah, please calm yourself; Who's gone? Timothy?" Ducky asked anxiously.

"Yes! He talked me into going to class. Ducky, he _swore _he was gonna sleep while I was gone! Oh, God! Ducky, he waited for me to leave so he could take off! Why would he do that? You said he'd turned a corner this morning! And why is his lunch in his bathroom trash can? You said he ate something today!"

Ducky paled alarmingly as Sarah spoke, leaving him looking peaked and queasy. Gibbs gently pushed his friend down into his chair and reached over the phone's speaker so he could speak in Ducky's place, at least until the M.E. had a chance to pull his emotions back together.

"Sarah. I know you don't think much of me right now, but we will find your brother. I promise you that." Gibbs had no idea what kind or reception he was going to get but found himself with an indescribable urge to help Tim's fragile, distraught sister.

"Agent Gibbs? Where's Ducky? I need to speak to Ducky now!"

"He's right here Sarah and he's pretty upset. Apparently, your brother managed to fool him, too."

"Please, I need to….put him on just for a minute. I need to know he's ok"

"Go ahead Sarah, he can hear you." Gibbs kept a firm eye on Ducky and watched as the M.E. loosened his bow tie and undid the top button of his shirt. He was starting to regain some of his color, but the pallor he held still couldn't be classified as healthy.

"oh, God. Ducky, I'm sorry!"

"No, my dear. Believe me, it is I who is sorry. I should never had let Timothy trick me like that…I'm such an old fool to believe he would turnaround so quickly" Ducky returned mournfully. Gibbs could see the remorse in his old friends eyes and felt his heart break a little more at the fact that he had nurtured Tim through his rough, ongoing recovery and had been taken in by a simple but effective ruse.

"Ducky. He left a cd playing, on repeat. You should hear the song; it's heartbreakingly sad and listening to it has got me worried about what he might do next. He left a note, too."

"Song? What song Sarah?" Gibbs tried to keep the bark out of his tone but found it difficult because of the rising fear that Tim might actually do something to hurt himself.

"You should hear it. It'salmost like he's telling us by leaving it playing that this is exactly what he's feeling. It's so sad!

The two men heard some shuffling before autopsy was filled with the sound of the hauntingly sad, beautiful song.

_Take these tears, put 'em in a bottle.  
Don't let these tears I cry be in vain.  
Take these tears, keep them up in heaven.  
Water my life with tears like rain_

_Hear me, hear my words unspoken,  
Restore my faith in hoping  
Hear me, I am feeling broken I am broken open..._

The song continued and Ducky felt a tear slip down his cheek as he managed to rationalize each and every verse that was sung to how Tim had been feeling..._still was feeling._

"Yes my dear. I can see why Timothy chose it. Jethro, I've been blind to that poor boy's needs of late. The fact that he hasn't eaten has me worried because when I went up to him, I just presumed he had eaten his lunch when he handed me the empty plate."

"Not your fault, Duck. Not yours either, Sarah. We need to find him ASAP."

"You are not going anywhere near my brother, Gibbs! You weren't there when he really needed you and now you feel guilty you just jump right in there and..." Sarah was seriously angry at Gibbs' treatment of Tim and her rant left him feeling more than a bit guilty. Knowing that finding Tim was of the essence, Ducky intervened and stopped Sarah's tirade cold.

"You must let Agent Gibbs and his team help us locate your brother Sarah, there is no time for anger at the moment. Please, let bygones be bygones; all of them. Timothy needs all of us right now" Ducky requested respectfully. He heard Sarah's choked sob on the other end of the phone and wished he could be there to comfort the young woman. She had been there throughout and didn't harbour any hatred for her brother, all she had for him was unconditional love and concern that she thought had helped him through more than any of their help so obviously had.

"All right. What am I supposed to tell my parents?" Sarah wailed, the sobbing becoming more and more prominent as the conversation went on. He heard a door close and the engine of Sarah's car turn over before finally coming to life.

"Where are you now, my dear?"

"On my way to see you."

"All right, we will figure this out when you arrive." Ducky said with determination. "Let's not alarm your parents just yet."

After Gibbs ended the call, he wrapped his friend's shoulder in a supportive arm.

"Don't blame yourself for this, Duck. He knew what he was doing." Gibbs tried to reassure his friend in a completely overt show of solidarity.

"NO! Jethro, he does **not!** His mind is _not _clear. He does not possess the ability to think clearly right now! If he in fact, did not eat his lunch; then he's had almost no food for a week now! I'm not even certain he's taken his preventative antibiotic to offset any possible infection from his wounds! It is almost a certainty that he has not suddenly decided to take care of himself properly without help!"

Gibbs pulled back from Ducky and looked at him for a long silent minute before speaking, each word coming out with a fierce determination that served to drive Gibbs' protective nature forward.

"Ducky. We'll find him."

Turning on his heel, Gibbs headed back upstairs knowing that the older man didn't need any grief over this; after all, he'd been the only one of them to stand by McGee when the rest of them refused. Well, he and Jimmy. But that conversation would have to wait.

As Gibbs headed to the squad room, his heart seemed to shatter into hundreds of small pieces as he recalled Tony's words of warning that had almost gone through one ear and out the other; he felt the guilt curl in his gut and cringed at his stupidity.

_"Get out there and_ _find Probie and save him before it's too late"_

Tony had known Tim had disappeared! That's why he came to the squad room. It was a desperate measure for a desperate time! Gibbs' heart almost stopped at the idea that Tim would do something as horrible as the possibilities were crossing Gibbs' mind at the moment.

But, this was more than that. This feeling like his heart was breaking had a lot to do with Tim himself. Who the young man had been; the loyalty, hard work; honesty; oh, yeah, all of who Tim McGee was and all he'd given to this team; to Gibbs; unwaveringly; no matter what he'd been going through or had been dished out to deal with.

Gibbs had once called Tony his loyal Saint Bernard; but if he'd been honest about it; he'd had two Saint Bernards; one a lot older and wth a lot more field experience than the other; but two loyal Agents, just the same.

As he entered the squad room, he took a moment to look at the desk that had been home to his currently missing surrogate son; yes, Gibbs admitted to himself as he stood there staring ruefully; Tim had been like the younger son, to him. He'd just had a hell of a lot of trouble showing it to Tim; he suddenly felt the 'wrong-ness" of burying it under case files and couldn't help but feel like they'd tried to bury the man who had sat there for over 5 years. In retrospect, given Tony's warning and the fact that he was currently missing; it seemed as if they had indeed almost buried him alive, a fact that felt as though it was to be taken literally, not just by the metaphor that burying his desk had become.

_Was it too late? Would they be able to find him? God, he hoped_ so. There were too many questions running through his mind and every single one of them acerbated his fear and worry that his stubbornness may have cost him the life of his other boy. No matter how angry he was at the young man, Gibbs would never wish he was dead, hell he only reserved that wish for the rare few that had hurt him and his own and Tim didn't fall into that category. It had been a severe error in judgment that wasn't laced with malicious intent, it was just a huge mistake that had the worst consequences going.

He wasn't going to let it get to that, there was no way his youngest boy was going to give up on life….or worse, take his life. That just wouldn't happen! As he stood there, his brain finally kicked into gear and he began to clear away the files; moving most of them to the spare desk that sat just beyond the room divider between Tim's desk and the empty one. _Tim's desk_… Gibbs knew it would never again be that and that no matter how this played out, the possibility of Tim returning to NCIS, to his family, was shot. It didn't stop him from thinking of it that way though; it would always be Tim's no matter what. Taking the last stack of files, he carried them over to Ziva's desk and paused briefly to glance over at Tony's desk, feeling his heart breaking even more than it was at the thought that there was nothing in the world that could ever bring his senior field agent back to him.

As he set them down on his only remaining agent's desk, his cell phone rang just as Ziva arrived back in the squad room. Giving her a small smile of encouragement, Gibbs answered his cell phone.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"_Agent Gibbs."_

"Mrs. McGee. How are you?" Gibbs felt a wave ofsympathy wash through him for his former agent's mother who had done the unthinkable and tried to comfort him despite her own pain; much of which he'd caused! It was that fact, and that fact alone that made Gibbs admire the woman deeply and he couldn't help but appreciate that this woman had contributed greatly to the man Tim had become before this whole mess started.

"_I'm fine. Agent. Gibbs. Thank you for asking. I called to see how you and your team are doing."_

"We're managing. Mrs. McGee, It's very kind of you to ask."

"_Agent Gibbs, I was wondering if you'd given any thought to what I asked of you."_

"Actually, Ma'am. I have. You're right. I… I'll look after him. We'll make sure he's gonna be okay." He was mentally head-slapping himself for stumbling slightly because the last thing he wanted to do was cause Tim's mom more pain. It was too late though and woman caught the hesitation.

"_What aren't you telling me?"_

"What do you mean?"

"_Agent Gibbs, I can hear the hesitation in your voice. There's something going on with my son that you're not telling me. What is it? Please, don't think you have to protect me. Tell me the truth."_

"He's disappeared. He told his sister to go to her classes this morning and when she came back to check on him after her first class, he was gone. I'm sorry." Hearing the sigh on the other end of the phone made his breath catch in his throat…_what had he done?_

"_This is not your fault. He made the decision. While a lot of what he's feeling is your fault; the choices he makes in the throes of emotion doesn't fall on your shoulders, Agent Gibbs."_

"Doctor Mallard seems to believe he's not thinking clearly enough for him to make that rational decision Mrs. McGee."

"_Oh, dear. Why?" _Her voice raised an octave at the possibility that her son wasn't working to full capacity.

"He hasn't been eating."

"_Oh, dear God! Was this deliberate?"_

"No, at least we don't think so, He's been going through so much and his nerves probably wouldn't let him eat. Knowing, Tim, he's probably so weighed down with everything, he didn't have an appetite. From what I've seen in the past, he's never been good at forcing himself to eat."

"_Agent Gibbs, regardless of how you feel about him right now, Please, promise me you'll do your best to find him! When you do, call me and we'll come down to get him. I want him close right now so we'll take him home with us. Please, promise me that you'll find him so we can take him home with us, where he'll be safe."_

Mrs. McGee's words cut deep and Gibbs could almost feel that invisible blade twist in his heart as her words replayed themselves over in his head: _"home with us where he'll be safe"_

With a lump in his throat, Gibbs answered her. "I promise. We'll do our best to find him and take care of him. I'll call you when we know something."

"_Thank you."_ Mrs. McGee answered quietly before she ended the call. The emotion in her voice was palpable and left Gibbs resenting himself even more.

Gibbs' gut was clenching. Tony had warned him repeatedly that time was running out for Gibbs to fix things with Tim. On top of that, he'd repeatedly tried to get them to forgive the younger man.

_And I swear, If I hear one more of you say that he doesn't need you or you can't forgive him yet; I will head slap you so hard you'll think you were over here with me!_

Gibbs' picked up his coffee cup and headed out for a refill. Over the years, the ritual of going for coffee had become much more than the need for caffeine, it had become his safety blanket, his alone time that he needed in order to clear his head. He found the walk strangely soothing due to the fact that it gave him the space he needed to clear his head.

When he returned to the building some 15 minutes later, he got off the back elevator behind the squad room and cringed at Sara McGee's angry voice travelling across. There was no bars held in her tirade and her loud voice could be heard loud and clear as she stood yelling at Ziva and Abby.

"So, you're telling me that you have no idea where my brother is? Neither of you seem to be too upset about not knowing where he is. Looks and sounds to me like you really have turned your back on him!" Sarah paused briefly to catcher her breath and try to swallow back the tears that threatened to spill.

It wasn't but a short, half-minute before she once again unleashed the brunt of her anger and pain on the women who were too shocked to do little more than stand there and let her get it out:

"I know you blame him for Agent DiNozzo's death, but going off your recent actions then I guess you don't know him very well after all! My brother's given this team, given all of you, six years of his life and this is what he gets for it? He poured his heart and soul into this job! How dare you treat him like this! Even if he is responsible; which by the way, he's not; it doesn't give you the right to stop caring about what happens to him!"

She was relentless and Gibbs felt a pang of pride for the kid as he stood in the shadows listening to her lay it all out on the table. He had always admired her spunk; ever since he'd interrogated her for that murder she'd been set up for a few years back.

"Abby, didn't Tim stand by you as your friend, every single day, through everything you did to him, even though you broke his heart and never thought twice about doing it?"

"Agent David, didn't Tim risk his life for you; the same way Agent DiNozzo and Agent Gibbs did in order to rescue you from Africa? Wasn't he the first person to welcome you without question even while he was still grieving over Agent' Todd's death?"

Gibbs stepped out of the shadows and made his way over the trio who were standing in the space in between the desks. Sarah caught the movement out of the corner of her eye and turned her attention to him; unleashing her next volley of ammunition straight at him.

"And you, Agent Gibbs! My brother spent almost every spare, waking minute worrying himself damn near sick about measuring up to your stupidly high standards! Tryin' to make you proud of him! Tryin to make sure he didn't lose his job because he'd screwed up! He forced himself to learn to live with having killed innocent people, whether by accident or getting them killed. All so you'd somehow, someway, be proud of him! To respect him with even half the respect you showered Agent DiNozzo with. This job was his life! You were his mentor and you've just thrown him away, like yesterday's trash. I don't know how any of you can look at yourselves in the mirror! I saw the way you buried his desk like you were trying to bury him instead! You think uncovering it now just because he's missing makes a difference?"

"Now, he's disappeared and none of you gives a damn! My brother is the kindest, gentlest man on this earth and every one of you knows it! All of you better hope and pray that he's all right, because if he's not…!

Sarah McGee turned and stomped to the elevator with fresh tears streaming down her face at the cold shoulder's her big brother had encountered since this whole nightmare started.

Before she'd gotten ten feet, Sarah reached a road block that was completely impassable. In total frustration, she looked to see what had gotten in her way; only to find herself up close and personal, with one incredibly upset Agent Gibbs. She hadn't faced him like this since she'd been framed for murder all those years ago and she just figured that some things never changed; he was still terrifying to go up against; especially when she'd just brashly balled him out in his own squad room and none too quietly.

"Sarah." The man's voice was a shock. There was no anger, only a quiet sorrow and was that regret residing in his eyes?

"Agent Gibbs." Sarah bucked up and held onto her backbone.

"Abby and Ziva didn't know your brother had disappeared until you just told them. Agent DiNozzo's death has been very hard on all of us, not just your brother."

Sarah glared at his seemingly antagonistic words. Her stubborn side kicked in and she refused to rise to the bait he seemed to be goading her with.

"I'm not saying Tim doesn't need help. We want him found safe, the same as you do. I've already given you my word that we'll do our best to find him as soon as possible."

"Why do you suddenly care?" she threw at him with an anger that was quickly climbing back up to its' boiling point.

"Because, Sarah, I've had time to work through some things. I couldn't help your brother until I did that." Gibbs told her sincerely.

Hearing this man continue to talk to her calmly and quietly; with a sincerity she desperately needed right now; brought her to tears of relief that she wasn't in this alone.

As the tears fell down her face; Abby stepped up from behind Gibbs and silently opened her arms to Timmy's little sister..

Sarah flew into Abby's arms; desperate for some kind, emotional support. As the two girls stood, trying to help each other through the moment, Gibbs motioned for Ziva to come join him where he stood slightly behind them.

In the midst of this mild chaos, a courier arrived with the long awaited video surveillance tape from the warehouse. Gibbs wordlessly signed for it and silently handed it off to Ziva with a look that told her exactly what she needed to do. He sent her off to go through the tape privately, while he, Abby and Ducky got started on putting together with Sarah, places Tim would have gone and other important clues about him that would help find him.

Ducky arrived at that moment and after giving the girls another minute, Gibbs ushered everyone up the stairs to a conference room. They had to come up with a plan to find McGee and fast.

* * *

_A'N: Don't go too far, loyal readers; we promise the next chapter is right behind this one. _  
_What will we find on the long awaited Security footage?_


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: Please forgive the delay._  
_Bring the box of tissues.  
Fasten your seatbelts_  
_Short but very rough patch of a chapter_

_Thanks Shelbylou for all your hard work. _

* * *

Director Vance was In the midst of a routine check on his building's security camera usage, when he happened to come across two scenes that concerned him; both involving Gibbs' remaining team members. He leaned back in the chair he was sitting with a deep rooted frown. He started thinking about the past couple of weeks and the impact that losing DiNozzo had had on the team, it wasn't just the agent's death that hit them hard, it was the fact that they had lost their other team member too; meaning there was two workloads that had to be picked up and dealt with as well as the avalanche of emotions that followed his people where ever they went. Abby's lab was a classic example and used to be a bustling hive of activity. It now sat empty and silent as his Forensic scientist worked without music through her day with pain and anguish pushing heavily down on her.

He had been reluctant to get Gibbs two TAD's knowing full well that his agent wouldn't make them feel welcome, even Ziva was angrier recently; a combination which was not conducive for welcoming temporary staff into the midst. That was the reason he'd given them all the slack he could possibly offer. In lieu of their devastating losses, he didn't want to add to their obviously rising stress levels. But their slack had been pulled up short by the SecNav, meaning he'd have to pull Gibbs up to his office today to offer him choices for the two openings on his team; something that he wasn't looking forward to in the slightest.

That would have to wait. For the moment; he needed to deal with the two worrisome scenes that he was witnessing on the screen in front of him. In one conference room, his supposedly vacationing M.E. was conferring with his Forensic Scientist and his Senior Field Agent/Team Leader whilst in the other scene; taking place in a similar conference room; his newest agent; former Mossad Liason, Ziva David was apparently watching video footage of something and wasn't that the warehouse Agent DiNozzo was killed in?

As he watched the video play out, his jaw clamped down on his ever present toothpick and quite literally snapped it in half; forcing him to carefully extract every piece of it carefully to avoid getting any painful slivers stuck in very awkward places. He stood up and walked out of MTAC with the sudden need to get to the conference rooms, if truth be told, he couldn't get there fast enough because what he had just witnessed had knocked him for a complete loop.

Gibbs' phone rang ten minutes into a somewhat calm conversation he was having with Abby, Ducky and Sarah. He didn't bother to glance at the caller ID and answered it with a feeling of foreboding, mainly because his famous gut had started to churn at the sound.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Conference Room 2. Now!" Vance barked at him, it seems his gut had proved right once again as e tried to figure out what it was that had the director so riled. He was going to ask the question but the line went dead and he had no choice but to travel up to the other conference room to meet with his superior.

"I'll be right back." Gibbs told the trio as he hurried to see what Vance's problem was.

He walked into the room without knocking and steeled himself when he saw Ziva standing in front of the plazma on the wall, with tears running down her face. The sight of the usually strong agent openly crying had Gibbs heart suddenly in his throat.

"Ziva?" he walked over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder to try to ground her enough to rein in her emotions. "What is it? Is it something we didn't know already?" Gibbs asked quietly in an effort to respect her obvious sorrow. He didn't want to jump to conclusions because for all he knew, this could just be her grief rearing its ugly head at the scene she had just watched.

"He lied." Ziva whispered as she turned to look Gibbs directly in the eyes.

"Who lied, Ziva?"

"McGee." Her voice was still barely a whisper and if Gibbs didn't know better, he would have said Ziva was currently in mild shock at whatever the hell it was she had seen.

"What are you talking about, David?"

"Your boy's innocent, Gibbs." Leon jumped in from where he sat the corner knowing Gibbs would want answers fast and in Ziva's present condition; rare as it was for her to be so, it was a distinct possibility that she wouldn't be able to give them. He watched Gibbs school his features as his words kicked in ..._your boy!_

"He's not a boy, Leon. And he's not mine anymore." Gibbs answered quietly, his voice filled with something resembling regret.

"I can see that. If this is how you treat all your agents, maybe it's time you turn in your badge and hit retirement, Gibbs." It was a complete turnaround and left both agents standing there glaring at the director.

"You burn any pancakes while you're flippin' sides on this, Leon? As I recall, it didn't take you 30 seconds to accept his resignation or his guilt!" the Senior Field Agent's ire was up now at Vance's self-righteous sprouting. "You wouldn't even let him go to DiNozzo's funeral, for cryin' out loud, Leon!" Gibbs angrily threw back.

"There's nothing we can do about it now Gibbs. He made his official statement and we've already awarded DiNozzo his medal." The Director quickly turned the conversation to where it was needed.

"McGee wouldn't accept anything being done to change that, Leon. The fact still remains; he's innocent and has lost more than his damn job." Gibbs told him with conviction.

"He won't want to clear his name?" Vance asked in shock. Surely, Gibbs was wrong about this.

"No. He won't." the silver-haired man stated without hesitation.

"Why the hell not?" Vance demanded, he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that someone would continue taking the heat for something that he didn't do. He knew officially, he couldn't rescind the medal, but he was already trying to find ways that Tim could at least have a fighting chance of getting another job.

"Because he's willing to let us all give up on him if it means Tony's name stays clean, Leon. Damn kids got it all wrong. " Gibbs explained. "It's also why he's gone off the grid."

"What the hell are you talking about?" now it was the Director's turn to be pissed, he didn't like being kept out of the loop and wasn't aware Tim had gone anywhere further than Ducky's house.

"He disappeared this afternoon. Fooled Ducky into thinking he was eating again and seemed to be doing better. Ducky came to work leaving McGee's sister with him and the kid talked her into going to her classes; told her he was gonna take a nap till she got back."

"And the minute she left, he disappeared." Ziva reasoned out with heaviness in her heart that left her feeling as though she'd been sucker punched.

.

"Yeah." Gibbs answered quietly.

Ziva reached up and pointed the remote at the plasma, the video that she had watched countless times in the past hour, flickered up on the screen in front of her. Knowing what was coming would be difficult even for Gibbs to watch, Ziva stocially stood by him as he watched it.

Gibbs watched in silence as Tony took the lead into the warehouse, leaving Tim with no option but to catch up in order to even attempt to provide cover for the Senior Field Agent.

Vance watched Gibbs almost fall into his chair and followed his steely blue eyes to where they were glued to the video of his agents' ordeal as it played out in full color. He was still reeling from the shock of what he was seeing and suddenly, his legs seemed to refuse to hold him up any longer.

With tears filling his eyes; Gibbs watched the tape play out, showing in vivid painful detail, the exact moments when his boys were shot, Tony once, knocking him off his feet, and Tim into the line of fire, The shooter, in turn fired another shot directly at Tim, hitting him square in the chest. Gibbs couldn't help but gasp once again as Tim fell, his hand still on the handle of his gun, managing to get a round off before crumpling to the ground.

As his breath caught in his throat, Gibbs watched as the tape played on, showing the desperate struggle Tim had gone through to get back on his feet and try to save Tony, despite his own injuries and very apparent pain. . Watching from this side, in hindsight; as Tim struggled to call first 911 and then Gibbs; brought tears to Gibbs' eyes. He'd been screaming at the poor kid; all the while he'd neglected his own pain and wounds to take care of Tony AND incur the wrath of the boss, so he could know what was going on; knowing full well, he'd bear the brunt of the blame.

Hearing the young man's screaming at Tony not to die, and desperate pleas for them not to lose Tony, was heartbreaking. Tim remained obsessed with Tony's survival and nothing else was even registering on his brain. That much was evident on the tape. Watching as the EMT's arrive; and as they struggled to get Tim to let them treat him; even as Gibbs himself and Ziva arrived on the scene, now sent such a wave of emotion through him it almost robbed him of his breath. But what stabbed at Gibbs' heart the sharpest; was the evidence of his own actions; he'd gone straight to Tony and hadn't even concerned himself with Tim until the EMT had said something to him about his need for help. _Oh my God!_

Stopping the tape, Gibbs closed his eyes and forced himself to adjust his breathing. So caught up in reliving what had to have been the most horrible experience in his surrogate sons' lives; he hadn't even realized Vance had called Ducky to the room; or that he'd stepped out to prevent Sarah from seeing what had happened to her brother in such vivid detail. Vance even refused to let Abby see it.

Ducky, Ziva and Gibbs stood in shock.

The truth now stared them in the face. It had just become their new knowledge and it broke their hearts all over again; this time for Tim McGee.


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N: In appreciation to all our loyal readers who have stayed for this harrowing journey; we give you our deep appreciation and -another chapter-  
Tissues? - possibly._

* * *

Thirty shocking minutes later, Gibbs needed some air and a fresh cup of coffee. On his way back to the office, he stopped off at the fencing that overlooked the small area reserved for quiet contemplation. He paused briefly to glance at the beautifully crafted plaque in the center that memorialized those who'd fallen in the line of duty. He closed his eyes to try to find some peace and quiet that would allow him to sort through the sudden chaos that both his mind and heart had been thrown into; he was startled out of it with the all too familiar. but now irritating voice of the one person who'd allowed this to go so horribly wrong for each and every one of them.

"_I tried to tell you, Boss. Don't' get pissed at me because you refused to believe that __I did this."_

"You? You went against my orders to wait for backup? McGee has been taking the blame all this time and you tell me not to be pissed at you."

_"Yeah, Boss. I did."_

"You broke Rule #1?"

_"What? How? I'm not seeing the connection."_

"You went in knowing McGee would have to go in with you as your cover

"_Yeah. Okay. I admit it. I screwed up. I'm sorry, Boss." _Tony at least had the good grace to look ashamed at his actions, even dead that look would ordinarily soften the hardest of souls. Gibbs was whole other matter, after everything that had happened, there was no way he was going to let this lie and instead chose to completely ignore the comment.

"Knowing that if something happened, he'd be stuck taking the fall! Damn it DiNozzo, I expected better from you!" Gibbs pushed on almost as thought Tony hadn't spoken. He had too, to keep from ripping Tony apart. He was that angry.

"_Boss, I swear, I didn't think about that. I was having a really bad morning and it just ran away from me." _He had to explain, let his boss…_ex boss…_know exactly what had happened. He already felt guilty enough about his Probie taking the hit for his death and wanted nothing more than to rectify this whole nightmare so everyone could move on in peace.

"You screwed him over, DiNozzo! And took me along for the ride no less! He's had to live with it weighing down on him; all alone because we all blamed him, not you! All this pain and suffering he's been through; the team turning their back on him; was because you screwed him over and he was covering your ass! Why the hell didn't you just come right out and admit this instead of all this other b.s. DiNozzo?" There it was, everything that Gibbs was feeling was finally being laid out on the table. Tony swore that if he were alive, Gibbs would be taking a swing at him right about now. He watched his boss walk to the plaque and gaze at it with a blank, thoughtful look on his face; that hurt even more than anything else, the brush off! Tony found himself needing his boss to understand so stepped in front of him.

"_Because, Boss, I was supposed to help you figure it out on your own; not give you the answers. I did the best I could. You were supposed to follow the evidence. Chase down all possible leads. Just like a normal case. But you didn't!"_

'Tony, it's a damn good thing you're not really here right now, 'cause if you were…" Gibbs felt the surge of anger rise in him again at Tony's comments. What the hell did he mean he had to figure it out himself, damn it! The boy could have saved everyone a world of hurt if he'd just been honest with them all.

"_I always knew you cared, Boss." _

"Tony, I loved you like a son, but this crap you pulled on Tim...What you've done to him…" Gibbs' voice was full of disappointment, sadness, regret and most especially, pain. Tony heard it crack, a sound he never wanted to hear in his boss' voice again. He stayed quiet and waited for Gibbs to regain control.

"You knew about the tape. You watch it?" Gibbs asked

"No." Tony answered with a hint of sadness.

"Well, you know what, DiNozzo; you wanna keep lecturing me about what I was putting McGee through? How 'bout you go watch that tape and see what YOU put him through?" the boss' anger was gone clear through the roof and Tony had no response.

And so; quietly but not without volatile emotions running amuck; they waited until things cooled down; until the air between them literally simmered down.

"You know where he is, don't you?" Gibbs demanded, finally unfurling the brunt of his anger at what Tim had gone through on account of Tony.

"_Yeah. I do."_ Tony admitted quietly.

"Get us there, NOW!" Gibbs stabbed a finger toward the ground to reiterate his point, he needed to go to Tim so he could at least make sure he was ok before doing something he never did…_apologise. _Gibbs watched as Tony shook his head ruefully.

"_It doesn't work like that, Boss."_

"Well, however it 'works' DiNozzo, you'd better do what you can to get us there now. And no more of this cryptic crap!" Tony knew damn well that it was against some unspoken rule for him to overtly disclose the information. He tried to pull something out of the hat that would help Tim.

"_Ask his sister where they would go when they wanted to get away from everything, Boss._"

"If the answer's that simple, why wouldn't she know that already? Why would she be here begging us to find him? Think about it, DiNozzo!"

"_She' too upset to be thinking clearly. Come on, Gibbs! You honestly think she won't know?"_

"You'd better be right about this! You've done enough damage already without adding this too." That comment really got Tony's back up and he felt his hackles rise dangerously. Gibbs felt the physical response to his deceased agent's anger as an icy wind washed over him.

"_If you'd stopped getting so pissed at the messengers and actually listened to what they told you; it wouldn't have gotten this far!"_ Tony shot back defensively. The wind was starting to really pick up now and whipped around them.

"Doesn't let you off the hook, DiNozzo! Not by a long shot! Stop being so damn self centered and help McGee. Isn't that what you wanted all this time for cryin' out loud?"

"_Self centred? You want to take a good hard look in a mirror, Gibb?. And in answer to your question; No, Boss. I'll never be off the hook. Best I can ever hope for is to make sure you save Tim from joining me because of it." _

"How can I do that if your stubborn ass won't tell me where he is?"

"_Talk to Sarah. She'll know." _Tony started to curse Gibbs for his sheer stubbornness and shook his head sadly. "_Trust me, Boss, she'll know!"_

"TRUST YOU? How Tony? How do I trust you after you lied and let your friend take the fall for something that wasn't his fault? After you watched him go through all of this pain and misery? Watched us help put him through it?."

"_I know." _Tony's voice was full of regret and sadness "_I didn't want this you know."_

"No one did! And there's nothing we can do about it now but find him and try to make it right." Gibbs was trying to find a solution to everything that happened but his mind just refused point blank, to lock onto a specific course of action that would ensure his other boy's safe return.

"_I need to go. I'm going to see what I can do my end." _Tony's voice was sincere and Gibbs knew that no matter how much he shouted and reamed Tony out; it wouldn't even come close to the mental beating Tony was giving himself right now.

"Yeah. You do that." Gibbs said as he turned and headed back inside.

With fresh pain and regret and fear all washing through him, Gibbs felt like he was literally gonna be sick. It took every last bit of his Marine training, to toughen his physical reaction to all of this and go find the answers he needed to find his missing man.

He finally located Sarah McGee, sitting huddled in on herself and crying hysterically. Unbeknown to him, a lot had happened in his absence and whatever it was, didn't look good.

_TWENTY MINUTES AGO_

Sarah had known something was wrong the minute she spied everyone milling around with tired, grief filled eyes. It wasn't difficult for her to read the people around her seeing as she knew them well . She knew enough to know they'd found something that had opened their eyes and lifted that shadow of doubt that clouded all of them; It was obvious that it had broken their spirit, so she figured it had to be something really bad; she just didn't know exactly how bad it was.

Standing outside the conference room, she'd put two and two together and found a way to sneak into the room. Vance and Ziva had both turned away to gaze out of the window amd were standing side by side to discuss what their next steps were going to be. Sarah glanced around the room and saw the blank screen of the plasma and noticed that the remote had been left haphazardly on the table. Wasting no time; she picked up the remote while their backs were turned and let her finger hover over the button with a deep rooted need to know what it was they had been watching. She paused at the conversation and listened carefully to what they were saying.

"Ziva, you know he can't come back here."

"I know, Director, but that does not mean we cannot do something for him. Surely, there is something you can do to help him!"

Sarah had heard enough. Those two short statement s tore through her and left her feeling incredibly sad that her brother had been tossed out like yesterdays garbage. She jabbed at the button on the remote and waited for the tape to start.

Suddenly, the sound of the surveillance tape filled the room once again, causing both Ziva and Vance to whip around and find Sarah McGee watching as her brother was shot. She watched the film in full color and in slow motion, watching the images change, frame by painfully vivid frame.

All of a sudden, she let the remote drop out of her hands onto the carpeted floor and covered her face with her hands as her body convulsed with harsh sobbing. Ziva rushed over to Sarah and wrapped her arms around her, rocking her gently as the sobs slowly subsided enough for the Israeli agent to help her up and turn her away from what she was witnessing. It was a struggle, but Ziva finally led her from the room to where she knew Ducky was trying to recover from the images that had been burnt into his mind. Walking into the room with Tim's distraught sister had Ducky bolting out of his chair so he could make his way over to them.

"What on earth has happened?" Ducky placed a hand under Sarah's elbow and guided her to one of the chairs. Ducky crouched down in front of the shocky young woman and placed his hand gently over hers as she sat wringing them painfully. He had no idea what had bought this on and glanced up at Ziva, hoping his silent plea for information would get through. To his relief it did.

"She snuck into the room and watched the tape, Ducky." Ziva explained, her voice laced heavily with regret. It seemed to take a minute for the information to fully sink in and he balked at the thought of Sarah witnessing something like that.

"Oh, Dear heavens! Sarah, look at me my dear. SARAH! Come now, I need you to calm down"

Instead of looking at Ducky, Sarah threw her arms around her new friend's neck and held on for all she was worth. Ducky wrapped his arms soothingly around her and tried to offer whatever comfort he could. A good ten minutes later had Abby as well as Ziva also trying to comfort her, all to no avail.

_And Now_

Gibbs was greeted by this emotional train wreck as he walked in and was brought up short by the sheer depth of emotion that filled the room. It was so strong, it momentarily took his breath away leaving him with no doubt that he could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. As much as he hated too, it was time to cut this short. Tim's life could be at stake, even if he had no idea what had happened in his absence; he did know that they needed to put it aside now and move on. Time was one thing that they didn't have and was slowly ticking away in a countdown to whatever it was Tim had planned, Time was wasting away alarmingly, leaving the urgency of the situation palpable.

"Hey." Gibbs said loudly to the group at large, he paused and waited for them to turn their full attention to him.

"Gibbs." Ziva said as she stepped away from the others and stepped close to her boss in hope of making him understand what had happened.

"Sarah watched the tape while Vance and I had our backs to the door and were talking" she explained. "I am sorry."

"Not your fault, Ziva. But, we need to put this aside. We have to find Tim. Sarah! Need to ask you a question and I need you to answer as honestly as possible." He waited for the silent nod "Was there some place you and your brother would go when you needed to get away for a while?"

Sarah's head snapped up and the look on her face was quickly readable as self-appointed idiocy.

"Why didn't I think of that? Oh, God! Yes, We'd go to our grandmother's cottage at the beach!"

"Where is it?" Gibbs asked impatiently. He hated to push Tim's sister, but time really was of the essence and he was practically twitching with the need to get to his agent.

"It's about Three hours from here depending on traffic." Sarah said as she wrote down the address.

"All right. Duck, go grab what you need and meet me out front in 10. Ladies, while we're gone, you need to focus on pulling yourselves together. We'll let you know when we find him so go home and get some sleep,"

"Gibbs?" Abby had pretty much ran over to Gibbs the moment he walked in and he could see the internal struggle as she tried to figure out what she could do.

"Abbs, we don't have anything except cold cases right now and I don't want Ziva chasing any leads alone right now. Neither of you are at the top of your game at the moment, I need you to work on getting that back. We'll call you when we know anything." He watched as Abby nodded sadly and hugged him anyway, glancing up he saw Sarah still sitting in the chair looking more distraught than he could remember ever seeing her. " Sarah, I don't think you need to be alone right now because you'll just worry sick about everything. Why don't you stay with Abby? Maybe the two of you can help each other out."

Gibbs waited for her to nod morosely and headed out leaving the ladies standing there silently with their feet rooted to the floor in shock. They all stood in complete stunned silence until they heard someone clear their throat behind them, turning they saw the director standing there with a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Ok ladies, I don't know what you have planned, so how about I run out and get us all something to eat. If it all becomes too much then take a break or let me know and we'll see about sorting something out." He was trying to instill some modicum of normality to their day, something which was no easy feat given the current circumstances. He couldn't help but feel the need to father these three women, knowing that their grief, regret and worry would completely consume hem until they got that call…_if they got that call…_that Tim was safe.

Racing towards the McGee's grandmother's cottage, Ducky and Gibbs were equally silent as they both contemplated what could potentially happen next. Both were over-wrought with the emotions that had ruled their minds and taken roost in their fragile hearts in the last couple of weeks and both were desperately in need of the chance to breathe without those emotions choking them. Finally, with over half of the journey past in silence, Ducky felt compelled to talk, even if it was just to clear the air.

"Jethro. I feel I must apologize, my friend."

"For what, Duck?" Gibbs was confused, if anything it should be him apologizing not the other way round.

"It must have seemed as though I was not mindful or concerned about what you have been going through and seemed as though I had a one tracked mind, focused only on Timothy's welfare."

"No, Duck. You were doing what needed to be done. The rest of us were too blindsided to see it; myself especially. If anyone owes an apology, it's me; to you, to Jimmy, and especially, to McGee." He practically whispered Tim's name as guilt started to curl in his gut again.

"Yes, well, be that as it may, Jethro, I do believe you'll find that so long as you are genuine in your attempt to help Timothy and not just at this time; but for so long as he needs it; then you'll find the rest of us are much more prone to forgiveness than you give us credit for." It struck Gibbs at that moment, that no matter how badly his old friend had been wronged, his gentle nature always forgave people who mattered to him. It spurred the tears to prickle harshly at Gibbs' eyes.

"I know you are Duck. And under normal circumstances, McGee is forgiving to a fault. But, we both know these are far from normal circumstances. I'm not banking on his forgiveness. It's not something I feel right pushing him into, Ducky. So long as he knows that he has nothing to worry about from me, maybe he'll see he's not as alone as he thinks he is."

"I'm curious, Jethro. What exactly does that mean; "he has nothing to worry about from you?"

"Right now, Ducky? All I know is, I won't know exactly what I mean until I see and talk to him."

"Yes, well, so long as you don't break the one rule of yours that applies to me, Jethro." Ducky warned.

"Aw, c'mon, Duck! You know damn well that Rule #44 only applies to dead bodies!"

"Yes, well, let us pray that Timothy does _not_ fit into that category by the time we arrive, shall we?" Ducky asked solemnly.

That statement shocked Gibbs to the core and with his heart suddenly back up in his throat, he mashed his foot to the floor, needing to hurry even faster towards their destination. Stii, it wasn't fast enough and as the road rose up to meet them, he couldn't help the thoughts that ran through his head, the thoughts that told him they were gonna be late if they continued at their current speed.

As the M.E. held on for dear life, he silently added another prayer to his litany already being expressed in his heart. _Please let us get there safely!_


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: okay. Here it is. The chapter you've all been clammoring for.  
Now, remember, you all promised NOT to shoot the story tellers!_

Fasten your seatbelts  
And bring the tissues

* * *

Tim felt like he'd slept for a month and struggled with his sluggish body as it tried to shake off the last vestiges of sleep. As he attempted to drag his heavily lidded eyes open, trying desperately to pull the lids past the point that they were stubbornly positioned, closed and seemingly happy to stay that way; his body finally woke up fully, the last of the heaviness draining away with the emotions he refused to let surface. In his current state of mind, it was easier to stay numb and given the chance, he would have stayed in that unconscious state for a hell of a lot longer.

It was his body's fault he was waking up in the first place and between the need to use the bathroom and the returning pain from his wounds, his mind didn't have much say in the matter and Tim was left with no option but to obey whatever it was he was being told to do by his traitorous body. Goodness knows, if it did, it would most definitely have voted for going back to the first nightmare free sleep it had had in a long time. _How the hell had that happened anyway? However, it had happened and it needed to happen again!_

As he struggled out from the curled position he'd apparently stayed in while he'd slept all these hours, and attempted to disentangle himself from the blanket he'd pulled over himself. He let his dry, tired eyes search the room, the first thing that struck him was the fact that everything was now shrouded in complete darkness, something that didn't help his endeavor to see whether or not he was alone. He couldn't tell and reaching over to where he knew the bedside table was, he groped for the lamp that sat there. As the light permeated the room, his guardians came to light; all still present and accounted for. _Wait a minute, all? What the hell was going on? Kate? Paula? Jeez, just how long had he been sleeping anyway? _

Quickly he looked at his watch and saw that he'd finally gotten a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Wow! _That's the first time in so long that he couldn't even remember when the last time had been!_ As he got out of bed, he turned towards his fallen friends and asked the question that was burning in his mind

"Why are you all here?" he huffed out a small laugh and rubbed his hand over his face ," Not that it's not really nice to see you..."

_"Tim. I told you. I'm not leaving until Jethro fixes things with you." _Jenny told him gently.

_"Tim, none of us are leaving until we know for sure that you're not checking out on yourself or on anyone that cares about you_." Kate said with the strength and compassion that he had always loved about her.

_"Hey, Tim. You feelin' better?" _Paula asked as she stepped forward to greet him.

"I don't exactly know yet. Thanks though, Paula. It's really nice to see you again." Tim answered in a quiet voice before he stepping into the bathroom, closing the door and turning on the shower. He hoped the hot water would help release his sore, stiff muscles and stood there relishing the feel of the powerful spray pounding down on his skin. Thankfully, his wounds remained safely sealed off from the water, by the wonderful bandage job Ducky had done on him. Ten minutes later, Tim came out freshly showered, changed and looking like he did indeed feel better. Somehow, his injuries were even giving him some slack; not hurting at the moment, beyond what he could manage without meds.

_"Where are we, Tim?" _Kate asked out of curiosity as he made his way to the kitchen and turned on the light. His muffled voice answered her question as he searched through the refrigerator.

"My grandmother's cottage. Sarah and I used to come here whenever we needed to get away from …" Tim stopped talking and drank the glass of juice he'd poured himself while he was answering her question.

_"Go on…" _Jenny encouraged.

"Never mind." Tim closed himself off to any more discussion and rinsed the empty glass out and left it in the sink.

_"You need to eat something." _Jenny reminded him gently. She was worried that whilst the juice would be good enough to keep his sugar levels up, he still needed the nourishment that only food could offer.

"Not hungry." Tim answered without fight or argument. It was a simple statement that didn't hold any lie to it, his appetite had simply abandoned him and if he was going to be honest with himself, he didn't think his stomach could handle food right now anyway.

_"Doesn't matter. You still need to eat." _Jenny pushed.

"I'm sorry. I just can't force myself to eat if I'm not hungry. I never could." Tim apologized as he took himself out to the porch which gave the most amazing view of the ocean he could have asked for. There wasn't another soul around except for them. Peaceful, undisturbed and nature's beauty at it's best with the rolling waves and pristine water and equally pristine sand. He could be happy here forever, he realized. Except, that being happy wasn't in the cards for him. Throwing away the idea, Tim closed his mind to that train of thought; choosing instead to try to let his mind hold on to the moment of nothingness; where absolutely nothing crossed it; or caused him pain.

_"Wow, Tim. This is beautiful!" _Paula gushed.

"Yeah. It is, isn't it?" Tim answered quietly. The cottage bought back memories of his grandmother, a woman he missed dearly. The old woman always looked after him and Sarah when they needed that time to sort through things, leaving them to think whilst making sure they felt loved and happy at the same time…._She was a true saint, _thought Tim with a sad smile.

_"I take it she's moved on?" _Jenny asked gently. Tim had never really talked about his family much and she knew that right now, thinking about and grieving for the ones he had loved and lost would be acerbated to dangerous levels. If all it took was a friendly ear and gentle encouragement to make him feel better, then that was what she would provide.

"Yeah, a couple of years ago."

_"While I was director? You never mentioned it. I don't recall you taking leave for her funeral_."

"That's because she died while I was home one weekend. I called in sick the day of her funeral. Came to work the next day."

_"Oh, Tim! Why didn't you let us know?" _She knew he was a very private man, but to keep this from his friends and surrogate family; that was taking it to extremes and was something that struck her as odd and very sad.

"I can't afford to have my life be an open book at work any more than it is. I'd never get a moment's peace if I did that. Sorry, I meant, I couldn't and wouldn't. Forgot for a second there; we're talking about history. Can we stop talking about it, please?"

_"Sure, Tim. So, how you feeling?" _Jenny changed the subject hoping Tim would open up to her in different ways. She had to keep him talking, it was the only way she knew to keep him alive.

"Sore, stiff, ready to get this over with."

_"So, you're still hanging on to your decision, then." _Jenny surmised sadly.

"Well, yeah. I already told you, It's the only answer. That hasn't changed, Director."

Jenny smiled. _"Tim. I haven't been the Director in a long time. You can call me Jenny."_

"Ok." Tim said shyly as he turned and went back inside and headed back up the stairs signaling the end of the conversation. She watched him go and turned her attention back to the road in front of her, cringing at the sight of headlights barreling down the narrow lane.

_"Tim!" _Jenny raised her voice to reach him from across the porch.

As he turned back to silently wait for whatever she had to say; he noticed a car pulling up out in the driveway. From his vantage point on the stairs, he could see straight out to the driveway and realized he was indeed no longer alone, a fact that only angered him. Damn it! Tony'd gotten someone to find him! Damn it to hell! Angrily, he turned and raced up the stairs and locked himself in the bedroom.

Hurrying after him, Jenny managed to join him in the bedroom. "_Tim, listen to me! You promised Tony you'd wait, didn't you?"_

"No, I didn't! I promised that no one else was gonna have to clean up after my life or my messes! With anger radiating off of him, he stalked over to the table where he'd laid the gun earlier and picked it back up; cradling it once again, like a treasure, in the palm of his hand.

As he heard banging downstairs on the front door, Tim's spine stiffened and his anger surged through the roof; stalking back to the bedroom door; he unlocked it; flung it open and screamed out.

"GO AWAY! "

Outside, Gibbs and Ducky looked each other with both relief and fear. Yes, Tim was here; but he was obviously not ready to deal with anyone outside of himself. And right now that was incredibly dangerous. Somehow, they had to get in there because Gibbs had to talk to Tim; face to face. Tony's warning "…_before it's too late_."rang loudly in both their ears, seemingly in competition for their attention, right alongside Tim's words just now. True to Tony's warning; it seemed as if suddenly it was a last minute desperate race against time. And unless they got in there, time would be the tragic victor.

Upstairs, Jenny was joined by Kate and Paula, who'd slipped in among the ruckus of Tim's screaming out at his newly arrived visitors and the banging of doors. With determined strides, despite his injuries that were now beginning to hurt more, Tim stalked to the spacious master bathroom. The last time Tim entered this room, it had been to take a shower. Now, he stood in the middle of the open floor, no longer thinking about climbing into the tub and making it easy for anyone who might find him later; as he obviously stood there deciding to do the unimaginable.

The three ghosts now frozen in shock, couldn't help but watch with horror as Tim raised his arm, the gun in his trembling hand and this time; put it to his head.


	29. Chapter 29

_Hi Guys_

_As a special treat we decided to give you the next chapter...Ok, I admit we're scared!...ouch...stop throwing stones at the evil little authors for the cliff hanger...owwie...we didn't mean it...alright, yeah we really did but we're sorry and hope this more than makes up for it._

_Ahhhh, that's better! Hope you all enjoy and thank you to everyone who has faithfully stayed with us through this emotional rollercoaster. You have all been awesome and have really made us feel good about ourselves._

_Oooh we should probably warn you that you may need those tissues again - Shelbylou

* * *

_There was a collective shout of '_Tim NO!' _from the ghostly trio of startled women. They stood frozen where they were and were unable to help their ailing friend as he pressed the muzzle of the gun to his temple. Tim's trembling hand continuously shifted on the handle; his fingers moving restlessly as his heart climbed steadily up into his throat, each beat seemed to throb wildly against the walls in which it climbed leaving. The sounds around him faded out and were replaced by the _Throom throom_ of his own heartbeat playing a rift in his ears; It was getting louder and louder with every passing second when all of a sudden he felt completely drained of everything, energy, bones, willpower; all of it; gone; as if it had been blown away on a puff of air.

Without warning, the barrel of the gun shifted away from where rested against his head only to be replaced by the ghostly essence of one thoroughly pissed off Anthony DiNozzo, Jr. His anger was so potent that it nearly smothered the thick air in the room making everyone but an oblivious Tim, balking at the sheer rage that dripped of him. Tony shifted his form until he was directly in front of Tim's face; making it impossible for Tim to even think of pulling the trigger at that moment. Tony frowned at the faraway, glassy look Tim had and followed his gaze to the gun, which now rested loosely in Tim's left hand that had fallen limply to his side in the moment of Tony's surprise arrival.

Giving it everything he had, Tony used his energy to push the gun out of Tim's loose grip and cringed at the noise it made as it clattered to the floor; his experience told him it was never a good idea to drop firearms and he was grateful beyond measure that it didn't go off.

"_Tim! Hey McGee! You with me? Come on Probie don't do this."_ Tony was frantically trying to get Tim's attention but it was to no avail as Tim swayed slightly where he stood and started to crumple as his knees gave out on him altogether. He was saved from tumbling onto the hard tile floor by two strong arms wrapping themselves around his body and holding on for dear life.

"I got ya, Son. I've got ya." Gibbs didn't let go; hugging Tim's listless form close to him in an effort to become the younger man's anchor and rock as he threatened to collapse completely.

Tony had watched the scene unfold; feeling a rush of relief at the sight of Ducky and Gibbs rushing into the bathroom. After hearing the initial commotion, they'd thankfully noticed the open patio door and had flown up the stairs to help; arriving just in time to see Tony stop Tim from doing the unthinkable. Gibbs now adjusted Tim's weight and waited for Ducky to sling Tim's other arm over his shoulder before taking Gibbs' lead and guiding him to the bedroom. Tony followed and waited until they had settled Tim onto the bed before he let loose of his anger, now that the gun was no longer an immediate threat to Tim's life.

""_What the hell Probie? You promised me man; damn it Tim you promised! Just what the hell do you think you're doin' McGee? "  
_

"Tony!" Gibbs' tone held an edge of warning as Ducky tried to pull Tim out of his own mind.

"_No boss! What the hell..."_

"Now's not the time DiNozzo."

"_Hell, yeah it's the time, Boss. Look at him! He's a mess and we came this close,"_ Tony held up his hand and pinched his thumb and forefinger close so there was only a centimetre gap showing "To losing him completely. He's not ready for this yet, Gibbs." Tony's statement tore through Gibbs' heart knowing that the role he had had in this probably spurred Tim into attempting suicide even more.

"I know, Tony. Trust me, I know." They were interrupted by a low moan from the bed and turned to see Tim blinking owlishly at Ducky.

Up until that moment, Tim's mind had slipped behind the fog. It had slowly started to dissipate at the sound of Tony's yelling, though he wanted nothing more than to slip right back into it. As the fog slowly rolled away, it left behind the stockpiled anger, hurt and complete disregard for his own life in its wake. That jumble of emotions was exacerbated by the fact that he had soon come to realize and feel exactly what the others thought about him. Each piece of their hatred stung like a physical blow leaving him feeling as though there was nothing left for him here; nothing worth living for.

With a strength he hadn't even realised he still had, Tim took himself up off the bed and without thought or realization that he was in fact no longer alone with his ghostly overseers; Tim let his own anger rise and didn't fight it when it flew right back at Tony, getting almost completely in his space:

"No! I didn't I told you I wouldn't wait that long! I told you no one would give a damn. And damn it; I told you to leave me alone; stop hurting me by coming back like this when you can't stay! Get the hell away from me, Tony!" Tony felt the words hit him and staggered backwards slightly.

"_Hey! I just saved your life, man!"_ Tony replied the only way in which he could think too.

"I never asked you to save me! I told you to let me stop being anyone else's problem! I can't help it if you don't listen to me! But, why should I be surprised? No one EVER listened to me!"

"_That's not true, Probie!"_ Tony was telling the truth. In all the years that he had known Tim and watched him grow, he had listened to him more than what his friend would ever know.

"The hell it isn't Tony! Don't you DARE say that to me! Get out!"

Tony instantly backed down. He knew he'd kicked his probie when he was down on this one; even if he had saved him from himself first. Obviously the 'more than his friend would ever know' was the problem.

As the ladies stood by crying through the altercation; Ducky stood with them, waiting to be of assistance or an ear to listen to whomever would need him when the dust had settled. He offered the group of women a sympathetic smile and slipped into the bathroom to collect the gun and remove the bullets. He pocketed each component and moved back into the bedroom feeling as though he was laden down with the weight of the weapon that nearly stole Timothy McGee away from them all. The silence in the room was painful as all eyes watched Tim crmple back down on the bed and curl into himself and start to rock gently.

The silence only lasted for a short while and was broken by the sound of the bed springs creaking as Tim stood back up and took himself to the window, effectively closing off the altercation and any further discussion. He had obviously withdrawn back behind that rolling, thick fog and seemed determined to stay there for as long as was necessary. Ducky doubted that Tim even knew they were there and walked to stand beside Gibbs who had remained by the end of the bed, out of the way of Tim's movements.

"Jethro..."

"Don't Duck. Let him be a minute."

"Of course. I'm worried though Jethro. The boy's not well at all."

"Physically or mentally Duck?" Ducky's words worried him, he had noticed the fine sheen of sweat that had formed on Tim's brow but had put it down to the exertion.

"Emotionally. He's given up completely and I don't know what to do to help him."

"I know Duck. Me neither."

Gibbs had watched both his boys go at it with each other with his own heart up in his throat. This was a side of Tim McGee that none of them had ever seen before and it was a scary sight to behold. Every raw emotion; anger, angst, pain, regret, surfaced into one blowout that resulted in Tim shrinking back into himself. He was a shell of the man he used to be and that served to do nothing but shred Gibbs' heart to pieces. Every word that Tim shouted was disheartening to listen to and it was proving to be absolutely terrifying to try to figure out how to get him back from this place that they'd pushed him into.

Gibbs was well aware Tim had been brought to this place as a direct result of everything that had gone wrong after doing his absolute best to save his partner's life in the warehouse. He also knew that Tim had to be more than pissed and completely understood that he was feeling like the world hated him and everyone he loved and respected had turned their backs on him..._Damn kid must be scared out of his mind. _Gibbs knew that Tim screaming at Tony and not even noticing Ducky or himself in the room watching from the sidelines was evidence of that.

Tim felt a warm hand rest in the small of his back and let himself be guided to the bed. The hand didn't register fully and he found himself being totally pliable to whatever was acting as the driving force behind the move. The dense fog still resided in his mind and the fact that he'd never been here before, with so much pushing down on him and burying him emotionally, meant that he had no clue how to handle it.

Silently, Gibbs started to walk out of the room, pausing briefly to glance at Ducky as he tended to a nearly catatonic Tim before looking at his four fallen friends and giving them a short nod so that they followed him out, leaving Ducky alone with his patient.

Ducky had just finished his initial examination and settled back in the so he could start his vigil. He decided the best course of action was to wait for Tim to decide when he was ready to talk rather than push his trouble friend even further. He was worried though; the exertion had taken its toll physically and left a mild fever in its wake. Ducky knew that the cause may be something as simple as exhaustion and upon examining Tim's wounds, he found them to be healing well.

"I have to say Timothy; I don't understand your actions. But I want you to know you are not alone, dear boy and I will be waiting for you when you are ready to talk." He sat back further and wiped away at lone tear as it threatened to roll down his face. "Just please don't leave it too long."

Gibbs had taken a detour to the kitchen and was relieved to find it fully stocked with coffee. It was instant, but at this point in time he didn't rightly care and doubted he would taste it anyway. He made himself a cup and walked back into the living room where the quartet of ghosts had settled into the chairs. Tony stood up to let him sit down and even though he knew Tony was dead, he was still surprised by the coldness of the cushions that he settled on. He glanced up at everyone and decided to jump right into the discussions.

"What happened?" was the first question that burned through Gibbs' mind.

"_He saw you pull up and ran upstairs to grab the gun Jethro."_ Jenny explained with a solemn tone. Jenny had always liked Tim and, if anything, had grown to respect him even more when he stood up to her when it came to protecting his sister.

"Tony?" Gibbs had acknowledged Jenny's answer with a nod but pushed the discussion forward, needing all the answers.

"_You saw what happened."_ Tony answered quietly; still thrown off kilter for having been driven to overstep with Tim.

"Talk to us, Tony. What's going on?" Kate pushed; not liking Tony's quietness. Experience told her that there was something seriously wrong if her DiNozzo was as quiet at this.

"_Oh, you mean besides that fact that all of this is my fault and then I have the audacity to tell him that he's wrong when he says no one ever listens to him?"_ Tony asked sarcastically. The guilt that dripped off his words was biting and left Gibbs feeling the need to reel this in in-order to get all the answer.

"DiNozzo! Guilt later. Problem solving now." Gibbs put some command into his voice knowing it was now the only tool he had to rein in Tony's feelings of incrimination and guilt. He couldn't help but smile as Tony raised his hand defensively to his head. The realisation that Gibbs could no longer give him the obligatory head slap was a double edged sword. On one hand he was relieved and found the guts to argue back; on the other, it was the closest thing he'd had to a fathers discipline and he found himself mourning the loss.

"_Yeah, That's real funny, coming from you, Gibbs! Maybe if you'd followed that advice a week ago, we wouldn't be in this mess!"_ Tony spat back vehemently.

"Tony. I. am. not. the. one. Who got myself killed and let my partner take the fall for it. You need to look in the mirror if you're looking for someone to pin the blame on." Gibbs said with more steel in his voice than a barrel full of guns.

"_Yeah. Heapin' on the guilt's really helping things out here, Gibbs."_ Tony shot back dangerously. Even though he no longer had a heart, his soul and essence felt every bit of anger and remorse.

"What do you want from me, Tony? You wanted me here to talk to Tim; I'm here! You wanted me to realize it was your fault this happened without having to come right out and say it yourself; well you got that, too. What the hell else do you want from me? Blood?"

"_I dunno."_ Tony said dejectedly as he got up and floated away from the group, needing some space to gather his thoughts. Tim, his best friend and brother had tried to kill himself. He had put a gun to his head and threatened to pull the trigger. How in the hell would that ever be right in the world. _How in the hell will Tim ever recover?_

Gibbs let him go feeling as though Tony had physically slugged him. He could deal with the arguments; at least they were getting somewhere. What he couldn't deal with was the sheer abject dejection that clouded his boy as he floated away from the group. He shook his head and turned back to the ladies knowing that there was still a lot that needed to be said.

"Anything else I should know before I go talk to Tim?"

"_Only that he firmly believes that Tony was a son to you; a son that he took away from you. He really believes that you hate him, Gibbs."_ Kate answered tearfully.

He couldn't deny that, but what Tim hadn't realised was that, despite his anger towards Tim, he had felt as though both his boys had been taken away from him, not just one. Gibbs knew he had no one to blame for Tim not understanding just how much he meant to Gibbs, but himself. It was something he would do his damnedest to rectify, if it took every ounce of strength he possessed.

"I'll talk to him, Kate. Thank you for taking care of him."

"_Taking care of him? Is that what you call it?"_ Tony demanded as he came back in the room.

"_Tony!"_ Kate admonished as the impact of his words hit home.

"_No, Kate! I come in just in the nick of time because the three of you were just standing there watching him! What? Were you just gonna watch him take his own life? You were supposed to be protecting him from himself!"_

"_Tony. I understand your anger. But, if you don't calm down and think about what you are saying then you are going to alienate the people who are there to support you. You're not helping your cause." Jenny warned. "Now, I admit, we shouldn't have been just standing there; but everything happened so fast, we were just in shock."_

"_Shock that almost cost him his life."_ Tony muttered as he sat back down mutinously glaring at the girls with a look that would have rivalled Gibbs'.

Gibbs sank back down into his chair and locked his eyes on Tony has he spoke to him.

"Tony. I know you're angry. But you know what? We all are right now. I think you all have done your jobs; you've made sure we found out what really happened and you made sure we found McGee before it was too late. Sounds to me like you all need a break. Ducky and I can handle it from here."

"_Don't' be so sure, Gibbs."_ Paula offered quietly. _"This is a side of Tim I don't even think you've ever seen."_

"I know, Paula. But we can handle it. Go on." Gibbs sounded strong in his beliefs that they would be able to help Tim. His certainty didn't run deeper than the surface though and he felt himself panic internally at the prospect that he may never get his boy back.

As the ghostly pack shimmied out, Gibbs took a deep breath and headed up the stairs and paused at the door as he heard Tim and Ducky talking amongst themselves. It was a step in the right direction and he knew Tim had drawn himself out of that catatonic state he buried himself him. What twisted the knife in his gut, were the first words he heard.

"Ducky, I can't do this anymore. I just can't live with myself knowing what I have lost."


	30. Chapter 30

_Hi Guys_

_Once again I owe you all a massive apology for your agonising wait for this chapter. After last weekend when you got a real treat with a surge of activity on this story, I can only say i'm sorry and it's all my fault that it wasn't done quickly (Shelbylou **waves**)_

_My only excuse is the 'orrible head hold I had and am finally just getting over now thanks to Arkangel and her wonderfully tasty package of cure all ding dongs...Arkangel, you are an absolute star and lifesaver._

_I'm sending big hugs to my partner and friend Smartkid37 who, I know I said this before, has had a hell of a lot of patience and has been mega understanding - for that I thank you. She had her homework assignment already set out and had to wait for me to pull my finger out. _

_Anyway, upwards and onwards and hope you all enjoy _

_Oh, and have those tissues to hand because you might just need 'em._

_Shelbylou x_

_

* * *

__"Ducky, I can't do this anymore. I just can't live with myself knowing what I have lost."_

Ducky balked at Timothy's statement; given the young man's failed attempt at taking his own life a mere few moments ago, it was one he hoped he would never hear again.

"Timothy, you cannot think that way! Surely you realize that we don't want you to….." Ducky's voice cracked slightly at what he was going to say "You need to move on Timothy. Please, let us help you come away from this place you've been brought to by all that's happened."

"Let you help? How Ducky? How can I possibly look anyone in the eye after what I've done? What I couldn't even do to get out of everybody's way!" Tim's quick fire questions left Ducky feeling deflated and at a complete loss as to what to say to the young man. Surely after everything that had happened, he wasn't still carrying the responsibility on his shoulders? Was he seriously seeing Anthony's success at saving him from himself, as a failure on his own part?

"Listen to me Timothy; you are NOT to blame for what happened to Anthony!"

The silence that hung in the air after Ducky's statement was more telling than anyone could know. He watched as Tim slowly withdrew and took to staring blankly out of the window as he thought about the simple statement. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Tim answered in a voice so quiet, Ducky had to lean in to hear him.

"Yes. I am. You have no idea how much this is killing me right now." Ducky reached over and placed his hand under Tim's chin to pull his head round so the young man was looking at him. It took a moment, but finally those green eyes were locked onto him and it pained the M.E. to see how distant Tim seemed right now. He couldn't help but think that if the eyes were the window to a man's soul, then this young man was already lost to them. Ducky shook his head ruefully and held Tim's gaze.

"I _do _know, Timothy, trust me I _do _know. I have read your statement, dear boy. I want you to know that I have also read Anthony's autopsy report and have seen the photos. I even managed to see Anthony before he was laid to rest and I have to say, the evidence does not support what you have told us."

"Wait. You saw him? You didn't do his …" Tim just couldn't wrap his head around what he was hearing and why Ducky never mentioned it before. He guessed the latter was because the genteel M.E. had wanted to keep Tim safe and didn't want to hurt him further. The former, now, that one baffled him.

"Good heavens, No! I fear I shall never be able to do another Autopsy on another colleague, so long as I live. Especially, not on Anthony, you, Jethro or Ziva and of course, not on dear Abigail, either."

"Then I don't understand what you meant."

"Timothy, as I said before, the evidence simply does not support your report. I saw the positions of both your wounds and Anthony's and they just don't make sense. The tragic events could not have happened the way you say they did. Abigail compared them to the photographs from the scene and according to her evidence; YOU were not the first to arrive through the door of that building!"

The revelation felt good and Ducky silently hoped and prayed that Timothy would actually listen to him. It was one thing that he knew this young man would struggle with; the images of Tony laying there with his life's blood leaking through his long fingers; for that, Timothy would neither forgive himself nor let himself be forgiven.

"Doesn't mean I'm not to blame for what happened to him, Ducky" And there it was, the one, simple statement that fortified Ducky's thoughts on the matter. It was nearing the time when Ducky would pull out the big guns.

"Now, I'm afraid it is I who does not understand what you mean." The M.E. admitted quietly.

Ducky, any way you slice it, it's still my fault Tony's dead." Tim said; his voice still quiet and still filled with self-appointed guilt.

"I'm still not following Timothy, I'm afraid you'll have to explain exactly what you mean." Ducky deliberately kept his tone conversational and encouraging; not wanting Timothy to shut down before this was resolved. As personal as this conversation was; that possibility was always just a heartbeat away.

"Ducky…."

"Humor an old man, won't you? Let me in, my dear boy. Now what exactly is weighing on your mind about this?"

"Ducky, even if I wasn't the one to rush in there, the fact is I didn't stop him! I wasn't strong enough to stop him! I should have stopped him, Ducky and that is what makes it my fault!" Tim stopped and choked back the painful sob that threatened to escape.

"And if that wasn't bad enough; I didn't get him back! I didn't protect him enough! I couldn't save him! I came outta there without him; and that's NOT supposed to happen to this team!" Tim didn't even try to halt the sobbing that now wracked his body and sharp stabbing pains accompanied as if reminding him of the pain he deserved.

"If I had been the one to storm the place, Tony would have protected me! I couldn't even do that! If Gibbs had been there, none of this would have ever happened! Everyone knows that! That's why it's my fault! It wouldn't have ended the same way for anyone else, but me!"

Tim's voice was reaching its' crescendo and the sorrow filled cries tore through every square inch of that small cottage. "DUCKY I COULDN'T PROTECT HIM; I COULDN'T KEEP HIM ALIVE!"

Ducky rushed over to Tim and wrapped his small arms around his shoulders. He pulled Tim in so that this head was being held firmly against Ducky's chest as the M.E. gently rocked him with soothing motions.

"Shh, Timothy, it's all right. It wasn't your fault, Timothy. It wasn't your fault."

Tim was so distraught he didn't see Gibbs as he slipped into the room to help. With a swift shake of his head, Ducky sent clear signals that he was dealing with this and he would let him know when he could see the young man. It was some kind of strange, silent conversation and both men just seemed to understand exactly what the other was saying. Gibbs backed out of the room and slid down the wall in the hallway listening to Ducky's soothing mantra as the sobbing subsided into small hiccups.

"There you go, Timothy. Look at me." He pulled away from Tim and held his head in place in front of his face. "There's something you should know Timothy and I want you to listen hard to what I have to say."

Gibbs couldn't take the feeling of his heart splintering into thousands of small shards anymore and it was getting to the point where he felt as though it would never be completely whole ever again. Sure he'd lost pieces of it along the way; Shannon, Kelly, Jenny, Kate, Paula, Pacci, even Langer and Lee and last but not least Tony; but those hairline fractures served as a reminder that he was human after all and even though they were gone, they would never be forgotten. What made this worse, was the fact that Tim was very much alive; in body anyway and it was the breakdown of his youngest agent's spirit he was hearing so loud and clear that finally broke him.

"_Boss? You all right?"_ Gibbs glanced up and swiped angrily at the tears that moistened his face.

"No DiNozzo. I'm not." He watched Tony slide down the wall opposite him and sat staring at the man that he had been proud to call his surrogate son.

"_He's gonna be ok now, Gibbs."_

"How, Tony? That is the one thing he's not right now! Hell, he tried to put a bullet through his brain." Tony huffed out a nonexistent breath and shook his head.

"_You don't get it do ya, Boss? You just don't understand."_

"THEN FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD TELL ME DINOZZO!" Gibbs let his head dip down to his chest again and was panting with the effort of reining in his temper. It didn't take long and before he could stop himself, he started to plead quietly with Tony "_Please_ ,Tony. How can I fix this? What can I do? I've messed up Tony and it nearly cost Tim his life."

"_Not just you. Everyone played a part but now isn't the time for your regrets. Suck it up, Boss because all of you have a lot of bridges to rebuild and you're gonna have to show them how."_

"How?"

"_You know how and it's gonna be easier now because you know why." _Gibbs nodded his head sadly and glanced over at the figure sitting opposite him.

"Hey, Tony?"

"_Yeah, Boss."_ The familiar greeting bought a very small smile to Gibbs' lips.

"You're not pissed anymore?" Gibbs thought back to the previous argument where Tony completely lost his temper and became consumed by his guilt.

"_I'm plenty pissed, Gibbs. It's my fault Probie's in this position in the first place and I just wanna help. I got it out of my system for now and my next step is to help everyone get to where they are going without Tim getting' hurt anymore." _

The pure, naked honesty in Tony's voice shook Gibbs down to his core. There he was, the spirit of his agent; laying his soul bare. Gibbs kept his eyes transfixed on that sad, handsome face he would miss in the squad room. Tony continued with a haughty sigh.

"_I don't know why I didn't listen; All I know is that because of my stupidity and bull headedness, everyone's in pain and I can't do more than what I have been doing to make it better. You know, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around everyone and tell them it was going to okay. I can't even do that."_

"No, Tony you can't. But you've done a damn good job of getting us to where we needed to be."

"_It's not over yet, Boss; I've still got work to do."_

"Yeah, you do, DiNozzo, so do me a favor and stick around for a little while."

Tony huffed out a small laugh and shook his head. _"Can't stay forever, Boss, you know that."_

"Just for a little while."

"_Sure. Just for a while. Hey, listen; I've gotta go talk to the girls and Jimmy because they've gotta be worrying. I'm going to take Jenny, Paula and Katie with me so you and Ducky can talk to McGoo."_

"Or at least Ducky can. The kid won't want to see me DiNozzo."

"_So you're just gonna give up? After everything we've talked about, you're gonna just keep your distance?" The anger started creeping back into Tony's voice; he just couldn't believe what he was hearing._

"Didn't say that Tony. I'll try to speak to Tim but there's no guarantee he's gonna want me there."

"_Time, Boss. Give it time. He won't stop trying to give up until he hears it from you that he means something to you. __Probie needs to hear it from you that you don't hate him for what happened.__ Don't forget that!"_ Tony shimmered out leaving his last word echoing on the landing. Gibbs hung his head again and sucked in a huge lungful of air to try to take that cleansing breath that would give him patience while he waited. He didn't have to wait long until Ducky stepped out of the room.

"Duck. Everything all right?"

"It's getting there, Jethro, but I need you to do me a small favor."

* * *

Tony, Kate, Jenny and Paula all shimmered into Abby's lab and frowned when they found it completely empty. They knew the girls had stayed on and were waiting on pins whilst waiting for that phone call.

"_Tony, why are we here and not with Tim?" Kate's harsh tone rang through the lab._

"_Gee I don't know Kate. Maybe so we can let everyone know Probie's with Gibbs and Ducky while they do what they can for him?"_

"_Riiight; and a phone call wouldn't have done that?" The question was rhetoric but Tony still felt the need to answer._

"_Well yeah, Kate, it would have but for all intents and purposes it's better if we leave McGee with the bossman and Ducky for a while so they can…oh I don't know….TALK!"_

Kate was obviously still smarting from their previous argument and was about to retaliate when Ziva and Abby bounded into the lab looking thoroughly exhausted and dejected.

"_Hey, now, there's my two favorite ladies!" _Tony's voice rang through the room making Abby jump slightly.

"Tony, have they found him? Is he…" Abby was practically humming with nervous energy at the sight of the ghostly quartet standing in her lab. "Oh no, Timmy."

"_Abby. Look at me_!" Abby glanced over to the former director's firm voice and stood there shaking whilst waiting for her response. _"They've found him and he's okay. Ducky has checked him over and said physically he's no worse off than before."_

Ziva had been quietly standing behind Abby with a placating hand rubbing soothing circles in the small of the Goth's back.

"And emotionally, Jenny?"

"_Emotionally, he's not doing too well, Ziva. But I believe with time and patience on his friends' part; he'll recover_." Jenny wasn't trying to put them on a guilt trip but also wasn't known for her evasiveness either. She had gotten straight to the point.

"He's never going to forgive us is he? I mean we left him to …..Tony, how could you? Why didn't you just tell us what happened?" Abby demanded with fresh tears forming in her eyes for what Tony had let Tim go through, as well as for what Tony had gone through before he'd been lost to them.

"_It's not as easy as that Abbs. If I could have told you all then I would have."_

"That's complete BS, DiNozzo and you know it!" Abby's anger went from 0 to 60 in a split second.

"_Abby, it's really not. Our hands were completely tied."_

"Kate do not stick…." She was interrupted by Ziva's hand as it pulled her round to look the Israeli directly in the eye.

"Calm down Abby! It is not their fault. Please, just calm down! Gibbs and Ducky have found McGee and he is going to be ok so we should concentrate on repairing some of the damage we have done."

Abby nodded and shook herself free of Ziva's grip before walking to her office and locking herself in to gather her thoughts on the matter. Ziva watched her go and started to back out of the lab.

"I…I'm jus….I need…" The abnormal stammering that came from the normally stoic woman made Tony frown deeply so he did the only thing he could think of and followed her as she turned and ran out of the room.

"_Zee."_

"I don't want to talk right now, Tony. Please leave me be." The plea was heartfelt and genuine; making Tony's heart sink even more.

"_No Ziva. I can't do that and you know it."_

"Why?"

"_Because you're hurting right now and I don't wanna leave you like this. Talk to me."_

Ziva crumbled and fell to her knees. She had mixed emotions at the moment; Guilt, shame, fear, hurt…Every single emotion crashed down on her like a tidal wave that threatened to drown her.

"What have we done, Tony?"

"_It can be fixed. It's just going to take time and patience, Zee."_

"Is that what it really boils down to? We pushed him away and treated him like an outcast; you cannot honestly think we are going to gain McGee's trust back after that!" Her tears soon turned to anger and she pushed herself up and jabbed at the button to the elevator.

"_Well you don't know till you try; Come on, what the hell happened to never givin' up, Zee? When did you become such a damn defeatist?" _Tony let his voice rise slightly knowing that it's what was needed at the moment.

"I am not a defeatist!" She laughed sarcastically "I am a realist Tony. McGee…Tim will not be able to look us in the same way ever again. He will see nothing but failure when he looks at us and that is exactly what we are. Failures!"

"_In what way?"_

"In the worst way possible, Tony. We have failed Tim and that is going to be hard to rectify, it is about his trust and we have all managed to shatter that."

"_It's not shattered, Zee. Do me a favor and at least try. Please? For me?" _

"Tony! You seem to think this is up to me! It is not! Even if McGee does find it in his heart to forgive us; what kind of a future does he have? That problem alone will keep his heart from healing or even considering forgiving us! It is easy for you to stand there and talk about fixing things with McGee; YOU do not have to be the one to witness his recovery from this; or his inability to do so!

_"That's not fair, Ziva_." Tony tried to calm her down with a dose of fairness

"I do not care if it is fair or not! It is the truth!" Ziva declared strongly. "He has no career here, now! Even if somehow, he were to get his job back; no one will ever stop talking about this! He will be talked about behind his back for many many months to come. There will ALWAYS be someone here or somewhere that will believe him to be responsible for your death and in the way he admitted to on record! Which brings me to another problem, Tony! His record! You allowed him to spoil his record, forever! There is no fixing that!" Ziva plowed on in anger.

_"Ziva. Calm down_." Jenny encouraged. _"Don't give up yet. Be patient and you'll see; things will fall into place for Tim. But, first you and Abby need to help Jethro and Ducky, get Tim back from the place his head is at right now. His heart, too."_

Ziva quieted her voice and took in some deep breaths to calm herself. Abby, who'd heard every word and become equally upset at the valid points Ziva had raised; was now standing beside her; and attempting to calm her down; the same way Ziva had tried to calm her just a few moments ago.

Finally, after a few silent moments, Ziva nodded her head and looked to Abby to see how she was doing.

* * *

Once Ducky had settled back to watch over Tim as he slept; Gibbs had moved down to the kitchen to make tea and coffee for them but found the cupboards and fridge completely empty. Sighing, he grabbed his phone and his car keys and moved towards his car; only stopping short to flip open his phone and nervously dial the number to Tim's parent house.

"_Hello."_ Sarah's voice was small and scared as she answered the phone.

"Sarah, it's Gibbs. I thought you were in DC."

"_I was but I caught the redeye home. I needed to be around my family."_ Gibbs totally understood Sarah's need to be around people she loved and trusted wholeheartedly. Given the circumstances surrounding the whole situation, he knew her faith in the team had been severely knocked and now that Tim was seemingly AWOL, there was nothing at all keeping her in Washington.

"I get that. I need to talk to you mom, is she there?" That sparked a sense of fear in the young woman.

"_Is Tim…Did you find hi…"_ Sarah's nervousness shone through and Gibbs was about to answer when he heard Tim's mom gently coax the phone away from her daughter.

"_Sarah , honey, let me talk to Agent Gibbs, sweetheart." _He heard the rustling sounds coming out of the handset and knew Sarah had passed over the phone.

"_Agent Gibbs. Please tell me you have found my son." _

"We've got him Ma'am and he's safe." Gibbs heard the slow release of breath as Tim's mother let relief wash over her.

"_Where was he?"_

"At his grandmother cottage. We got there ju…..We got there in time for Ducky to check him over before he turned in." Gibbs had to stop himself from saying _just before he shot himself, _she didn't need to know that and he hoped to keep some degree of Tim's dignity intact.

"_So he's really all right; he hasn't aggravated his injuries or anything?"_

"No but he's upset and hasn't eaten or drank anything for a while. Duck….sorry, Dr. Mallard is going to sort that out before we move him back to DC."

"_So he's malnourished and dehydrated? How did that happen, Sarah said he was doing better; I just don't understand how my boy is in that state, surely you can appreciate how confusing this is right now."_ Tim's mom was starting to get more and more irate as her questions took the route Gibbs had been expecting them too.

"Mrs. McGee. Tim has been hiding everything from the people that were trying to help. Sarah and Ducky thought he was doing better and from all accounts, he was. He was eating, drinking and taking his meds when he needed too. He was talking and seemed to be bucking up; as we now know, it was all a desperate attempt to fool them into leaving him alone long enough for him to disappear from us."

"_Why? Is it because he was neglected? I still don't understand." _She was crying now; crying for her son and the man he had become.

"Because we let him down and he felt as though he didn't deserve anyone's help or sympathy. He genuinely thought he was just in everyone's way."

"_We?"_

"His team. I'm definately guiltier than anyone else and I know it's going to take a lot of time and effort on our parts to get him to trust us again."

"_You have no idea, Agent Gibbs! I understand you are grieving but you don't know my son like I do. He's a sensitive soul and this has pretty much destroyed my boy. Please__, just call me when he's fit to travel back home with us, so we can keep him safe."_ With that she hung up. Her words were still penetrating through the layers of guilt and were slowly cutting a painful path to his heart.

With a heavy weariness he didn't realize had descended, he carried on to the store to get the supplies.

Ducky sat vigil over Tim as the young man slept fitfully. He had finally cried himself to sleep, giving Ducky the chance to put his request in to Gibbs. His friend had done as he asked and between them, they got Gibbs' laptop set up on a small table ready for when Tim woke up. It wasn't long before Tim opened his eyes and glanced towards Ducky.

"Ducky? What…."

"Timothy, it's all right, my dear boy. Would you like some water?" Tim nodded his head and accepted the cold bottle from the M.E.

"Thanks, Ducky." Frowning with confusion, Tim looked at the laptop and then back towards Ducky "What's that for?"

"We have something to show you and I want you to watch it carefully." Ducky knew he was playing with fire doing this, but he had to show Tim that his guilt was misguided.

"I don't want to watch." Tim had no idea what he was about to be shown but instead of replying, Ducky reached over and clicked the play button. He settled back and watched the security footage from the warehouse with Tim.

Tim's breath hitched dangerously when Tony entered the building leaving Tim no choice but to follow. In one way, Ducky couldn't help but think that Tim had somehow skewed the truth in his mind and hoped that seeing it in vivid color as it unfolded before his very eyes, would help the young man move on and kick start the healing process.

By the end of the tape, Tim had become quiet and lightly withdrawn at the images that had flashed in front of him. It took a good 10 minutes for the video to sink in fully and he soon found himself in the midst of a full blown panic attack.

"Timothy. No you don't young man, now breathe" Ducky tried guiding Tim out of the attack and managed to succeed after a good few minutes of coaching his breathing. The harsh panting soon gave way to the tears as Tim wept freely about the fact that the truth was finally out and the weight that he had been carrying on his shoulders lightened slightly.

"Where did you find it?" Tim finally asked in a near whisper.

"What? The surveillance video?" Tim nodded at the question.

"It was found at the warehouse and I for one am glad it was! Anthony pressed Abigail and Ziva to pursue it. He insisted they look for it." Tim smiled slightly at the support he was receiving from Ducky and glanced around the room as if seeing it for the first time. There was someone missing out of the equation at the moment, someone that he just knew should be there.

"How did you get here?"

"Jethro drove. Your sister told us about this cottage and the meaning it holds for the two of you. It was a fair bet that you'd be here. Timothy, Jethro's downstairs and he wants to see you."

"I don't want to see him. Please, I can't right now."

"Don't think I'm prying, but may I ask why not?"

"He's just gonna tell me how responsible for Tony's death I am and how worthless that makes me. Believe me; I got that message already, loud and clear. I don't need anyone shoving down my throat." The admission was quiet a Ducky felt his heart drop. "I took the one agent he thought of as a son, away from him, he'll never WANT to talk to me. He just thinks he has to."

"Oh Timothy! That is simply not true! Jethro wants to see and talk to you. You should let him. You have much to clear up between you."

"No. I can't be the source of his disappointment any more, Ducky. "

Gibbs felt the need to make himself known at that last statement.

"You're never a disappointment, Tim." Tim jumped at the sound of Gibbs' voice and seemed to shrink in on himself when his ex-boss walked out of the shadows.

"B..Boss? What….please I can't do this right now." Gibbs walked over to Ducky and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Duck. We could use some coffee right about now; Tim, you want a hot drink?" Tim shook his head and tried to pull his knees up to his chest; he was hindered by his injuries though and gasped as the healing wounds tugged painfully.

"Easy, Tim. That's it, breathe through it. Atta boy." Tim stilled his movements at the endearment and timidly uncurled his body so he was sitting against the headboard of the bed.

"Duck? Please, I'm not gonna do anything to him. We're just going to talk and I could _really_ do with some coffee." He watched as Ducky stood up and moved away from the bed cautiously; He didn't miss the look of warning that Ducky sent his way.

"Of course, Jethro. Timothy, you are dehydrated so I'm going to bring you some more water, please finish that bottle there, young man."

"I'll try. Ducky? Thank you." The M.E. nodded at the gratitude and smiled ruefully at Tim. He was suddenly struck by the desire to leave as he caught sight of Jethro's glare as they waited for Ducky to leave. He soon took the hint and bucked up to entrust Timothy into Jethro's care as he left the room.

"Tim, I want to apologize for the way I acted. I've been a complete bastard over the past few weeks and I am so sorry." The deep apology was rare and confused Tim no end. How can this man be sorry for the way he acted when Tim saw the situation as his fault?

"Boss?" Somehow, Tim couldn't seem to stop using the name. It had become so much more than a title for his superior over the years.

"Yeah Tim."

"Why?" The question was quiet and loaded with pain and if Gibbs was honest with himself, he had no idea how to answer because he just didn't know exactly why he shut the kid out like that. He wasn't even sure Tim was up to this conversation right now; but he wasn't about to make matters worse by pointing out that possibility to the young man. No, this would go much better if he just went ahead and gave him the truth in reply to his questions.

"I don't know, Tim. I was angry and hurt and then you admitted to heading in first. You had never lied to me before and it left me not knowing how to feel I just let my natural emotions from grieving Tony's death loose; and needing someone to blame; it fell on you, son."

"You didn't know how to feel? If it had been Tony that survived, would you have treated him like that. I have nothing, Gibbs. NOTHING!" The shout at the end of the sentence shocked Gibbs and he felt that one word reverberate through his bones.

"Tim…"

Tim had somehow managed to get a second wind and the adrenalin that flowed through his veins was a result of the pure rage he was starting to feel. He stood up from the bed and squared up to Gibbs.

"NO! you don't get to do this, Gibbs. You don't get to play the hero coming to my rescue and then expect me to be grateful for it. Why? Why couldn't you just all let me die in peace?" There it was; the burning question that had been rolling round in his mind.

"Like hell are we going to let you die, McGee! You did nothing wrong!" Tim barked out a harsh laugh at that comment and started to pace the room.

"Changed your tune, have you? All of a sudden you get the evidence and expect everything to be all right with the world? It doesn't work like that you son of a bitch. I can't turn back the clocks; I can't get back the life that I have lost and I can't get Tony back for you!." Gibbs felt the sting of Tim's words and let a lonely tear streak down his cheek.

"No, you can't, but you can start again, Tim. _We _can start again" That comment stopped Tim dead in his tracks and Gibbs felt his heart crashing against his chest at the quiet, empty reply.

"I don't want to start again. I want my life back; I want my friends and family; I want Tony to be here; none of that is going to happen though is it? So what the hell have I got left?"

"You've got me. I can't change what's happened but let me be here for you now." That was it; that was the cinching statement that bought forth Tim's anger once again. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that showed exactly how fragile the young man was right now.

"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I?" Tim stifled the tears that threatened to flow again "You didn't give a damn a couple of days ago and now because of what? This?" He pointed to the laptop and reached over to grab it. "This means nothing! This can't repair the damage that's been done! This isn't going to help get Tony back! NOTHING WILL! Your beloved agent is gone for good, Gibbs! And there's not a damn thing I can do about it!"

Tim flung the laptop across the room with strength that he didn't know he possessed and Gibbs watched as it smashed against the wall.

"You come to me with evidence and yet you have no idea? You are all clueless aren't you? I don't want your pity and I don't want your hollow support! LEAVE ME ALONE GIBBS!"

"I'm not about to do that Tim. I've made mistakes and I'm trying to work on fixing them now so I'm not going anywhere."

"Go! I don't want you here! You've done enough damage and nothing I do will ever be good enough! Why the hell would you stand here and pretend otherwise?" In your eyes, I will always be the man that killed your son. What? You think I don't know that? You will always see me as a murderer, Gibbs; how do you think that makes me feel?

Gibbs blanched at the sheer, raw pain than seemed to thicken the atmosphere in the room making it feel heavy and oppressive.

"Murderer? Never. Tim we don't see you like that at all! How can you stand there and say…."

"You all ignored and hated me when you it was my fault! I couldn't blacken Tony's name Gibbs and you probably wouldn't believe me anyway would you? You've always had your favorites and I was right down there with the bottom feeders wasn't I?" Tim's emotions were out of control and Gibbs saw the effort it took for the kid to simply stay standing at the moment.

"I was never going to be good enough…" Tim sank to his knees and wrapped his arms firmly around his chest as he rocked back and forth with the sheer power of his outburst. "I couldn't ever do anything right; It was my fault and I can't change that now. No matter how badly you want me to; how badly _I _want to; I can't bring him back, Gibbs!"

"Tim, Oh God! Tim, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way. Tony was never my favorite and you're not at the bottom of the pile either." Gibbs sank down in front of Tim and wrapped his strong arms around his broken boy "You have always been as much a son to me as Tony has, Tim, You really have and I'm sorry if I never told you that. So sorry, you ever believed I thought less of you than the others."

"I couldn't help and I've lost everything, Gibbs. What have I got left?" Tim stilled his movements and was now crumbling against Gibbs as the last vestiges of energy drained away; finally willing to let himself lean on the man whose support and comfort he'd needed all along.

"You've got us, Son. You're not alone anymore. Come on, let's get you back in bed." He stood up and helped lift Tim off the floor before guiding him to the bed. Tim lay down and curled back into himself.

"It means nothing…" The sobs that started to wrack his body made him convulse with each and every shaky breath that was stolen through crying. He cursed his traitorous body for its show of weakness right now. Gibbs turned and walked into the bathroom to grab a cool washcloth to wipe away Tim's tears and help make him more comfortable. As he walked into the bedroom, he saw the figure on the bed convulse heavily and noted the harsh breathing as Tim struggled to calm down.

Gibbs quickly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed so he could get a closer look at Tim. The boy's eyes were rimmed with dark circles and the lack of actual restful sleep was evident in the exhaustion he carried around with him. Gibbs reached out and grabbed Tim, pulling him into a bone shattering hug and holding him there whilst the young man sobbed harder than he had done in weeks.

"Shh Tim. It's ok, Son. Everything's going to be ok. You're not alone in this anymore. I promise you, I won't turn my back on you again. None of us will."

As they both sat there rocking gently, Gibbs knew that he had finally broken through. Tim might not have forgiven him at that moment; but there was hope and it was that hope that he clung onto for dear life.

"I'm here, Tim; that's it, Son, let it out."

They stayed there like that until Tim finally sobbed himself into oblivion as the exhaustion took hold. Gibbs sat back against the headboard, with Tim still in his arms, unwilling to let go of him, now that he'd broken through the wall of anger Tim had built up against him. Using one hand, while holding onto his surrogate son with the other, Gibbs gently pulled the comforter up over Tim's trembling body and sat back, genuinely relieved to be able to watch him take each breath and hold on to him while he got the sleep he needed.

"It's going to be all right now, Tim; You'll see." he softly whispered. And for the first time since this nightmare had been thrown at them, Gibbs actually believed it.


	31. Chapter 31

_A/N - We ask, no we beg for your forgiveness for the delay.  
We suggest you bring a tissue or two - just in case you need them.  
Sit back and relax; it's a long chapter._

* * *

Ducky made his way back to the bedroom slowly. He wanted to give his two friends time to start healing their broken relationship and knew it was going to be a long, tremulous road; he sighed at the thought but quickly pushed it away with hope that the silence that reigned now signaled the calm after the storm. Warily he peered in and couldn't help but feel a surge of relief mixed with pride at the sight that greeted him. Tim was safely asleep; held securely by Jethor; the older agent showed no signs of letting go of his surrogate son any time soon and Ducky found his gaze wandering to the older man's right hand as it rubbed soothingly on Tim's arm. That in itself was a sight to behold and warmed Ducky's heart; a small smile tugging at his lips.

The M.E. had no doubt in his mind that his smile openly showed the emotions that were currently flowing through his veins as he moved to the nightstand and silently set down the drinks he'd brought with him. Glancing over at Gibbs, he grimaced slightly at how uncomfortable his old friend was looking.

"Jethro, surely you can't be comfortable. Would you like me to help you lie him down?" Ducky's whisper was barely audible so as not to wake Tim and Gibbs' headshake told him everything he needed to know; there was no way he was going to move and risk throwing away this moment of healing with his surrogate son.

Sighing heavily, Ducky picked up two spare pillows and helped Gibbs's move forward without disturbing the deeply slumbering man, it was an amazing feat but between them they managed to get two pillows situated behind Gibbs' without jostling Tim at all. Gibbs settled back and let out a huge sigh of relief as the pillows molded to his neck, head and upper back; giving him the comfort he so desperately needed. Sure he'd still be stiff and sore in the morning, but at least he now had something helping him remain more comfortably in place without having to relinquish his hold on his troubled, yet peacefully sleeping agent. Ducky patted Gibbs on the shoulder and turned to leave but was stopped by a soft whisper coming from the bed.

"Hey, Duck. Call Leon for me would ya? He's gonna want an update. Abby and Ziva will too." Gibbs smiled his thanks for the pillows and settled back against the headboard once more; this time, closing his eyes and allowing his own exhaustion to win the war it had waged against him all day; he finally felt totally at ease and since Tim showed no signs of waking up in any kind of distress, he soon fell asleep with a strange sense of contentment that had eluded him since this whole ordeal had begun.

Ducky took one last look at both men and did one final check to make sure all was right with both of them; glancing at the abandoned drinks, he shook his head slightly before picking up the mugs once again and heading back down to clean up and to make the requested phone call. During the brief conversation with Vance, Ducky managed to reassure the Director that Timothy was doing as well as could be expected at the moment and told him that they were going to stay at the cottage for a couple of days with Tim whilst he rested enough to travel back with himself and Jethro. Ducky made one request before ending the call:

"Yes thank you, Director Vance. One more thing, would you please let Abigail, Ziva and Jimmy know that young Timothy has been found and that we will be bringing him back with us because I'm sure they all need to go and get some sleep themselves."

"_Of course Dr. Mallard. I'll let them know. It'll be a relief to all."_

"I appreciate that, thank you"

"_You're welcome. Just concentrate on getting your man back to DC."_

"We shall do our best. Thank you again and we'll see you in a couple of days."

"_Goodnight, Doctor."_

Hanging up the call, Ducky realized that he had done everything he could for that day and took himself to the spare bedroom; as he was getting himself ready for bed, he thought about the screaming he'd heard from Timothy and the sound of the laptop as it smashed into one of the walls. Somehow he knew that the younger man wouldn't be able to deal with the sight of what he'd done in that moment of sheer, unadulterated rage and made his way back down the kitchen to rummage around for something to put the suspected pieces in. He finally found some plastic food storage bags; much like the typical evidence bags used at work.

Taking the box of them with him, along with a flashlight, Ducky headed back upstairs to the master bedroom and quietly set about picking up the pieces of the laptop, in much the same fashion, Gibbs' would have done. Sweeping swaths of light across the carpet at his feet; Ducky double checked for any more obvious pieces of the completely trashed electronic device. When the carpet was finally clear ; just as silently as he'd come; he left the bedroom, taking the flashlight and all the pieces of the shattered computer with him and secured them in the bag that he had bought with him. He finally felt completely and utterly exhausted and felt sleep tugging at his eyes; once changed, Ducky finally climbed into the large comfortable bed and glanced up once more to make sure he had left the door open to listen for any more signs of trouble. He doubted very seriously that Jethro would allow things to get out so of hand that they disturbed his sleep; but wanted to be available just in case.

* * *

Morning soon rolled round and when it did, every single remaining member of Team Gibbs found themselves sleeping in. Even Palmer slept through his alarm and was late heading out to work; only to find, as he pulled out into traffic on his way to the Navy Yard; that Director Vance had called late last night and left him a message telling him to take the day off. Wonders never ceased and Jimmy wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth …not any more, anyway.

As he turned around at the next available spot, he found himself anxious for word on how Tim was doing but one glance at his watch left him feeling unwilling to bother anyone this early about it; No, he'd bide his time and save those calls for later in the morning. For now, he'd go back home and find something to do with his time. As he drove, he pondered what he was going to do with all that free time, when the idea of what needed to be done next popped into his head. It was something that had been really bothering him for the past two weeks so he pulled into the parking lot for his apartment complex, parked the car and dug out his phone knowing that there was no way he could go there without an appointment; On the other hand, he didn't want to waste any time getting this ball rolling, either.

"Director' Vance's Office" The Director's assistant's voice trilled true and clear on the other end.

"Oh Hi…Um, this is Jimmy Palmer, from Autopsy. Is there any way you could pencil me in for a short meeting with Director Vance today?"

"I'll check, Jimmy. You want me to call you or would you like to call me back in about 30 minutes?"

"I'll call you back. I don't want to take up any more of your time. Thank you."

The next 30 minutes were nerve wracking, but Jimmy steadied his nerves with some breakfast while he waited. He was surprised when his phone rang a mere 15 minutes later and he felt his heart jump up into his throat when he glanced at the caller ID.

"_Director Vance_" Swallowing the lump that he assumed was a piece of his startled heart; Jimmy answered the phone with shaking hands.

"Good Morning, Director Vance. I'm sorry to be taking up your time like this…"

"_Mr. Palmer. I understand you want to schedule a meeting with me today? Might I be as bold as to ask why?"_ Vance cut into Jimmy's greeting and got straight to the point.

"Well, Director. I was thinking that I could talk to you about what we can do to get Tim his job back." Jimmy put out there without hesitation after deciding the direct approach was probably best at this current moment in time.

Somehow, all those years of being skittish around Gibbs and wishing he would just speak his mind instead suddenly paid off. He felt the confidence in him rise and realized that at this currently moment in time, he was displaying more backbone than he'd ever had while facing Vance before. Or maybe it came from telling Gibbs off the way he had. _Oh, God! He had yet to face Gibbs since that night! What the hell was he doing going to Vance about a member of Gibbs' team? If Gibbs hadn't been ready to flay him about the confrontation at Ducky's house over Tim; he sure would now! Jeez, Palmer, how stupid can you be?_

Jimmy couldn't seem to stop berating himself once he'd started and zoned out momentarily.

"_Mr. Palmer? Did you hear me?"_

"_Ye…Yes sir. Sorry, Sir. Can you repeat that, please?"_

"I said I'm surprised to find this coming from you and not directly from a member of his team; although I'm sure they will be following suite shortly; I will see you at 10 this morning….Oh and Mr. Palmer, why don't you save me the trouble of having the conversation more than once by bringing Agent David and Ms Scuito with you?"

"Uh, Yes, Sir. Ok, Director Vance. I'll do that. Thank you." Jimmy answered nervously. "Thank you for agreeing to see us, I appreciate you giving us the time."

"No, Mr. Palmer. Thank you!. I must say; it's nice to see someone willing to go to bat for someone else for a change." Vance hung up the phone and left Jimmy standing there gaping with shock.

Once Jimmy came back to his senses, he dialed Ziva's number. He no longer cared about waking people up because they had a job to do. Somehow, some way; they would do what they could to get Tim back his job; even if it was the last thing Jimmy Palmer ever did!

Ziva groaned at the shrill chirping of her cell phone as it rang; It was steady enough to break through her peaceful slumber and crash through her consciousness before the clouds had even dissipated from her brain. Groggily she reached over and grabbed the offending phone.

"Da'vid!" she answered grumpily as she snapped her phone open to answer the call.

"Ziva! wake up! We have to figure out what to do!" Jimmy was practically shouting as his exuberance overrode his usual politeness. "Er, oh sorry; I mean. Good morning, Ziva. Now WAKE UP!"

"Jimmy?" Ziva asked with total confusion.

"Yeah, Ziva, it's me! I need you and Abby to help me, Like NOW!"

"What's wrong? Has something happened?" Jimmy was starting to worry her and she sat bolt upright in bed at his shouting.

"Huh?..Oh; No, Ziva, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think that. It's just that I have to meet with Vance in 2 hours and I need you and Abby to help me before I go to this meeting! In fact, the Director told me to bring the two of you with me."

"What? Why are you meeting with Vance and what does it have to do with myself and Abby?" Ziva asked groggily. She was struggling to shake the last vestiges of sleep and rubbed at her eyes.

"I'm gonna ask Vance to tell me what we need to do to get Tim his job back! Please, Ziva! You and Abby gotta help me! Both of you have a whole lot more experience talking to the Director than I do. "

"Jimmy, Relax. Come over here and we will figure something out! How is it you became fixed on this at such an early time of the day? I do not believe the turkeys are even up." Ziva lamented.

"Turkeys? Oh, you mean the chickens. I had some free time and the fact that Tim hasn't got a job to come back to has really been weighing down on me. He deserves his job back."

"I agree, Jimmy. Come. Bring coffee and breakfast! I will wake Abby." Ziva's answered Jimmy as she rolled out of bed and ended the call so she could prepare for the excited hurricane that was due to blow through her apartment very soon.

* * *

Gibbs woke up feeling stiff and strangely disjointed. He groaned as he thought about jumping in the shower to let the desperately needed hot water massage his aching body and joints. When he finally opened his eyes, he struggled to pull his mind back out of the thick fog that was the bi product of the long sleep he had. He stretched his back and finally felt that dense fog melt away and he soon realized that Tim was no longer in the bed with him. _Wow, he must have been beyond exhausted if he hadn't even been disturbed when the Tim disentangled himself and climbed out of bed! Especially seeing as Tim would be moving slow this morning due to the fact that his body had been beaten down with emotion and physical pain the night before. How had Gibbs missed it?_

Gibbs ignored his stiff, protesting joints as he got out of bed and made finding Tim his first priotiry. Letting his eyes roam around the bedroom; he felt disappointment settle in at not finding the young man sitting in the easy chair or standing by the window. The emptiness of the brightly lit room sent a sliver of uneasy fear shooting through him as his mind tried to rationalize the situation. _Had Tim disappeared again? Had he gone and done something stupid with no one to save him this time?_

Panic seized him as he frantically searched the rooms upstairs before heading downstairs to the kitchen, intent on searching the rest of the cottage. He paused when he heard a one way conversation coming from outside the open patio door. Huffing out a cleansing breath to calm himself down, he stood and listened to what was being said.

"_No, Mom. I'm fine…..No. I don't want to come back to New York. I need to be here for right now."_

"I can't explain it right now. I just… I have to be here."

_"What? No! No, Mom! It's not entirely his fault! I did deliberately make them think I was eating. I wanted them to think I was okay enough to be left alone."_

_"Because. I needed to get away without anyone telling me I couldn't go. I just had to get away from everyone….from everything." _

Gibbs frowned at the edge of sadness that tinged his ex-agent's voice and stood there with his heart in his throat.

"_I'm sorry. I never meant to worry you; didn't mean to worry anyone. Didn't really think I was to be honest…."  
__  
"Nothing"_

_" No… Mom listen, will you tell Sarah that I'm sorry and that I love her, please? I know she'll stay mad at me for a while; but it's okay because she has the right to be angry at me." _

The senior agent knew it was wrong; he shouldn't be listening to this conversation, but he couldn't tear himself away and felt as though his feet had rooted to the spot.

"_Thanks. Is Dad okay? Will you tell him I love him...I promise, Mom. I'll be okay, now. I just needed to deal with this in my own way…._

"_No, Mom! That's not what I meant! I promise I'll be okay now."_

"_Yeah…..Uh huh…..NO! No, Mom, Please don't do that!" _Tim's sharp tone startled Gibbs' out of his stupor and he frowned as the tone of the voice on the other side of the patio doors changed sharply.

_"Mom, We all need time and space to deal with this, That won't help…_

_Because, you're trying to put all the blame on them and it's not like that..._

_Yes…..I know…Yes….Aww Mom…." _That disjointed, one sided voice started to sound exasperated at the conversation he was currently having and Gibbs had to force himself to stay where he was.

"_Okay, I get that your idea would help you and Dad, and probably Sarah, but, you have to understand Mom, it won't help me or the others, We have to ….._

_Yes, Mom, even Gibbs."_

"_It doesn't matter, Mom! You have to let me handle this!"_

_"No, I'm not gonna do that! I'm not gonna turn my back on any of them!"_

What the hell was going on out there? Gibbs' paternal instinct kicked in and he tried to quell it seeing as Tim was talking to his mother. It wasn't easy and he subconsciously clenched his hands.

_"Because, Mom, I just can't do them that way…_

_Mom! I've told you before! You know what he' s been through and you told me you understood why I would never wanna see him hurt!..._

"_Yes, I did, by not bringing Tony back unharmed or even alive, that's exactly what I did!"_

A strange sense of pride mingled with despair washed over the senior agent at the last few statements and he couldn't help but wonder whether the kid would ever stop blaming himself enough to move on with his life.

"_Mom, you don't understand, it doesn't matter that I didn't make the bad judgment call. I didn't bring him back alive and that's just as bad…_

"_No, Mom. It's called being part of a team. You're supposed to protect each other and I screwed up!"_

Well that answered that question for Gibbs and he made a silent vow, that no matter what, he was going to help Tim get rid of his harbored guilt; he'd added to it and now it was time to rebuild those bridges and change the way in which his youngest son thought.

'_MOM. I'm sorry, but I'm really tired and I still don't feel well. Can we please just…Right. Okay. I'm glad you understand. Thanks Mom."_The weariness was now evident in Tim's voice.

"_Yes, I promise to keep my promise…...Okay. Yeah, I love you, too…okay, I'll talk to you soon…..Bye."_

As Tim flipped his phone shut, he closed his eyes on a breathed out sigh of relief. His emotions were mixed at the moment and he felt the frustration mingle with renewed pain at the conversation he had just had, as well as the physical pain his body was still making sure he felt. He rested his head back against the back of the lawn chair and pushed the tears back; willing them to go back where he'd tried to keep them because he didn't want to appear weaker than he did. When he'd come out here to enjoy the early morning air and peace and quiet; he'd figured he'd being doing himself and his family a favor by getting the phone call out of the way.

Now, he was wishing he hadn't felt that burst of energy that led to the draining ambitions because he currently felt too wiped out and emotionally drained to even move out of the chair, much less make the effort to drag himself back up those stairs and back to bed….._back to the security of Gibbs' promise not to turn his back on him again._

Waking up with Gibbs still hanging on to him had been both strange and comforting. Sure, there was a huge part of Tim that didn't want comfort from Gibbs right now; It was that part of him that fed his belief that Gibbs was telling him anything he wanted to hear just to pacify his troubled mind. It was the fact that the man had never lied to him before that made it all hurt that much worse and drove the daggers of pain and guilt further into his already broken heart.

Even the much smaller part of Tim that wanted to cling to the support Gibbs was offering like the drowning man clutching onto his lifejacket; was scared. This was a side of Gibbs that Tim had never been shown before and that fact, that fact alone raised questions for him. _How real was it? How long would it last? Would it disappear the first time Gibbs got pissed at him? How real could it be if the man was saying things to him that were untrue?_

Even worse; _how was this gonna help him let go of Tony for good_? Somehow he knew that as long as he was fighting himself and everyone around him and as long as he was willing to end it all, then Tony would stay and offer his help. _At the very least, Tim would be joining Tony and the others on the other side and wouldn't be hurting anymore. _Tim didn't want to be doing better because that meant Tony would leave him. This time round he wouldn't be coming back! Hell, just thinking through the reasoning now, was bringing tears to his eyes…_damn it!_

He swiped angrily at the tears that trickled freely down his face, feeling totally alone; but that soon changed when he felt Gibbs' presence behind him. Without looking at him, Tim closed his eyes and willed his mind to stop trudging through the painful thoughts; wanting, instead to focus on nothing but the calm water and light breeze that made the day so pleasant to be sitting outside in. He wanted to be able to once again appreciate and enjoy this little simplicity in life without being hindered by his past.

Gibbs looked down at his boy and felt the pain of every single one of those watery tears as they slid down Tim's cheeks as if it was his own. He silently moved the empty lawn chair that sat at the side of Tim and strategically placed it so it could be used as a foot rest. It was a moving gesture and Tim felt quietly grateful that Gibbs was making the effort to save him from becoming too uncomfortable to get any rest.

Tim still stayed silent as Gibbs gently picked Tim's feet up and set them on the chair in front of him. It was something a father would do to their son and left Tim feeling completely calm and serene. He felt exhaustion overtake him again and kept his eyes closed; only to open them when he felt Gibbs laying a light summer bedspread over him.

Gibbs reached down and grabbed the water that he had bought out with him and silently put it on the table next to Tim before patting him on the shoulder and walking back in the house; leaving the young man to both his rest and his thoughts.

Tim sighed in relief and moved slightly so he could settle into his chair more comfortably. He shifted his legs so that they were resting more on the soft pillows that covered the lawn chairs and allowed his exhaustion and need for sleep to once again pull him under. Somehow, sleep was so much easier and restful this time round.

Gibbs sat down in the living room with his coffee and gazed out of the window. He had chosen the seat that sat directly opposite the window so that he could keep an eye on Tim as he rested in the fresh air and golden silence, without obviously hovering over the younger man. Gibbs couldn't help but think about the conversation he'd walked into between Tim and his mother over the phone earlier and had to admit that it had been an eye opener. Then again, yesterday had been an even bigger eye opener than he'd bargained for and Tim's words of pain and genuine emotion filtered back through Gibbs' mind as he sat like a silent sentinel watching young man rest:

_I wasn't strong enough to stop him! I should have stopped him, Ducky and that is what makes it my fault!"_

_"I took the one agent he thought of as a son, away from him, he'll never WANT to talk to me. He just thinks he has to." I can't be the source of his disappointment any more, Ducky!"_

"_I didn't get him back! I didn't protect him enough! I couldn't save him! I came outta there without him; and that's NOT supposed to happen to this team!" _

_"If I had been the one to storm the place, Tony would have protected me! I couldn't even do that!"_

"_If Gibbs had been there, none of this would have ever happened! Everyone knows that! That's why it's my fault! It wouldn't have ended the same way for anyone else, but me!"_

_"DUCKY I COULDN'T PROTECT HIM; I COULDN'T KEEP HIM ALIVE!"_

_"NO! you don't get to do this, Gibbs. You don't get to play the hero coming to my rescue and then expect me to be grateful for it. Why? Why couldn't you just all let me die in peace?" _

"_All of a sudden you get the evidence and expect everything to be all right with the world? It doesn't work like that you son of a bitch. I can't turn back the clocks; I can't get back the life that I have lost and I can't get Tony back for you!" _

"_No matter how badly you want me to; how badly __I __want to; I can't bring him back, Gibbs!"_

_"This means nothing! This can't repair the damage that's been done! This isn't going to help get Tony back! NOTHING WILL! Your beloved agent is gone for good, Gibbs! And there's not a damn thing I can do about it!" _

"_Nothing I do will ever be good enough! Why the hell would you stand here and pretend otherwise?" In your eyes, I will always be the man that killed your son. What? You think I don't know that? You will always see me as a murderer, Gibbs; how do you think that makes me feel?_

Gibbs shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Tim's words were pushed back and replaced by some of his own words from thse fateful conversations:

"_Because we let him down and he felt as though he didn't deserve anyone's help or sympathy. He genuinely thought he was just in everyone's way"_

"_it's going to take a lot of time and effort on our parts to get him to trust us again."_

"_You're never a disappointment, Tim." _

_"Tim, I want to apologize for the way I acted. I've been a complete bastard over the past few weeks and I am so sorry." _

_"I don't know, Tim. I was angry and hurt and then you admitted to heading in first. You had never lied to me before and it left me not knowing how to feel I just let my natural emotions from grieving Tony's death loose; and needing someone to blame; it fell on you, son."_

_"You've got me. I can't change what's happened but let me be here for you now" _

"_You're not alone in this anymore. I promise you, I won't turn my back on you again. None of us will."_

_I'm so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way. Tony was never my favorite and you're not at the bottom of the pile either. You have always been as much a son to me as Tony has, Tim, You really have and I'm sorry if I never told you that. So sorry, you ever believed I thought less of you than the others."_

Even Tony's warning still rang in Gibbs' ear and the change in voices as they whirled around ominously, were starting to make him feel dizzy:

"_He won't stop trying to give up until he hears it from you that he means something to you. Probie needs to hear it from you that you don't hate him for what happened."_

Gibbs cringed at hearing Tony's words again and mentally kicked himself for not listening to him all along. It was something that laid heavily on Gibbs as he sat there accepting the weight of the world on his shoulders. Thinking back to everything that had been said was probably not the best idea at the moment as he started to drown in guilt and remorse for the way in which he acted. But as if trying to hand him a glimmer of hope, the conversation he'd heard between Tim and his mother, or at least, Tim's side of it, managed to push all of those conversations away as it fought for dominance and won.

_I'm fine."_

_"No. I don't want to come back to New York. I need to be here for right now."  
_

"_I can't explain it right now. I just… I have to be here."  
_

_I promise, Mom. I'll be okay, now. I just need to deal with this in my own way."  
_

"_No, Mom. That's not what I meant! I promise, I'll be okay."  
_

_Yes, I' promise to keep my promise."_

Gibbs found he could breathe a little easier about things at Tim's solemn promise to his mother. The promise that he would be okay and that he had no further intention of taking his own life lifted Gibbs' spirits no end because it finally signaled that first step forward Tim needed.

He smiled slightly at the sounds of Ducky moving around upstairs and got up to walk to the kitchen so he could prepare a pot of tea for his friend. Whilst waiting for the tea to brew, he looked in the cupboard and chuckled when he saw a small china cup and saucer sitting there; taking it out, he set it next to the pot and placed a teaspoon on the small plate it sat on. Satisfied, he headed back to the living room to resume his silent vigil over Tim from a distance.

Ducky came downstairs and smiled when he saw Gibbs' offering sitting on the countertop and as he fixed himself a cup of tea, he glanced out of the kitchen window and saw Tim resting comfortably outside. He made a note to check on the young man and walked into the living room with his tea in hand.

"Ahh, Jethro. Why am I not surprised?." He said under his breath whilst chuckling gently. He noted Jethro's watchful post in the living room and knowing his friend as well as he did gave him the added bonus of knowing exactly how little rest Jethro was getting. The waves of guilt, worry and fear were stifling as they vibrated through the room and vied for pole position in the M.E's mind. He was aware that it was only the foremost thoughts in Jethro's mind that got dealt with at any given moment; the rest stuck stewing and rooting; digging in for the long haul.

Sitting down closely enough to the young man so they could talk quietly and still keep watch over Timothy, Ducky greeted Gibbs warmly.

"Good morning, Jethro. How did you sleep? I imagine it was quite a tough night sitting up with Timothy the way you did. Did either of you sleep?"

"Yeah, Duck. We both did, a little." Gibbs' flat tone worried the M.E.

"You seem to be a bit distant this morning, Jethro. Is everything still on track with Timothy's recovery?"

"Heard him on the phone with his mother earlier, Duck. He promised her he was gonna be okay. Told her he didn't want to go home to them because he needed to be here"

"Well, that certainly sounds encouraging, Jethro." Ducky tried to keep his voice light in lieu of Gibbs' emotions at the moment.

"Yeah, sure more encouraging than the way he was talkin' yesterday."

"You don't seem to be taking it as a positive sign,"

"Just thinkin' about some of the other things he told his mother." Shaking his head lightly, Gibbs glanced out at Tim one last time before getting up and heading towards the kitchen to put his empty mug in the sink. "I'm gonna take a shower, Duck. He's all yours."

"Take your time, Jethro. Oh, and you might want to take a moment to search more thoroughly under the bed for more pieces of the unfortunate laptop while you're up there? I picked up what I could find last night. I'm sure we want to make certain we get all of the pieces because no doubt that young man out there will want to try his hand at fixing the damage when he is feeling better."

"No problem, I'll take a look. You're right, you know McGee can't resist a challenge. Thanks, Duck."

"Certainly, Jethro." Ducky smiled warmly at his friend and turned his focus towards Tim.

"He's been out there a while, I'm not sure the cool air's good for him right about now."

"He's fine. The fresh air will do him more good than harm so Relax, Jethro. Go and take a shower or go on back to bed if you'd like. Young Timothy and I will be fine."

"I'll be back in 20, Duck." Gibbs insisted. He didn't want to leave Tim for longer than that, He wanted to be there just in case the young man woke up; there was no way that Gibbs was going to let Tim think he'd deserted him again, not even for a minute!

* * *

Abby, Ziva and Jimmy had no clue how to go about getting Tim his job back, hell they weren't even sure he wanted it back!

They all realized Tim McGee was undoubtedly going to be a different person that who he'd been before this ordeal had avalanched down on him but they weren't sure exactly how different he was going to be. Unbeknown to Abby and Jimmy; Ziva and the Director had more of an inside view of just what Tim had been through that day and sympathized with him because they empathically understood what memories he'd be forever reliving as he tried to figure out how to move on and live life the best way he could. Both of them couldn't help but feel compassion and sorrow for their friend.

Even Vance understood exactly what McGee had done and what he'd given up. In taking the rap; he allowed his good name and career to be thrown away in order to keep his partner's name clean so that he could be remembered as a hero in the eyes of his friends and team mates. It was the best fair well gift McGee could have given DiNozzo but acted as a double edged sword because it was worst one DiNozzo could have ever asked McGee for.

Leon Vance was living with his own culpability in this nightmare and he was beginning to realize exactly how much damage had been done by his actions. From where he sat, he'd had a responsibility to make sure that no stone was left unturned in the investigation and failed miserably when the events of what happened in that warehouse were either overlooked or ignored completely for as long as they had been. It never occurred to him that the team of Agents assigned to that investigation would be so sloppy that they didn't do the follow-up on something as basic as video surveillance footage and it galled him.

The fact that such a thing had almost slipped through their fingers like water had him trying to figure out exactly where his agents' had fallen down in their work. He had yet to figure out just how it had all come to light and considering the way it had been overlooked to begin with, he knew it wasn't going to be an easy task. Written reprimands and verbal warnings were already in place but it hadn't eased the feeling of guilt that sat churning dangerously in the pit of Vance's gut. The fact was all of this could have been avoided if that tape had come to light sooner. It would have been a damn sight less painful for everyone involved anyway.

On top of that, Leon knew Gibbs had been right. Leon had been quick to judge; quick to condemn; and hell, he'd even been almost vindictive when he made the decision to stop McGee from attending DiNozzo's funeral. Then again, if Vance were to be honest with himself; he'd have to admit that his actions had been a selfishly push to save his own ass first and an effort to save face for NCI, second. He'd completely disregarded Ducky's warning of what such a decision would do to an already emotionally devastated Timothy McGee.

Now, Vance had to wonder whether or not Tim would even consider looking for something in the same quota as his Job at NCIS or whether the young man would look elsewhere; something as far removed from the Agency's work as possible. No one would blame him, that much was certain. But Vance also knew that it no longer mattered what anyone thought of Tim's choices either way. Tim had too much to wade through and figure out; much of which had been ruthlessly thrown at him by others; the very people he'd trusted the most; including Leon Vance. If the director was in Tim's shoes, then he'd be left wondering what career choice he had now. Somehow, though, Vance knew that what really mattered to McGee was much more important and had already been laid out for all to hear when he tried to purge the guilt he steadfastly carried over his partner's death.

That was a personal battle Leon Vance wasn't equipped to help McGee with. In addition to that problem; was the question of just what Vance was going to say to Ziva, Abby and Jimmy when they arrived? How to answer their queries was beyond him and he and he had no idea how to go about even trying finding the answers. He'd never been in this position before and if the truth be told, he was in over his head. This meeting was a formality and with no answers to give, that left only questions that were bound to hang heavily in the air. That was the reason why he had no idea of what the outcome would be. It was down to somebody, somewhere to throw some ideas out on the table. It was definitely a unique spot to be in; one in which Leon Vance hoped he would never find himself in again.

As the trio arrived, they were ushered into his office, the sight of the three grief stricken young people made Leon breath out a sigh of frustration before he held out his arm in a bid for them to take their seats. He sat down and waited for the first one to lose their patience and start the ball rolling.

* * *

Gibbs came back down after making a clean sweep for the remaining computer pieces before taking his relaxing shower. As he headed down the stairs, he was startled when his cell phone rang and turned back round to jog back upstairs to stop the noise from the trilling phone from disturbing his agent; that wasn't the only reason though, he didn't want Tim overhearing whatever the conversation was going to be in case it set him back even further than he already was. He stepped into the first bedroom that he reached and answered the call;

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Gibbs, you're on speaker and I'm here in my office with three of your people. They requested to speak to you. It seems they have a question or two to ask you and are bent on getting their answers now, rather than later." Vance said without wasting any time.

"Gibbs! Gibbs! How's Timmy?" Abby's anxious voice overrode the other voices that were all fighting to be heard at the same time.

"Abby. He's okay. He's still not feeling well and is sleeping most of the time, which is just what he needs right now. Is that what this call is about?" Gibbs couldn't help but sound mildly irritated. This could have waited til he got back.

"No, Not entirely, Gibbs." Ziva answered much more calmly.

"Ziva. Everything all right?"

"Yes, Everything is fine. We are calling to ask you a question that we seem unable to answer ourselves."

"Yeah? Go on."

"We wanna know what we can do to get Timmy his job back!" Abby's voice cut Ziva's off asshe rushed the question out.

Gibbs let out a sigh of frustration. This wasn't anywhere near the top of the list of prioriies and he wasn't sure whether he could deal with this right now.

"Ladies. That's not something we can even think about right now. We have to get McGee back on his feet first. You do remember he's still recovering from being shot twice? He's also tryin' to work through the other crap we've just put him through. Thinking about his job is not a priority and I'm not even gonna try to talk to him about any time soon."

"Gibbs, whatever his options are going to be, we'll need time to ferret them out and explore them." Director Vance pushed the subject seeing as he would be pissing in the wind for a few weeks whilst the powers that be processed the paperwork.

"Leon, that's your call. Like I said, it's not on my list of priorities right now."

"Gibbs! Jimmy went through a lot of trouble to get this meeting with the Director so we could put our heads together for Timmy's sake!" Abby's protests were practically shouted.

_Jimmy. _Yeah, that was another bridge Gibbs knew he needed to rebuild; it was something that was going to be tough to do because their working relationship had always been shaky and uncertain as it was, but now? God only knew what state it had been left in and Gibbs found himself wondering what the younger mans perspective was on it all.

"And I really appreciate it but right now Tim's health comes first. Everything else will wait His health's the most important."

"Okay." Abby quiet voice was laced with resignation.

"HEY! Abbs! Stop worrying and slow down. Let's take this one day at a time, all right?" Gibbs asked patiently. It was strange to hear him having the patience of a saint but everyone on the end of the phone had to admit to it being a refreshing change.

"You sure he's okay?" This time Abby obviously just needed the reassurance, since she couldn't see him for herself.

"Yeah, Abbs. He's doing all right."

"So when are you bringin' him home?" the Forensic Scientist demanded.

"When he's ready to come back. He's been pushed enough as it is." Gibbs answered without hesitation or room for argument.

"Good. I like the sound of that." Abby answered. "If he asks, you be sure and tell him we're missing him and hope he'll be okay and wanna see him and…"

"Abby. I get it. I'll tell him." Gibbs interrupted her before she could go any further.

Vance took the phone off speaker and gestured for the three of them to leave him alone to talk to Gibbs.

"Gibbs, it's just me and you now, so how about you tell me how he really is."

"Leon, like I told Abby, he's okay. Is there something else you needed from me?"

"Just wanted you to know I've taken care of the sloppy investigation work with this tape."

"Taken care of it? Everyone in the agency was feeling this one so you might wanna cut 'em some slack."

"If it had been your team would you have cut them some slack for overlooking this tape?

"No."

"And the fact that the missing tape could have saved your man a hell of a lot of pain and misery?"

"Look, I know It's your call but I just don't think darkening more records will help anybody."

"Hmmph. I'll give it some thought, Gibbs. Any idea when you're comin' back?"

"Hopefully the day after tomorrow but I'm not promising anything. Again, like I told Abby, I'm not pushing him. His health's been put at risk enough as it is"

"I agree. Keep me posted."

"Okay. What are you doin' with Ziva?"

"Cold cases. Why?"

"Don't want her takin' any chances on her own, Leon. I don't think her head's ready to be goin' out there alone."

"Understood, Gibbs and I completely agree with you. Don't worry; I'll keep her grounded till you get back."

"Thanks. I'll call you." Gibbs said before he ended the call and pocketed his phone so he could head back downstairs.

He let his eyes roam around the cottage as he headed to the kitchen for some fresh coffee and made his way back into the living room. When he walked in, he noticed Ducky snoozing on the couch and glanced out of the window to check on Tim; He was relieved to see Tim still sleeping out on the patio and was thankful that the air coming through the door seemed to have gotten warmer. Gibbs still felt the need to check on his agent and walked through the patio doors towards the lawn chair.

He felt his heart drop when he saw that Tim wasn't actually sleeping, after all, but staring off into space. He seemed to be lost in obviously unhappy thoughts. Damn it! The last thing Gibbs wanted was for Tim to have even a minute of thinking he was alone and abandoned.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked him quietly, deliberately keeping his tone loaded with nothing but concern.

Tim silently nodded, unwilling to speak; unable to think of the right words to say.

"I know that you're still pissed at me and I'm not gonna waste your time or mine by trying to tell you that you shouldn't be. It's not my place to tell you how or what you need to feel but I am gonna tell you this; when you feel ready to talk to me, I'm here for you."

"Why?" Tim asked quietly.

"Why what, Tim?" Gibbs asked in a matching quiet tone as he took a seat where he could see Tim without crowding him.

"Why would you lie to me the way you did yesterday? The one thing I always counted on you for was honesty. And yesterday you lied to me. I just need to know why." Tim asked as he looked down at his lap; still unwilling to look Gibbs in the eye.

"Why don't you tell me what it is I lied to you about?" the older man asked carefully. He wasn't sure whether or not he really wanted to know the answer, but he was sure he didn't' want to scare Tim off from talking things out.

"You said Tony was never your favorite and that I've always been as much of a son to you as Tony was. Why would you lie to me like that? And not one lie, but two! How many more lies are you gonna tell me, Gibbs? What happened to always telling us the truth?" Tim could feel his anger start to rise once again.

"Tim. I wasn't trying to lie to you. I have always thought of both of you the same way."

"You sure as hell never acted like it!"

"I realize that now, Tim. I also realize it's too late to make amends because nothing I say or even feel about it will take away what this has done to you. I know how it's made you feel and the only think I can do is tell you how very sorry I am and promise you that I'll do my damndest to never make the same mistake again"

"Doesn't matter." Tim answered with resignation.

"What doesn't matter, Tim"

"Your promise."

"Whattaya mean it doesn't matter?"

"I don't work for you anymore so you don't have to make me any promises, remember? You don't even have to stay here with me. Come to think about it, why are you still here?"

"I already told you yesterday. I promised you that I wasn't turning my back on you again, like I did when you needed me. Will you let me keep that promise Tim?"

"Don't have much choice in the matter, do I?" Tim asked quietly.

"Yeah, you do. No one is gonna force anything on you that you don't want; unless you're doing something to harm yourself and they need to stop you because we're done with watching you self destruct."

"So, then if I tell you that I want you to leave; you'll go?"

"Only if Ducky stays." Gibbs answered as calmly as he could, He hadn't been expecting this from Tim but kept his voice as neutral as he could.

"See, like I said, I don't have much choice in the matter. It's not like I'm gonna ask Ducky to stay here with no transportation." Tim's voice sounded bitter to his own ears and he hoped that tone reached the older man sitting across from him.

"Tim. Can I get you to listen to me for a minute?"

"I guess."

Gibbs breathed out a sigh; He was struggling to find a place to start that wouldn't send Tim scurrying in the opposite direction. He needed Tim to want his help but was unsure how to get him to that point.

"I overheard your conversation with your Mom, this morning."

"I figured."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Which part?" Tim asked cheekily, a hint of the old McGee shining through for a split second before he turned back to being serious. "I don't lie, Most of the time anyways. And I never make a promise to my mother unless I intend to keep it. So yes. I meant everything I said to her."

"Which means you don't hold me entirely responsible for what happened."

"I never said I did."

"I'll give you that one. You didn't, that's true. You also told her you needed to stay near the team. Does that include me?"

"You're still the Team Leader aren't you?"

"As far as I know."

"Then I guess it includes you. Although, I'm kinda confused as to why that is; I mean it's not like I have a place at NCIS anymore; so, It's not looking likely that we're gonna ever work together again, anyway."

"Yet, you still believe you need to stay near us. How do you propose we make that happen for you?"

"What?"

"You gave up your apartment. What do you suggest we do so that you can stay near the team?"

Tim's eyes filled with tears at the words coming out of Gibbs' mouth and he quickly turned his head away, desperate for Gibbs not to see him cry again.

"I'm sorry Tim. I know this is hard. And no, I'm not trying to say I know how you feel or even understand what it feels like; because I don't. But, I do realize this is hard for you to get through. That's why I'm asking you to let me be here for you." Gibbs offered gently. He laid his heart on the table and hoped the earnest display would soften Tim enough for him to accept.

While Tim silently processed what was probably the longest string of sentences he'd ever heard come out of Gibbs' mouth; the older man patiently waited for him to think things through. After a full five minutes of silence, the older man jumped back into the conversation; fearing the ground that had been gained since yesterday would soon be lost once again if he didn't.

"Tim? Whattaya say? Will you let me help?"

"I guess that depends on your idea of help." Tim said cautiously.

"I strongly suggest, we start by returning to my house, Timothy." Ducky said from the doorway as he joined them on the patio with hot drinks for everyone resting on a tray.

"Mornin' Ducky." Tim offered sheepishly and he grinned slightly at the familiar comfort of that soothing English voice that was tinged with a hint of a Scottish accent. "Are you seriously asking me to come back to your house after what I did?"

"Timothy, we've already had this discussion and I still do not hold your actions against you. You haven't been yourself and felt as though you couldn't ask anyone for help, we all understand that. However, we do also ask that you not act under that wrong assumption again, young man!"

"Okay, I can agree to that." Tim answered feeling slightly abashed at Ducky's mild admonishment.

"Excellent! Now, tell us honestly, how do you feel?"

"Still feel pretty wiped out. Why is that, Ducky?"

"Stress, Timothy. Extreme stress and the pain from your injuries."

"So, what do you suggest we do now?" Tim asked nervously.

"Well, unless there is some reason you do not wish to remain here; I suggest we do just that; with you getting some proper sleep as well as nutrition."

"For how long?"

"If you get a great deal of sleep today and tonight as well as eat fairly well, then we should be able to get you back to my house tomorrow afternoon?"

" I think I'd like that." Tim said wistfully, still not looking at Gibbs who'd gone silent when Ducky had entered the conversation.

"Well then Timothy, how about you start by drinking that and I'll get you something to eat because I know for a fact you've had nothing this morning."

"I'll help you Duck. McGee, get some rest okay?"

"Yeah bo…Gibbs." Gibbs smiled at the slip of the tongue and trailed behind Ducky.

Tim nestled back into the lawn chair and sighed heavily as his mind started to churn with his thoughts once again.

"_Hey, Probie. You're looking better today."_

"Go to hell, Tony. I've got nothing to say to you!" Tim snapped out his reply automatically seeing as he was still pissed at Tony for leaving him.

"Ouch! _Come on, McGee. Don't be like that."_

"Like what Tony? Pissed at you for being so stupid that you get yourself shot just right, that your already scarred lungs couldn't handle it? Y Pissed at you for dying? Pissed at you for leaving me once this is over? You have no idea how hard this is for me, do you?"

"_No. I don't, but I do know that you'll move on with your life, eventually."_

"Oh yeah, Tony. Because that seems to be the thing to say right, now doesn't it? Just move on and get on with life! Well news flash for you DiNozzo!, I DON'T WANT IT!"

"_Shit, McGee! You seriously haven't got a clue, have you? Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me? I've spent my time trying to get everyone on your side whilst trying to keep your sorry ass from self destructing. All the while I could be up there laying on a cloud, singing with some hot angels."_

Tony's last comment chipped away at the anger Tim was feeling and he soon found himself grinning just for a minute, at the thought of it.

"_You think I'm kidding? I'm serious Probie! You need to move on and stop this crap right now. You scared me last night and when I think of you holding that gun…." Tony turned his head away with a haunted look on his face._

"You saved me though, Tony."

"_For how long McGee? Today? Tomorrow?"_

"I can't answer that Tony but for now I have no intentions of eating a bullet any time soon." Tim was sincere in what he was saying though he totally understood why Tony was reluctant.

"_Yeah, about that intention? You had no intention of pulling the wool over Ducky and Sarah's eyes either but you did. How can I trust you? How do I know I won't turn around at some point and suddenly find you on this side with me; before your time?"_

"You know the answer to that. In any other situation, I'm almost always honest. Besides, even if that's not enough for you, you can trust Gibbs because there's no way he's letting me out of his sight anytime soon."

"_He being possessive?"_

"Protective and the answer is hell yeah. It's kind of scary, to be honest, seeing as he's ignored me for weeks since you've left us and always acted like I wasn't even on his radar when you were still with us." Tim frowned at the thought.

"_So, you've decided to let him help you?"_

"Yeah. I can't seem to stay pissed at him for very long; never could. Besides, there's not a doubt in my mind that how he feels now is genuine. The only doubt is in how long things'll be this this way."

"_Gibbs won't break his promise to you, Probie. I can't tell you how relieved I am to see that you don't think he hates you."_

"I know, Tony. To tell you the truth, I'm relieved to feel it. Thinking Gibbs hates you isn't the nicest feelin' in the world And this time I'll let him know that I'll be holding him to his word."

"_Well, that's new for you_. _It's going to be all right now, kid. You know that right? Now, that you've let them in?"_

"No, but I'm getting there, Tony."

"_Sure are, McGee. Listen I need to talk you about…"_

"No Tony. Look, I love you like a brother. You're my best friend and I don't want to let you go just yet! So, don't say it!."

"_I love you too Tim, but you're gonna have to go of me and soon because I can't stick around forever. I've been here too long as it is."_

"Just do one thing for me, Tony." Tim begged, his heart back in his eyes.

"_Shoot." _

Tim glared at Tony and watched as the older man's eyes went wide at the realization of what he had just said

"_Sorry, I didn't mean that. What is it you need from me?"_

"Promise me that when it's your last visit with me, you'll tell me that you won't be coming back. I don't wanna be stuck wondering if I'm ever gonna see you again, I need to know when I won't be."

"_That is something I can do, McGee."_

The two men sat back in silence and Tim soon found himself drifting off to sleep feeling more alive and hopeful; lighter than he had in weeks.

Gibbs and Ducky arrived back at the patio, and were brought up short in both surprise and relief, to find both of their boys together; in perfect harmony; being there for each other, one last time.


	32. Chapter 32

_A/N : We apologise for the delay_  
_Please note; for this chapter, we have put away the tissue warning._

_Still a bit long, so sit back and relax._  
_Enjoy._

* * *

Now that Tim had finally fallen asleep out on the patio, Ducky turned towards Gibbs and smiled warmly, he knew what the worried frown meant and shook his head.

"Jethro, he is absolutely fine out here; leave the boy be and let him rest. Besides, the warm fresh air and sea breeze will do him good." Gibbs seemed to relax further at Ducky's reassurances and sent a wan smile back to his friend.

"Yeah, I know, Duck. I'm gonna sit with him a while so doesn't think I've abandoned him when he wakes up" He started to move towards Tim when he felt a warm hand curl around his forearm.

"Let me, Jethro. Please, go take a shower and get some sleep. I'll stay with Timothy to make sure he is comfortable."

"Duck….." For some reason Gibbs was reluctant to leave; he couldn't explain it but he wanted nothing more than to go and sit with Tim until he woke.

"Do not make me use the Doctor card, Agent Gibbs. I insist, now please Jethro; you like you have been raked over the coals and back again so again, I insist." Ducky persistence made him smile; _damn the doc can be stubborn sometimes._

In all honesty, Gibbs knew that Ducky needed to know that his patient hadn't disappeared from his house because of anything that the M.E. had said or done. He needed whatever reassurance Tim could give him that the Ducky hadn't upset him in anyway and the young man's actions had been simply for the reasons that Tim had already given.

"Ok but if you need me…"

"Then I know where to find you, dear boy. Now get going, Jethro before I change my mind." Jethro glanced over and saw something he hadn't seen in a while; the twinkle in his friend's eyes was back and that in itself made his heart melt a little bit. Knowing that it was a mutually beneficial arrangement, Gibbs nodded his thanks and moved back into the house.

Despite Ducky's almost jovial insistence, Gibbs couldn't help the twinge of sadness he felt for his friend. He could tell that Tim's disappearing act had hurt Ducky more than the older man was willing to let on and GIbbs silently hoped that Tim would find his former sense of perception and pick up on this so he could set things right between them again. There was a time when Tim had the uncanny perception to know when someone he cared about was upset before anyone else and that strength was the one that Gibbs was currently banking on.

He reminisced back at and realized that Ducky was the one person on the team that had never, for an instant, turned their back on Tim; even looking back over all the years that Tim had been on the team; Gibbs had to admit that is was Ducky who never let Tim down and never failed to notice when he'd needed something the team had fallen short of giving him. There was no doubt in his mind, that once Tim's mind finally turned the corner and started to think about that fact, he'd be very upset with himself for hurting the M.E. the way that he had.

It was the reminder of Tim's empathy that finally relaxed Gibbs; He was certain his always sensitive agent would make things right between him and Ducky again; That wasn't what worried him now, though. No, it was the question of the rest of the team that Gibbs wasn't sure about. Then again, as much as it pained him to admit, he wouldn't blame the kid for turning his back on every single one of them because of how they'd treated him over this. Reality bit Gibbs hard when he recalled the conversation Tim had with his mother not too long ago and Gibbs still found himself feeling surprised at Tim's vow to his mother:

"_I'm__ not gonna turn my back on any of them!"_

Even now, that statement surprised him. After everything they'd done to him; after ignoring his needs and leaving him suffering on his own. _Why? Why would Tim say that?_ _Why would he feel that way and so deeply? _The more he thought about it, the more it became glaringly obvious that Tim McGee's penchant for forgiving everyone he cared about; no matter what they'd done to him; was still there. It was distilled into his very soul and was the one thing that hadn't been destroyed through this ordeal. Sure, it was bit damaged and their betrayals had left little pock marks of damage, but it was still there nonetheless. For that, Leroy Jethro Gibbs was profoundly grateful.

He used the time Ducky had given him whilst the M.E. watched over Tim to catch up on some much needed sleep of his own, in the master bedroom. He hadn't noticed how bone tired he was feeling until he finally caught sight of the bed. He woke up feeling better than he had before and once he was up, he busied himself with changing the sheets and rounding up all of the used towels and dirty clothes; realizing the three of them didn't have much to change into and picked up the basket before heading off to the laundry room he'd seen last night.

Once the laundry was started, he moved to go outside to do a quick check on Tim and Ducky. He found them both sleeping peacefully in the warm sun so turned and walked back to the kitchen, wanting to prepare lunch for Tim. He hoped there was something that would be easy on the young man's stomach because after not eating for so long, the kid's stomach was sure to rebel against anything too heavy.

"_Soup, that's bound to be easy enough to digest." _Gibbs thought as he rummaged through the cupboards; only to be pleasantly surprised when he found several cans of the stuff sitting neatly on one of the shelves. He pulled them out of the cupboard and set about making sandwiches for himself and Ducky to accompany their own soup whilst it warmed on the stove. Once the sandwiches were made, he put them in the fridge and stirred the pan; the soup was starting to bubble slightly so he turned off the gas and glanced at his watch, noticing it was nearing noon time he realized that Tim had been asleep for four hours; three of those, had also given Gibbs the chance to get his own chance to rest.

Silently, Gibbs carried out the food laden tray and set it on the table before he turned and nudged Ducky awake.

"Hey Duck. Come on, it's time to eat." He pointed in the direction of the soup and sandwiches and turned to make his way back upstairs to make a phone call. He paused for a second and turned back to Ducky.

"Hey Duck?"

"Yes Jethro."

"Let him know I'll be right back down after I make this call, will ya? I don't want him thinkin' for a minute that I'm not here for him when he needs me."

"Jethro! Where did that come from? I wouldn't let the dear boy think that for a minute." Ducky was confused because, if anything, his friend had finally realized what he had almost lost and was desperately trying to atone for his sins.

"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs nodded and finally made his way up to the bedroom. He placed the note pad and pen in front of him as he sat on the bed and dialed Leon.

"_Gibbs. Didn't expect to be hearing from you so soon; what can I do for you?"_ The director's tone was unusually warm and Gibbs could hear the relief in his superior's voice.

"You said we had to figure out what McGee's options were and I want to know whether you have something in mind. I know I said it's not a priority, Leon, but, I know McGee and he'll be thinking about it regardless of whether or not we bring it up. His mind is like a computer and I'd like to have something to give him to think about when he's ready." Gibbs jumped straight in; there was no point in beating about the bush and he wanted nothing more than to be able to get back downstairs to his agent

"_I've been talking to the SecNav, Gibbs and bringing him up to speed on the real story of what happened in that warehouse. He's more than willing to see what he can do to get McGee back in the Agency."_

"And the scuttlebutt?" Yeah, SecNav might exonerate Tim, but the gossip and Chinese whispers could potentially be soul destroying. No amount of official notes on file to clear Tim's name could stop people talking behind Tim's back.

"_Since when do we listen to scuttlebutt, Gibbs?"_

"I don't want him having to put up with that crap on the job, Leon. None of my team should be subjected to it. They've all been through enough and they shouldn't have to hear it; especially McGee."

"_We would have to treat it aggressively, but ultimately that decision would have to be McGee's, if he would be willing to wade_ through it and see it through till it went away then I don't foresee any problems."

"All right, keep me posted of what his options are, when you figure them out. He'll probably be asking soon."

"_Understood. How's he doing?"_ Gibbs sighed slightly and found the genuine concern coming from the Director refreshing.

"No change. We've managed to get him to sleep for the past four hours with no problems. It's a step in the right direction at least."

"Good. Keep me posted. Oh, and Gibbs? Have you considered the possibility that all this talk about McGee coming back could be for nothing? What if he doesn't even wanna come back?" Leon asked.

"I've considered it, Leon. It's his call, you're right but I want to be able to lay out the options he has. I know the way his mind works and he likes to see everything set out in front of him."

"He likes logic and facts. I can't deny that. Take care of your boy, Gibbs and let me know if anything is decided, either way I'll respect the decision and will support Tim in whatever he wants to do."

"Thanks, Leon."

Gibbs ended the call and headed back downstairs to find Tim listlessly playing with his soup; twirling his spoon in circles, making the vegetable broth swirl in the bowl. Even though the liquid food would be gentle on Tim's system, his appetite had once again abandoned him and he just couldn't find the desire to eat. He obviously wasn't hungry so Gibbs took pity on him and picked up the full bowl and replaced it with a glass of milk. He couldn't help the small smile when Tim's face lit up.

Tim downed the milk gratefully and handed the empty glass back to Gibbs. "Thank you."

"Think you can climb those stairs and get back in that bed?"

"I'm not sure."

"C'mon, we'll help you. You need to stretch out and you might as well be as comfortable as possible while you sleep."

"Okay."

Ducky and Gibbs stayed close behind Tim as he slowly walked up the stairs. Each step physically drained him more and more and he seemed to lean heavier on the railing with every step he took. By the time he reached the top landing, Tim's felt as though his legs were going to give way on him. He paused before he took another step and could feel his chest heaving painfully with every breath he took. But his sense of pride kicked in and each step was gradually taking him closer to the bed; the same bed that seemed so alluring and practically called out to him so he could lay down and melt into the comfortable mattress. It was that same sense of pride that drove him forward towards his goal; he had no intention of showing more weakness to the two men who followed closely behind him.

"Timothy?"

"I'm all right, Ducky. I just want to get into bed and go back to sleep." The exhaustion was evident in his voice and Gibbs cringed at how easily Tim tired out.

"No, Timothy, you're not. But you will be, dear boy. I suggest a visit to the bathroom first. You have been outside all morning and haven't had the opportunity, so it may very well be prudent."

Tim knew Ducky was right but couldn't help feel frustrated at not being able to sink into oblivion straight away. That did need to wait, though and he knew that once he was in bed, there was no way he would want to get up again.

Ten minutes later, Tim was peacefully asleep once again, this time he was comfortably stretched out with his head gently nestled on a large fluffy pillow that seemed to cradle him perfectly. Tim looked almost like a little boy again and his pure innocence whilst sleeping deepened the scars of guilt about everything that had happened.

As Ducky watched Tim sleep he was suddenly struck with the feeling that he no long had stay and watch over his patient. There had been a deep rooted serenity that seemed to have befallen the young man as he sank down in the bed and let sleep finally claim him. Ducky walked down the stairs and retreated down to the kitchen where Jethro had retreated to and had busied himself making tea and coffee so that they could sit down and talk things through.

Ducky had made sure that the bedroom door to Tim's room was left open and they were confident that if he needed them, he'd call out for them. Gibbs had placed Tim's phone within reach as a back-up plan and the two older men were confident in the knowledge that Tim could contact them if he needed too. It was surprising that Tim's mind was actually allowing him to sleep without any trauma; given everything the young man had been through. They had expected nightmares. Thankfully, they never came though and for that, both Gibbs and Ducky were immensely relieved.

The two older men spent the afternoon rebuilding the bridge of their friendship; talking through the pain of Anthony's death and what it had done to both of them. They even talked about what it had done to the rest of the team and since both had different perspectives on the way in which everyone had been effected, the conversation served to enlighten both of them with each other's vantage point. When it came to Abby, Ziva and Jimmy, each man's angles were equally as different but just as painful for the other man to listen to and they even managed to reach an understanding when it came to the subject of Jimmy.

There were no lines drawn, no weapons unleashed, not even any anger unfurled. No, this afternoon was simply two old friends re-fortifying their newly rebuilt bridge of deep friendship and unconditional love; the love of years of bonded friendship between close friends; who shared a family; an extended family, that needed both of them and looked to them for guidance, protection and love. The fact that the team needed them more than ever now, was something that both men agreed on fervently.

The afternoon quickly passed and the evening soon descended. Before they knew it was 6pm and they realized that they needed to wake Tim to get him to eat. Standing up, Ducky went to heat up Tim's soup and fixed himself and Jethro some chicken and pasta he'd found in the cupboard.

Gibbs stood and watched his friend busying himself in the kitchen and remembered the laundry that he had put on earlier and went to empty the machines and clean up after himself. It didn't take long and he soon found himself sitting back in the kitchen which had blossomed into a hive of activity as the expressive scot talked him through his time at college.

Tim woke up slowly and his mind soon shifted from dreamless nothingness to the awareness of where he was. The realization that his sleep had been restful and lacked the sorrow-filled dreams he'd often been plagued with since Tony's death startled him, but not as much as the stillness of the room and the lack of noise in the cottage. That alarmed him and he felt the bubble of panic rise dangerously before his eyes happened to fall on the cell phone lying on the nightstand. There was a small piece of paper laying on top of it so he picked up with shaking hands and read it.

"_We're right down stairs. Call us if you need us."_

_G & D_

He felt the panic melt away instantly, leaving behind peace, comfort and the feeling of being safer than he had in the past two weeks. If he were honest with himself, Tim would have to say that he'd never felt so safe before except maybe when Tony was still here, and it was just the two of them with Gibbs while Ziva was back in Israel. That feeling was nothing personal against Ziva and Tim loved her like the big sister he'd never had. No, it was just, at that time; when it was just the three guys; it was the best time of his entire career with NCIS. It was the only time he truly felt like 'one of the guys''; equal, respected, needed and wanted.

It was a feeling that had quickly been lost in the ensuing months and everything else that happened after that. But, it was nice to still have it in his memory to serve as a reminder of quite possibly the best days of his career.

Tim gingerly sat up and maneuvered himself close to the edge of the bed but soon discovered how much his body was working against him. The weakness he felt left him unable to lever himself up and it was almost as if sleep had drained him instead of building up his strength like it was supposed to. That scared him and the thought that something was wrong swirled around in his mind to the point that he picked up his phone and hit the speed dial for Ducky.

"Timothy, are you all right?" Ducky's concerned voice echoed in stereo as the M.E. rushed up the stairs while waiting for Tim to answer his question. Gibbs was hot on Ducky's heels as they made their way to the bedroom and the M.E. could feel both men's worry weighing down on him.

"What's wrong with me, Ducky? I feel too weak to even get out of bed." Tim's weak, shaky voice was practically a whisper as Ducky made it to the room. He ended the call before striding in and picked up his medical bag from the small chest of drawers next to the door.

Gibbs silently stood by and waited for Ducky to finish taking Tim's vitals and felt the knot of worry slowly uncurl when Ducky let out a sigh of relief and reassured both of the other two that all was well.

"Timothy, you are doing as well as can be expected, my dear boy. Considering what your body has been through I couldn't ask for better. You have to bear in mind that your complete lack of appetite has left you malnourished and with the healing injuries and the emotional trauma, it's to be expected. Don't rush it, Timothy. Your body needs time to regain some of that strength." Ducky glanced up into Tim's worried eyes and laid a reassuring hand on his arm "Now, listen to me, young man. You will get better but it's going to take time. Now I want you to stop worrying about it because it's not conducive to your recovery. In fact, it will only serve to will slow it down."

"Sorry, Ducky. Okay, so how do we fix it?" Tim started to relax at Ducky's soothing words "I don't understand. Isn't sleeping supposed to help replenish the body's energy and strength? How can I feel worse now?"

Gibbs listened to the conversation with a deep frown. Tim really didn't look any better for sleeping the day away and that fact worried him as much as it seemed to worry Tim, if not more.

"Duck? Do we need to admit him to a hospital?" Gibbs asked softly from the doorway. The concern on his face was palpable and was evident in the tone he'd used.

"No, Jethro. If he was unwilling to get better, I would undoubtedly say yes. But, that is not the case. We simply must fortify his need for nutrition with supplements that will do the work in place of meals he's not able to eat yet."

"You mean like vitamins?" Tim asked cautiously.

"For starters, yes. But also, protein shakes if need be. If they do become a necessity, you will drink them without argument because they will supply your body with everything that is necessary. For now, I want you to at least try and eat the soup I have prepared for dinner and this time I won't stand for you twirling it around in the bowl. I want you to at least make more of an effort Timothy but don't make yourself sick in the process." Ducky demanded with a hint of anger mixed with his own full amount of concern.

"Ducky, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'll try." Tim said meekly.

"Timothy, there is no need to apologise. We are well aware that you are not doing this deliberately." Ducky answered strongly.

"McGee. Stop apologizing. And before you say it, I'm not telling you that because I think it makes you look weak. I'm saying it because you have nothing to be apologizing for. NOTHING! You hear me?" Gibbs listened to the conversation and felt the need to jump in with his own calm, comforting reassurances.

"I hear you, Boss." Tim answered softly with a tiny smile on his face. It wasn't the same smile that used to make his eyes sparkle and light up the room, but it was a smile just the same and Gibbs was damn happy to see it. And to top it off, Tim had called him 'boss' again! Oh, yeah, things were definitely looking up.

"Good. I'm gonna go get your dinner." Gibbs looked at Tim and somehow knew that the kid wanted to get up out of bed for a while "We'll set you up with it over at this little table, McGee. You need help getting him there, Duck?"

"No, Jethro, Timothy and I will be fine,"

With a silent nod of agreement, Gibbs headed back downstairs to get their dinners so they could sit down and eat together. It would be a small step in the right direction, but a step none the less. It would help them get back into the swing of being comfortable around each other; as much as Tim would allow, anyway.

After a quiet dinner where the only conversation was about the local area and where to find things to do and stores that were needed; Tim went back to bed, and happily fell asleep once more. The sheer effort of getting up had drained him and once Ducky was satisfied he had eaten enough, the two men helped him make the short journey back to bed. He hated to admit it but feeling this weak felt hopelessly like it wasn't going to get better; like he was never gonna get his life back and that was a low blow seeing as he finally wanted it back. Tim had finally gotten to the place where he was willing to fight physically to get back what he had lost and it frustrated him to no end to feel like it was an unreachable goal. Sure, he had faith in Ducky's wisdom, but he couldn't help but feel that he was worse off than even the M.E. realized. He just hoped he was wrong…. _Oh, how he hoped he was wrong!_

Since Tim had managed to eat over half of his soup, Ducky and Gibbs both felt better about the situation. Gibbs was still worried though. He'd learned to read his people fairly well over the years and the worry in Tim's eyes hadn't gone unnoticed. He soon found out that Ducky hadn't missed it either.

"Duck…"

"Jethro, he'll stop worrying when he begins to feel stronger. We'll have to continue going about this slowly and methodically by waking him up every four hours and getting him to eat or drink something to build him back up. We can't do more than that, my friend."

"I know, Duck. I just don't want him giving up now." Ducky nodded at Gibbs' words "Hmph, I guess I'll run to the store and stock up. You want me to pick up some of those shakes you mentioned?"

"It might be worth having them to hand, Jethro. I'm not willing to let Timothy get any more malnourished than he already is and they will be perfect if need be."

Gibbs felt better knowing that Ducky was on the case and after a run to the store to replenish the groceries, Gibbs settled into the chair next to Tim's bed to keep watch while Ducky went to bed early. They both needed to keep up their own strength in order to help Tim regain his. Gibbs kept up his side of the bargain and throughout the evening and night, he woke Tim every four hours to give offer him food or a nutrition shake. He wasn't really concerned when Tim struggled to sleep at times and talked to him soothingly until the young man finally slipped back into the slumber he was roused from.

Gibbs finally nodded off shortly before 7 in the morning, sitting in the easy chair by the bedroom window with his head resting on his chest. Ducky put in his first appearance to check on both of them at 8 and with an understanding smile, looked over to the stockpile of empty shake cans that he knew Gibbs had left to show him exactly how well they had both done. While four empty cans didn't look like much, Ducky was pleased to see that at least some progress had been made in getting Timothy some much needed nourishment.

He glanced over at Gibbs before making his way to the bed to wake Tim, knowing that he needed to get the young man on his feet so he could use the bathroom. He perched on the edge of the bed and gently roused Tim before helping him walk unsteadily to the bathroom so he could take care of business and have a well deserved shower.

While Tim was in the shower, Gibbs, who'd awoken at the sounds of Ducky helping Tim get up and moving, now changed the bed again and pulled the bedspread all the way up so he could lay the pillows on top. He hadn't really minded being woken up to the sound of Tim protesting slightly against Ducky's helping hand on his elbow and had sat back and watched with pride as Tim finally tried to regain some of that control. Between the two of them, Gibbs and Ducky managed to clean the bedroom before Tim finished in the bathroom.

As Tim accompanied Ducky back downstairs, Gibbs stretched out on the bed and prepared to get in his four hours of sleep, knowing the other two would happily keep each other company. He hoped that they would use the time to work through some things with each other and drifted off with that spark of hope easing the dull ache in his heart.

Sure enough, as Tim got settled in to the chaise lounge chair out on the patio, Ducky sat next to him and sat back, content to enjoy the silence and was confident that Timothy would talk when he was ready. For now, the M.E. was willing to be patient and enjoy the peace and quiet to give Tim the chance to get some more rest if he needed it.

Tim woke up three hours later and let the serenity of his surroundings wash over him. Somehow, in between all the sleeping he was doing and the silence he was getting from the two older men, he'd found the time to think about things and felt slightly disturbed at some of what he'd thought about because his mind started drifting towards unkind thoughts about himself. How could he have treated Ducky the way he had? _The kindly M.E. was the last person on earth who deserved what Tim had dished out. How was he ever supposed to make it up to him?_

Tim looked over at Ducky now and smiled at the sight of the M.E. as he slept in the chair next to him. The smile soon faded when he realized how uncomfortable Ducky actually looked. Maybe Tim would be doing him a favor by waking him up.

"Ducky?" Tim quietly asked the man sitting next to him.

"Yes, Timothy."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Certainly, my dear boy. You can ask me anything." The sheer sincerity in Ducky's voice somehow gave Tim the confidence to ask what he needed to.

"Has anything I've done made you mad at me?"

"Certainly, Timothy, but only because I care about you, you understand." Ducky's words weren't unkind and that fact wasn't lost on Tim.

"Yeah, I know that, Ducky. What was it that you got upset about? I wanna fix things between us. I know you said you don't hold anything against me, but I still want to fix things. I don't' want anything left out there between us like this."

"Timothy, I do appreciate the sentiment. Truly, I do. But, I do not want you worrying about any of it any longer. I simply failed to understand why you couldn't discuss any of this with me or why you chose to set up such an elaborate falsehood just so you could disappear. If you wanted to come here then you only needed to let me know and I would have brought you here myself, young man." Ducky finally felt free after telling Tim exactly how he felt. He wasn't angry and his words were said with such a deep sadness that Tim felt the urge to justify his actions even more.

"I know, Ducky, But, you wouldn't have let me stay here alone and I needed that. I thought I needed to get out of everyone's life and stay out of their way."

"But you knew that if faced with that possibility, no one would agree with you."

"Yeah. Deep down I knew that but at the time I just didn't wanna see it, I guess."

"That's why you needed to come here alone. You needed to take that decision away from the rest of us and make it by yourself. Because, after all, it is your life and not ours and you had had enough pain and suffering." Ducky reasoned as a way to let Tim know he really did understand exactly how he felt.

"I guess you do understand more than I gave you credit for."

"Timothy. You will find that I am not the only one who understands why you did what you chose to do. Jethro understands it completely as well."

"Completely, Ducky?"

"Yes, my dear boy, completely. Jethro's failure to be there for you or even show you that you mattered to him; helped send you on a downward spiral towards your own self-destruction."

"Ducky…"

"Nonsense, Timothy, There is no reason to hide from this truth. Jethro is not hiding from it nor does he expect you to. At the same time, he is willing to make amends and make sure that it is one mistake that is not repeated. Are you ready to let him do that?"

Tim pondered the question for a moment before answering. That really was the million dollar question _'was he willing to make amends with Gibbs and let him be there for him?' _

"Yes." He knew all along that he not only needed this but wanted it too but there was still a tiny part of him that had nagging doubts about everything.

"Good. Then, please, let us move on from here, shall we? I for one have talked this into the ground and have no desire to discuss it any further."

"Sounds good to me, Ducky. And thank you." Tim said with another small smile as he got up out of his chair and headed into the kitchen for another shake,

The rest of the morning found all three men resting comfortably and by 2PM, they were rested enough, loaded up and well on their way back home. While Tim slept for the three hour drive, Ducky and Gibbs talked quietly between themselves about work and the team.

Gibbs pulled up to Ducky's house and parked as close to the house as he possibly could. Tim was doing better and the nutrition drinks were slowly starting to put color back in that all too pale face, that combined with the sleep he had been getting left Ducky feeling confident that given time; Tim would make a full recovery.

"Do you wanna wake him up, Duck? I'll get the bags in the house and be back to help" Gibbs moved to the trunk and started pulling out the overnight bags.

"Jethro, maybe you could bring Timothy's coat out as well. There's a slight chill in the air." Ducky held out his arm and handed Gibbs the key to his house.

"Sure, Duck." Gibbs walked to the front door and left Ducky to rouse Tim. Ducky opened the car door and knelt in front Tim. The young man didn't look comfortable at all; he was sitting up with his head craned back against the headrest.

"Oh Timothy, You will no doubt be a wee bit stiff from sleeping like that, dear boy." Ducky reached over and placed his hand on Tim's forehead; he had been worried about the stress of traveling taking its toll and was relieved to see that Tim had fared well during the journey. There was no fever and if anything, the young man had fared reasonably well.

"Timothy. Come on, dear boy we're home." Ducky's hand moved down to Tim's shoulder and rested there until the gentle pressure and cajoling finally rouse him.

"Huh…."

"We're home, Timothy. Do you think you can stand or would you rather wait for, Jethro?"

Tim's senses slowly came back to him and he found himself mentally checking to see how he was.

"I might need help, Ducky. I don't feel too good. God, I ache." The gentle admission worried Ducky despite the fact that he knew it was merely a case of Tim's position aggravating the healing wounds and the fact that exhaustion and weakness still plagued the young man. If he was to be honest with himself, Ducky was surprised that the journey didn't affect him more.

"That's fine, Timothy. Ahh, here he comes now." Ducky watched Gibbs jog over to the car with Tim's coat in his hand.

"Here you go, Duck. How's he doing?"

"He might need help going into the house, Jethro. I think the journey has taken it out of him a little bit."

Between the two of them, they managed to get Tim out of the car and Ducky supported him as Gibbs helped Tim put on the coat.

"Better?"

"Much. Thanks, Boss." Gibbs nodded and grasped one of Tim's arms beneath the elbow. Between the two of them, Ducky and Gibbs managed to get Tim into the house and back down the hall to Ducky's guest bedroom suite and resting comfortably in the bed. In true testament to how exhausted the young man was, Tim pretty much fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

It was round about dinner time by now, so once Tim was settled, Ducky went about preparing soup for Tim whilst he rested. It was under mutual agreement that Gibbs would be staying with Ducky until Tim grew strong enough to do things without needing assistance. If truth be told, that wasn't the only reason why Gibbs wanted to stay; he found himself wanting to stay close so he could bridge the cavernous gap that had grown in recent weeks.

"Duck, I'm gonna head home and grab some stuff."

"Don't you want any dinner? You must eat too, Jethro!"

"Sure. I'll be back before then." Gibbs walked out of the kitchen leaving Ducky to prepare Tim's meal.

Tim woke up in the all too familiar surrounding of Ducky's guest bedroom. He glanced out of the window and frowned heavily as the exhaustion still pushed down on him. This time though, the exhaustion was accompanied by a deep rooted melancholy that he found difficult to shift.

It was everything that this room stood for that got him down. Sure, the room was cheery enough; but the memories of spending so many hours hurting and crying here were beginning to take its toll. It was as if the room itself fed his paranoia and fear that he would once again be left alone in the world and he wanted nothing more than to have either Gibbs or Ducky come sit with him because he needed someone there to help cut through the torrid atmosphere that threatened to suffocate him.

Tim closed his eyes willing the sleep to claim him once again but his efforts were stopped once again by the emotions that the room evoked. Tim knew that this wasn't conducive to moving on and found himself wondering whether being in this room again was such a good idea. He soon withdrew into his own thoughts and didn't hear Ducky arriving with his dinner.

"Timothy." Ducky frowned at the faraway look in Tim's face. It was one he had seen so many times in the past few weeks and was one he never hoped to see again. In the time it took Ducky to move over to Tim, he was starting to feel the initial stirrings of panic; they were soon alleviated when Tim's eyes slowly came back into focus and locked onto him.

"Hey, Ducky." Tim's voice was barely a whisper.

"Timothy, is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking…This room just…"

"Bought back bad memories my dear boy. I apologize, I should have realized that at the time. As soon as Jethro gets back we can move you into one of the other rooms; though they are upstairs and you may struggle."

"No, that's ok, Ducky. Please can you stay with me for a while?" Tim's request sounded almost as though he were a child again.

"Of course, but only on the condition you eat your dinner." Ducky smiled warmly at Tim and watched as his young charge started slowly eating the bowl of soup that he placed in front of him. Ducky waited patiently for Tim to finish and was more than pleased when he managed to eat three quarters of the bowl.

"I can't eat anymore." Tim's small voice travelled up from the bed and Ducky reached over to take the tray.

"That's okay, dear boy. You've eaten more than I expected. So, what has bought all of this on?"

"I don't know, Ducky. When I woke up I just felt totally alone again. It's almost as if this room is filled with memories of…" Tim trailed off not wanting to say anymore in fear of upsetting Ducky.

"Memories of the past few weeks." Ducky supplied knowingly.

"Yeah."

"Then we must change that, Timothy. A new setting will do you good so we will move upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms at the front of the house. The views are quite lovely at the moment." Tim couldn't help but smile at the comment and felt the strength oozing off of the genteel M.E.

"I'd appreciate that, thanks."

"You're welcome. Timothy, there is something else that I would like to talk to you about. I know you have found it difficult accepting help from the people that have shunned you…."

"Not you! You were always there for me."

"Quite. Timothy, you must talk to everyone because they are no doubt worrying about you." Ducky had been thinking about how to integrate the rest of the team back into Tim's life.

"I don't know if I'm ready. What if they still can't forgive me?"

"Forgive you for what? Timothy we have already been over this time and time again andI really do not wish to rehash old ground. I will say this only once more! There is nothing, NOTHING, that you did wrong and you're guilt is completely misguided. Now, about seeing your team, I for one know that Mr. Palmer would like to see you. You have quite a friend in him."

"Jimmy? Is he okay? I'll be lying if I said I wouldn't like to talk to him." Tim thought back to the days when Jimmy would come and sit with him. Sometimes silently letting Tim leech whatever support he could give and others talking to Tim even if the conversation was one sided.

"I have a lot to thank him for, Ducky. He was the only one that was there."

"You sure do, McGee so how about you give him a call and we'll get the ball rolling because Abbs has just been on the phone and practically squealed my ear off. I've held her off for the time being but you're gonna have to start soon." Gibbs stood at the door with a look of sheer pride on his face. His boy was moving on and was finally ready to face the demons that had plagued him over the past few weeks.

"Timothy, how about I ring Mr. Palmer and ask him to come over in the afternoon so you two can talk? I know he's not in work so there should be no problems what so ever."

"I'd appreciate that, Ducky."

Gibbs watched as the smile slowly started to spread over Tim's face, it wasn't the dull, listless smile that he had come to recognize recently, but a smile that finally reached the young mans eyes. From that, he felt his eyes well up slightly at the thought that crossed his mind.

_My boy's gonna make it!_


	33. Chapter 33

_A/N: We apologise for the delay in getting this chapter to you._

_Also, we would like to apologise for spoiling you with previously really long chapers.  
This chapter, while much shorter; is that way by design._

we, your story tellers have deemed it necessary for this chapter to stand alone  
we hope you understand when you read it.  


_Tissue Warning?: Falls under "Better keep one handy, just in case."_

* * *

Gibbs and Ducky helped Tim settle in the recliner that sat in the reading area of the bedroom and left him the remote for the television while they set about moving the things they would need, from Tim's current bedroom to the one up stairs.

"Is there a reason you're not puttin' him in the other spare bedroom you have down here, Duck?" Gibbs asked as they moved things around.

"Several actually, Jethro. Firstly, the stairs will build Timothy's stamina and will help his muscles strengthen. Secondly, the more distance he has from the room that have brought about these memories from that painful time, the better and will do him the most good. Jethro, it has been painful for all of us but that dear boy is currently revisiting a time no one should ever have to."

"Ah, Okay." the younger man replied with complete understanding.

"Besides, Jethro, the room his parents were staying in is much smaller and has no place for Timothy to get out of bed to sit in a chair, something which will also build up his strength. The bathroom is the final reason because the bedroom upstairs is ensuite."

"Okay, Duck. I get it." Gibbs laughed; feeling his heart lightening at how much his friend had thought about it and was actually willing to explain it so fully.

Ducky stopped in his tracks and stared at his friend.

"What?" Gibbs couldn't help but question the look and felt a small pang of worry start to stir.

"I do believe that is the first time I have had the pleasure of hearing your laugh in a very long time, Jethro. I must say, it does my heart good to hear it. It brings hope to this whole horrible ordeal."

"Aw, Duck. Don't go getting' mushy on me." Gibbs replied quietly as he stepped around the M.E. and continued on into the bedroom with more of Tim's things.

"How do you think things will go between Timothy, Ziva and Abigail, Jethro?" Ducky asked; wisely changing the subject.

"No worse than they did between him and me, Ducky. I think we can pretty much guarantee that ours was the hard part. The rest should be easy in comparison."

"Yes, well, I fear it won't be as easy as you believe." Ducky's worried voice carried over to Gibbs and made the younger man frown.

"Yeah, it will, Duck, This is McGee we're talking about. You know; he the only one out of all of us who never holds a grudge or even stays pissed at anyone; well, okay, you're just like him that way, of course." Gibbs said with a smile.

"Jethro…"

"Look, Ducky, I know that this has changed him. I'm not tryin' to make light of that. But, you're forgetting I heard what he told his mother. I heard parts of what he admitted about where his head's at. He feels connected to us and he wants to keep that. And I know McGee. He'll put his whole heart into trying to do just that."

"You're right, Jethro." Gibbs words had the desired effect and Ducky soon felt relief wash over him.

"I know. Isn't it great?" Gibbs smirked.

"Oh good heavens, you're back!" Ducky returned the jibe with a grin of his own and the two friends soon slipped into the friendly banter that had been lost recently.

* * *

As it got later into the evening, Tim showered and changed downstairs while Ducky and Gibbs finished transferring his belongings and bedding to his new room, Tim continued to feel the pull of being back in the midst of where so much emotional overload had taken place and decided to leave the confines of the room for a while. While slowly wandering down the hall toward Ducky's kitchen, he felt pulled toward the place where he'd literally fallen apart defending his father against Gibbs. He paused gazing at that spot where he not too long ago, had experienced one of the most painful few moments of his lfe.

_"__**It's not my job to help your son through this! My job is to help my team through this!**__" _

_"__**Because Gibbs! Whether you like it or not, the entire team lost Tony! NOT just you! Just because Tony was your favorite agent, doesn't give you the right to treat Tim like he doesn't matter! He made a mistake! If Tony had made that mistake and Tim had been the one who died; you would NOT be acting this way! You'd be bending over backwards trying to convince him it was a mistake that was forgivable."**_

_"__**SPECIAL AGENT GIBBS! **__**Why?"**_

_"__**Why what?"**_

_"__**Why do you insist on treating my son like he is no longer important to you? He gave you five years of his life! Dedicated, honest, hardworking, always tripping over himself to please YOU! And THIS is how you treat him in return? WHY**__?_

_"__**HE DISOBEYED A DIRECT ORDER AND GOT HIS TEAMMATE KILLED, COMMANDER!" **_

_"__**JETHRO!"**_

_"__**GIBBS, HE IS A HUMAN BEING! HE WAS PART OF YOUR TEAM!" **_

_"__**I NEVER SA…"**_

_"__**STOP IT!**__" _

Tim couldn't stop the river of tears that flowed freely down his face now as his mind relived that horrible night. He was standing in the very doorway where he had screamed at the three most important men in his life; it was out of sheer emotional devastation; physical pain and desperation. His broken mind hadn't been able to process what he was seeing at the time and so, desperate for it all to stop, he'd screamed at them.

Their shocked faces swam before his eyes once again as he sadly relived the memory nd his father's heart wrenching cry roared through his mind once again:

_**"TIM!" **_

_"NO! DAD! He's right!"_ Tim's own words came back just as loud and clear now as he'd heard himself that night.

Clinging to the door frame, Tim felt the dizzying effects of the emotions that the memory was evoking and swayed on his feet before his knees buckled. He would have landed crumpled onto the floor without anything to soften his fall, if it wasn't for the two strong arms that suddenly found him and wrapped round him, offering him the support he needed.

"Oh, McGee. I remember that night too, son. I'm so very sorry." Gibbs soothed as he held onto Tim to help him through his pain-filled memories.

"Jethro, I'm …" Ducky started to speak fretfully but as the words left his mouth, his insistence that Tim was taking steps backwards in getting physically better died on his lips.

He looked slightly abashed at the look Gibbs had given him and silenced whatever it was he wanted to say. Deep down, they both knew that It would do no good for Tim to bottle this up inside and the fact that he was letting it all pour out was a good thing. Gibbs thought back to the urge he'd had to check on Tim when he came down to get some more of the young man's things and shook his head at the perfect timing. Tim had needed him at that precise moment in time; had he felt that? Was it just coincidence? Either way, he was there when his boy needed him. Finally.

Tim sat half crumpled on the floor, leaning against Gibbs' shoulders and shaking with the effort of finally being able to let out the pain that the horrible confrontation between the people he loved most in the world and the now freshly renewed pain of losing Tony mixed with it. It left Tim feeling lifeless and weaker than ever before. As his sobs faded away and his tears finally dried up, he was left with the overwhelming sense that he'd failed Gibbs and Ducky and that their efforts to get him on the road to recovery had all been in vain.

With determination and the mixed emotions his current thoughts were giving him, he felt as though he needed to distance himself from this man almost as much as he needed answers from him. The need for the older man's strength and previously given promise hadn't faded away; it had just momentarily taken a back seat to this more pressing need. Tim sat back and situated himself so his back was resting against the wall so he could try to open up to the man he most needed to talk to at the moment

Gibbs watched for the signs that Tim's brain had ridden out the storm and was back on track, but when the young man's body began to tense up from its' reactions to whatever he was thinking, Gibbs finally spoke into the silence, knowing he had to try to calm the warring emotions that now threatened to overload Tim's ability to think through whatever was bothering him.

"McGee, don't even try to feel bad about this. Guilt has no place in this so put that down and talk to me. How're you feelin' right now?" The quiet, calming request coming from the normally '_tough as steel'_ marine seemed to melt Tim's determination to make this a battle of strength he simply didn't have in him.

"Like this is never gonna go away." His tortured childlike quiet answer tugged at Gibbs' heartstrings. The fact that Tim didn't make eye contact and kept his eyes glued to the floor tugged at him even harder.

"It'll take time. And help, Tim. You're gonna need help. I'm not talking about help from your friends, You'll need that. But, you'll need help from someone trained to deal with this."

"A shrink?" Tim asked with just a touch more strength in his voice.

"Yeah. A shrink. It wouldn't be doing you justice for anyone, including yourself to let you try to come back from this without that kind of help."

"Really? So, you're not sayin…"

"I'm not saying you're weak. Not even close." Gibbs vowed with a deep, heartfelt honesty. Tim needed to know that he was getting stronger by accepting help where he could.

Tim swallowed hard; trying to process everything he was being told.

"Okay?" Gibbs asked as he studied Tim's saddened thoughtful face.

The younger man nodded silently, thoughtfully

"Somethin you wanna talk about?"

"Yeah."

"I'm listening."

For a long silent few minutes, Tim sat completely still as he tried to pull what he wanted to say into some sort of order. He needed that moment so that Gibbs would understand exactly what he was saying, without having to go through the anger of a gut reaction first.

"Did you know? Did you know that every time we say something in anger; there's a grain of truth in what we're saying? It's always in there somewhere."

"What's this about? Tim?" Gibbs couldn't help but feel taken back by Tim's statement and wanted to know hear him out..

"What you said to my father that night. The two of you stood directly across from each other in this very room and yelled at each other." Tim said in a voice that didn't try to hide the hurt he still felt over what had happened that night.

"Refresh my memory. A lot's been said in the last couple of weeks, McGee." Gibbs deliberately kept his request in a gentle, encouraging tone.

_"__It's not my job to help your son through this! My job is to help my team through this!__" _

Gibbs laid his head back against the wall and felt his gut curl at hearing the exact words of cruelty he'd inflicted on this young man. He closed his eyes for a minute. _How the hell could he make the pain of that night lessen for Tim? How could he atone for the hurtful, cruel words he'd let his anger lash out with?_

With a sigh born of frustration and self-deserved blame, Gibbs opened his eyes and looked Tim straight on as he gave him the best answer he could think of; one he hoped would be giant step toward mending this obviously still broken bridge:

"You know, Tim. I can't take back or undo anything I did or said after Tony died; I can only live with the regret for the pain I caused you, for the rest of my life. And believe me, son, I do regret it; every bit of it."


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Okay, here's another long chapter  
hopefully, we didn't keep you waiting too long.  
Tissue warning: Keep one handy; you might need one.

* * *

Tim woke in the morning feeling better than he had in days. He found that both his body and spirit had finally shaken off the heavy, painful lethargy that seemed to have taken root and his mind was clearer than ever; sure, his aches and pains were still there, but the bone deep exhaustion was gone, as was the overwhelming, shaky weakness that had left him with no choice but to rely on Ducky and Gibbs for things he wouldn't ordinarily need to.

It was refreshing to wake up without feeling as though he needed more sleep and the fact that he felt bolstered by actually feeling better, gave him the drive to get out of bed and embrace the day ahead. Looking at the clock by the bed, he was surprised to find it was only 6 in the morning and that he was wide awake.

He swung his legs out of bed and sat on the edge of the bed looking out of the window with quiet wonder; it was if he was seeing the beauty of the world for the first time in weeks as the birds sang and the sun filtered through the trees in Ducky's garden. Smiling gently, he stood and stretched, only wincing once, when his injuries pulled slightly; something which helped the decision to take a shower so much easier. It was something he had been thinking about last night and so he headed towards the bathroom in hope that the heated massage would help loosen the knots that cramped his abused muscles.

Tim couldn't stop smiling at the way life _finally_ seemed to be looking up for him, it was slow progress but at this moment in time he would take what he could get. Yesterday had been tough, but the day before that had been even tougher; it was a case of taking those first, shaky baby steps but once he'd done that, then his days could only get brighter and better. Maybe today would be easier. Heck, for that matter, maybe the days will continue to get a little easier every day from here on. Who knew what the future held now seeing as the storm was finally easing?

Getting to the bathroom was a different matter and left him feeling slightly breathless. Still, it was a marked improvement seeing as a couple of days ago he struggled to even sit up in bed let alone leave it. He turned on the shower and waited for it to regulate; using that time to finally look at himself in the mirror made him cringe; staring back at him was the reflection of a worn, tired looking man who was a shadow of his former self. That didn't faze him though because he knew that with a shave – _have to get rid of that beard – _and a shower, he would finally look and feel more human.

Stepping into the hot shower was pure heaven. Thankfully his injuries had healed enough for him to get the wounds wet and Ducky had assured him that the hot water would actually help the healing muscles loosen. Reaching up, he changed the setting on the shower head to massage and let the water pound down on his shoulders for a few minutes before reaching over to the shower gel that Gibbs had bought specially for him; glancing at the label, he couldn't help but smile when he saw it was his favorite brand and savored the fresh zingy citrus smell as he lathered up and washed away both the physical blood, sweat and tears as well as the emotional; it was almost as if the simple action of being able to shower washed away the emotional barrier that he had built up recently and he finally felt free as the metaphorical chains that bound him unwound.

It didn't take Tim long to finish up in the shower and once he was shaved and dressed in his favorite sweat pants and t-shirts he started to whistle absent mindedly as he managed to hang on to his buoyed spirits. Strangely enough, it was probably the first time he'd whistled in years and that in itself lightened his heart.

With one final glance in the mirror, Tim grinned at what he saw; he finally looked as human as he felt and though it would take time for the gaunt, haunted look to fade; it was a definite improvement. He pushed away and moved to the bedroom where he tidied up the room by making his bed, picking up his clothes and piling them neatly out of the way; He wanted to keep up the room's clean appearance out of respect for Ducky and though it was a small gesture, it was the least he could do given the support his friend had given him. As he did a visual sweep of the room to make sure there was nothing else, his eyes landed on the team photo that Ducky kept on the dresser. It was a fairly recent photo that had been taken a year ago, when everyone was happy and united and …_oh, dear, God, would he ever be able to make it through more than ten minutes of the day without this pain coming back on him?_

His heart deflated and the happiness melted away at the sight of everyone smiling happily in the photo. He remembered it well and could almost physically feel the arm that Tony had wrapped around his shoulders for the photo to be taken; he would never feel that brotherly show of affection again. Tim plopped down on the bed, his eyes glued to the photo that he'd picked up without realizing it; and held it in his lap. As he sadly traced his finger over Tony's face he felt tears fill his eyes.

"Oh, Tony." Tim whispered. He knew that if anyone walked in then they would see him wearing his broken heart on his sleeve, but he didn't care.

"_Stop it, Probie_."

Tim's breath hitched and caught in his throat at the familiar voice as it rang loud through the bedroom. It was a voice he missed despite hearing it regularly and he was unable to stop the storm that hearing Tony brought; Tim let the tears flow but desperately fought to silence the sobs that wracked his body.

"_Aw, Tim. C'mon, man. I thought we were past this, already."_ Tony said sympathetically.

"You here to tell me you're leaving me aren't you?" Tim managed to get the burning question out through his tears.

"_Not yet, Probie. Right now, I'm here to push you past this. You gotta let go, man."_

"I'm tryin' Tony. I really am." Tim whispered. He knew he should buck up and get back to being the happier person had been when he woke up but it was difficult and the guilty pain he had been feeling over the past few weeks had now been replaced by something else….._grief for his lost friend._

"_I know, Probie. I know. But, put some more backbone into it.. There's no room for you to give in here because life goes on, Probie. You have to go on with it."_

"He's right, Tim." Gibbs said from the doorway as he watched his youngest field agent grieve for their lost teammate.

"_Boss._"_ Tony quietly greeted._

"DiNozzo." Gibbs returned the sentiment quietly and moved into the room to stand beside Tony.

Tim wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and used every ounce of determination he had to halt the flow of tears. His gaze didn't leave the photograph he held and he continued to stare at the happy smiles that everyone had once given to capture the moment perfectly in time. The refusal to look at Gibbs and Tony didn't come from not being able to tear his eyes away from the reason the emotional floodgate had opened, it came from the sudden need to come clean about the worst part of what he'd done since Tony had died.

"I know Tony's right, but how can I move on; how can any of us when…"

"_When what, McGoo?"_ Tony asked in the same tone he'd been using since he'd showed up. It was firm but caring and made it easier for Tim to open up.

"When the boss is wrong." Tim said unexpectedly. He reached over and placed the framed photo back on the nightstand and started absently at the floor.

"_What's the Boss wrong about? Surely, you must be joking. Gibbs wrong? It's unheard of Probilicious."_ Tony joked half-heartedly in an attempt to draw a smile out of Tim.

"I'm serious, Tony." Tim said with the absolute seriousness that he felt. He finally raised his eyes from the floor and looked at his ghostly best friend and older brother.

"About what, Tim?" Gibbs asked as he came around to the end of the bed and reached out for the chair so he could turn it towards Tim. He knew that it would be a difficult conversation to have and wanted the young man to feel as though he had his full attention. He sat down so he was facing Tim and reached out to take Tim's trembling hands in his own.

"You said I didn't have anything to apologize for." His younger agent explained, finally looking at his boss directly in the eyes.

"I did. And I meant it Tim." The boss hoped that Tim would finally be able to believe him.

"But, you're wrong, Boss." Tim's eyes dove to the floor again and he felt face flush at being so open and forward with that declaration.

"So you've said. What am I wrong about?" Gibbs asked patiently as Tony silently stepped back out of the way of this conversation; purely because it needed to happen, obviously, his Probie needed to get this stuff off his chest.

"I have a lot to apologize for." The admission came with the guilt and nervousness Tim first felt when he joined the team. The guilt was a old friend, but he hadn't felt this nervous for years and it scared him.

"I'm listening." The boss' patience was becoming a commonplace item lately and Tim was more than grateful for it knowing how hard it was for the older man.

"I lied." That admission was pulled from the depths of Tim's soul and was now laid bare for them to see.

"Well, yeah, we know that, now. But, it's not like we would have handled it any different if it had been us, McGee."

"You wouldn't have had to," Tim's answer was instantaneous which made it clear that he'd thought about this until it was now festering away. It was time he let it all out; he _needed_ to just let it out.

"Tim, I understand why you did it. I get that you thought you had to so you could keep Tony's name clean."

"That's not why I lied, Boss." Tim's voice was loaded with the shame he felt at this revelation.

"I'm listening." Gibbs was almost afraid of what Tim was thinking. For him to admit that Tony wasn't the reason this young man had lied, stirred up an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Tim silently shook his head, determined not to let this part of his character become known. He knew it would just cause Gibbs to abandon him and worried that this time it would be for good.

"Tim. You obviously need to tell me and I've already told you that I'm ready to listen to anything you need to say. I don't know what's goin' on in that mind of yours so you need to help me out here." The boss sympathetically encouraged.

"Not this." Tim shook his head as he answered so quietly, Gibbs almost missed it.

"You brought it up McGee so there must be a part of you that wants me to know." Gibbs' voice held an edge of impatient pushiness to it because no matter what, he was determined not to let Tim close the door to his mind on him again.

"Doesn't mean I want to. Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." The whispered voice was loaded with guilt and Gibbs knew it wasn't just the shooting that was causing it; it was the fact that he'd bought something to the table that he now didn't want to discuss.

"_Come on_ _Probie, Boss has already given you his word that no matter what you say, he'll be here for you. How bad can it, be_?" Tony rejoined the discussion; hoping to persuade his friend to finally say whatever it was that was haunting him.

"I know, Tony. It's just…"

"Okay. So, you need to tell me, but you don't want to. Cut yourself some slack and give me some credit, McGee. I take it Tony's right and you think I'm gonna turn my back on you again if you tell me whatever this is?" Gibbs interrupted when the realization that he and Tony had figured out Tim's problem hit.

Tim's answer was instant and showed deeply in his eyes. It was the sheer level of fear and grief Gibbs saw that made him more determined to get the kid to open up.

"Look, Tim. That promise I made you; that I wouldn't abandon you again? It didn't come with strings. It was a 'no matter what' deal. Got it?" the boss made sure his voice held the authority Tim needed in order to believe that the words he was hearing were true.

Tim nodded his understanding and the worry he felt melted away, only to be replaced with sheer relief that was mirrored in his face. It only lasted for a couple of seconds and before long, the deep furrows of worry soon returned; making that young boyish face seem old beyond its years. Apparently, Tim still needed to see the end result for himself before he could believe it. Taking a deep breath, Tim reined in his failing courage and looked his former boss square in the eye before telling him exactly what he needed to say:

"I lied about what happened in the warehouse because I didn't think you'd believe the truth." Tim sucked in a large breath and exhaled shakily "I Didn't think anyone would, but you most of all.

Gibbs swallowed hard and remained silent. He felt the shame rise at Tim's revelation but kept his eyes locked on those of his still troubled agent. It was blatantly obvious that Tim hated the fact that he'd lied to his boss and the simple fact that he'd felt the need to do so rattled Gibbs to the core. Seeing and hearing Tim slipping back towards self hatred worried the older man and he simply didn't know what to say or do to fix this. His silence made Tim felt even more unbalanced and he quickly attempted to fortify his answer knowing his boss wouldn't fully understand.

"You wouldn't have believed me if I had told you that it was Tony who had disobeyed you. He was always the golden boy in your eyes and I could never live up to that. Somehow it seemed easier to lie and let you believe it was me."

Gibbs struggled with his own culpability in what Tim was saying knowing that the young man was right. He also struggled with the dilemma of how to get Tim to understand that no one was gonna blame him for handling things the way he did. Unfortunately, as Gibbs silently struggled to gather his thoughts and concerns; Tim jumped to the conclusion that Gibbs' silence was not golden and that his fear had been justified.

With tears in his eyes, Tim jumped up off the bed and fled the room with his shoulders slouched in sheer defeat.

"_He's right."_ Tony said sadly to Gibbs. He knew what Gibbs' silence meant but it was obvious that Tim had taken it to mean something completely different.

"I know." Gibbs admitted and sighed with frustration as he scrubbed angrily at his eyes.

"_How do we convince him it's not his fault? He needs to know that he's right and we're sorry. How do we do that?"_

"We don't. We let him move on through this at his speed. It has to be in his way Tony. If he wants to bring this back up, that's his right." Gibbs slumped back in the chair and gazed at Tony "where did I go wrong Tony. He thinks he's less important to me than you."

"_You've gotta admit Boss, it did seem that way. I'm not sure leaving him alone to face this is the right way to go about it because you know if you take that approach, he'll take your silence on as more guilt. You know that's how his mind works."_ Tony reminded his boss gently, hoping and praying he could actually convince Gibbs that he was wrong without making him angry.

"Yeah. You're right. I'll think of something else. Don't know what though."

"_You could try just telling him he was right to handle it the way he did and leaving it at that."_ Tony's matter of fact solution had Gibbs almost ready to head slap himself.

'Thanks, DiNozzo." Gibbs offered as he headed toward the door, wanting to get back downstairs to locate his unhappy agent. Stopping in the doorway, Gibbs turned back and looked at Tony.

"Why are you here?"

"_Gee, thanks, Boss!" _

"No, DiNozzo, what brought you here, now?"

"_Probie was in trouble."_

"That's overstating things a bit, don't ya think?"

"_No, Boss. I think you're underestimating how much he's still gotta get through. Just because he needs your support and recognizes that; doesn't mean he's forgotten everything that happened. He just can't handle everything unless it's in small doses."_

"That still doesn't explain why you're here."

"_Because you weren't seeing that and if you stayed blind to it then we'd lose him. You knew what had to be done about all this without even realizing it."_

"You think I told him he needed to see a shrink because I'm suddenly blind to what he's still gotta get through?" Gibbs confusion was palpable and he just couldn't see where Tony was going with this.

"_Not what I'm sayin, Boss."_

"Then what are you sayin' DiNozzo? Damn it, I'm missing something here and I don't know what."

"_It's you." _

"Come again?"

"_The biggest battle he's waging right now, within himself, is you. Part of him is so relieved to have you back in his corner, lookin' out for him that he'll take every bit of that he can get. But the other part? The other part is still so angry at you for the way you treated him and he doesn't know what to do with himself."_

Gibbs stared at Tony incredulously. How the hell did Tony suddenly know Tim so well? And how the hell had Gibbs not realized how much Tim was struggling with this? Sure, the boss knew the young man still had things to work through and the issues that lay between the two of them needed sorting. But did they really run this deeply? The answer to that question was glaringly obvious; yes they did and Gibbs was ashamed with himself for not realizing it sooner.

"_He's afraid, Boss. Afraid to be honest with you because he doesn't wanna see you leave him again. He thinks you'll be leaving for real this time and wouldn't be able to handle it if you did."_

"Wasn't that what he just managed to do? Be that honest with me?"

"_Well, yeah. But it was a lot harder for him than you realize and look how he interpreted your silence."_

Gibbs looked at Tony one last time, nodded his understanding and smiled his thanks before heading down after Tim, determined to put this to rest once and for all.

Tim walked into the kitchen with slumped shoulders and deadened eyes; the light had simply gone, giving him a haunted look. It was a stark contrast to the young man that had finally found peace last night; the very same man that had fallen asleep feeling completely at ease after talking things through with Gibbs. The older man's deep apology had gone a long way in easing Timothy's troubled mind last night and Ducky didn't understand what had changed.

"Timothy? What seems to be the trouble this morning?" the M.E. asked with a heavy heart. He tried to instill a light tone to his voice but couldn't help but feel worried at this new development.

"Mornin' Ducky. Nothing's wrong. I just need to work some stuff out with Gibbs." Tim's quiet reply did nothing to ease Ducky's mind.

"Ah, I see. Have you discussed whatever this is, with him?"

"Yeah."

"And what did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. That's the problem." The frustration at Gibbs' lack of response was apparent and Tim soon found himself slumping down in the chair as if the weight of the world sagged down on him.

"Ah, Well, Timothy, You do recall that Jethro is a man of few words, don't you? Frankly, you and I have heard more out of him in these last few days than I believe anyone has heard out of him in a very long time." Ducky chuckled.

"You're right Ducky and I know that, but it doesn't tell me how he feels about what I told him." Tim's defeated voice said it all; no matter how much Ducky would try to lighten the situation, the young man had his mind set on finding something in Gibbs' silence.

"No. I'm sure it doesn't But, I am equally certain that Jethro understands your need for closure on this and will not keep you waiting too long for your answer. Now, it's a beautiful day, why don't we take this out to the porch so we can enjoy it?

"Sounds good, Ducky." Tim answered as he helped Ducky carry breakfast out the porch.

Gibbs silently joined them for breakfast a short while later and silently looked Tim over. The young man was steadfastly refusing to look his way and the discomfort and defeat at the way the conversation had been left, screamed out at him. His agent wore his emotions as clearly as ever and made Gibbs feel as though he'd definitely earned that second B.

"Mornin' Duck." Gibbs greeted the M.E. as he sat down in one of the wooden patio chairs.

"Good morning, Jethro."

"Breakfast outside. Good idea." Gibbs praised as he reached over to get his coffee and Danish.

"Well, gentleman, I have things to attend to, especially if we are to be having guests for lunch. I believe that you have things to discuss so I will take my leave." Ducky said cheerily and excused himself. Tim watched him head back inside and sighed quietly at being left alone with Gibbs.

Tim stayed silent and purposely didn't look at Gibbs; concentrating instead on picking at the Danish in front of him. He knew he'd overstepped his welcome with this man and his admission earlier left him no doubt that he had shattered what little Gibbs had managed to corral in the way of support and sympathy for his plight. That was one thing he was convinced of and Tim knew he'd thrown it all away with the soul-searing truth he'd forced himself to admit.

"McGee."

Tim silently kept his trained on his breakfast; feeling too dejected to look up or be heard.

"Tim, look at me." Gibbs secret weapon worked as he'd known it would. Tim always responded to the sympathetic tone, especially when it was tempered with the use of his first name. The young man never could ignore someone that showed so much genuine concern for him.

Gibbs waited patiently for Tim to focus on him and once Tim did as he was asked, he was met with the normal silent message that Gibbs was so good at conveying. In those cobalt blue eyes was the same trust, faith, sympathy and support that Tim had come not only to recognize, but depend on as well. Those genuine emotions that flickered in the sea of blue helped tremendously and he was slightly taken back by having someone in his corner, no matter what.

Tim allowed a small, questioning smile to flash back at Gibbs though he remained quiet until Gibbs finally broke into that silence for him.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, Boss. We're okay. Thank you."

"Nothin' to thank me for. I understand exactly where you're coming from and understand why you made that decision. I left you no choice and I know that now."

"Not just you, Boss." Tim said. "**No one** would have believed me."

"Even if you're right about that; it's time to move on now. Think you're ready to do that?"

"No." Tim admitted on a sigh of frustration. His voice was close to breaking with the fear and loss that he still felt.

"Why not?" Gibbs was concerned and wanted Tim to open up to him again.

"If I move on, then he will too." Tim whispered, it wasn't something Tim wanted to face up to right now and having Tony there in spirit had helped him get through everything that had happened.

"McGee. You know you have to let him go. This isn't healthy, hell, it isn't even normal for Tony to be lurking around and showing up like this. You need to get back that normality. We all do. It's the only way to move on and heal."

Tim nodded silently as he fought to keep the tears at bay. He'd cried enough in front of his boss and didn't want the man to see him break down again; he had to be strong but at that moment in time he had no idea how he was going to do it.

Gibbs saw Tim's struggle to rein in his emotions and got up, patted his agent on the shoulder and left him to collect himself knowing that at that moment in time, Tim needed to be alone.

"_Probie. Probie. Probie."_

"Don't Tony." Tim sighed heavily as Tony's voice cut through his silent contemplation.

"_He's right, you know. I already told you that you've gotta let go."_

"I know."

"_I've gotta…"_

"No. Don't. Not yet, please, Tony?" Tim couldn't help the pleading tone in his voice. He knew he had to let Tony go, but just couldn't just yet.

"_Why? What could you possibly need me to stick around for?_

"Ziva."

"_What about Ziva?" _Tony was confused and had no idea where Tim was going with this. He just hoped it wasn't an excuse for him to hang onto the last vestiges of hope that Tony wouldn't leave him.

"She hates me for taking you away from her."

"_Damn it, McStubborn! Everyone knows you didn't do anything wrong here. Ziva doesn't hate you! She may have thought she did when she thought you were to blame, but things have been cleared up, now. Remember?"_

"You know better than anyone, Tony. How deeply Ziva feels things. She's not gonna just automatically go back to thinking of me as a good friend and she's sure as hell not going to forget and act like nothing's happened"

"_The one who has to worry about anything on that score, Probie, is Ziva.. And she should be worried. Ziva's just as worried about how you feel about her now as Gibbs was."_

"Oh. Really?" Tim couldn't hide the surprise in his voice at the revelation and shook his head.

"_Yeah. So get off this crap, go get some rest and get on with setting things right with the team; all of them. And remember what Gibbs told you the other day. You did nothing wrong! Well, except…"_

"Except what, Tony? "

"_Except when Abby came to see you. But, you didn't exactly say anything wrong to her, you just misunderstood her visit. So, you should be all right there."_

"Huh?" Tim's confused frown broke Tony's resolve somehow and he sighed with pure frustration at what he was about to do.

"_All right, McGoo. We'll do this your way. I'll stick around, but only until you've had a chance to talk to the others. I don't even know why I'm agreeing to this. I guess it's because for some reason, I'm being allowed to stay for that long."_

"Thanks, Tony."

"_You're welcome, now go on, get some more rest and get your head back into this game. Oh, and McGee?"_

"Yeah?"

"_What are you gonna do now? With your job?"_

"What job?" Tim snorted out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head. If there was one thing he could be sure of, it was the fact that he definitely didn't have a job right about now.

"_The one you might just get handed back to you now that the truth is out there. Everyone knows what that truth really is so there's no reason to think people won't fight for you."_

"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it."

"_Damn, Gibbs is so gonna kill me!"_ Tony lamented dramatically at broaching the subject with Tim.

"Cute, Tony. Real cute." Tim grinned back. The familiar banter made him feel relaxed and comfortable.

"_Hold that! Don't lose that McBrainy! Paste it on, if you have to!"_

"Tony? What are you talkin' about?"

"_That grin! It belongs there so don't lose it. Man, you have no idea how long I've been waitin' to see it."_

"Oh, for Pete's sake! I'm goin' to take that nap now! See you later?"

"_Yeah, later, Probie."_

"Oh and Tony; Thanks."

"Jethro, have you considered that it will be easier for Mr. Palmer to smooth things out between himself and Timothy if things between the two of you had been sorted out? If the problems between you are still there as Mr. Palmer attempts to talk with Timothy then it may very well color any mention of your name that may happen to arise between them."

"I know Duck. What time's he comin'?" If the truth be told, Gibbs had already thought about that fact and planned to try to make amends anyway.

"He is due here at 12:00. It is barely 8 now so there is plenty of time for you to call him and request that he arrive earlier so the two of you can talk."

"Right again, Duck." Gibbs said with a smirk, as he headed back out to the front porch to make his call. Tim had quietly announced that he was going back to bed 30 minutes ago and both Gibbs and Ducky had been glad to hear he was willing to play catch-up on his rest. Ducky had just come back down from checking on his patient and had declared him to be sleeping peacefully and that his vital signs had been promising.

Gibbs felt completely in over his head at the call he was about to make. He and Jimmy had never been able to communicate well owing mainly to the fact that they'd had little long term exposure to actually being able to talk. What short term experiences they'd had had always surrounded a case but this was so much harder because it was personal. He dialed the number he had and waited patiently for Jimmy to answer.

"Jimmy. It's Agent Gibbs. Can you come to Ducky's earlier than 12. I think you and I should talk before you talk to McGee." Gibbs asked more cautiously than normal. He was already on thin ice with this young man and realized at that point that he always had been.

"Uhm, Ok. Sure, Agent Gibbs. What time works for you?" Jimmy stammered as his shock threatened to overcome his intelligence.

"11?"

"Sounds okay. I'll be there then."

"Thanks, Jimmy." Gibbs offered kindly. He didn't want to scare the kid off by being gruff on the phone and hoped that using his first name would also help soften the shock of having him call.

"Uhm. You're welcome." Jimmy quickly and hesitatingly answered, nervously ending the call before he said something stupid. It was his normal screw-up around the older man and he was reluctant to make that mistake in lieu of what had happened.

11AM came around quickly and saw Jimmy being welcomed into Ducky's house by none other than Gibbs himself.

"Hey Jimmy, Ducky's checking on McGee. He'll be here soon to let us know when lunch is ready." Gibbs uncharacteristically explained the situation to Jimmy as he ushered him into the sitting room and closed the door.

Gibbs waited until Jimmy sat down and noticed that the kid was a bundle of nerves just waiting to be stretched too thin; he took pity on the stressed out young man and sat in the one of the other plush armchairs.

"Relax. I'm not gonna yell at ya."

"Okay." Jimmy managed to stammer out as his gut clenched at the situation. He'd been dreading this talk and wanted nothing more than for it to be over and done with so he could see Tim.

"Look, Jimmy. I want you to know that I appreciate what you did that night everyone was acting like raging bulls. It was a tough situation and stepping in the way you did took a lot of guts."

"Excuse me?" Jimmy was incredulous at Gibbs' statement; he hadn't seen that one coming at all and didn't know what to say to it.

"You stood by Ducky and more importantly, you stood up to me for Tim's sake. You stepped up to the plate when he couldn't stand up for himself and I respect what you did. Hell, if anything I respect you a whole lot more for it."

"Tha..Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Agent Gibbs?"

"Jimmy?"

"Are you okay with …everything?" Jimmy asked shyly. Despite earning Gibbs' respect over something that would ordinarily earn him a head slap, he still felt timid and intimidated around the man.

"Getting there, Jimmy. I'm definitely Getting there."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Go ahead."

"How's Tim?" I mean how's he…"

"He's tryin, Jimmy. It's gonna take him a long time and a lot of help, but he'll move on. But first, we gotta get him to let go." Gibbs jumped in and realized that he should have let Jimmy speak. It was an old habit that he was trying his hardest to let go of. He was relieved to see that he hadn't upset Jimmy anymore.

"Let go?"

"of Tony. He's having a hard time doing that right now because he hasn't been able to grieve properly. Doesn't help when Tony's still around but right now, I think Tim needs that."

"Oh. OH! Oh, no."

"He'll be alright Jimmy. He just needs time and our support."

"Well, he's got mine! He's always had that." Jimmy's confidence spiked all of as sudden because support was the one thing he had always offered and would continue to do so as long as Tim needed it.

"And he knows that, Jimmy. "

"Good, that's good. McGee's always been a good friend to me Agent Gibbs and I'll do what I can to help him. Can I go see him now?" Gibbs nodded his understanding at what Jimmy was saying. All the years he'd known the kid left him with no doubt that Tim was the only person who ever treated him as a friend and not the autopsy gremlin that he had been known as.

'Are we good? Anything else you need to tell me or want me to hear?"

"No, I'm good."

"You sure? This'll probably be your last chance for a while."

"No. you and I, we're okay. It's just…"

"Go on."

"How do I know what we can talk about and what will make him feel bad again?" It was an honest request that Jimmy needed the answer to. He didn't want to hinder Tim's recovery in any way so chose to ask the question anyway.

"Just take it slow and learn to do a lotta back peddlin' if things get dicey. But you need to remember, Palmer, he's not fragile. Not anymore anyways."

"Not anymore?"

"No. He's working on getting his tough agent act back. It's in there somewhere." Gibbs chuckled at his last comment.

"Oh. Good. Think I'll go see him now."

"Thanks, Palmer."

"Sure."

"Oh and Jimmy?"

"Yeah?"

"I know I don't tell you this, but I'm proud of you, kid." Jimmy stood stock still in shock and gazed over at Gibbs with his mouth hanging open. It took him a moment to regain his senses.

"Thanks."

Jimmy headed upstairs with his head still spinning from his conversation with Gibbs. _Thank you? Where had that come from and why hadn't he seen it comin? He's proud of me? What for?_

He walked in the open bedroom door and saw Tim sitting up in the chair, reading the paper; Jimmy cleared his throat rather than take the man by surprise and was shocked when Tim glanced up and smiled ruefully at him.

"Hey, Jimmy." Tim greeted him in a quiet tone that seemed to ooze uncertainty. _What's this about?_

"Hey, Tim. How are you?"

"Better than the last time I saw you. I'm really sorry about everything that happened; you shouldn't have heard that." Tim had the added guilt of Jimmy being dragged into the argument and wanted Jimmy to know how sorry he was.

"Nothing to be sorry about. You've had a really rough time and I'm just relieved to see you're doing better. You certainly look better anyway. How are you feeling?"

"Still stiff and sore, but nowhere near as bad as I did the day before yesterday. I Couldn't even get outta bed then." Tim wasn't sure how much Ducky had told Jimmy so decided that telling him the truth would be the best way to go. He hadn't wanted to worry his friend but knew that lying to him would cut deeper than anything right now and didn't want to be the cause of that pain.

"Wow. Big difference today, huh?" Jimmy's cheerful, relieved tone lifted Tim's spirits slightly and made him realize exactly how lucky he was to have this friendship.

"Yeah. Thanks to Ducky and Gibbs. Everything okay with you?"

"Um, yeah. Everything's fine."

"Good."

There was an uncomfortable, pregnant pause because neither man knew what to say to the other. In all honesty, the bridges hadn't really needed to be built between the two of them and left the little to talk about. Jimmy was the first to break the silence.

"You ready for lunch? You want me to go get it for you?"

"No, Thanks though. No, one reason Ducky gave me this room is so I'd have to use the stairs, build my strength back up." Tim laughed lightly and scratched his arm absent mindedly.

"Oh. Yeah, that's a good idea. That why you're feeling better already?"

"Part of it. Course, I can't help but think that actually eating food for a change might have something to do with it too."

"Oh, yeah, I guess that would help, wouldn't it?"

"I think so. C'mon, let's go see what Ducky's got for us for lunch" Tim stood up gingerly after being sat in the same position for too long. Jimmy held out his hand for support and was relieved when Tim took it. Grinning broadly, Tim got his bearings and laid his hand on his friends shoulder briefly before they both headed down for some lunch.


	35. Chapter 35

_A/N: Okay. We admit it. It's taking longer to see the end than we thought. Broken bridges, after all, need to be mended carefully, not quickly._

_Keep the tissues handy - just in case._

_and thank you for your patience._

* * *

Jimmy helped Tim get back to his room after enjoying a delicious lunch with his friend, Gibbs and Ducky. For the first time in what seemed like forever, everyone was relaxed and had fallen into a comfortable time of talking and eating. Jimmy remembered looking up and seeing a brief look of relief was over Gibbs' face at the sight of Tim briefly letting go of his grief to enjoy the casual chatter and friendship that was offered. All of them were relieved to see Tim actually eat half of his sandwich without even thinking about it. It didn't take long, though before Tim started to flag.

"Timothy, have you finished eating?" Ducky noticed the lines of exhaustion in Tim's face and knew that it was time for his young friend to rest; he glanced briefly at the plate that in front of Tim and was relieved to find most of the soup had been eaten.

"Yeah, Ducky. Sorry I can't eat any more." Tim sighed and rubbed a hand over his face; the exhaustion was palpable despite the steady rest he had been getting.

"That's fine, dear boy. You've eaten more than enough. Mr. Palmer, would you help Timothy up to bed please. I'll be up shortly to check on him."

"Of course, Dr. Mallard. Ready?" Jimmy's cheerful voice made Tim smile as he let his friend steady him as he stood.

"More than ready. I don't think I'm ever going to get rid of this damn exhaustion." What little energy he had left soon gave way to frustration at the tiredness he felt.

"Now you listen to me, young man!" Ducky's stern voice rang through the kitchen "You have been through an inordinate amount of physical and emotional pain over the past few weeks. The human body isn't designed to take that much stress and it will take time for you to recover. You must have patience, dear boy. Your progress has been more than good so let's not worry about a wee bit of tiredness."

Tim chuckled slightly and nodded at Ducky. He had no idea how the good doctor did it, but he felt the frustration melt away.

"Thanks, Ducky; for everything."

"McGee! Go to bed and get some rest." Gibbs' quiet but authoritative voice cut through the conversation making Tim smile. For lack of a better word, everything finally felt _normal._

"On it, Boss. I'll see you all later." With that last thought, Tim and Jimmy walked out of the kitchen leaving the two older men to clean up.

"He really doing okay, Duck?" Gibbs couldn't help but worry about the lack of energy that still plagued his agent despite Ducky's best efforts at pacifying him.

"He's doing better than can be expected, Jethro. Don't get me wrong, it's a distinct possibility that he will regress but the more time that passes where he is actively trying to put his best foot forward like this, the better."

"So what happens if he does slip?" Gibbs hadn't even considered the fact that Tim could revert back into the severely depressed agent he'd seen a few days ago and now that question was out in the open, he didn't know what to do about it.

"We will be there for him; it's as simple as that." Gibbs nodded and turned towards the footsteps that were softly treading down the stairs. He smiled ruefully at Ducky and moved towards Jimmy as he took the last step.

"He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I've given him his meds and he's got some water and his phone with him if he needs you."

Jimmy was shocked when Gibbs moved towards him and shook his hand. It was a silent show of gratitude; one that let Jimmy know how much Gibbs appreciated everything that he had done for Tim. It left the usually modest younger man feeling slightly embarrassed at the attention.

"Thank you, Agent Gibbs." Jimmy's relief was obvious and made Gibbs smile "I have to go to work. I'll come by later to see how he is."

No sooner had Jimmy walked out the door, Gibbs' phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and frowned when he saw who it was.

"Yeah. Leon?"

"_Gibbs, how's your boy?" _

"He's getting there, Leon. Somethin' I can do for you?" Gibbs wanted to get straight to the point because knowing the Director didn't take fools gladly.

"_I need to talk to McGee if that's all right with you and Dr. Mallard._"

Gibbs couldn't help the thought that at least Vance was being mindful of Tim's medical and emotional needs by needing Ducky's approval. What he didn't fully understand is why his approval was needed.

"I don't think Duck's gonna have a problem with it but it's completely up to McGee, Leon. We've got no say in whether or not he'll talk to you. But you will have to get through us to get to him if he refuses"

"_Understood. Can I talk to Dr. Mallard?"_

"Duck, the director wants to talk to you." Gibbs held the phone out to his friend and shrugged at the questioning look Gibbs gave him. Ducky took the phone and chuckled slightly as Gibbs stayed close to hear the conversation.

"Good afternoon, Director. What can I do for you today?" Ducky inquired jovially.

"_Is there any reason why McGee wouldn't be able to have visitors? Mainly me?" _

"Not at all, Director, unless, as Jethro has already told you; Timothy doesn't wish to speak to you. That is something you'll have to ask him though I must insist that you wait until he wakes up, he was up for a couple of hours and had lunch with us which completely took it out of him and he has just now fallen asleep. His rest is too important, Director and I will not allow anyone to disturb it. His full recovery is dependent on it." Ducky knew that could overrule him at any moment by demanding to speak to his patient and was, at that very moment; grateful of the fact that Tim no longer worked for the man and didn't have to see him if he didn't want to.

"_It would be a lot easier if you'd ask him for me Doctor. I'd appreciate it if you would let me know what he decides._" Vance hedged.

"All right. I'll speak to him when he wakes up but that's all I can do, Director. If he agrees, when shall I tell him to expect you?"

"_Sometime this afternoon would be good."_ Ducky sighed heavily and shook his head.

"No, actually, Director, it would not. I'm afraid you'll have to make do with after dinner at the earliest. As I said, his rest is important which means we won't be waking him for any visitors."

"All right. 7 then?"

"If he agrees, then yes. 7 will be fine though I will warn you that he tires easily, should that be the case while you are talking with him, you will need to end the conversation and allow him to get his sleep." Ducky answered and handed the phone back to Gibbs before Vance could reply. Gibbs took back the phone and continued his part of the conversation.

"Leon, what's so important you have to meet with him today?"

"I need to discuss his job, Gibbs."

"Well, you can't be offering him his pink slip 'cause he took care of that problem for himself." Gibbs quipped with more than a little bit of sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Funny, Gibbs. Don't give up your day job." Vance retorted.

"C'mon, Leon, seriously, what's so damn important that you have to put him through the stress of worrying about what you wanna talk to him about?"

"I just wanna talk to him, Gibbs. I've got my own slate to clean with him."

"Huh, Sure hope you're not planning on bullyin' him into anything." Ducky's comment about Tim's recovery possibly taking a backwards slide downhill came back to him and he automatically moved into protective parent mode.

"Give me some credit, Gibbs. I'll respect whatever decision McGee makes but I want give him the options first. I'm not his enemy."

"None of us are, but what we've done over the past few weeks has scarred him. I don't want anyone to do more damage." Gibbs had no idea where Vance was going with his need to see Tim and started to worry.

"If you're worried about things getting out of hand then you and Dr. Mallard are more than welcome to sit in, Gibbs."

"I was gonna do that anyway, Leon. It kinda goes with the promise I made. I'm not gonna go back on my word. We're not gonna leave him without someone watching his back from now on."

"I don't doubt that for a second. I've got to go because I'm due in MTAC five minutes ago. I'll see you at seven, unless I get a call telling me McGee doesn't want to see me." Vance hung up the phone leaving Gibbs feeling at a complete loss as to what would be best for Tim.

"Jethro, Timothy needs to talk to people sometime." Ducky's voice broke through his thoughts and he turned to face his old friend.

"Yeah, I know, Duck but Leon and I have been complete bastards in the past few weeks and it's taken its toll on Tim. I don't want him being hurt by anything else, especially about this."

"The boy's stronger than you think Jethro and it's not as though we are making that decision for him. Ultimately it's still his to make."

"Doesn't stop me from being concerned about it though, Duck." Gibbs rubbed at his eyes and shook his head.

"No it doesn't and you will never stop worrying about them; We need to let him find his own way and al all we can do is be there to help when he needs it most."

"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go and get some sleep. Wake me up if you need help." Gibbs walked out of the room but paused at the bottom step of the staircase.

"Thanks, Duck." With that last sentiment, he walked up the stairs towards the guest bedroom he was using.

"You are very welcome, my friend." Ducky's words were too quiet for Gibbs to hear and were completely heartfelt. "He'll get through this, he has to."

* * *

Tim was sitting in the easy chair dozing; the bone crushing exhaustion had hit him out of the blue about an hour after getting up for the second time that day and left him feeling so boneless that he couldn't even be bothered moving over to the bed. He was startled awake by a gentle hand resting on his shoulder and opened his heavy eyes to see Ducky standing over him.

"Timothy, if you are tired then you should get back into bed." Tim smiled apologetically at Ducky and sighed.

"I know, but I spend more time in bed than ever recently. I must have dozed off."

"You need the rest! Don't underestimate what you're body had been through in recent weeks."

"Sorry Ducky." Tim's apology was completely sincere; he hadn't meant to undermine the kindly M.E. but was starting to feel useless and agitated at the fact that he couldn't do anything.

"Don't apologize. You just didn't look comfortable and I'm sure you would rather avoid getting a stiff neck on top of everything else." Tim nodded and scratched at the side of his face; he cringed when he felt the scruff that was starting to grow and made a mental note to shave again in the morning. Apparently, now that he'd matured, his beard growth had decided to double in quickness. He could have sworn he'd just shaven this morning.

"What can I do for you, Ducky?"

"I wanted to check on you, dear boy. I see you need a shave." Ducky chuckled to himself and started doing the usual routine checks that had become a necessity recently. After about ten minutes the M.E. sat back and grinned broadly. "Oh yes, much better, young man."

"Really? Then why …" Tim sounded skeptical at Ducky's findings.

"Heavens, Timothy! You really are as bad as Jethro with your impatience. It's going to take time to get regain your stamina and be rid of the tiredness. You have to bear in mind that the time spent in bed over recent weeks has weakened your muscles."

"Don't let the boss hear you say that." Tim was smiling slightly at his jibe "You know he doesn't like anyone mentioning how impatient he is."

"He most certainly does not." Ducky chuckled again, enjoying the gentle banter "This conversation will be our little secret . Timothy, there is something I need to discuss with you and I want you to bear in mind that whatever you decide will be respected"

"Okay, that sounds ominous." Tim's voice had gone from being relatively light to cautious.

"Hmm, depends on which way you look at it. The director called and would like to know whether or not he can come and speak to you." Tim's eyes narrowed slightly at the news. The last time he'd spoken to Vance had been when he was in hospital and given the man his official statement. That had not gone well at all.

"Why?"

"Why what ,young man?" Ducky was getting concerned at the mild look of panic that flashed across Tim's face.

"Why does he want to talk to me? I mean, it didn't go well last time and now I've lied to him, on top of it."

"From what I could understand, he would like to discuss you career at NCIS. If it makes it easier, myself and Jethro will be with you when he visits." Ducky put his hand under Tim's chin and gently raised his head so the young friend was looking at him "The decision is yours, Timothy. If you don't want to see him then we shall tell him as much."

"My career? I don't have a career! Hell, Ducky, I don't have a home! I've got nothing so what does he want? To rub salt in the wounds?" The frustration was palpable and Tim's voice boomed through the bedroom. The rare use of curse words drove home just how deep that frustration sat in the young man.

"MCGEE!" Gibbs' voice was loud and authoritative making both men jump slightly before turning their attention towards him. "If you don't want him here then he doesn't step foot through the front door. He wants to give you options and make sure you're all right, that's all."

"Boss, It's not that simple. First I tell him the decision was mine and now he knows I've lied. I don't think he's gonna let me go back to work, not to mention, have any respect for me. I'm still shocked that you do."

**THAWACK**

"You won't know till you hear him out. Listen, if you don't want to then just say so but if I was in your shoes, then I'd at least listen to what he has to say." Gibbs laid it down on the line but completely understood where Tim was coming from. He watched with a heavy heart as Tim sighed heavily and gazed out of the window. He'd deliberately not addressed the young man's comment about Gibbs' respect. That would be addressed at another time. This discussion was about Leon.

"Hey, Tim. Don't faze out on me here. What's your gut telling you?"

"I'll see him."

Ducky patted Tim's knee and stood up gingerly before holding out his hand to his troubled friend."Come Timothy, you could do with a little bit more sleep before he arrives."

Tim's head whipped up and he glared at Ducky. "Before he comes? You said I had a choice!" Tim's anger was starting to win out over the terror he was feeling at talking to Vance. "How can I have a choice when you have already arranged everything?"

"Enough!" Gibbs gently pushed Ducky out of the way so he could get back to Tim.

"Tim, we're not taking away your right to choose and we haven't arranged anything yet. Vance gave us a time he could **possibly **come and asked us to talk to you; so how about you quit the attitude and calm down? Do you want to talk to him or not?"

"I already said I would." Tim had gone from being angry to being completely ashamed at his outburst, he should have known and trusted his friends but recent weeks had left him lacking in that department.

"Not what I asked. Do you **want** to talk to him? Don't do something you think we want you to do." Gibbs waited patiently for Tim's reply and could almost see the cogs whirring around in his agent's mind. The silence hung heavily in the air before Tim answered.

"I'll see him." Tim nodded resolutely "Ok, Yeah, I'll see him. What time?"

"He said he'd be here at seven **IF** you agreed to it." Gibbs wanted to put the emphasis on the fact that the ball was totally in Tim's court and hopefully make him realize that they would honor his decision without question or doubt.

"Okay. What time is it now?" Tim looked like a small child trying to rationalize the world around him. For all intent purposes, he was; especially in light of what had happened.

"Little after three. How about you do what Duck tells ya and get some more rest? Come on." Gibbs helped Tim stand and waited for Ducky to help steady his swaying agent.

"Sorry."

"Hey, quit that, will ya!" Gibbs had heard Tim apologize too much in such a short space of time "It's a sign of…"

"Weakness. Got it Boss." Gibbs and Ducky gently helped Tim lay down on the bed and he was out before his head even hit the pillow.

"Jethro, come and have a coffee with an old friend; let the boy rest and we can wake him at half past five for something to eat." Gibbs nodded and followed Ducky out of the room; for some reason the meeting with the director left him with a sense of foreboding that he hoped and prayed was just a bi-product of Tim's obvious worry.

The time for Ducky to get Tim up for the meeting came around quickly, and after getting him to shower and shave they all sat down to eat Dinner. It was a quiet affair and the three men ate in near silence.

"Ducky, I can't eat anymore." Tim looked down at his plate and knew exactly what would be said about the fact that he hadn't eaten more than a couple of mouthfuls.

"You've hardly touched it, McGee. Wanna try that again?" Gibbs voiced his opinion before Ducky even had a chance to speak.

"I've had enough for now. Look it's coming up to seven and my stomach is churning. I'll try to eat it later if that's okay?" Tim looked at the two older men hopefully and sighed with relief when Gibbs gave one short curt nod.

"I'll hold you to that."

"Jethro, leave the boy be for now. He'll eat soon enough." Ducky chastised Gibbs and reached over to take Tim's plate "Though I will say, Timothy, if you don't try later then you will be drinking those ghastly drinks you like so much."

Tim cringed at the thought of the nutrition drinks that they made him drink when he couldn't eat. They tasted like chalk and the seemed to lay heavy on his stomach.

"I'll eat it later, can you put it in the fridge for me please?" Luckily Dinner had consisted of grilled chicken and salad; something that was guaranteed to be easy to digest.

"Certainly. I think its best if you see the Director in the living room Timothy, that way you are on neutral ground with him rather than the place you rest." Tim nodded and shuffled out towards the living room.

"He's gotta eat, Duck!"

"Yes he does, Jethro, I'm not denying that but please be aware that he is fretting over this meeting and if there's one thing that the past few weeks has told us, then it's that Timothy's appetite doesn't cooperate in times of stress."

Gibbs couldn't argue with that so busied himself brewing a fresh pot of coffee.

"He all right with coffee?"

"I'd prefer it if he drank tea. The coffee will most likely upset his stomach at the moment."

Gibbs nodded again and busied himself making a pot of tea whilst waiting for the coffee machine to percolate. There was a knock at the door before he even finished and after a glance at Ducky, he left his old friend to finish the drinks.

Gibbs answered the door and glared at Leon before letting him in. He noticed the file his superior was carrying and pointed bluntly at it.

"That better not be bad news, Leon."

"You always see the worst in people Gibbs or just me?" Vance returned the glare and shifted the tooth pick from side of his mouth to the other. His comment had the desired effect and Gibbs huffed before closing the door a little bit harder than was necessary.

"He's through there. Don't start anything without me or Duck there, Leon, I don't want you to upset him."

"I'll go and see how he is while we're waiting." Vance brushed past Gibbs and breezed into the living room.

"McGee." Tim tried to stand but was assaulted by a wave of vertigo "Stay where you are. There's no need to get up on my account."

"Thanks. Director Vance, may I ask what this is all about?" Tim got straight to the point because the need to know exactly what was going on was killing him.

"We'll get to that. First things first, how are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore but that's nothing new recently." The blatant honesty was something Vance had always liked about the kid. There was no airs and graces about him, he was always just the honest, good guy from next door. That was probably the reason why Vance had taken the situation so badly in the first place.

"I can imagine. Dr. Mallard said you were doing better."

"I'm better than I was but I can't shake the tiredness. Ducky said it'll take time."

"And time is the one thing you have, McGee. Just take it one day at a time and before you know it, you'll be fighting fit again." The support he was getting overwhelmed Tim and he had to fight to get his thoughts into some semblance of order.

"Th..Thank you, Sir."

"Oh I think we can do away with the formalities. How about you call me Leon. Well for tonight anyway." Vance's eyes twinkled slightly as he smiled at Tim. He was about to follow on with his comment when Gibbs walked in carry a tray laden with drinks for them all.

"McGee, you ok?" Gibbs set the tray down on the coffee table and looked over at Tim. He noticed the slight panic on his face and frowned.

"I'm good." Tim nodded to emphasize his point and accepted the cup of tea that was handed to him.

"All right then. Ducky'll be through in a minute so how about we get this show on the road because McGee'll need to get some rest soon." As soon as Gibbs made that statement, Ducky walked in carrying his medical bag. It was the one thing he insisted on getting seeing as there was a possibility that the meeting would not go well.

"Ok, now we're all here. Tim, I wanted to talk about the options you have with NCIS."

"What options? I don't have a job remember." Tim couldn't help but sound bitter and was inwardly pleased to see the Director blanch slightly at his worlds.

" No you don't. But I have been speaking to SecNav and gave him the full slate of evidence we have for your case. He wants you back with the Agency in your same job back with a full exoneration."

Tim sat back heavily in the chair and shook his head. After everything that had happened, Vance made it sounds so damn easy. Could it really be that easy? Sure, he'd loved his job but how could he go back knowing that he could have prevented Tony's death in the first place?

"So that's it then is it? I just forget everything that has happened and come back to work?"

"No one's asking you to forget what happened, but what would you do if you were in my shoes." Vance wasn't taking prisoners and knew the exact comeback that would make Tim think.

"I don't know." Was Tim's quiet reply, there was no way he could know how he would react; not since being on the receiving end directly.

"No, I don't suppose you do. Look, I'm not going to beat about the bush. Your friends came to me to see what could be done. At the very least you deserve a full exoneration." Vance leaned forward and placed his drink on the coffee table before leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees "McGee…Tim. I want to personally apologize for the way in which you were treated. I'm not innocent in all this and am fully aware of the contribution I have made. It's unacceptable and any oversights have been dealt with."

"Oversights? Director, with all due respect, I was treated like crap over this and I understand that I deserved everything I got because I should have been able to stop him or at the very least save him…." Tim's throat constricted as his emotions threatened to spillover "You have no idea what this has done to me. If it wasn't for Ducky and Jimmy in the early days, then I would have given up completely sooner than I did. But, the fact is that I did give up completely."

Vance put his head in his hands and had to fight to push back the raging emotions and anger he was feeling. _Why the hell didn't I push the evidence with Balboa? The kids been through hell and I sat back and let it happen._

"I know McGee and you have no idea how sorry I am. The team went in and missed the security tapes the first time round because they took someone's word for it that they didn't exist. The agents never took it upon themselves to double check what they'd been told.. They have been reprimanded and suspended without pay for a month. I realize now, that rather than trying to figure out exactly what had happened, I was at fault by taking your statement at face value and being quick to assign blame without knowing the full facts. I should have pushed the investigation further and have done something I never thought I would."

"What? Keep me from Tony's funeral?" Confusion shone bright in Tim's eyes at the Directors apology.

"Well, yes, there is that. But, no, that wasn't what I was referring to. I took your word and was quick of the mark when it came to filing the paperwork. I accepted your resignation without first thinking about the fact that you were working under a diminished capacity."

"Diminished Capacity? Leon that's bullshit and you know it!" Gibbs' anger flared at that last comment "We should have pushed, but instead let McGee throw his career and life down the head."

"Gibbs, you don't think I know that. Hell, even my wife is telling me how much of an ass I've been. And yes, diminished capacity in the form of McGee being shot and doped up on pain meds at the time. Damn it, I'm trying to say I was wrong."

"So what? You're wrong! Where do we go now, you give him his job back, he goes back to NCIS and everyone carries on as normal? The damage has been done Leon! Tim's record might be clean but this kind of thing is gonna leave a mark. Scuttlebutt's its' own monster; you can'tcontain it or control it. I already told you, Leon, I won't have him subjected to that crap!"

Tim could feel himself starting to shake and wrapped his arms around his chest to try to stop the tremors from becoming too obvious. Ducky's keen eye honed in on Tim and he made his way over.

"Timothy, are you all right?" Ducky's sympathetic blue eyes gazed at him with raw concern.

"Yeah. I just….Ducky can I…..I'm…" Tim's stammering didn't go un-noticed by the two arguing men. Neither did his sudden difficulty in catching his breath.

"Come on Tim, stay with us." Gibbs had forgotten his argument and moved over towards Ducky "Duck?"

"He's all right but if you two would be so kind as to keep this private. Director, I believe you have business that you need to attend and then I suggest you bring this discussion to a close."

"Of course. McGee, I'm truly sorry for everything and I understand that my apology is going to sound hollow. To answer Agent Gibbs enquiry, I have already started to trouble shoot the situation at NCIS by sending this out." Vance bent down and pulled a piece of paper out of his file. He walked over to Tim and handed him the document.

"What's this?" Tim couldn't help but ask as his trembling hand accepted the proffered piece of paper.

"Read it. It's not much but it's a start." With that, Tim focused on the document and started to read.

**********************  
_To: NCIS Staff  
__From: Leon Vance  
__BCC: Secretary of the Navy  
__CC:_

_Subject: The Tragic Death of Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Jr._

_Attention: Staff Members_

_First, I wish to thank each and every one of you who paid their respects to the Late Agent DiNozzo, and his team, Agent Gibbs, Agent David, Ms. Scuito, Dr. Mallard and Mr. Jimmy Palmer. Your support has been much appreciated through this extremely difficult and painful time for them, for you, his coworkers, and for us, as an Agency. We value each and every one of you who works in the tight knit family that is NCIS_

_While I am sure that all of you have been made aware of the tragic situation surrounding Agent DiNozzo's death; there has been some controversy surrounding the facts of what took place in the warehouse on that fateful morning. Certain facts have recently come to light and need to be made public to all of you who work for the Agency and even to those who work hand in hand with us outside this agency._

_You, the personnel of NCIS are from this moment onward, are charged with the responsibility of reading these facts and accepting them. I would like to point out that they have been substantiated and are not speculation. _

_These recently uncovered facts; the evidence; which is classified and a closed part of the case during which Agent DiNozzo lost his life; has found Timothy McGee completely innocent of all allegations and ill-advisedly given statements to the contrary._

_Timothy McGee has been completely exonerated by not only NCIS, but the Secretary of the Navy, as well and his record has been purged of any and all r__esponsibility for this tragedy._

_I repeat: TIMOTHY MCGEE HAS BEEN ABSOLVED OF ANY RESPONSIBILITY IN THE DEATH OF NCIS SPECIAL AGENT ANTHONY DINOZZO, JR._

_The Secretary of the Navy has requested that NCIS welcome Timothy back, with all privileges, honors and respect, his position and his tenure with the Agency had earned him prior to this devastating loss to his team._

_You are; each and every one of you; expected to respectfully welcome Timothy McGee back without even so much as a whisper of rumor, innuendo or malicious remark. Any such negative and undeserved remarks or rumors will be swiftly and thoroughly addressed to insure no further harm done to any agent or personnel in this Agency. Strict disciplinary action will be taken if anyone bullies or harasses any member of NCIS over what has happened. _

_Anyone harboring any malicious thoughts about this should come directly to me and I will personally help you deal with them._

_Please join the Secretary of the Navy and myself in hoping Timothy McGee agrees to come back to work with us. His experience, knowledge, personable nature and willingness to do whatever's asked of him, is an unmatchable asset to us._

_Should we be fortunate enough that he does return, I expect each and every one of you to do your best to welcome him back and ease his return with support for what he has been through and encouragement that he is indeed welcome back to the family of NCIS. I am certain that Special Agent Gibbs and Special Agent David will be more than happy to hear from anyone who is supportive of their teammate's return._

_If there is anything that you would like to discuss, then please don't hesitate to contact me via email or by appointment through my secretary._

_Respectfully:_

_NCIS Director Leon Vance_

Tim read the email and simply just stared at it. He had no idea what to think at that moment so just passed it over to Gibbs. The young man managed to grab his manners by the scruff and force them to say something.

"Director, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know what has been going on and that you are free to return to your previous position if you want to."

"Thank you." Tim's quiet gratitude was enough and though the director knew his apology wasn't enough, he took it as being a step in the right direction.

"I have to go. We're taking the kids to their grandparents for their anniversary and I can't be late. Tim, I really am sorry for what I did and hope one day you'll be able to forgive me."

"I can't promise you anything, Director. One day, maybe."

Vance nodded and left, leaving Tim to finally allow himself to crumple and let his emotions pull free from the harness he'd had them under control with. Gibbs and Ducky were there in a heartbeat and Tim felt himself being pulled into a tight hug whilst Ducky checked him over once again.

"Shh, Tim. It's all right Son, let it all out."

"What am I suppsed to do?" The question tugged at Gibbs' heart because he knew the decision would be a tough one.

"You carry on getting through each day Tim. If you don't come back to work then you're record's clear. If you do, then it's clear and I won't let anyone hurt you over this. But, you take your time and think things through. You go talk to someone before you make this decision. I was serious when I said you'll be shortchanging yourself if you don't. I won't let you do that to yourself. So, stop worrying about this. No one expects you to give your answer right now. In fact, even if you gave him one, I wouldn't let Vance hold you to it." " Gibbs felt Tim relax slightly as he apparently took in what the boss was telling him.

Gibbs let silence wash through the air as he watched Ducky finish taking Tim's vitals; giving Tim this time to relax even more without further stress.

"He okay?" Gibbs asked the M.E. when he was done and had put his equipement away.

"BP's a little elevated and he's exhausted from rehashing all of this yet again. Jethro, I don't want him attempting the stairs right now so let's get him settled on the couch."

Between the two of them they managed to get Tim lying down on the couch with a warm comforter draped over him. He was asleep in seconds so Gibbs took the opportunity to reach down and brush the strands of hair away From Tim's forehead.

"Sleep well, McGee, everything'll work out just fine. We've got your back."


	36. Chapter 36

_A/N: And so our saga continues. _  
_We don't think you'll need any tissues for this one; but you might wanna have one handy just in case we're wrong on it._

* * *

The sun shone brightly through the window in Tim's bedroom making Ducky smile brightly. It was one saving grace that he was grateful for and his young friend had actually managed to sleep in late which was big relief to both of his guardians. Gibbs had taken to periodically poking his head around the door to see how Tim was doing whilst Ducky had discreetly been taking his vital signs; something that the kindly M.E. had become adept at doing. As Ducky started his morning ministrations, he turned towards the door to see Gibbs standing there nursing his fourth mug of coffee.

"Jethro, is everything all right?" Ducky's voice was barely audible; something that had become the norm recently seeing as neither man wanted to disturb Tim's much needed sleep that would hopefully recharge both his mind and his body.

"Everything's fine, Duck. How's he doin' this morning?"

"He's doing remarkably well. No doubt the sleep has done him some good." Ducky packed away his equipment and gently pulled the blanket up to cover Tim's shoulders. He silently made his way over to Gibbs and ushered him further onto the landing before leading the way back down the stairs.

"There's tea in the kitchen, Duck. I made a pot." Gibbs had picked up some unusual habits of late, one of them being brewing his friend's favorite drink while his own drink of choice percolated.

"Jethro, you are a saint. Why don't we leave the dear boy alone to rest for a while longer?" Both men made their way to the kitchen and settled in to their morning routine of catching up over their morning drinks. This morning was slightly different though and both men felt more at ease than ever given the fact that Tim had actually got a full night's sleep.

Tim woke up slowly and squinted at the brightness of the light that filtered through the light drapes. It took him a minute before the bleary heaviness finally lifted enough for him to become genuinely cognitive of time and place; though a lingering sense of disorientation stayed with him for a while. Glancing at the small clock on the nightstand, he couldn't help but feel surprised at how long he had slept in, it was coming up to 9am and, he tried to think of the last time he'd slept in this late; he drew a blank. He felt the heaviness in his limbs that he was unaccustomed to due to the years of early morning risings that had become the norm with the job he'd had. He listened to the morning hustle and bustle of nature outside the window that accompanied this time in the morning before easing himself gingerly into a sitting position and easing back against the headboard with two soft pillows to cushion his head and neck. As he sat there, he found it an effort to move more than he had and leaned back against the headboard with his eyes closed as his mind started the thought processes that were guaranteed to start making their way through his min; in all probability, breaking his heart anew, all over again.

His eyes snapped open and automatically went to the photograph that had all but physically torn his heart out yesterday, it was all he could do to snap his eyes shut again to block out the image of the team in happier times. His thoughts soon turned to the questions that he so desperately wanted answering; _would today be any easier? Could he look at what _would be no longer and breathe through the pain that would undoubtedly rise up to choke out the sliver of peace he'd found within the broken mess of it all? It had hurt like hell yesterday. _Why would today be any different?_

Tim's breath hitched dangerously and he found himself suddenly unwilling to wage this battle, and so he turned his head away and calmed his breathing down.

"McGee? How're you doin'?" Gibbs silently watched his agent from the open doorway with concern etched across his face.

"How you doin'?" The quiet, sympathetic question floated over to Tim and it took him a moment to register it.

"Not sure. I thought I was doin' fine, but…"

"But what?"

"I can't even bring myself to …" Tim kept pausing as if the words eluded him. Gibbs found it frustrating as hell, but in lieu of what Tim had been through he would muster up everything he could to be patient and would keep gently nudging the young man sitting before him to open up.

"To do what, Tim?"

"Look at it."

"At?"

"What used to be." Tim answer was so quiet that Gibbs had barely caught what was said; it was the thumb that quickly motioned towards the photo sitting on the dresser that finally drove the whisper into his mind. On top of the beautifully crafted mahogany dresser was the team photo that had reduced this young man to tears yesterday.

"I see." The response was understanding and kind though Gibbs figured it was time to grab this bull by the horns and make Tim settle in for the ride; no matter how bumpy it was gonna be. He walked over to the photograph and picked it up, only pausing briefly to run his finger down the glass in memory of happier times. Sighing heavily, he took it over to Tim with the memory of Tony telling him that there was no room not to move on, fresh in his mind. On that, he had to agree; after all, life did move on.

"Go ahead. Look at it." He encouraged softly.

Tim shook his head in silent, miserable refusal and closed his eyes to try and will away the tears that threatened to flow; he wished he hadn't said anything about it now because the knowledge that Gibbs wouldn't let it go until it was handled the way he saw fit did nothing but unsettle Tim more.

"Boss. Please. I didn't say that to be forced into it. Can we just drop it?" Tim's eyes remained doggedly fixed on the doorway to the bedroom; as far away from the crux of his problem as possible even as his voice failed to hide the hope he had that Gibbs would back off.

"Okay. How are you feelin'?" Gibbs calmly came back with as he put the photo back and walked back to the doorway. Tim was clearly not ready to deal with this right now and Gibbs' typical way obviously wasn't settling well with his young friend; something he would just have to accept for the time being because the young man wasn't ready for the ride back to normal just yet.

"Okay. I haven't exactly moved around a lot yet though." The young man admitted with a hint of guilt.

"You ready to eat?" Gibbs bypassed the emotion in Tim's answer so he could get to what was more crucial to the young man's recovery.

"Yeah. Actually, I do feel pretty hungry." Tim admitted openly even as his voice remained subdued. He was relieved beyond measure that the older man wasn't forcing the issue from a moment ago.

"Good. I'll go let Ducky know." Gibbs actually offered Tim a small smile of encouragement as he turned to head out.

"Okay. I think I'll take a shower first." Tim's reply seemed to hold a little bit of positive energy and a genuine desire to move on with the day. He obviously didn't want to sit and wallow in anything; His voice, however, remained subdued, as if the wind had already been sucked out of his sails.

Gibbs took Tim's desire to shower and eat breakfast for the positive sign that it was and continued to push the direction of the day straight ahead without looking back.

"Okay, I'll see you downstairs."

"Okay." Tim offered back and finally made the effort to get out of the bed. He felt a wave of dizziness wash over him at the change in position and paused briefly to let his equilibrium return; once that had been accomplished, he made relatively short work of getting clean clothes out of the dresser and heading into the shower.

Out in the hall, Gibbs let his breath out when he heard the bathroom door close. Only then, did he hit the stairs; quickly traversing them toward the kitchen where he could give Ducky the good news.

The undercurrent hadn't gone unnoticed though and the Senior Agent was concerned._ Had he just royally screwed up? Had he just set Tim back from his emotional recovery?_ He hoped not and Tony's words of wisdom from the other day rang clearly through his mind again. He literally winced at how accurate Tony's words had been evidenced just now. Without a shadow of a doubt, Gibbs knew that Tim hadn't wanted to be so open about what was going on in his head just now. The older man knew that it was the young man's ingrained manners and respect for people in authority that had him answering any question Gibbs put to him even if he didn't want to.

Feeling like he'd just kicked Tim while he was still down, Gibbs mentally head slapped himself and walked into the kitchen.

"Jethro? Is something wrong with Timothy?" Ducky asked as he handed the younger man a cup of fresh coffee and sat down at the table. The faraway, distant look hadn't gone un-noticed by Ducky's eagle eye.

"McGee's in the shower and says he's hungry." Gibbs answered nonchalantly in an effort to move the subject away from his worry that Tim wasn't telling everything he was thinking; once again locking the pain and angst deep inside himself.

"Wonderful! Maybe now, Timothy will be able to work through this dreadful lethargy and find some of his old stamina and strength." Ducky seemed to bounce at the idea that Tim was finally moving in the right direction and Gibbs couldn't help but smile at his old friend's enthusiasm.

"Hey Duck, I'm thinkin' you need to have him work those stairs a couple of time a day. It'll be good for him, especially if you're expecting to see any notable improvement. Don'tcha think?"

"Well, Jethro, it certainly wouldn't hurt for him to take an extra trip up the stairs. But we should not push it too fast. He'd be better off with walking first. You have to bear in mind, the emotional strain has taken a physical toll too."

"Whatever it takes, Ducky. Let's just get him moving forward on it."

"All right. But, let's feed the poor boy first, shall we?" Ducky asked as he got up from the table and began warming up Tim's plate of sausage and eggs. "Jethro, will you pour the Timothy a glass of milk, please? It'll do him good and I'd rather he still didn't drink anything with caffeine right now. Oh and I want him to start taking those vitamins we discussed a few days ago. They're in the cupboard over your head, Jethro, if you'd be so kinds as to get one out for him."

"Sure, Duck. Why haven't we had him taking them already?" Gibbs knew about the vitamins but hadn't given them a second thought.

"I wanted to be sure his stomach would tolerate food again before giving him them. Since the young man's been denying himself anything substantial that could offer him the nourishment he needs, I wasn't sure he'd be able to keep a vitamin down long enough for it to do him any good."

"Okay." Gibbs reached up and pulled down the bottle of vitamins. Ducky had chosen the type that covered a broad range so they could cover all bases. The two men went about their business in silence before Ducky broke it.

"Jethro, while you were upstairs with Timothy, Abigail called me."

"Huh? What did she want? She okay?" He felt a pang of guilt over the fact that he had neglected the rest of his people whilst taking care of Tim; it was soon pushed away though because Tim had needed him a lot more.

"She's fine, well, of course except for the desperate need to see Timothy for herself and to unleash one of her hugs on him."

"Not our call, Duck."

"Yes, I'm well aware that this is Timothy's decision, Jethro, but as I said yesterday, he needs to see the others before any of them, including himself, can even begin to heal from this." Ducky's argument stood to reason and Gibbs knew that his friend was right; the difficulty would be making Tim see their point of view.

"I know, Duck. But, that doesn't mean I'm gonna push him into it. I almost pushed him too hard over something just a few minutes ago and I'm not gonna do it again.

"What on earth did you do, Jethro?"

"Tried to force him to look at that photo that upset him yesterday." Gibbs' quiet tone was laced with guilt.

"Oh, Jethro!"

"It's fine, Ducky. As soon as he asked me to drop it, I did."

"But you're disappointed that he isn't able to look at the team without getting upset." Ducky could see the answer to his question etched in Gibbs' face.

"I'm concerned . There's a big difference." The worried tone didn't go amiss and Ducky couldn't help but press for more information. Frowning slightly he started at Gibbs for a brief moment.

"Something else is bothering you about this, Jethro. What is it?"

"Something Tony said to me the other day."

"Oh?"

"He said part of McGee's so angry with me he doesn't know what to do with himself."

"Anthony is quite right, Jethro. The poor boy is lost right now and doesn't know how to pull everything together or let it all out, for that matter."

"Yeah. I know. He said the other part was that McGee's so relieved to finally have my support, he's taking every bit of it he can get."

"It sounds like Anthony has developed quite an accurate account of Timothy's emotional state. It brings me to wonder if the young man didn't understand his teammate better than we realized."Ducky felt pride at Tony's sage words.

"Duck. We need to set McGee up with some help. I think we've done what we can for him. If we wait any longer, he'll push it down or let it overwhelm him. He certainly hasn't talked to us about it and that worries me. He's not dealing, Duck."

"Yes, I do believe you are right. I know someone who will be able to talk to Timothy if he is willing. I can make some calls and get him set up with an appointment." Ducky really did know the right person for the job and knew that making an appointment was going to be the easy part; actually convincing Timothy to go was a totally different kettle of fish.

"Today, Ducky."

"Jethro, that's highly improbable. It will be difficult enough to find a psychologist who will make a house call, let along drop his schedule like that."

"Ducky. You have friends everywhere and this can't wait. I can feel it in my gut. They don't have to come here because he's strong enough to go to their office. Isn't that just what we were talkin' about; havin' him do more walkin'?" Gibbs had gone completely on the defensive in his desperation to get Tim the help that he needed.

"All right. Calm yourself, Jethro. I'll go make the call right now before Timothy comes down to eat his breakfast. You may need to talk to him about it though." Ducky said as he headed to his study to make the call. He shook his head at Jethro's sudden flash of worry knowing that if the legendary Leroy Jethro Gibbs had a bad feeling about things, then something definitely needed to be done.

* * *

Tim leaned back against the bathroom door as soon as it closed behind him. He needed to regain control of his nerves and trembled slightly as they threatened to stretch to the breaking point. He wasn't used to pushing his wish to ignore something on people; especially Gibbs, and it felt wrong; almost as if he was taking the coward's way out. He had been overwhelmed though, and the pain of seeing the happiness on their faces in that photo had made his heart stutter slightly.

He pushed away the mental image of the photograph and thought back to the conversation he'd had with Gibbs. Sure, he'd been relieved that the man had given in the way he had but he couldn't shake the feeling that it had made him look like the biggest wuss on the planet and that he had deeply disappointed his former boss. Tim just couldn't help it though, it was a weakness that he just couldn't rise above and no doubt stemmed from the fact that he hadn't been able to properly grieve yet. It was those feelings and knowledge that beat his self worth back down into the subbasement of his mind. It was a place that it hadn't been in a very long time and seemed darker and lonelier than ever. Tim hated every minute of feeling the despair roll up periodically from that dark, dank place and didn't know what he could possibly do to eliminate his demons for good.

Tim was tired of trying to do everything everyone else's way; even though they were doing what they thought was best for him, It was still a hard battle to fight with himself. It left him emotionally drained, more so than he was willing to admit.

It was a daily battle and he fought the urge to curl up in a ball and let the world pass him by pretty much every minute of the day. There was only a part of himself that actually wanted to rise above this and that fact scared him_. What did that say about him? Where had the real Tim McGee gone?_

This hollowed out shell that he'd become, missed the man he used to be. It missed the confident, vibrant person who worked hard at being a damn fine agent, a brilliant author and someone who had friends who accepted and loved him for what he was. He was at a loss as to how he grasp life and claim that back again, what's more, he wasn't even sure if it was possible. After all, who the hell was he now that he'd failed to save his best friend? He sure wasn't' the man who'd taken years of crap and learned from everything that had been thrown at him. He wasn't the man who'd risen above all the death and heartache he'd seen while on this team? Where had he gone? The man who'd grabbed his dream of becoming writer by the balls and hung on for the ride? Had he disappeared too? Were any of them coming back?

Shaking his head in hopes of dispelling the broken avenue of despair his mind had rapidly located and doggedly pursued; Tim took a deep breath and forced himself to draw a curtain over his thoughts, allowing himself a moment of numb nothingness while he treated himself to a hot massaging shower. The rest of the world and all the problems it brought with it would just have to wait, for now, he was going to enjoy the feeling of the hot water soothing his tense muscles. His problems could stay outside the bathroom door.

Tim slowly descended the stairs 20 minutes later feeling better for having taken a shower and shaven. He had dressed comfortably in sweat pants and a t-shirt and was actually looking forward to eating breakfast and talking with Ducky. What he wasn't looking forward to, was seeing any more of the abject disappointment in Gibbs' eyes. If he was going to be honest, he didn't know how much more of that he could take. If this was what Gibbs had to offer, then Tim was better off trying to muddle through this without him. Too bad, this Tim McGee didn't have the balls to tell him as much. Who was he kidding; the old Tim McGee wouldn't have done it either.

"Timothy! How are you this morning? You certainly managed to sleep well, I take it?" Ducky's enthusiastic greeting shook the melancholy mood out of his mind and Tim managed to smile back at the M.E. warmly.

"Yeah, Ducky. I did. Thanks."

"I hear you're hungry? That's marvelous! Come, sit down, your breakfast awaits you, young man!"

Ducky's joy and abundance of perkiness was not only contagious, it was uplifting and extremely helpful in getting over the speedbump that had landed in Tim's path earlier. He couldn't help but offer the M.E. a genuine Tim McGee smile that actually reached his eyes; in turn, raised Ducky's level of perkiness and obvious optimism.

As Tim ate his breakfast sedately and Ducky almost glowed with the hope of progress he was witnessing; Gibbs silently sat watching his agent for the chance to possibly read him better. The need to know exactly what he was thinking began to fester in Gibbs' gut until he wanted to just yell at him to tell him exactly what was on his mind. He mentally head slapped himself again and settled for silently getting up out of his chair to get a refill of coffee before going to sit out on the front porch. He didn't feel right about scrutinizing McGee while he ate and needed a little bit of space for himself anyway.

As soon as Gibbs left the room, Tim's fork clattered to the plate and the light he had in his eyes when he had come down, faded to nothing leaving them looking dead and expressionless. It wasn't long before those normally sparkling eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

"Timothy? Whatever's the matter, dear boy?" Ducky was confused with the quick switch in moods and hoped the problem was something that could be solved quickly.

"Why is it all I ever seem to do is disappoint him, Ducky?"

"Timothy, Jethro is NOT disappointed in you! He is concerned about you."

"Sure doesn't seem like it. He can't even talk to me now." There was a sad honesty to Tim's voice that broke Ducky's heart and left the M.E. wondering exactly what had happened to turn the healing young man into the one before him.

"Timothy, you will do well to remember that this is a difficult time for Jethro as well. While he is continuing to try to look out for your best interests, he is still grieving, just as we all are."

"You're right, Ducky. I'm really sorry." Tim looked ashamed at his feelings and mentally kicked himself for forgetting the fact that everyone was grieving too.

"No. No more of that, young man. I do, however, wish for you to seriously consider what Jethro told you the first night we arrived back here."

"About what?"

"You talking to someone who is trained to deal with helping people come back from situations like this, Timothy. It is time that you become used to the idea that we are not the solution to the problems that lie beneath the surface."

Tim froze. Could he bring himself to do this? Maybe he could. After all, he'd faced bigger monsters than this, hadn't he? Hadn't railing in anger against Gibbs the first time the man had tried to act like he cared after Tony's death' been the hardest thing he'd faced since that horrible day? Surely, talking to a stranger; someone who wouldn't hold this over his head for the rest of his life; would actually help? At this point, it was most likely a hell of a lot less painful than seeing that disappointment in his ex-boss' eyes.

"Okay, Ducky." Tim looked over at Ducky and nodded his head slightly.

"Okay, what, Timothy?" Ducky knew exactly what Tim was agreeing too but needed to hear the young man say the words; needed him to realize that this was what he needed.

"Okay, I'll talk to a shrink. Do you think we could get an appointment sometime soon?"

"I've already made some calls, Timothy. You have a choice of when you would like to go or if you'd rather one come here."

Ducky smiled as Tim's eyebrows shot up briefly at that statement. Tim looked incredulous that they had done this for him and it took him a while to finally come back to the conversation.

"I don't mind going there. I should start getting some exercise, right?"

"Absolutely, my dear boy. All right. Well, even with going to the office of which ever Psychologist you choose, you still the option to choose you date and time.

"Anything possible for today?"

"Timothy, are you certain you wish to rush into this?" The M.E. didn't want to put the young man through any more undue stress at the moment. He had just started to heal, both emotionally and physically; and while the psychologist would help, it was also best to take things at a slower pace.

"It's not really rushing, not when you think about everything that's happened, Ducky." Tim's statement and his obvious need to speak to someone neutral won Ducky over.

"True enough. All right them. Yes, there are several openings for later today.

"I'd like to 1st one we can get to without breaking any speed records, please, Ducky."

The M.E. chuckled gently at the request knowing that Gibbs would go to hell and back to get Tim there; even if it meant breaking every land speed record going.

"All right, then. If we leave in 30 minutes we can make it to the first available appointment. Let me go call them to confirm it."

"Thanks Ducky." Tim put his hand on Ducky's arm to stop him leaving just yet. When Ducky looked down, he saw a clarity in the large green eyes that reminded him of a child gazing lovingly at a parent "You will go with me, won't you?"

"Well, I certainly won't let you drive yourself just yet, young man. You have only just started to walk about let alone sit behind the wheel of a car." Ducky's gentle admonishment left Tim feeling slightly confused.

"I wasn't talking about you going just to be my chauffeur, Ducky."

"I realize that, Timothy. I would be honored to go with you."

"Thank you." The warm gratitude was palpable and melted Ducky's heart slightly. It had been a long time since this young man had anything to be thankful for and finally, he was taking a step in the right direction. Ducky took the opportunity to broach the difficult subject that had been playing on Tim's mind.

"Timothy, you need to talk to Jethro. At least tell him what you've decided and where we are going."

"Ducky, I… I can't talk to him right now. Please?" Tim stuttered as he practically jumped from his chair and hastened back up the stairs, away from the problem he couldn't face just yet. Ducky scrubbed a hand over his face and moved to follow Tim.

"Let him go, Duck. Let's just hope this shrink will give McGee the room to talk through whatever it is he's choking on." Gibbs said quietly as he stepped into the room. He had watched Tim hit the stairs as fast as his still recovering body would allow and while it was a vast improvement over just last night; it was still a sad sight to behold.

"Jethro, you are well aware what is bothering that young man. You said yourself that Anthony already spelled it out for you. Timothy believes you are seriously disappointed in him and it's eating at him from the inside in equal measure to the anger he hasn't yet been able to rid himself of. He's hurting Jethro and is angry at both you and at Anthony. If he looks deeply enough, he'll realize he's just as angry at Ziva as well. All of that must be gotten rid of before he can move forward."

"Ducky. It doesn't matter if I were to say anything to him or not. If he's not ready to believe what I say; then what's the point?" Ducky heard something that he never thought he'd hear from Gibbs and it threatened to undo him. It was the raw defeat that had him reeling with shock, more so that it came from his friend.

"The point, Jethro; is that any attempt to talk to him is much more easy to understand than your dreadful silence that speaks volumes; especially to those who need to hear it the least!"

"Leave me the name and number of where you're taking him, will ya, Duck?" was Gibbs' only answer as he headed back out of the kitchen.

"The business card for Dr. Michaels is on the table by the phone, Jethro." Ducky answered him quietly, trying to let his concern and anger settle back down.

Gibbs silently nodded his comprehension of what Ducky had said, and continued on his way down the hall and up the stairs, discreetly pocketing the card as he passed by the telephone in the hall.

Ducky sat silently at the table lost in thought and heard the door to Gibbs' bedroom close. It was one thing for Tim to eat and sleep, but without dealing with his other problems, there was no saying where the young man's mind could take him. It was like the finest crystal; whilst intact it was beautiful and intricate, but when fractured, it could shatter at the drop of a hat. There was no way Ducky was going to let that happen so he wasted no time in picking up the phone ad dialing the phone number to the Psychologist's office to make the appointment

Once he had made the call and confirmed the appointment, he sat back and thought of the conversation he'd had with Abigail. She had been adamant about her need to speak to Tim, though Ducky knew he would address that later; after Tim had spoken to the Psychologist.

When he'd succeeded in reaching the bedroom he was currently using, Gibbs whipped out his cell phone and made several calls. A short ten minutes later and he was able to breathe easier knowing that his agent was in good hands and wouldn't have to relive anything too terribly horrendous. He'd made sure of that. After all, that's what fax machines and written documentation was for. The ability to share hard evidence like video feed was extremely helpful as well and if a certain young man and his driver were told that their appointment had been set back by an hour; who would know that it was because the young man's former boss had commandeered that hour of the doctor's slotted time so the Doctor could review the case information. It was all because he didn't want Tim having to relive everything in graphic detail; what harm would come of it?

After all, it was the least Gibbs felt he could do and at this point in time he would do anything to make Tim's recover easier.

The twenty minute drive to the appointment was a quiet one with Tim lost in his thoughts. Ducky thought it best that he leave him to them; knowing the good Doctor Michaels would undoubtedly be more capable of wading through this rising tide of emotional stress that Timothy seemed unable to break completely free of. While it was true enough that it hadn't been very long since Anthony had been lost to them so tragically; it was uncertain as to whether Timothy was capable of recovering on the inside; despite their best efforts to help him do so. Ducky was actually relieved that Jethro had pushed this but he couldn't help but worry that Timothy was on a slow decline despite his physical health finally beginning to rally back from the brink.

It came as a surprise both men that Tim's appointment had been changed to an hour later than originally scheduled; but the young man seemed to take it in stride and quietly agreed to go back outside with Ducky to get some fresh air while they waited.

The hour stretched on endlessly as the suffocating silence made it drag by even more slowly than possible. Ducky bit his tongue and forced himself to keep from pushing Tim to open up. If the young man wanted to talk, he'd do so and the M.E. knew this.

Tim spent the hour lost in a sea of confusion, worry and even fear. He was so tired of being bogged down under all of these emotions he could name, but could not chase away or even work through completely. Was this why he hadn't been able to shed the exhaustion that had plagued him? Had it been more emotionally tiring than he'd realized? Well, he was here and he could finally let it all out; He was somewhere where he could lose the weight of the world he'd been carrying for so long. Hopefully, after he'd shed it all inside these walls, he'd find the strength to look for his old self again; find the strength to fight to get that part of himself back. Tim could only hope so.

When Tim's appointment time finally arrived, he found himself feeling relieved that it had. As the doctor introduced himself, he then proceeded to shock Tim to his toes.

"Tim. I will tell you that I've just spent the last hour talking to your former boss and the director of NCIS. They've provided me with everything they have on what you've been through."

Tim began to get visibly upset at the development and the doctor had no choice but to rush to reassure him.

"Relax. You've nothing to be upset about. Both of them expressed their concern for your wellbeing and were worried that if I didn't have the case information, you'd be asked to relive the experience to fill in the blanks for me and they wanted to save you from that."

Tim didn't know what to say, he felt; shocked, speechless; flabbergasted; relieved; cared about; important finally; it was all in there, scrambled together and making it hard for him to breathe.

"You okay?"

Tim silently nodded. It was time to give credence to the respect and concern Gibbs had just shown him, even it had been without Tim's upfront knowledge. Tim was still touched beyond measure and sat there speechless as the gratitude washed over him. He would rise above this washed out mess of who he'd become and put himself back together again if it took everything he had left inside to do it.

Finally, he understood; that not only did he not have to do it without the team. But, they wouldn't let him do it alone.


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N: Might need a tissue or two for this chapter

* * *

_Tim actually felt remotely human again after an hour and a half of talking to the Psychologist and letting go of everything he could think of that was bothering him. It was that feeling of normality that made him realize that these things needed to be talked through in order for him to move on and have a chance of regaining a part of himself that had been lost after that day in the warehouse. Just when he thought he'd heard everything he'd needed to hear to work past this; the good doctor dished out another piece of news that shocked Tim down to his very core.

"When I spoke with him before you arrived, Agent Gibbs came across as someone who keeps things very close to the chest; not one for expressing himself openly. Am I right?" Tim sat and gazed at the doctor; the guy had pretty much hit the nail on the head and it amazed him that the Doctor could pinpoint a part of someone's personality just on a brief phone call.

"Yeah. He's not exactly what you would call the sharing type." Tim couldn't keep the slight tinge of bitterness out of his voice. The fact that Gibbs had pretty much ignored him from breakfast on, that morning still cut deep and left him feeling as though he had been a burden.

"And from what I've heard about the situation between the both of you, this has created several instances of misconceptions and entangled them with everything negative you've already been buried under."

Tim had to think about that statement for a moment and found that he had no answer for it. The Doctor wasn't making accusations, he was simply stating the facts as he saw them. Tim just wished he wasn't right on the money every time and left him with a deep sense of disbelief at the fact that the doctor actually knew what he was talking about. The doctor obviously saw the doubt in Tim's eyes an elaborated.

"Want me to tell you how I know this had been going on?"

"Okay."

"Because, Tim. Your boss; okay…" the Dr. Michaels raised his hand to halt Tim's correction "Sorry, former boss; cares more about you than you give him credit for. Don't get me wrong; what he put you through was nothing but hellacious and he was very quick to admit that to me over the phone; but the fact that he called me in the first place; the way he was very quick to lay out his own responsibility in what you've been through and his concern that his way of handling things is working against you; tells me that Leroy Jethro Gibbs cares a hell of a lot about you and the rest of his team."

Tim sat in stunned silence and felt the disbelief and doubt fade into shock. He had no answer and was once again struck dumb at the Doctor's words.

"That surprises you." The simple statement managed to pull Tim out of his stunned silence.

"More like blows me away." Tim's quiet admission drew a small smile out of the Psychologist.

"Why?"

"I already explained most of it." There was no way he wanted to re-hash old ground; especially seeing as he had just been through this recently.

"Because he's treated you like you didn't matter for years."

"Yeah."

"Okay. But didn't you also tell me he's generally a man of his word?" Dr. Michaels pushed the issue knowing that Tim was pretty malleable at the moment and would open up to him easily.

"Well, yeah. But there's been many a time when he's done something, he later claimed he hadn't meant to or didn't realize he'd come across the way he did; mainly with me."

"So, you're still not convinced he cares about you.

"I didn't mean or say that." The last part of the conversation was being played back in Tim's mind as he tried to figure out exactly what he had said to make the doctor see that. Realization finally dawned and Tim's eyes widened with the shock of what he said "I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

"Okay. I'm listening."

"He cares. They all care when the chips are down; not before that."

"Ah. Okay. Now I get it. You think that this is temporary and once things get back to as close to normal as they're going to get; the old way of handling things will come back to him and once again, you'll be treated the same way as before and left feeling like you don't matter."

"Yeah, for the most part." Tim hung his head at his small admission. He'd shared with the Doctor, the times when Tim had been left feeling as though he didn't matter as much as the others and had cited recent events as a prime example. Now, he thought back to when Kate had died and the kindness his boss had shown then to both Tony and himself immediately after it had happened. It hadn't taken long for the old Gibbs to resurface much to Tony's relief…._and to his disappointment._

"What aren't you telling me? What's really worrying you about Agent Gibbs?"

Tim felt the tears threaten to fall and inhaled sharply to try to keep them at bay. His efforts were in vain as one solitary tear, trailed down his cheek.

"That's it Tim, let it out. Don't let it fester. You've got to clean the wound out completely before you can let let the air in enough to begin to heal it."

Tim stood up and walked over to the window, savoring the fact that he was actually able to look out at the world that he his mind had shrouded. Straightening his shoulders, he spoke from the depths of his heart; each word injected with so much emotion and honesty that even the doctor felt his heart pull.

"I'm always gonna be waiting for this to come back to haunt me; to be thrown back in my face."

"By whom?"

"Gibbs. Ziva" The names were whispered but were loud enough for Dr. Michaels to hear him.

"And Abby?"

"No. From what I understand, Abby doesn't blame me."

"Didn't you tell me that Ziva has stopped blaming you too?"

"The point is she did blame me. She loved Tony and never took the time to tell him how she felt. She doesn't even realize I knew that. But it was written all over her every time Tony was around. In her mind, I had stolen that away from her; He was her only shot at true happiness and I was the one that took that away from her. " There was a hint of anger in Tim's voice; after everything that the doctor had said, he would have thought he'd at least understand.

"But you weren't responsible"

"No. I wasn't. At least not in the way I led everyone to believe. Doesn't change the fact that it's my fault he didn't come out of there alive."

"Tim. We've been through this. Tony's death was not your fault. It's not your place to carry that responsibility around with you."

"Being on a team says differently." Tim had no idea where they were going with this because no matter what the doctor said, he would always hold a flicker of blame that would no doubt come back to bite him in the ass.

"I get that, Tim. Really, I do. But, you have to remember that not being able to save your teammate from an unexpected gunfight does NOT make you responsible. And if I'm to believe everything you told me; then even Tony has told you that, am I right?"

"Yeah."

"I know it's gonna be hard Tim, but you'll need to make an effort to remind yourself at least once every day, that you are not to blame. As a matter of fact; I want you to consider it your homework assignment."

That drew a small smile out of Tim.

"Remember, everyday; In fact, scrap the 'at least once a day', I want you to remind yourself at least 10 different times though out the day. If it helps, stand in front of a mirror and say it out loud ten times, loud and clear so there's no mistake or doubt in what you're hearing yourself say."

Tim's smile grew slightly at the homework assignment and he nodded his head gently.

"I have another assignment for you; I want you to allow yourself to release your genuine emotions on whoever they apply to. Don't put the other person's feelings above your own like you used to do; not until you've managed to pull your own feelings into some semblance of order; you need to regain the understanding of who Tim McGee is. It's most likely that you'll find him to be a different person than who he was and you need to take the time to get to know the new you."

"I'll try. I can't promise anything; but I will try." The promise was quiet but it was all he could offer right now.

"In order to try; you have to break down and actually talk to them, Tim"

"I will."

"All right then. We'll pick this up again on Friday. If you need to talk to me between now and then, just call my cell. The number's on my card. Don't hesitate to pick up the phone no matter of the time. I don't want you to let anything fester anymore. It's not healthy or productive."

"Thank you, Dr. for everything"

"You're quite welcome. I look forward to being able to help you get back on your feet, Tim."

The ride home was once again a quiet one; but this time, the silence was golden.

Ducky was more than relieved to see Timothy's demeanor had changed significantly for the better and where before he'd closely resembled the broken and injured man of two weeks ago; he now looked very much on the mend; radiating determination and maybe even acceptance of the situation, the new opportunities and tasks ahead of him.

"Timothy, I take it your time with Dr. Michaels has helped you a great deal? I must say, I was surprised that your session lasted two hours. Were you able to talk about everything you needed to?"

"Yeah. Ducky. And you're right, it helped. A lot! A hell of a lot." Tim turned his head and looked out as the world passed by. It was as if he was seeing everything with new eyes and he couldn't help but feel awed.

"Good. I am very glad to hear it. Have you formed a plan for your immediate future by any chance? Perhaps drawn up a list of what you'd like to do, people you'd like to talk to?"

"Subtle, Ducky." Tim chuckled and turned his attention back to his friend "I know I have to talk to Abby and Ziva. I promised Dr. Michaels that I would. But, Ducky, I'm not ready to face Ziva right now. And to be honest, I'm not sure when I will be."

"While that is quite understandable, young man, I must remind you that it won't become any easier, simply by putting it off." Ducky was almost as good as the psychologist and his advice was always sound.

"I know. I guess, my biggest concern right now is Abby and Gibbs." Tim said quietly, suddenly no longer afraid to admit exactly how he felt.

"Well, as Jethro and I have already told you; we will respect whatever decision you make with regards to whatever you need to do and whoever you need to speak with. You need to address it and only you will know how to do that comfortably for all involved. However, I must warn you, Timothy, neither Jethro nor I will sit idly by and allow you to do nothing. You do need to continue to forge ahead, young man. That much we will insist upon."

"I know, Ducky and I appreciate it. Really, I do. I just…" Tim trailed off with a feeling of trepidation. He had no idea how to say what was on his mind and didn't want to disappoint the only person who had shown him any kind of empathy from the beginning of this saga.

"Just what, Timothy?"

"I just wonder where all this will lead to."

"Where would you like it to lead?" Ducky didn't want to push Tim to the point that he clammed up but couldn't help but feel that his young friend would be reluctant to offer this information. He tried to push with a leading question; one that would get Tim to feel comfortable about opening up to him.

"I don't think it matters what I want."

"Of course it does. Why on earth would you say such a thing?"

"Sorry, Ducky. Guess Doc's homework assignment to speak my mind, isn't such a great idea after all." His statement was followed by a huff as he turned away and gazed out of the window again. This time though, he stopped seeing the world through clear eyes and felt his mind cloud once again.

"Nonsense, Timothy. You simply took me by surprise. I didn't mean to sound so affronted." Ducky was mortified at what he had said and couldn't help but feel that he's pushed Tim away somehow.

"I really am sorry, it wasn't even meant for you, anyway." Tim said with a tinge of guilt coloring his words.

"No harm dear boy. Are you hungry? You haven't eaten since breakfast and it's high time you ate something."

"Actually, I do feel pretty hungry right now. I feel hungry enough for a good meal though; not just a sandwich." Tim admitted with a small smile.

"Excellent. Do you have any preference on where you would like to eat?" Ducky's heart lifted considerably at this new turn of events.

"Not really. Surprise me?"

"Very well. Shall we sit down and enjoy a meal or would you like to take it to go?"

"Can we sit in Ducky? It'll be nice to be out doing normal stuff again."

Ducky found a nice looking buffet restaurant and parked his Morgan in the small parking lot that adjoined the building. As they settled into booth, Tim felt free of the weight that had been crushing him since Tony's death. Finally, he felt as though could breathe freely without every breath physically hurting under the emotional strain. Whilst he still had things to talk through with the team and still had to find a way to say goodbye to Tony; somehow at this very minute, he felt capable of doing all of it; and coming out on top.

Tim took great pleasure in taking a plate from the buffet line and slowly looking over the choices and choosing foods that he had always enjoyed. He couldn't help but smile at how getting everything off his chest, out of his head and even unburied from his over-burdened soul, had made a huge difference. Not only in how he saw the horrible situation, but also how he saw the hurdles he had yet to clear. Even his future seemed more certain and he was sure that no matter what, he would beat this.

Rounding the 2nd buffet counter, Tim's spirits seemed to lift with every step he took until his plate was full to his satisfaction. He turned to head back to the booth that he currently shared with Ducky.

_Look! It's Tim McGee; the Agent that disobeyed his supervisor; made that stupid decision to go into that warehouse without back up and got his partner killed! What the hell does he think he's doin' comin' out in public like this? Look at him, acting like he's done nothing wrong! Doesn't he have any shame? Man, I wish they'd throw the book at him!"_

"_Quiet, Mark! He'll hear you!"_

"_I don't give a damn! That guy shouldn't even show his face in public! His ass should be sitting in jail __somewhere! Tony was a great guy and he didn't deserve to die like that!"_

It took every ounce of inner strength to get Tim quietly and calmly back to his and Ducky's table without stopping. He wanted to say something to the two fellow Agents who he had worked with in cyber crimes many moons ago. who'd spoken out in that way and about him; but could feel himself slowly falling apart. Once back at the table, he set his plate down and pushed it away from him, his appetite had once again abandoned him with the torrid words that he'd heard.

"Timothy? What on earth happened?" Ducky was genuinely alarmed at the swift change in Tim's body language; gone was the confident young man that had stepped out of the psychologist's office and in his place was the trembling, weaker man of just yesterday.

Tim's eyes were misting with unshed tears and his gaze was unfocused as he gazed out at the bleary world outside. Silently, he shook his head, unwilling to talk about it here in public.

"Come, Timothy, let's get out of here. Sitting here not eating when you've obviously been upset by something is not doing you any good at all , dear boy." Ducky stood and grasped Tim under the elbow to pull him up. Docilely, Tim let Ducky help him up from the booth and surprised Ducky by shaking off the M.E.'s gentle hand and walking the long way around the restaurant to the exit. Unbeknown to the M.E. it was to avoid the two agents that Tim had overheard; He didn't want to give them any further cause to run their mouths or say something out of the way to Ducky and so chose avoidance as his means of escape.

Ducky became more and more concerned as he followed Tim out the door and once outside, he struggled to keep up as Tim made a beeline straight for Ducky's car. The M.E. watched as his young friend got in the small car and silently closed the door; his eyes were glued to his lap as he waited for Ducky to get in and drive them home and the look of sheer, abject misery tore through the M.E.. The ride home was as silent as the other trips had been. This time, the silence seemed almost painful and Tim radiated hurt at whatever had happened. It was as if he had just shut down again as his mind tried to rationalize what he'd heard and the fact that Ducky had no idea exactly what had made Tim react like this, made it difficult for him to watch the young man deal with in his own way.

Once back in the safety and security of Ducky's house, Tim silently made his way up to his room and shut the door; he even went as far as to lock it to keep everyone out so he could think. He needed to be alone; needed to own up to the fact that Mark and Susan, the agents who'd been so vocal in the restaurant; were not only right; but they were the epitome of what he'd be walking back into if he went back to work at NCIS. He'd been fooling himself to think otherwise; even for the split second that he had thought it.

Gibbs walked out of the kitchen with coffee in hand when he heard Ducky's Morgan pull up outside. He wouldn't admit the fact that he'd been worried sick about Tim and desperately wanted to know exactly how the appointment had gone. He was disappointed when Tim walked through the front door and made his way upstairs without giving him a second glance; worse was the fact that he heard the lock on the door click signaling the fact that Tim had locked them out. Ducky chose that moment to come in and Gibbs blanched at the lines of worry that were etched across his face.

"What the hell happened, Ducky?" Gibbs demanded more forcefully than he meant.

"Jethro, I do not know. Timothy was in with Dr. Michaels for two hours. When he came out, he seemed like a different young man; like the weight of the world no longer rested on his shoulders. We decided to go to a nearby buffet so that Timothy could finally gain some control in his life; even if it was just lunch." Ducky sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "He was fine until he came back to the table with his food. I just don't know what the turning point was for him."

"Yeah? And?"

"I don't know, Jethro. Have I not just said that? I was not watching Timothy every minute we were there."

"All right, Whattaya suggest we do?"

"I suggest we allow Timothy to work through this in his own way." The stress in Ducky's voice was palpable.

Nu-uh. Seen the way he works through things on his own, Duck. Not givin' him that chance again."

"Jethro, You don't seriously believe he would consider such a thing again?"

"Not taking the chance, Ducky." Gibbs said as he took his cell phone out and made a call.

"Yeah, it's Agent Gibbs… It's important….all right, thank you." He paused slightly as if waiting for someone on the other end of the phone "Yeah…..Tim came home looking like someone ran over his dog….. We're not sure…. Here, talk to Doctor Mallard." Gibbs handed Ducky the phone and walked upstairs to see if he could hear anything amiss with his surrogate son.

Ducky appeared next to Gibbs at the locked bedroom door a short few minutes later and gestured for Gibbs to listen. Sure enough, Tim's cell phone rang immediately and Tim's muffled voice could be heard through the door as he answered it. There had been no crying or sobbing, at least not loud enough that Gibbs had heard; but he held no shadow of doubt that the miserable, hurting young man that had walked through the door had shed a few.

That didn't really matter. What mattered was Tim was talking to someone who could help him deal with what was going on and hopefully, that would keep him grounded and safe. After listening to the rumble of Tim's voice talking on the phone, Gibbs turned and went back downstairs, determined to give the young man not only privacy, but space to breathe, too.

Ducky, apparently agreed with Gibbs' decision and soon joined him in the kitchen where Gibbs was fixing them both a hot drink. They both sat at the table in silence as they thought about the events of the past couple of days; they were soon pulled out of their reverie when Gibbs' phone started to ring.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"_Boss." _Tim's voice was small and shaky in a way that had Gibbs thinking of a scared child.

"Tim? You okay?"

"_Dr. Micheals says I should talk to you about what happened when we stopped for lunch today."_

"Whatta _you_ think?" He wanted to give Tim the option to come to him; not because someone thought it was a good idea but because the young man wanted to.

"I think I should talk to you; and Ducky. I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay."

"Boss?"

"Yeah, Tim?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Son."

An hour later found Tim completely talked out and feeling totally exhausted. He glanced up at his two guardians before rubbing his hand over his face.

"Hey, Go on back to bed Tim. We'll make sure those two are dealt with so don't you go worryin' over it. Okay?"

"Yeah, Boss. Thanks. Ducky... Thank you." Tim stood up and walked back to his bedroom; every step seemed to feel heavier and heavier and once he was lying on the bed, he crashed hard. His mind finally stopped whirling long enough that it let him drift off into a restless sleep.

Ducky and Gibbs waited for Tim to leave the room before debating whether or not to call Vance. They both knew that the two agents in question would have to be disciplined for their actions, but they didn't want to cause Tim any more heart ache with the stream of questions that needed to be answered. They decided that they would wait until the opportunity would present itself; confident that it would do so soon; given that Leon was so intent on getting Tim back to the folds of the Agency.

Before he'd gone back to bed, Tim had shocked them both by quietly requesting that they call Abby for him and ask her to dinner or at least for an after dinner talk. He'd said whichever the older two men preferred was fine with him because he just needed to talk to her.

With a lighter heart, Ducky made the call while Jethro sat lost in his thoughts and refreshed grief for everything both of his boys had been through. Ducky waited for Abby to answer.

"Abigail, it's Ducky. Timothy has asked me to call and would like to see you."


	38. Chapter 38

_A/N: We thank each of you for staying with us through this difficult journey._  
_Tissue Warnning: just in case._

* * *

When Tim asked Ducky and Gibbs to invite Abby over so he could talk to her; the two older men were practically beaming with pride at how far their young patient had come. They did have a brief conversation about it though and soon came to the same conclusion; Abby could come by after dinner because they wanted Tim to have the time during the evening meal for peace and quiet, especially after the day he'd just had. That decision hadn't taken long seeing as they both had Tim's best interests at heart and right now, it was best that the young man have time to breathe and gain his strength by eating his meals in a relaxed atmosphere. Ducky simply smiled at Gibbs and pulled out his cell phone to make the call.

_"Abigail, it's Ducky. Timothy has asked me to call and would like to see you."  
_

"_Hey Ducky. Everything alright?" _Abby was only halfheartedly listening and it was obvious to the M.E. that she was working hard on something in her lab.

"Everything is fine, Abigail. Better than fine, actually." He could almost see Abby's confused face in his mind and couldn't help but smile.

"_Okay…..ooh ooh Ducky! Did you say Tim wants to see me? Our Tim?"_

"Of course, who else would I be talking about? He would like to know whether or not you could come round." Ducky chuckled at Abby's innocent questioning when she realized what he said.

"_Really? Does he blame me for anything? What if I mess up?..."_

"Abigail! Honestly! Timothy wants to talk to you about what has happened and to rebuild the bridges that have been broken throughout this ordeal. There is nothing you can do to hurt him unless you have no interest in getting your friendship back; something which I doubt very much. Now, I do need you to stay calm and hear him out my dear because he is still quite fragile right about now."

"_Of course I want him as my friend. I miss him! Ducky, I'll be there. Is there anything you want to me bring?"_

"I don't think so my dear…Actually, would you mind bringing Timothy something sweet. I think he deserves a little treat." Gibbs grinned at Ducky's words and shook his head in disbelief. Sometimes his friend was a shrewd man who always knew what to do; by all rights, Abby would bring Tim his favorite treats and the two of them would chat whilst sharing them…._in theory anyway._

"_Ooh Ooh, I know just the thing. Is 6 a good time?" _Ducky could almost feel Abby's excited energy bouncing down the phone. It was something that he hadn't heard in a while and it lifted his heart to hear it once again.

"Perfect. I shall see you then Abigail."

"_You sure will Ducky. Speak to you later." _Abby hung up.

Ducky was just about to talk to Gibbs when his friend's cell phone rung; disturbing the senior agent from his reverie.

"Yeah. Gibbs." He answered distractedly.

"_Were you gonna tell me about it?"_ Vance demanded. There was no explanation but Gibbs just knew that the director was talking about the debacle in the restaurant.

"When the time was right, Leon. Figured the minute we told you, you'd be demanding a blow-by-blow from McGee and he's not up to that. It took a lot of work to bring him back from what those two carelessly did to him. Didn't you get that memo out?"

"_No. I was waiting until McGee had more time to consider whether or not he was coming back."_

"Well, I'm pretty sure this wouldn't have happened if you'd just gone ahead and sent it out, Leon." Gibbs struggled to keep the fury out of his tone.

"_I realize that and apologize. It shouldn't have happened. Gibbs. How is he now?"_

"Working through it. How'd you hear about it?" His voice was more neutral at the director's apology but still remained slightly cold.

"Doctor Michaels called me. The man is livid, Gibbs. Said he would not sit by and watch McGee be destroyed by this when he was trying so hard to come back from it. Told me in no uncertain terms that if I couldn't guarantee that this wouldn't happen again and that my staff would be the professionals they're supposed to be; then he would not only recommend that McGee transfer out of D.C.; but he'd be tryin' his damnedest to convince him to find a new line of work away from this b.s. "

"Can't let that happen, Leon." Gibbs said earnestly and with a passion that made Ducky look up from what he was doing.

"I'm well aware of that, Gibbs. Trust me, I've got this. You may not like the way I handle it. Hell, McGee might not like the way I handle it; but I will handle it. This will NOT happen again!"

"Don't suppose you're gonna share with me how it is you're gonna 'handle it'?"

"No, I'm not. You'll find out soon enough. You just take care of our Agent and I'll take care of things this end." Vance abruptly ended the call leaving Gibbs with a feeling of deep foreboding. He closed his phone with a snap and Ducky noticed that his friend's face was a vision of worry and contemplation.

"Jethro?" Ducky inquired with concern that ran deep.

"Vance." Gibbs was trying to rationalize everything in his own mind still and didn't think about the fact that Ducky would want more than that.

"Oh?"

"Apparently, Michaels called him; gave him hell for what happened."

"Oh, my!" Understanding dawned on the M.E.

"Yeah. He's so pissed about it, he told Vance to find a way to make sure it never happens again or he'll push McGee to transfer out of D.C for his own good."

"Oh, dear! Well, Jethro. The good Doctor may very well have a valid point. This kind of thing is almost unstoppable and despite everyone's efforts, I don't think we'll be able to stop everyone from harboring some bad feelings. That I'm afraid, is damn near impossible to change."

"Apparently, Michaels doesn't think so. He told Vance if he had to, he'd strongly encourage Tim to find a new line of work for his own good." Gibbs revealed painfully. He'd only just got Tim back and the thought of losing him again made him feel as though his heart had been ripped out and trampled on.

"I take it the Director has a plan?"

"He says he does. Says I may not like it and McGee may not like it but he promises it'll insure that this doesn't happen again. Duck, I can't lose another son. I nearly tossed him away and we're only just starting to make progress. But, more importantly, Tim wants to be here."

"Oh. Oh, dear." Ducky was thinking about ways in which the director could handle this and didn't hear the rest of Gibbs' heartfelt words.

Gibbs glared at him momentarily before recognizing the look on his old friend's face. "Ducky? You know something?"

"Jethro, there are not very many ways in which to insure that kind of results."

"Well, yeah, Duck. I kinda figured that. Leon's just grasping at straws to fix something he knows isn't completely fixable. We're just gonna have to find a way to build McGee's resistance to this kind of crap."

"Oh Jethro. Unfortunately, it may just be that the better thing for Timothy would be a new job or at least in a new location. We may just have to accept that."

"No. Not unless we absolutely have to, Duck. You remember what he told his mother? He needs the connection he feels with us." Gibbs was resolute that Tim stay on the team if that's what he wanted to do. At the very least, he'd already admitted to wanting to stay near them. "You have an idea of what Vance's gonna do, don't you?"

"Yes, and I must say, he's absolutely correct. We won't like it; not one bit."

"C'mon, Ducky, just tell me."

"Jethro, the only way to stop people from speaking in such a manner toward Timothy or about him; would be to change their thinking. And the only way to do that; is to change their perception of the truth." Ducky's logic was always sound and Gibbs wondered how this kindly medical examiner managed to realize certain situations quicker than everyone else.

And in this case, Gibbs had to wonder at the fact that somehow, he'd caught on to where this was headed. "And the only way to do that is for them to see what really happened for themselves." Gibbs finished the reasoning Ducky was progressing towards.

"Exactly."

Gibbs sat back with a sigh of resignation. He had already been silently toying with the idea of the entire agency viewing that surveillance tap but then the entire agency would be watching Tony get shot down. They'd be watching Tim get shot twice before fighting to save Tony with no thought of his own injuries. Everyone would hear Tim repeatedly scream at Tony not to leave him and ultimately, they'd see Gibbs rush to Tony and literally ignore Tim until he was forced to attend to him by the paramedic. Well he already had the reputation of being a bastard; this would certainly support that. But, more than that, it would exonerate Tim in the eyes of everyone who saw that tape. Yeah, it sounded like a damn good idea and it didn't matter if Gibbs' reputation was knocked in the process; there were more important things than that at stake.

"Good." Gibbs finally said out loud

"Jethro?" Ducky answered in shock.

As Gibbs laid out his reasoning, Ducky couldn't help but agree with it; although he felt strongly that they keep the solution and all mention of it from Tim. Somehow, he just knew that the young man would not want everyone seeing exactly what happened in the warehouse and would see it as Anthony's name being sullied. But more than that, Timothy wouldn't want Anthony's last moments remembered that way and he knew Anthony wouldn't want it either. Then again, Ducky was positive that if this is what it took to clear Timothy's name then Anthony would run the video for them, himself.

"I agree." Gibbs said as he whipped his phone back out.

"Leon, if you're gonna show everyone in the agency that tape; you make damn sure you lay down the stipulation that what you're doing doesn't get back to McGee!" he ordered, uncaring that he was talking to his boss. After all this wasn't just his agent but his surrogate son and Tim needed to be protected from knowing everyone in the agency had seen the most horrible moment of his life in vivid color. "And don't forget, Leon, this is gonna cast you and I in really bad color. And Leon, you make damn sure you don't include Abby in that audience either! She's trying to move on from this. Seeing that will only hurt her."

"I'm aware of that Gibbs. I can handle it. And, yes, I will make sure that this doesn't get back to McGee. And I'll make sure Ms. Scuito doesn't see it either. I didn't let her see it when we first got it in, did I? How'd you figure it out, anyway."

"Cause we're smart like that, Leon, It's why we're good at our jobs!" Gibbs cheekily answered as he ended the call and put his phone away, smiling at Ducky.

When Tim finally made his way down stairs in time for dinner, he was feeling ravenous. It did wonders for both Gibbs and Ducky to see Tim finally eat what was close to a normal meal for him. They'd been relieved to see that after his nap because he seemed not only recharged, but refreshed as well and it seemed as though he was almost ready to take on the world. Ducky mentally compared the Timothy he was seeing now to the one he was privileged to see after he'd talked to Dr. Michaels for two hours; and found they _almost_ seemed to be one in the same. This more battle scarred version before him now had a guarded look to him; as though he was expecting the next hurdle to be thrown down before him at any given moment in time. Apparently the incident at lunch would bear it's consequences for a while to come.

When Tim had asked Gibbs and Ducky to call Abby for him, he'd filled them in on what had happened the last time she had come to see him and was a big shock to both Gibbs and Ducky. They had both thought that the two of them had actually spoken to each other and to hear that these two hadn't even seen each let alone discussed anything since Tony's death made them worry. They were hoping to ease Tim into seeing the people that he so desperately needed to make amends and this tidbit of information made them worry slightly. They were still both relieved this reunion was taking place though and started to hope and pray that it would go well; for everyone's sake.

6pm soon came around and Abby found herself standing outside Ducky's front door feeling excited but incredibly nervous. She had no idea what to expect and hoped that Tim would be able to forgive her for everything that she had done. She reached out and paused before knocking on the front door. She was practically bouncing with nervous energy when the door opened to reveal a casual looking Gibbs.

"Hey Abbs. How're you doing?" Gibbs leaned forward and kissed Abby on the cheek before leading her in.

"I'm good. Well nervous, but good. I bought Timmy some of those Danishes he likes. Do you think he'll like them?" Abby's diatribe overwhelmed Gibbs and he couldn't help but laugh as he pulled her into a loose hug."Calm down! He'll love em'. Listen Abbs, I need to know you're not going to upset him. He's had enough setbacks recently."

"What kind of setbacks? Gibbs, you are not telling me everything!." Abby started to panic slightly.

"Nothing to worry about and McGee's doing fine. Just remember, whatever you do, don't push him. Let him lead all right?"

"Gotcha bossman. Now where is he?" Abby winked at her boss and waited expectantly for him to tell her where Tim was.

"Living room. Don't wear him out. You want coffee?"

"Yes, please."

She walked towards the living room and glanced around the door to quietly peek at what Tim was doing. She didn't see him at first but as she walked in further, she saw him sitting in the chair by the window. He was gazing out over the peaceful garden and didn't notice her standing in the doorway.

"Timmy?"

Abby's small voice drew him out of his reverie and he turned to see her standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. He could almost see her bouncing with anticipation of hugging him and he just knew that the only thing she wanted right now, was to hug his heartache away. A small smile graced Tim's face as he held out his arms.

"Come here Abbs. We need to talk."

Abby bounded over and wrapped her arms around her friend. Tim practically melted into the familiar embrace.

"Abbs?"

"Yeah Timmy?"

"Can you stop calling me Timmy please?"

Abby huffed out an affronted 'hmph' and stepped back out of the hug. Tim almost missed the warmth that she provided and leaned back in the chair. "Why? No, no don't answer that. Sorry it's just high stress situations. Sorry Ti...McGee."

"Aww come on Abbs. McGee? What about a compromise and we go with Tim." He smiled at Abby warmly and watched her relax.

"Okay. Tim it is. Oooh I bought cinnamon rolls. You want one?"

Tim chuckled and took the proffered Danish gratefully.

"You mean Ducky's letting me have a treat?"

"Sure, he suggested them...not that I wouldn't have bought them because I would. He just thou..."

"Abbs! Woah! slow down. It's a nice thought, thank you." He took a bite out of the treat and sighed with contentment at the sweetness. Gibbs walked into the room carrying two mugs and handed one to each of his surrogate children.

"You enjoyin' that McGee?" He grinned at the look of joy on Tim's face. It had been a long time since he had seen the young man looking so happy.

"Yeah." Tim looked down at the floor suddenly looking guilty at having enjoying the pastry so much and reached over to put it on the small napkin that sat on the table. Gibbs frowned heavily and put his hand on Tim's shoulder.

"There's nothing wrong with that. You got me?"

"Yeah, Boss." Tim's voice was flat and disbelieving leaving Gibbs with nothing to do but sigh and leave the room. He gave Abby a small smile on his way out.

"Hey Tim, I um...I just want to..." Abby choked on her words and fought back the tears that threatened to fall "Oh God. Tim I'm so sorry. I did come to see you but you were asleep."

"You came to shout at me. You left because you were pissed off." Tim seemed to visibly shrink in front of her as he admitted what he thought.

"No! No Tim, I came to see you. I needed you to know how sorry I was that I'd left it for so long and that I didn't blame you."

"I thought..."

"You thought I'd come to shout? That I didn't care and had pushed you out like all the others." Abby felt a tear streak down her face when she realized exactly where Tim's thoughts had taken him.

"Why not? Wouldn't be any different to the way everyone else acted." Tim sounded completely defeated and the thought of her friend being left alone in that much pain pulled at her heart.

"I didn't think that. How could I? Ziva's been in pieces and needed me. I stayed with her so I could help her, Tim."

"What about me Abbs? You know, there was a time when we'd all be there for each other and I was pretty much pushed out because of this...because I protected Tony." There were old wounds that would take more time to heal and it was clear to Abby that this was one of them. Abby fiddled with the Danish in her hand.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Tim. What can I do to fix this? I miss you; I miss our friendship."

"Just be here now Abbs. There's nothing you can say or do that is going to change what happened and it's gonna take time. The boss has been there for me now but I still can't believe that he's completely forgiven me."

"What? Tim, Gibbs knows it's not your fault. What could he possibly have to forgive you for? You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Doing what? Blaming myself? Kicking myself about the fact that i'm here and Tony's not? I can't help it. It should never have been Tony; he shouldn't have died in that warehouse." Tim looked down and breathed heavily to try to stem the torrent of tears that threatened.

"No." Abby whispered more to herself when it dawned on her what Tim meant "No, you think it would be any better if you had died? It wouldn't and I can't believe you are still thinking that way. Ideally, no one would have gone and you would both be here, but it didn't happen like that. Tim. We're all glad you are here. I'm glad you are here." She stood up and made her way back over to Tim.

"Thanks Abbs. Oh God is it ever going to end?" Tim let go of the tears that threatened and felt himself being pulled into a tight hug. He wasn't sure how long they sat there but felt safe and loved as he sobbed uncontrollably in Abby's arms.

"It will, Tim. I promise." She felt the tears streak down her face and between them they sobbed; not only for their lost friend, but for the friendship they had re-built the bridge to.

"I'm not so sure. I just feel so empty now. I can't seem to pull myself out of...It's hard, Abbs." Abby pulled away and cupped Tim's face in her hands. The sobbing had subsided now and in its place silent, slow tears streaked down Tim's cheeks.

"You can Timmy. You can do it and we're here to help. I know it's hard but you've got to fight...for me, for Gibbs but most of all for Tony. He won't want this."

"I know and i'm trying, I really am! It's just hard. Some days i'm fine and others I feel like this and there's nothing that can pull me out of it." Tim had no idea why he was telling Abby this. Maybe it was because she was always the one he could speak to; whatever the reason he didn't know but he could feel the heavy burden lighten on his shoulders. "I'm sorry Abbs, I shouldn't be putting this one you, it's just that I can'...Hey, you promised not to call me Timmy anymore."

Abby chuckled and kissed Tim tenderly on the cheek.

"I really am sorry I didn't come to see you. I..There's no excuse and I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am and how much I regret that decision."

"I know why you didn't. You were looking after everyone else. I'm not going to lie to you; it's going to take time and that is one thing I do have right about now." Tim stood up stiffly and moved over to the couch; he sat down with a groan and gently lay down on the thick soft cushions. The deep sobbing had left him feeling drained, exhausted and sore as his healing wounds protested slightly against the physical strain.

"You okay?" Abby's worried tone carried over to him and he soon felt her hand resting on his forehead. "Lift up a minute."

Tim lifted his body slightly and she sat down. He soon felt a hand pulling him down and sighed when his head rested on her thigh.

"If you're tired, sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." She watched Tim's eyes slowly close as his body gave in to the exhaustion that loomed.

"He okay, Abbs?" Turning slightly, Abby smiled at Gibb's standing in the doorway.

"I'm good. We're good, we talked and I think everything's going to be all right." Gibbs smiled at Abby's whispered words and could feel the relief wash over him as he watched her gently card her fingers through Tim's hair. Walking over to her, he bent down and kissed her on the cheek.

"Attagirl Abbs, Attagirl."

Gibbs walked back into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee percolating. It wasn't long before he was joined by Ducky and the two of them waited patiently for the drinks to be ready.

"Is everything all right in there, Jethro? I don't want that young man over exerting himself."

"I don't think he's at risk of doing that." Gibbs huffed out a light laugh "He's fallen asleep with his head in Abby's lap."

That piece of news made Ducky smile and he accepted the mug of coffee that Jethro offered.

"I take it everything went well then. We should rescue Abigail soon though before she becomes uncomfortable."

"We will, just leave them a while longer." Gibbs inhaled the aroma of his favourite coffee and sighed heavily.

"Jethro?"

"He gets tired easily Duck. Is it ever gonna get easier for him?"

"Of course it will my friend. You need to learn patience." Ducky rested his hand on his friends shoulder and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. The two friends looked comfortable and totally at ease as they talked; so much so that they didn't hear Abby walk in.

"Hey guys."

"Abigail. You managed to disentangle yourself from young Timothy I see."

"Sure did, Ducky." She looked almost regretful at having lost that closeness "I was thirsty and needed a drink though. I threw the afghan over him, is that ok?"

"Of course it is, my dear." Ducky stood up and hugged Abby. "Sit down and join us, Abby. It's been a while since we have talked properly."

Abby sat down and accepted the coffee and the bottle of water that Gibbs handed to her.

"Thanks, Gibbs. Oh hey, There's something I've been meaning to ask." She paused and took a long drink of the water. "Where's Jethro?"

"The dog? Damn, I never thought about the mutt. Duck?" Gibbs kicked himself again at forgetting about Tim's faithful friend. He couldn't help but think about the first time Tim had met the dog that had soon become his faithful friend.

"Ahh, yes. I'm surprised Timothy hasn't asked before now. When her parents went home shortly after Timothy was released from the hospital, Sarah though it prudent for them to take Jethro home with them until her brother was feeling better. Don't worry, Jethro is well taken care of."

"I don't doubt that Duck. I think we should get him back." Gibbs looked thoughtful; why in the world hadn't he thought about the mutt?

"Gibbs, that's a brilliant idea. Tim would love to see Jethro again." Abby looked ready to vibrate off the chair with excitement.

"I agree Jethro. I believe it is time for Timothy to resume some semblance of normality in his life and this will be the one thing that would lift his spirits no end." Ducky looked over at Gibbs and noticed the slightly sullen, guilty look that graced his friend's face. "Listen to me now, Jethro. Forgetting something whilst in the throes of grief isn't unusual and I'm sure the dog wasn't high on your list of priorities, especially with the severity of Timothy's problems being first on your list. Now, Timothy's parents have enjoyed having him and he is safe, and loved and Sarah has graciously offered to bring him back when her brother is ready for him, .so you can stop worrying."

"Yeah Duck. I know you're right but..."

"We're all guilty of forgetting Gibbs, but until we can move on, Tim won't let himself so we need to get over this now!" Abby moved her hand so it rested on top of Gibbs'; she sighed with relief when his fingers curled slightly around her fingertips.

"So then, what do we do now?"

"I'll call Sarah in the morning and will ask her how soon we can collect Jethro." Ducky grinned broadly at his two friends "but until then, it's 9pm and Timothy would be much more comfortable in his own bed."

"I'll go wake him up, Duck." Gibbs stood from the table and glanced down at Abby "What are you doin' Abbs? You staying for another coffee?"

Abby beamed at Gibbs' expectant tone.

"Well actually... that is if it's all right...well..."

"Abby!"

"Can I stay here tonight? I want to be with Tim when he wakes up and we've got loads more that we need to talk about." Gibbs looked at Ducky and shrugged once.

"I don't have a problem with it but what about work, Abbs?"

"Vance has already agreed to give me tomorrow off. I figured that whichever way this goes would mean I couldn't concentrate." Abby looked like an innocent little child as she sat there and addressed the two father figures in her life.

"Well, I certainly don't have a problem, my dear. The guest bedroom next to Timothy's is made up already and you are more than welcome to stay there, though I will ask that you don't disturb him. He still needs his rest."

"Actually, I wanted to stay with Tim." Abby blushed slightly and looked sheepish as she requested the one thing she wanted. "In his bed... Not to do anything, just to, you know, cuddle and sleep and stuff."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why not?" They all jumped at Tim's voice as it travelled across the kitchen from the door "it's not like we're gonna be disrespectful in your home, Ducky. It'll be good for Abby and I to talk some more."

"Timothy, You really should sle..."

"Please Ducky. I'll be good." Abby's pleas and Tim's consent melted is resolve and he soon gave in.

"Very well, but you must sleep Timothy." Ducky lightly admonished.

"I will. I'm going to head up, Abbs, you coming or do you want to stay down here a bit longer?" Tim clung to the door frame and yawned loudly behind his hand as it hid his face for a minute.

"I'm coming now. Oh Tim, can I borrow one of your t-shirts?" Tim chuckled and nodded his head before turning toward Ducky and Gibbs and thanking them both for everything and then slowly making his way up the stairs.

"Night guys, i'll see you in the morning." Abby kissed Ducky and Gibbs on the cheek and left the two of them sitting there looking slightly bemused.

"Wel''d say that went well, Jethro."

"Yeah, I just hope they are all as easy as that, Duck."

Tim settled back in bed with a sigh He felt Abby crawl in beside him and turned his head to look at her. She had chosen Tim's old MIT t-shirt to sleep in and Tim couldn't help but smile at the familiarity of the situation.

"You all right Tim?"

"I'm good. Just really tired."

"Lie down." Abby waited for him to settle into a comfortable position before wrapping her arm round his waist.

"I am sorr,y Tim."

"I know, Abbs. We'll talk some more in the morning," Tim felt his eyes start to close again and settled into sleep feeling warmer and more comfortable than he had in weeks. He let his arm travel down to rest over Abby's and twined his fingers through hers.

"Okay. Are we really all right?"

"We really are, Abbs." With that last thought, Tim succumbed to slumber as it pulled him down into the first dreamless sleep he'd had in while. Abby followed soon after knowing, that no matter what, she had finally started to mend her relationship with Tim.. They would be all right now.


	39. Chapter 39

_A/N: We humbly apologise for the delay. Life tends to get in our way no matter how badly we want to tune everything else out and just write._

_Tissue warning: Probably a good idea for this chapter._

* * *

Tim woke up after a restful night and sighed with contentment at waking up surrounded by a bundle of warmth. It took him a moment to realize that Abby was laying on her side with her head nestled perfectly on his shoulder; her arm was draped gently over his stomach in a loving gesture that made him feel more whole than he had in a long while. He sat there for a moment drinking in the heat that the beating heart that was Abby offered him and smiled at the peaceful picture she made while she slept. His body soon told him it was time to get up so he slipped out of bed carefully so as not to disturb her, and headed to the bathroom.

For the first time in ages, he realized that he actually felt rested and relaxed and once he had tended to his needs, he washed his hands and glanced up to look at his reflection in the mirror. Granted, he still looked pale and the dark circles that adorned his eyes were pretty much a permanent fixture now; but he knew he looked healthier than he had done previously which was a sure sign that he was finally turning a corner.

He walked back into the bedroom a short five minutes later and smiled slightly at the sight of Abby; it was obvious that she had missed that closeness she had shared with him throughout the night and had curled around his pillow much like she had his body. Tim was reluctant to risk waking her by trying to go back to bed and lowered himself down in the easy chair by the window instead. He sat there watching Abby sleep for a moment before turning and gazing out of the window; the memories of their conversation last night whirling round in his mind as he thought back.

_"You came to shout at me. You left because you were pissed off." _

_"No! No Tim, I came to see you. I needed you to know how sorry I was that I'd left it for so long and that I didn't blame you."_

_"I thought..."_

_"You thought I'd come to shout? That I didn't care and had pushed you out like all the others." _

_"Why not? Wouldn't be any different to the way everyone else acted."_

_"I didn't think that. How could I? Ziva's been in pieces and needed me. I stayed with her so I could help her, Tim."_

_What about me Abbs? You know, there was a time when we'd all be there for each other and I was pretty much pushed out because of this...because I protected Tony." _

_"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Tim. What can I do to fix this? I miss you; I miss our friendship."_

_"Just be here now Abbs. There's nothing you can say or do that is going to change what happened and it's gonna take time."_

_"No, you think it would be any better if you had died? It wouldn't and I can't believe you are still thinking that way. Ideally, no one would have gone and you would both be here, but it didn't happen like that. Tim. We're all glad you are here. I'm glad you are here."_

_"Thanks Abbs. Oh God is it ever going to end?" _

_"It will, Tim. I promise."_

_"I'm not so sure. I just feel so empty now. I can't seem to pull myself out of...It's hard, Abbs." _

_"You can Timmy. You can do it and we're here to help. I know it's hard but you've got to fight...for me, for Gibbs but most of all for Tony. He won't want this."  
****_

Tim shook his head in an attempt to try to clear the melancholy thoughts and memories away. Glimpsing that part of himself that he'd been missing lately, he now mentally reached down inside himself and grabbed that part of who he used to be; the part that put others first and didn't worry about how he, himself was handling things or feeling about things. With the determination borne of frustration with everything staying the same; painful miserable way; Tim reattached that part of who he had been to who he was now. Now that he was one step closer to being normal; he could think straight; stop bending his thoughts around the pain and forge ahead; through it; deliberately and unrelentingly.

Abby had been great in letting him cry on her shoulder like he did last night; but he knew damn well how much she loved Tony and it wasn't fair to continue to soak up comfort from the people who cared about his friend just as much as he had, just because he could. It was high time he stopped wallowing and started offering comfort to them in return; maybe it was the only way they were gonna get back from this; together. One thing Tim McGee knew without a shadow of a doubt was that he'd cried enough to last him several lifetimes and it was time to put his tears away and find that other part of his old self; the part that had held himself together through tough times without letting the world in on what he was feeling. Goodness knows he'd had seven years to perfect it; now it was time to dig it out from the bottom of the pile of rubble that had once been his wall.

They had all lost Tony and it was time he stopped acting like he was the only one that was hurting. Somehow, Tim had come to realize that keeping that understanding in his head, and tempering his actions to match it; was the key in possibly fixing things with Ziva. Possibly with Gibbs, too. He wasn't sure exactly how to do it; but he did know it needed to be done, and soon.

"_Now, you're thinkin' Probie."_

"Tony. Where the heck you been?" Tony startled Tim out of his thoughts and Tim turned to face his friend.

"_Aw, C'mon, you know you gotta get weaned off of this."_

"I'm workin on it. You do realize that Abby's right over there in the bed, right?"

"_Um, yeah. Actually, I do, McSmartass."_

"Thanks, Tony. You here to tell me you're leaving for good?"

Tony frowned at the edge of worry in Tim's voice and smiled to try to comfort him. _"Not just yet, Probie."_

"Good."

"_You had a hell ova day, yesterday, didn't ya?" _Tony had been scrutinizing Tim and could still see the lines of worry on his friend's young face.

"I've had better. Definitely had worse, though."

"_Outside of lettin' it get to ya; I'd say you handled it pretty damn well, Probie."_

"Thanks, Tony."

"_Gotta get that tough skin I almost had to pour you into and force you to accept, Probie. It wasn't just fun and games, man. Use it; let it help you deal with these thoughtless creeps."_

"Yeah, I know. I'm workin' on it. It just, came outta no where; kinda knocked me for a loop, Tony."

"_Obviously. You fought hard to get back up though, Probie, and you did it well."_

"Didn't do it without help and you know it. Wouldn't have done it at all if Gibbs hadn't made that phone call."

"_Yeah, I know. Still proud of you though. One thing I don't understand, though, Probie is how you go from realizing Boss has your back like that to telling Abby you don't believe he's forgiven you yet. What's goin' on, Tim?" _At this point, he wanted Tim to know that he had been listening into some of the heart to hearts that Tim had had recently. It wasn't that he was nosy….Ok, he was curious; but it was because he wanted to keep his eye out for his Probie and wanted to be able to jump in the moment things got too stressful for him.

"Tony, just because you stopped me from pulling the trigger on myself and guilt-tripped him into staying with me so I wouldn't do it again, doesn't mean…"

"_Wait just a damn minute! You think he's doing all this lookin' out for you because I made him feel guilty? Man, you lose your brain-cell supply along the way somewhere? You know Boss man better than that!"_

"Doesn't mean …"

"_McGee! Stop thinking this into the ground, man! Gibbs is doing what he can for you because he WANTS to! Accept that and start giving back from it! Get off your ass and DO something to move this bus back on the right track – for everyone! You got me?" _

Tim blanched at Tony's authoritative voice and turned his gaze back to the window. He didn't know what to think anymore and with his fragile mind, he just couldn't seem to stop thinking the worst of people; in all honesty, given recent events, who could blame him?

""I've been trying to fix things. You think I've kept talkin to my shrink for the hell of it? I get it, Tony. I don't think you do, though." Tim answered back thoughtfully with a quiet voice.

"_Oh, Probie. You are so trying to complicate something that's simple. You're trying to throw down every hurdle you can think of between you and Gibbs so that you don't have to risk believing he actually does care about you…"_

"The way he thought of you? Why would I do that when I already know it's never gonna be that way anyway, Tony? Why would I put that kind of expectation on him when I know it's just not there?" Tim asked sadly.

"_You need to stop thinking like that."_

"Tony, that's not even what I'm worried about right now." Tim reminded him loudly as his frustration began to run away from him.

"_Ok. Then why don't you tell me what it is you are worried about?"_ Tony had no idea what Tim was worried about and his friend's frustrated, loud voice irked him enough to return the favor. He glared briefly at Tim; a ruse that he had learned a long time ago from his boss. If Tony had been alive, his heart would have broke as Tim's shoulders slumped. The honest answer that he didn't know what he was worried about was the clincher though and made Tony feel as though he had just kicked Tim in the gut….._talk about adding insult to injury. _

Tim glanced at the bed to make sure Abby was still sleeping and froze with eyes that filled with worry and fear._ Abby!_

"_Probie?" _Tony saw Tim's reaction and cringed. He walked over to Tim and knelt down before him.

"Where's Abby?"

"_She slipped out. She's probably downstairs getting some breakfast. Tell me what it is you're worried about."_

Before Tim could answer the question, Abby came back in with a breakfast tray and gave them both a rueful smile before walking over to the small table and setting it down. Silently, she picked up the glass of orange juice and handed it to Tim with a kiss on his cheek and a smile; as she pulled back, Tim grabbed her hand and held it tenderly.

"Thank you." The simple thanks was loaded with gratitude; not just for bringing him breakfast but for being there and making him feel as though there was something to live for once again.

"You're welcome." She gave his hand one last squeeze and walked up to Tony; she wrapped him up in as much of a hug as she could and sat down between them in a silent message of inclusion into their discussion.

"Abby?" Tim asked. He hadn't missed the obvious signs that she'd very recently been crying; he knew her too well.

"I wanna hear the answer to Tony's question, Tim. What are you worried about?" She deflected the question, causing Tony to look at her more closely with a deep concern in his eyes.

"Tell me about Ziva. I need to know exactly what's been going on with her. Tell me what you can of how this has affected her." Tim redirected the conversation where he needed it to go. He had started to feel uncomfortable with having everyone's focus directly on him and needed to get the focus off of himself.

Tony and Abby started telling him everything he wanted to know and twenty minutes later, Tim felt as though his heart was threatening to break again and wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry; for Ziva and for all them, for what this had done to them while he'd been secluded from everyone and had been wrapped up in his own guilt. He was hit by a sudden urge to to ask Ziva's forgiveness or at least let her know how truly sorry he was for it all and found himself hardly being able to wait to speak to her.

Abby sensed Tim's withdrawal from the conversation and in the wake of his obvious need to think about things, she gathered up his breakfast dishes, picked up the tray and headed out. She was stoic and managed to hold in her tears as she headed out. The tears soon began to fall and she wondered how she was able to see the stairs and use them without falling down them as her vision blurred with the river that flowed freely down her face. She realized that the kitchen wasn't empty when she walked in sobbing openly as she carried the tray past Gibbs and Ducky. Their presence did nothing to stem her tears and the best she could do was deposit the tray on the kitchen table and beat a hasty retreat to the front porch to cry in private. But, even that wasn't meant to be.

Gibbs sent Ducky a questioning glance and was shocked by the sheer, abject misery that laid in the M.E's eyes at the sight of Abby so emotionally distraught. He had no idea what to make of the situation so did the only think he could and followed her out to find out what was going on. Ducky sighed heavily and made his way up to make sure Tim was alright, thinking that, if Abby was that bad then maybe they had come to blows somehow and the young man would need support.

When Gibbs reached the front porch, it was to the sound of Abby letting go of her emotions without the need to hold them in any more.

"Abby? Talk to me." Gibbs' concern was so blatant that Abby couldn't keep this to herself anymore, it simply hurt too much not to vent anyway.

"Why didn't you tell me, Gibbs?" she asked in between her tears; her body convulsed with the force of her sobs and Gibbs frowned heavily at the sight.

"Tell you what, Abbs?" he asked her gently as he walked up to her and pulled her into a comforting hug.

"Why didn't you tell me he was trying to kill himself when you found him?" her anguished question ripped at Gibbs' heart. He never wanted her to find out how much Tim had truly, desperately hurt.

"Tim tell you?" Gibbs asked quietly. Truth be told he felt shocked at the revelation and didn't know what to do.

"No! He and Tony thought I was still asleep while they were talking and it came up when Tim said he didn't think you really wanted to still be here for him; only that you had to be so he wouldn't do it again.." She answered more calmly as she allowed the comforting support of Gibbs' hug to permeate through her.

"Oh, Abby." Was all Gibbs could think of to say; knowing Tim was going to be devastated to find out she'd discovered this about him; he also knew Tim would be even more devastated to find out she had found out this way and he just didn't know how to rectify the situation or make it better. He kissed her sympathetically on top of her head and held her just a little tighter, trying to reassure her that all was gonna be okay. Tim's painful revelation would have to be dealt with later. Right now, reassuring Abby came first.

* * *

"_Probie? You've been sittin' there not sayin' a word since Abby left, man, what's going on in that head of yours?"_

"Just trying to figure out how to stop this train wreck, Tony." Tim statement was loaded with guilt and pain.

"_What are you talkin' about?"_

"Abby heard us talking earlier, Tony. Now, I asked her to bring up everything Ziva's been going through. She doesn't deserve to get bogged down in all of this. What if she heard everything we said earlier, Tony?"

"_You're gonna have to spell it out for me here, Probie. What is it I'm not seein' that you obviously are?"_

"Timothy? Ah, Hello, Anthony. So nice to see you again." Ducky greeted as he walked into the room and stopped the conversation briefly.

"Mornin' Ducky." Tim responded quietly, still greatly bothered by the domino rally he saw coming because of what he'd allowed himself to express earlier.

"_Hey, Ducky. How are you?"_ Tony's greeting was jovial and music to the M.E.'s ears; it was good to finally hear some levity after the weeks of tremulous, frayed emotions that seemed to root themselves deeply in their lives.

"Quite well, and better for having the chance to see you again, young man." Ducky looked at Tony and answered him with a smile.

"_Thanks, Ducky. It's great to see you again, too."_ Tony's answer was so honest that it struck a chord in Ducky's heart.

"Now, you two, would you care to tell me why Abigail came down stairs crying?"

Tim looked at Tony, "I told you. She _did _hear everything. I could see she'd been crying before she brought my breakfast in here."

"_Oh, man."_ Tony said sadly. _"Where is she now, Ducky?"_ Tony enquired earnestly.

"Jethro is talking to her."

"Great, now he's really gonna kill me." Tim's hushed tones betrayed his emotions and both Tony and Ducky could hear the guilt and pain that laced each word.

_**Thawack**_

"Ow, Tony! What the hell?" Tim raged at the headslap and rubbed the back of his head. He had no idea how his lost friend managed it but the blow hurt just as much as the boss'.

"_NO ONE is gonna kill you. Coming from YOU, that's not even close to funny, Probie!"_

"Yeah. Okay. I get it. Sorry." Tim replied a little too harsly. His tone was still colored with guilt at the situation; it was something he would have to work at getting over and knew that it would take time.

"Anthony! Timothy! Calm yourselves. Dear me! Why don't you just tell me what happened?"

"Yeah. Okay." Tim answered morosely and he steeled himself before starting to recount everything that had happened.

* * *

"You okay now, Abby?" Gibbs asked as he stepped back from embracing his surrogate daughter; he had felt the moment she had started to calm down after letting her emotions rage through her and wanted the opportunity to talk to her, something he wouldn't be able to do whilst she was being held through the worst.

Nodding her head silently, she stepped back, wiped her eyes on her shirt sleeve and walked around him to the porch railing. She reached out and held onto it while she spoke, gazing out at the yard as she did.

"It was so much worse for him then I even imagined, Gibbs. And I knew he was gonna give up; so why does this hurt so much; hearing that he came so close when I already knew he would before this?"

Gibbs frowned at Abby's pained words and rubbed his hand wearily over his face. "Abby, it's always tough to hear that someone you care about is going through something like this."

"Care about? C'mon, Gibbs you know how much I love him! He's my best friend! I've never stopped loving him and we all know he's never stopped loving me. So, tell me why I let him go through this alone? Doesn't that make me at least partially responsible for him almost giving up?"

"NO! No, Abby, it's not your fault! You really think he'd want you to think that? You think he wanted you to feel the pain he was feeling? There's a reason no one told you and it was to keep this from happening."

"So, what do I do now? Do I act like I don't know?" Abby asked in despair. She really had no idea what to do and that fact seemed to twist the knife that had already taken residence in her gut.

"You know that's not possible. I'm sure Tim's figured out by now that you're upset." Gibbs tried to calm her down by reasoning with her.

"I know. He noticed before he started asking about how Ziva's doing and what she went through."

"What else did you hear that you're not telling me?"

Abby glared at him before pushing away from the railing. "Well…"

* * *

"Ducky?" Gibbs asked with concern as the two of them met back up in the kitchen some twenty minutes later.

"Jethro, Abigail will be fine. While she is in a slight state of shock at what she overheard Timothy say; it will only serve to strengthen their bond. I do believe that this may have some positive influence so please do not worry about it! Have some faith in the poor girl."

"It's not Abby I'm worried about so much, Duck. I know she'll bounce back from this. She's already bounced back from Tony's death better than I expected her to. This just isn't something she should have to deal with."

"Yes, It is unfortunate that she became an innocent bystander to their conversation, Jethro. Trust Abigail to take of the situation, though. You'll see. She'll be fine."

"It's Tim, I'm worried about. He's gonna hate knowing she's upset like this; knowing she heard everything..."

"All the more reason to let Abigail handle it, Jethro. She knows how to soothe him when he's anxious, does she not? And you're right, he is very upset about it. That young man has already figured out that she overheard everything and Anthony is currently trying to reassure him that it will be all right between him and Abby. Timothy is not convinced though and I'm worried that this will be yet another setback in his recovery." Ducky looked up and let his eyes roam around the room "Where is Abigail, by the way?"

"She's headed home; said she needed time to pull herself together and knew Tim needed time to think."

"Oh dear, I do hope Timothy doesn't perceive that as her running from him because of this." Ducky worried about the way in which Tim saw things at the moment; given his depression and fragile state of mind, he didn't want Tim to read into a situation that was seemingly innocent.

"Nah, I'll talk to him Why don't you try to get her back here for dinner?" Gibbs suggested as he headed out of the kitchen on his way up to check on Tim.

"Yes, I believe that would be a good idea." Ducky began cleaning up the kitchen and let the mundane motions soothe his troubled mind.

* * *

"_Probie, it'll all work out. Abby will be okay. She doesn't think any less of you because of this. I don't know why you would think she would."_

"You would."

"_Come again?"_

"If you were 'here' here. You'd be thinking the worst of me for it."

"_Tim, I'll admit I would probably give in to some knee-jerk reaction to think like that; but it would be temporary; until my brain came back online and was thinking clearly; past the anger. And you know what they say about anger, Probie."_

"Yeah, Tony. I do. It's only there when you care about that person. Thanks."

"_So, you're gonna be fine now, right?"_

"Is this goodbye?"

"_Not yet. I promised to stick around until you talk to Ziva and I will. But it needs to be soon, Probie. Real soon. See you later."_ Tony looked past Tim's shoulder and smiled. _"Hey, Boss."_

"Tony." Gibbs greeted quietly, still feeling raw from Abby's pain. A new dose of grief washed over him at the sight of his lost agent and he couldn't help but wish that Tony would stop these visits, they hurt too damn much.

Tony stopped mid phase and looked hard at his boss. He could tell that this was taking a lot out of him and Tony wondered if anyone else could see it. Trying to do what he could to help, he sent the man a look of abject apology before he finished phasing out of the room.

"Tim, you all right?" Gibbs asked as he still tried to work through seeing Tony again and noticing the silent apology he so thoughtfully tried to send Gibbs' way.

"Yeah, Boss. I'm fine. It's Abby I'm worried about. Surprised you're not pissed at me for it." Tim huffed out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head.

"McGee. You can't help what she overheard. She's worried about how you're gonna handle her knowing." The boss replied calmly.

"I have no idea how to handle it. I don't wanna lose her friendship. But I don't want to put her through any more pain, either." Tim answered with a touch of guilt.

'Okay, Well, sounds like one step at a time without too much over-thinking might be the answer." Gibbs offered his advice and hoped that his youngest agent would listen to what he had to say.

"Yeah." Tim said as he got up out of the chair and went to the window.

"Something else on your mind?"

"Ziva. I think I need to talk to her, if she'll talk to me. I need to tell her how sorry I am."

"McGee…" Gibbs started to warn Tim about taking things too fast but was cut off by Tim.

"No, Boss. I know she blamed me. She loved Tony more than she ever realized and certainly more than she ever admitted; I took her chance at happiness with him away; at least when things first happened she thought so and no one can take back how that made her feel."

"Okay. And you're sure you're ready to talk to her?"

"Tony needs to move on and he promised he wouldn't until I talked to Ziva. It's time for this to stop being about me and it start being about the team rebuilding and moving on, if it can." Gibbs could tell that Tim had given this a lot of thought but still felt the urge to try to protect him at all costs.

"Some reason you think it can't?"

"No, so long as Ziva can move on from this, the team should be fine, or at least be able to work at it."

"Sounds almost like you're not including yourself in there."

"I can't." The quiet admission shook Gibbs. They had made so much progress and he at least hoped that Tim felt part of the family again.

"I'm listening." Gibbs watched as Tim took a deep breath before letting a piece of his heart out; the situation was obviously painful for the young man and Gibbs felt a pang of sympathy.

"Boss, what happened in the restaurant is just a drop in the ocean compared to what I'll be hearing every day on the job if I go back, we both know that. I'm not superhuman enough to be able to work in that kind of atmosphere."

"Any other reason?"

Tim looked away as emotions filled his eyes; emotions he didn't feel up to explaining to the man who'd dedicated the last week to taking care of him and looking out for him; despite possibly not even wanting to be here in the first place.

"McGee. Look at me." Gibbs requested quietly. He resisted the urge to put his hand under Tim's chin so that he could make his surrogate son look at him.

Tim looked back at him, his eyes trying to shutter what he couldn't completely hide.

"Talk to me."

"I can't put myself out there again, Boss." Tim finally admitted, although his voice was so quiet, Gibbs had to strain to hear him.

"Whattaya mean, Tim?"

"I gave everything I had, all the time and got the distinct feeling that it wasn't ever good enough. It got to the point where it felt like it never would be." Gibbs noticed the way Tim's gaze trailed off to stare at some point beyond what he was actually looking at. He was becoming more withdrawn into his own mind and Gibbs knew he had to rein him in. He finally gave into his urge to turn Tim's attention to him and put his hand under the young man's chin to pull his focus back to him.

"Yeah. I realized that after I'd been shown a few harsh truths about myself, Tim. We both know that nothing I say will take any of it back. But, you have my word that I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"What happens the next time I screw up or piss you off?"

"I can't answer that. I can only promise to work on it. Think you can be patient with me?" Gibbs was being truthful in what he was saying; there was no way he could know how he would react to another situation. All he could do was try to pacify Tim and work at rebuilding his trust.

"I put up with it for all these years didn't I?" Tim asked cheekily with a small, rueful smile.

"Yeah, yeah, you did." Gibbs grinned at him for a second before getting serious. The boss dug deeper knowing that there was something else on Tim's mind "What else is bothering you?"

"Am I re-certifiable?"

"I don't see why not."

"Even with everything that happened?" Tim seemed skeptical at Gibbs' answer.

"Don't see why you wouldn't be."

"I don't think I could handle this being thrown back in my face, Boss." There it was, the nagging fear that Tim harbored and Gibbs felt slightly relieved that it was out on the table. Of course, that was soon pushed out by another emotion.

"Who the hell would do something like that?" Gibbs demanded angrily as the very thought of someone doing that to this young man riled him.

Tim looked away from him, too ashamed at thinking Gibbs would be the very person to do just that if and when he got pissed at Tim again. How could he tell this man, who had done so much for him in the last week; that he was still desperately scared that this wouldn't last; that the deepest pain had the potential to come from Gibbs himself?

"Tim?"

"I hope no one will." Tim finally admitted. He still couldn't look at Gibbs and wasn't able to tell him the whole truth. "But, I'm more realistic than I used to be."

"There some reason you won't answer the question? Why is it you can't tell me who it is you're really worrying about doing that to you down the road?"

The younger man's shoulders stiffened up, from what, Gibbs wasn't sure. What the older man was sure of; all of a sudden; was that any time Tim McGee couldn't tell him something that was bothering him; it was because it had to do with Gibbs himself. Feeling like he'd just been stabbed in the heart, the older man offered what little he could by way of a promise.

"I promise, Tim. I will not ever throw Tony's death back in your face. I'm sorry you think I would." Gibbs' quiet tone felt like a bucket of guilt as it settled over Tim, breaking off a piece of his heart while it moved in.

Turning back toward the man to apologize; he was deeply disheartened to find he was now alone in the room. Feeling like he'd just stabbed the man in the heart, Tim wiped the errant tears that slipped down his face before sitting back down in the chair._ Would he ever do anything right? _Suddenly, he needed a voice of reason to keep him from falling into the void he saw opening under his feet.

_Would this ever stop being so hard; this staying in the game? Even knowing he couldn't give up like he'd tried before; it wasn't wiping away the raging desire to do just that. Right now, the only way out of this mess that he could think of, was the only option he didn't have because he'd promised that he wouldn't use it._

Wiping away at the continuous trail of tears that insisted on being let out, Tim took out his phone and made the only call he could think of to get him through this.

* * *

As Gibbs made his way downstairs and headed out to the front porch, he crossed Ducky's path. The M.E. was coming to bring him a fresh cup of coffee and check on Timothy after a night of, what he hoped, had been a restful sleep. Ducky paused and watched as his friend walked away with a heaviness that Ducky hadn't seen in a long time.

"Jethro?"

Gibbs stopped and turned to see Ducky holding out a mug of his favorite blend; walking back, he shook his head marginally and took the cup of coffee. He found himself completely dumbstruck and smiled a weak smile of thanks and kept going to the front porch; his mind steeped in chaos wrapped pain.

Ducky sent a concerned look after Gibbs' retreating form and then headed up the stairs to check on his patient. As he neared the bedroom door, he was stopped in his tracks by the sound of Tim having a one sided conversation.

"_I know, Doc. I just… Any time I do bare a piece of my soul to him, it causes him more pain. I can't do that anymore. I'd rather go back to never opening up to him than letting him in if this is the result." _Tim's voice cracked with the pain he felt at what he thought he'd done.

"_No, I just did what you told me I should do. I told him that I was worried Tony's death would be thrown back in my face."_

"_I didn't tell him he was the one I was worried about doing it to me. I couldn't. But, he's always read people well, especially his team. Even if I'm not part of that team anymore, he can still read me. He knew."_

"_No, you don't need to talk to him. Especially, if it'll make it harder on him."_

"_No. I'm okay. I just don't know when I can face him again." _

"_Okay. I'll try. Thanks, Doc."_

Tim snapped his phone shut and felt sheer exhaustion wash over him; it wasn't just the physical aspect that seemed to knock him off his feet, but the emotional one as well. He sat down on the bed and was prepared to take a nap until Ducky intervened so he could check the young man's vital signs and get a glimpse of how he was physically holding up through this new emotional storm.

"Timothy, how are you feeling? Any new aches or pains? Any dizziness?" Ducky deliberately kept the questions directed away from any hint of emotional discussion.

"No, I'm okay this morning. I haven't even gotten dizzy."

"Wonderful!" The M.E. sounded bright and cheerful at Tim's statement.

"I am really tired all of a sudden, though and I've only been up for 2 hours."

"Well, it's not as if this has been a quiet morning for you, has it? Why don't you go ahead and take your nap as soon as I check your vital signs, hmm?"

"Yeah, That does sound inviting." Tim said quietly and let Ducky start his routine ministrations.

"Timothy. I will not pretend that I did not hear your phone conversation just now. But, I will admit that I am relieved that you made the decision that you did in calling Doctor Michaels for help when you felt the need."

"Thanks, Ducky." The quiet tone was unchanged in volume but now it was beginning to mix with guilt.

"If you should want to talk about it, I'm ready to listen."

"Maybe later, Ducky. I do need to ask you for a favor, though."

"What favor would that be?" Ducky cocked his head slightly to the side at the question and waited patiently for Tim to answer. He didn't have to wait long for Tim to finally decide he was actually making the right decision.

"Would you call Ziva for me? Will you ask her if she'll come see me so we can talk?"

"Would you like her to come after dinner this evening?"

"That would be great, Ducky. Thanks."

"You're quite welcome, young man. Now, your vital signs are normal, I am pleased to say, so go ahead now and take your nap and I will wake you in time for a late lunch."

"Thanks, Ducky." Tim said as he curled up and fell asleep momentarily.

Ducky covered him with a blanket and headed back downstairs, closing the bedroom door behind him as he went. The M.E. was grateful beyond measure that he'd overheard Tim's side of the phone conversation; as it told him exactly why Jethro had had that look in his eyes earlier as he'd come down from talking with their patient. Ducky couldn't help but feel for the pain Timothy and Jethro had inadvertently just given each other.

At least, Timothy's health was markedly improved and even his attitude seemed to have taken a flying leap toward the positive side of things. The only stumbling block that seemed to be slowing the young man down now, was his dealings with Jethro and then it was only the deeper side of their relationship that continued to trip the young man up. Likewise, the very same thing apparently kept Jethro off balance as well.

Jethro most likely needed someone to let him vent his turmoil so he could work through it and Ducky was intent on being that very person; knowing his friend the way he did; it was the only thing he could do. At least Timothy was getting the rest he needed and had sought help before the emotions had run away from him this time.

_One troubled soul soothed for now, one to go! First order of business; call Ziva._


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N: We apologise for the delay.  
Tissue Warning: Probably not necessary_

_Short chapter - by design_

* * *

Gibbs sat on Ducky's front porch completely lost in his troubled thoughts and was so drawn into his mind that he didn't even notice the wonders of nature as they played out in front of him. Ducky's mother had always insisted on enjoying the little things in life; whether it be a crib game with her friends or sitting on the front porch watching nature as it lived out its own life. Gibbs had taken on that little nugget of information and had spent two weeks building his best friend's elderly mother two beautifully crafted bird baths that sat proudly at either side of the garden. He missed the birds as they fluttered down and nibbled on the nuts that were always there and didn't see the squirrel that scurried across the lawn to the pine trees; there was so much but he had too much on his mind to even begin appreciating what he would have been seeing if his eyes hadn't already been clouded over with turmoil.

_Why was it he and Tim couldn't ever communicate the way he and Tony had?_ _It was something deeper than the fact that the two of his agents had been such different people. No, this was more serious than that; he just couldn't put his finger on the problem for long enough to solve it or even understand where it was coming from._

It was no secret that Gibbs wasn't the nicest guy on the planet; or that his temperament left a lot to be desired at the best of times. But where Tony had been able to go with the flow and bounce back from whatever the boss had dished out; it was clearly not something that had worked as seamlessly with Tim. Nor was it something that could work from this point on; It wasn't that Tim was any less of a man. He was far from weak. Sure, he could handle being treated like the next guy; but there are limits and lines that shouldn't be crossed in terms of how people are treated by others and those lines were more defined with him.

* * *

"_Ziva. I don't usually like to leave such messages but since it is important that you have as much notice as possible to think about this before you decide, I shall make this exception. Timothy has asked me to invite you to come after dinner this evening for the chance to talk with him. He's most anxious to set things right with you, if you are willing. We will be eating dinner at 6, so please do feel free to come at 7. "_

Ducky pocketed his phone after leaving Ziva the message, and headed out to check on Jethro. He was disturbed to see his friend looking so troubled and weary and wanted nothing more than to take his friends pain and sooth the obvious hurt he was feeling. The M.E. took in the stoop of his shoulders and frowned deeply at the painful looking bunched muscles.

"Jethro? I do believe I understand what is going on between you and young Timothy. I dare say, you are both getting buried under fresh mounds of guilt and pain and it is most unnecessary."

Gibbs schooled his thoughts and emotions before turning around to silently await Ducky's forthcoming explanation. He wasn't disappointed.

"I overheard Timothy speaking to his Doctor directly after you came out here. The young man is quite upset with himself for what he perceives to be some wrong doing that he has done to you."

"Not his fault, Duck." Gibbs said with a heavy heart. He knew Tim was hurting and he was pretty much out of ideas as to how he could help the young man.

"Yes, well, Timothy is quite distraught at the idea of having hurt you; to the point of choosing to no longer open up himself so that you are no longer subjected to what he feels is unwarranted pain on his account."

"Oh, for God's …." Gibbs stood and started to pace the decking.

"Jethro!"

"Ducky, I know damn well that I only have myself to blame for him worrying that this is gonna get thrown back in his face if he comes back to the team!"

"Yes, well, apparently, the two of you must find some way to resolve this vicious circle you seem to be caught in."

Before Gibbs could answer the M.E., his phone rang and he hastily answered it. "Yeah. Gibbs." "Yeah. Okay. Be right there." Snapping his phone shut, Gibbs looked at Ducky. "Gotta run out, Duck. I'll be back later. Don't let this beat him down Duck. You know how he'll let it eat him alive."

"He's asleep right now, Jethro and I shall endeavor to see to it that he sleeps for at least the next two hours. We'll be fine."

"Thanks. Duck." Gibbs handed Ducky his empty coffee mug and walked away towards his car.

* * *

Gibbs returned to Ducky's three hours later. He was feeling better about being able to handle what needed to be done and knew what Tim could gain from it. That thought left him feeling lighter than he had when he'd left. He was greeted by his friend as he walked into the kitchen and noticed that the M.E. was plating up what appeared to be a late lunch for the patient upstairs.

"Hey, Duck. That for Tim?"

"Yes, Jethro. I was just about to take it to him. I think I may need to wake him though which is a shame but whilst his body still needs the rest, he hasn't eaten since earlier this morning."

"I got it, Duck. I need to talk to him, anyway." Gibbs took the tray from Ducky and headed upstairs towards his surrogate son.

He entered the bedroom but stopped just short of the door to watch Tim sleep. He looked so childlike and innocent in slumber and it tugged at Gibbs' heart when he thought of the pain and suffering that the young man had endured over the past few weeks. He forced himself to pull his mind back to the present and quietly made his way over to the nightstand so he could put down the tray of food. With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the bed and was thankful that there was plenty of room for him to sit comfortably without accidently jostling Tim seeing as the kid seemed to favor sleeping in the middle. Gibbs frowned when Tim moved and winced slightly; he knew the gunshot wounds were still causing him pain periodically and shifted gently where he sat because he didn't want to be the cause of making them worse for him.

Tim's eyes popped open as if he sensed he was no longer alone; He seemed disorientated and confused but his gaze seemed to automatically gravitate toward Gibbs'. Once the deep pools of green finally fixed on his face, Gibbs was struck by the sheer magnitude of fear, pain and guilt that resided in those deep pools of green; he was disappointed when Tim seemed to be ashamed of allowing his emotions to show so openly and looked away quickly before he was betrayed any further by his emotions. The older agent knew at that moment, that this situation needed to be reined in.

"Hey. How you feelin?" he asked with open and calm concern.

"Okay." Tim's quiet answer was loaded with worry; apprehension and….wait, was that _fear. Tim was scared of him?_ Gibbs felt his eyes well up slightly at the various emotions that he detected and managed to push them back enough to sort this out.

"That's good. C'mon, sit up. You need to eat or else Duck's gonna skins us both." Gibbs saw Tim's shoulders tense slightly "And then, we need to talk about what's goin' on because we need to fix this."

Tim gingerly sat up and settled back against the head board. Gibbs shook his head and grasped Tim's shoulder to gently pull him forward slightly; the young man resisted slightly before allowing himself to be manipulated enough for Gibbs to rearrange the pillows behind him so he had enough support to sit comfortably without his muscles or his neck protesting. Once he was settled back, Gibbs handed him the sandwich and watched as Tim started to pick at it aimlessly. It was obvious that he wasn't hungry so the older agent took the sandwich from him and passed him the glass of milk and silently encouraged him to drink. Tim did as he was told but felt the milk settle in his stomach like liquid lead, leaving him feeling bloated and nauseous.

"Tim. I need you to listen to me, all right?" Gibbs encouraged.

"Yes. Sir." was the meek and skittish reply borne of the deepest respect and fear alike.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes, knowing that Tim only reverted to the 'Sir' when he felt extremely threatened or guilty. Hearing that word twisted his gut as he watched his surrogate son begin to fall apart from the inside out. In the most calming and comforting way he could think of, the older man placed his hand on Tim's shoulder and held onto him as he spoke to him gently; father to son.

"Tim, look at me."

It was the concerned tone and punctuated the use of his first name that managed to once again break through the defensive wall Tim was desperately trying to quickly put back up. It had been in rubble when Tim woke up and realized that Gibbs was there, but he'd needed it rebuilt between them in hope of warding off the pain and disappointment that this conversation would no doubt, leave him feeling; or worse, what Gibbs would surely fire his way. Swallowing hard, he did as he was asked, and raised his eyes to look Gibbs square on. He was surprised when he found; not anger, disappointment and a judgment that he just couldn't cope with, but compassion and hope. He was so sure he'd find anger and judgment for continuing to be so ill-at ease around him, that the kind, sympathetic look that his ex-boss gave him shook him down to the core.

"You need to stop feeling guilty for letting me in on what you need me to understand. No matter what I think or feel about it." The boss encouraged gently. He'd had an enlightening three hours to understand exactly what he needed to do and he had no intention of screwing this up.

Worry and doubt were long-time residents who hated to give up their place inside the warmth proximity to Tim's heart. But, with the encouraging yet authoritative tone, as well as the actual words themselves backed up by the concern and conviction within those steady cobalt blue beams of security and trust; both negative emotions bled out, leaving room for trust to move in slowly. Tim knew that the boss' eyes betrayed his emotions as much as his own did and he saw everything he needed to see as he searched for the proof that his trust hadn't been misplaced; that everything he'd hoped was real and was just waiting for him to believe it and accept it.

"I'll try." Tim finally said as he began to shed the stumbling blocks of responsibility that he'd been carrying on his slender shoulders.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Tim reinforced this with a nod of his head and sighed heavily.

"Good. Think you can tell me what it is you need me to do to make you completely comfortable coming back to my team?"

Tim looked at him in shock and something that Gibbs could only describe as mild horror.

"I know. This isn't 'me' but neither is losing you off my team. Losing Tony is hard enough but losing you too is unacceptable for any of us and damn unfair to you."

"Boss, I…"

"Need to tell me whatever it is that's holding you back. There's something stopping you from thinking this will work out. Tim, I want to know what's bothering you about it; about me, let me in, Please?"

Tim stopped and took a long, hard look at Gibbs as he tried to comprehend Gibbs' plea and what it meant. If he was to be honest with himself, Tim would have to admit that it meant that Tim finally mattered and merited this man's attention and that this was everything that Tim had not only always wanted but had needed as well. Well here it was being handed to him on a silver platter and it meant Gibbs wanted to get to know him better and build on their working relationship. What it meant, was that Tim could consider coming back and give it the thought that he had so desperately wanted to. For the first time in a while, Tim smiled. Not the hollow empty one that he had adopted recently, but one that reached his eyes and finally allowed him to open the door to his barest soul and let Gibbs see who he really was.

* * *

Ducky sat in the kitchen lost in thought when his cell phone rang. He picked it up and answered it with a sigh. "Doctor Mallard speaking."

"_Hello Ducky. I got your message and I would be happy to come over and talk to McGee. Are you certain this is what he wishes?"_

"Oh, Ziva. I am so pleased that you called me back. Yes, my dear. He asked me to invite you over so that the two of you could talk and work at getting your friendship back on track. He was most insistent that his next step of recovery is to reconcile with you."

"_Ducky, I fear he will not be able to forgive me once he sees me and is reminded of things that have transpired."_

"Nonsense, Ziva. He is equally as sure that you will not be able to forgive him; but he is willing to take the first step; and try."

"_All right. I will be there at 7:00. And Ducky. Thank you."_

"You're quite welcome, Ziva."

* * *

"All we can do is try, Tim" Gibbs said as they drew their talk to a close; Tim had aired his fears about returning to NCIS and had told Gibbs that every time he thought about going back to his team, he would find himself worrying that he wouldn't be accepted anymore; among other things that he'd needed to hear from the boss on.

"Thank you." Tim's solomn tone gave evidence to what his frame of mind had been.

Gibbs was thankful he'd been able to get him to open up and sent up a silent prayer of thanks for the three hours he'd spent earlier that morning doing something he'd sworn off years ago; talking to a shrink. When Tim's doctor had called and requested that he come talk to him, he'd felt apprehension when the Doctor explained how he'd freed up a block of time for him and that It was for Tim's sake and necessary to help in his recovery; the boss hadn't even thought about it and had simply agreed to it and gotten himself there quickly.

Seeing the end results of listening to what he'd been advised and what he'd learned about his agent, left Gibbs with a newfound respect for shrinks and their ability to help people. Tim had been driven to need the help, yet had taken remarkably huge steps for himself as well. No one was more proud of him than Gibbs. Following on even more of the good doctor's advice, Gibbs dug into getting used to being more verbal with what he was thinking and feeling.

"I'm proud of you, Tim." Gibbs told him with conviction.

"Boss?" The confusion on Tim's face was palpable.

"You've come a long way in the last two weeks. You haven't once tried to just give up again no matter what's been thrown at you."

"Wanted to." Tim admitted guiltily without even thinking about it. Somehow, having had this chance to open up to Gibbs made it almost automatic now.

"Still want to?" Gibbs asked him with concern. They'd gotten this far and Gibbs didn't want Tim to go backwards in his recovery or in his willingness to talk to him openly.

"No, not anymore, Boss." Tim promised as he looked at him to show that he meant it.

"Wanna tell me what triggers it so we can avoid it or better yet, so we can deal with it?" the boss asked seriously.

""It's stupid." the young man admitted self depreciatingly.

"McGee! Would you cut yourself some slack?" Gibbs' adopted his usual irritated tone deliberately.

"Okay." Tim smiled at the familiarity of the authoritative and irritated tone.

"All right. After dinner, you're gonna explain what triggers the feelings of wanting to give up." Gibbs' earnest request was said in such a way to let Tim know that he seriously wanted to hear the young man out.

"Okay. Thanks Boss. For everything." Tim's cooperative response was music to Gibbs' ears. With no more sign of the reluctance or fear that had plagued Tim until now, there was hope that things would get better from here on in.

"Good. Now, Let's go to dinner. I'm sure Ducky's wondering where we are." His tone was light and Tim almost smiled at Gibbs' attempt to get things back on the normal, even keel.

"I asked him to call Ziva for me. I'm hoping she'll come talk to me tonight." Tim's quiet admittance was something the older man was happy to hear; maybe things were getting better after all.

"You lookin' to apologise for how she reacted?" Gibbs asked knowingly.

"Boss, I…" Tim was hesitant to admit the boss was right, knowing that Gibbs wouldn't approve of the way he was thinking.

"Are not responsible. Don't forget that." The reinforcement of his shrink's words was something that Tim needed to hear and the simple statement drew another smile out of the younger man.

"I won't. Thanks, Boss."


	41. Chapter 41

_A/N: We apologise for the dela__y._

_Might wanna bring along the tissues._

* * *

Dinner was blessedly relaxed and Tim finally felt free to just be himself without the fear that someone would misinterpret his actions or take his words and twist them back upon themselves so that they were used to blame him. He was finally able to simply let loose and it felt wonderful. It was as if Atlas had stepped back up to the plate and lifted the world off Tim's shoulders to take the strain himself once again. In a strange kind of way, it was liberating.

The conversation between the three of them was easy and comfortable as they talked of the little things like the weather as well as big topics like bringing Jethro home and what Tim would like to do for a place to live. Tim had felt his heart soar at the mention of seeing his beloved German Shepherd. It was a high that he couldn't be dragged down off, not even when the topics were at times heavy. They weren't oppressive though, and Tim didn't feel the suffocating weight of the subject matter as they discussed them between themselves; no, there was only relaxation, meaningful conversation and helpful advice to guide him while he made the decisions that needed to be made or, at the very least, chose to think about them for a while. It was the best meal Tim McGee had ever eaten since joining NCIS six years before.

After dinner, Tim excused himself for a shower while Ducky and Gibbs talked quietly about how things were going for their patient. They were both very pleased with his progress and quietly vowed to keep things on track so that Tim could push further and further forward in his recovery. Gibbs wondered what other hurdles the young man would clear before the night was over; knowing Tim wouldn't stop moving on with his progress now; he'd seen too much good come from keeping forward.

Ziva arrived right on time feeling nervous about the coming conversation with Tim. Although she still kept her emotions wrapped firmly under control; Gibbs found he could still read her like a book and could see the cracks of worry that were threatening to fly apart.

"Ahh Ziva. It's good to see you, my dear. How are you?" Ducky held out his arms and waited for her to return the hug. The M.E. was more than relieved when Ziva stepped into his embrace and was pleased to be able to offer her comfort by trying to soothe her nerves.

"I am fine, Ducky. Gibbs." She offered her boss a short nod.

"Alright?"

"Yes, Gibbs. I am…." Ziva sighed heavily "I am apprehensive. I do not know what to say to McGee."

"It'll come." Gibbs stepped aside and let Ducky guide Ziva to the living room. Once she was sitting in one of the armchairs, he retreated to the front porch to think.

"Jethro." Gibbs jumped at Ducky's voice behind him. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard his old friend come out to him with the obvious need to talk about something.

"Jethro, would you be so kind as to go and check on Abigail, please? Ziva mentioned that our dear, wayward child had disappeared from the building today and has not been seen or heard from since."

"Wait. Abby went to work today?"

"Apparently so, Jethro." Ducky sighed and shook his head "I worry about them my friend."

"So do I, Duck. They're not our kids but they sure as hell know how to get to ya." Gibbs couldn't help the small rueful smile that tugged at his lips.

"Quite. I wonder what Abigail is doing. Do you think she is alright?" He glanced over at Gibbs and watched the play of emotions that ran over his friend's face.

"Yeah. Okay, I'll go check on her. You got this?" Gibbs asked as he flicked his hand in the direction of the living room where Ziva had gone to wait patiently for Tim to join her.

"Of course. Ziva and Timothy will be fine. This conversation is long overdue and will do them both good." Ducky's confidence was almost infectious but still didn't manage to alleviate that little spark of trepidation Gibbs felt.

"Duck, you do know that it might not go the way we want it too, right? Just because she's here, doesn't mean it'll work out peacefully. Tim's had a rough enough time of it; Ziva too, but …" Gibbs' ramblings left Ducky feeling slightly amused and he couldn't help but interject.

"Jethro, relax. Go see to Abby. These two shall be just fine."

"You call me if you need me back here."

"I will, Jethro. I will." The promise was heartfelt and left Gibbs feeling better about leaving them. He turned and walked to the door; throwing a tight smile at his friend as he left.

As Gibbs left for Abby's apartment, he still felt torn in half with the lingering nugget of worry that wouldn't go away. Every remaining member of his team was still trying to work through this nightmare whilst trying to offer each other the support that they so badly needed. Gibbs hoped this would get easier for them soon because moving forward would mean them pulling together as a team once again instead of being segregate in their grief. He had been driving automatically and was surprised to find himself pulling up to Abby's apartment almost before he'd realized it. As he sat there looking at the door, he felt a tug of concern for the girl that he had long ago, started to think of as his surrogate daughter. He though back to the time Abby had asked him that one, frightful question that had shattered his world.

"_Haven't I been a good daughter?"_

He shook his head and sighed heavily. With a deep frown creasing his brow, he couldn't help the whispered answer that slipped past his lips.

"Yeah, Abbs. You have and always will be." With that he stepped out and made his way to her apartment. He soon reached her front door and knocked lightly. He heard the telltale sounds that Abby was home and was thankful for the small mercies in life.

The sight of the distraught, emotionally drained Abby that answered the door, pulled at Gibb's heartstrings. He shook his head sadly and silently stepped through the door so he could envelope her in his arms. He stood there for a moment before pushing the door closed with his foot; not wanting to lose the moment of parental soothing that he was offering his girl.#

"Oh, Gibbs!" was all she could manage to choke out. She started to finally lose her tenuous hold on her tears.

"Sshh. It's okay, Abby. Calm down."

"I…I…can't..it…horrible…" The added comfort broke her and the fighting she had been doing over the loss of a few tears completely left her and she was left sobbing uncontrollably as she completely let go of her emotions.

Gibbs couldn't do anything but stand there holding the Goth as the emotional downpour rained down heavily into his shoulder. It took a good twenty minutes for Abby to calm herself down enough to gather the remaining tatters of strength she had left and finally pull away from the rock of support that Gibbs offered. She sniffed loudly and walked towards the box of tissues by the door.

"You alright, Abbs?" Abby blew her nose and shook her head sadly before withdrawing to the kitchen.

"Abbs, you wanna talk about it?" Abby turned her glassy, green eyes on him and nodded her head.

"I really, really do, but I don't know where to start."

"How about telling me what's got you so upset." Gibbs words washed over her and offered her the outlet that she needed. It wasn't long before Abby was telling him everything.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_All right! Everyone take your seat and listen up! I will only say this once so everyone needs to listen and listen well! I sent out a memo yesterday and every single one of you was supposed to read it carefully. I expect you all to take it extremely seriously. There is the slightest possibility that some of you have NOT read that memo; please read it now, while it's up here on the screen at the front of the room."_

_**********************  
__To: NCIS Staff  
From: Leon Vance  
BCC: Secretary of the Navy  
CC:_

_Subject: The Tragic Death of Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Jr._

_Attention: Staff Members_

_First, I wish to thank each and every one of you who paid their respects to the Late Agent DiNozzo, and his team, Agent Gibbs, Agent David, Ms. Scuito, Dr. Mallard and Mr. Jimmy Palmer. Your support has been much appreciated through this extremely difficult and painful time for them, for you, his coworkers, and for us, as an Agency. We value each and every one of you who works in the tight knit family that is NCIS_

_While I am sure that all of you have been made aware of the tragic situation surrounding Agent DiNozzo's death; there has been some controversy surrounding the facts of what took place in the warehouse on that fateful morning. Certain facts have recently come to light and need to be made public to all of you who work for the Agency and even to those who work hand in hand with us outside this agency._

_You, the personnel of NCIS are from this moment onward, are charged with the responsibility of reading these facts and accepting them. I would like to point out that they have been substantiated and are not speculation. _

_These recently uncovered facts; the evidence; which is classified and a closed part of the case during which Agent DiNozzo lost his life; has found Timothy McGee completely innocent of all allegations and ill-advisedly given statements to the contrary._

_Timothy McGee has been completely exonerated by not only NCIS, but the Secretary of the Navy, as well and his record has been purged of any and all responsibility for this tragedy._

_I repeat: TIMOTHY MCGEE HAS BEEN ABSOLVED OF ANY RESPONSIBILITY IN THE DEATH OF NCIS SPECIAL AGENT ANTHONY DINOZZO, JR._

_The Secretary of the Navy has requested that NCIS welcome Timothy back, with all privileges, honors and respect, his position and his tenure with the Agency had earned him prior to this devastating loss to his team._

_You are; each and every one of you; expected to respectfully welcome Timothy McGee back without even so much as a whisper of rumor, innuendo or malicious remark. Any such negative and undeserved remarks or rumors will be swiftly and thoroughly addressed to insure no further harm done to any agent or personnel in this Agency. Strict disciplinary action will be taken if anyone bullies or harasses any member of NCIS over what has happened. _

_Anyone harboring any malicious thoughts about this should come directly to me and I will personally help you deal with them._

_Please join the Secretary of the Navy and myself in hoping Timothy McGee agrees to come back to work with us. His experience, knowledge, personable nature and willingness to do whatever's asked of him, is an unmatchable asset to us._

_Should we be fortunate enough that he does return, I expect each and every one of you to do your best to welcome him back and ease his return with support for what he has been through and encouragement that he is indeed welcome back to the family of NCIS. I am certain that Special Agent Gibbs and Special Agent David will be more than happy to hear from anyone who is supportive of their teammate's return._

_If there is anything that you would like to discuss, then please don't hesitate to contact me via email or by appointment through my secretary._

_Respectfully:_

_NCIS Director Leon Vance_

"_Has everyone read this memo? I want each and every person who has read this memo and the warning of disciplinary action it contains for the actions described within it to stand. I'm looking around and I'm not seeing any empty spaces so that means every single person in this agency has now read, absorbed and knows that they are ordered to take it with the absolute seriousness that it deserves."_

"_Now, it has come to my attention that some of you; two in particular; have been spreading scuttlebutt; in public no less; with regard to this. That short-lived, public airing of your personal agenda was unprofessional; unacceptable; extremely damaging and completely inappropriate. Since the two guilty parties are present here for this meeting; no names will be given; but know this; this will NOT be tolerated!_

_Having said that; you are here, each and every one of you; to see the absolute truth for yourselves. There will be no room for argument on what the truth is after you have seen what we are about to show you. However, before we show this to you; you have one more order to follow. That order is as follows;_

_Under NO circumstances is what you see here to be discussed once you leave this room. Not with anyone; and most especially not with anyone you see in this tape that you are about to see. That order is non-negotiable and not a suggestion. I repeat; DO NOT DISCUSS WHAT YOU SEE HERE WITH ANYONE!_

_Now, having said that; every one of you will watch this. I will warn you it is graphic and it is hard to see. You are required to sit through it. Everyone single one of you needs to see the truth of what really happened so that there will never again be any questions or rumors or public remarks as there have been. Dim the lights."_

_Vance pointed the remote at the plasma, the video flickered up on the screen in front of his entire agency. The entire NCIS Agency watched in silence as Tony took the lead into the warehouse, leaving Tim with no option but to catch up in order to even attempt to provide cover for the Senior Field Agent._

_In vivid painful detail, the hard evidence played on; the exact moments when the agents were shot, Tony once, knocking him off his feet, and Tim into the line of fire, The shooter, in turn fired another shot directly at Tim, hitting him square in the chest. Tim fell, his hand still on the handle of his gun, managing to get a round off before crumpling to the ground._

_The tape played on, showing the desperate struggle Tim had gone through to get back on his feet and try to save Tony, despite his own injuries and very apparent pain. . Watching from this side, in hindsight; as Tim struggled to call first 911 and then Gibbs; hearing the young man's screaming at Tony not to die, and desperate pleas for them not to lose Tony. _

_Tim remained obsessed with Tony's survival and nothing else was even registering on his brain. That much was evident on the tape. Watching as the EMT's arrive; and as they struggled to get Tim to let them treat him; even as Gibbs and Ziva arrived on the scene, Seeing Gibbs go straight to Tony and not even concerning himself with Tim until the EMT had said something to him about his need for help. _

_The lights in the room stayed off after the tape was finished; and Abby, with tears pouring down her face, slipped out of the darkened room completely unnoticed._

_**End Flashback**_

"Aww Abbs! Vance told you not to go to that meeting for a damn good reason, none of us, not me, not Ducky, not Tim or Tony and not Ziva, wanted you to have to see that." Gibbs said sadly.

"It was…..i..ble.." Abby cried once again almost beside herself with fresh grief at what her guys had been through.

"Ssh. Abbs. I know." Gibbs hugged her to him and attempted to soothe her.

"I don't…..I wa…I can't bear it. Knowing what hap…pen..ed and then seeing….it was too…much." Gibbs was starting to worry as Abby tried desperately to draw in a breath through sobs.

"Abby? Damn it." He guided her to a chair and sat her down before pulling her head down between her legs "You gotta calm down. Do you think DiNozzo would want you to be like this."

Her breathing slowed down but she stayed hunched over in the chair.

"I saw him die."

"You shouldn't have seen that." Gibbs softened his voice to make it easier for her to deal with.

"But I did."

"Yeah, you did. You can't dwell on this because right now though because McGee needs us to be strong." Gibbs was rubbing circles on Abby's back.

"Oh God. Timmy. He was shot twice. Gibbs…"

"Hey! McGee's fine. Still a bit sore but he's gonna be alright." Abby finally looked at him with an expression that Gibbs found hard to read.

"You promise?"

"Yeah Abbs. I promise."

Abby threw herself at Gibbs and wrapped her arms around his neck. The two of them stayed like that for what seemed like hours and let the healing grief wash over the in waves.

"It's gonna be all right now, it really is. So long as we're all there for each other, it'll be all right"


	42. Chapter 42

_A/N: Please don't shoot us for the delay.  
__And please bring a tissue or two with you into this chapter_**_._**_**

* * *

**__**LAST TIME on FRACTURED RULES:**_

_Ziva arrived right on time feeling nervous about the coming conversation with Tim. Although she still kept her emotions wrapped firmly under control; Gibbs found he could still read her like a book and could see the cracks of worry that were threatening to fly apart._

_"Ahh Ziva. It's good to see you, my dear. How are you?" Ducky held out his arms and waited for her to return the hug. The M.E. was more than relieved when Ziva stepped into his embrace and was pleased to be able to offer her comfort by trying to soothe her nerves._

_"I am fine, Ducky. Gibbs." She offered her boss a short nod._

_"Alright?"_

_"Yes, Gibbs. I am…." Ziva sighed heavily "I am apprehensive. I do not know what to say to McGee."_

_"It'll come." Gibbs stepped aside and let Ducky guide Ziva to the living room. Once she was sitting in one of the armchairs, he retreated to the front porch to think_.

**AND NOW:**

Ziva's nerves seemed to leave her feeling jittery and she soon found that couldn't sit still as she waited for Tim to come down stairs. She sighed heavily and walked over to the picturesque window and settled for gazing out at the beautiful backyard that Ducky was so proud of and had often spoken so highly of. At that moment in time, she completely understood her old friend when he described its ability to soothe him in times of turmoil; something that she was desperately in need of right now. It wasn't the fact that she was nervous or worried about seeing Tim. No, it was the fact that she still missed Tony and loved him with all her heart, body and soul. She found a large piece of her heart empty; a huge cavernous void of nothingness that had once been filled by the man that had made that unbearable mistake that cost him his life. In short, she was lonely; she had friends; sure, but there was one part of her that still felt as though that chance of happiness had forever been torn away from her.

She stood watching the squirrels scamper playfully across the yard; she noticed the small birds that graced the landscape with their beauty and filled the air with their sweet songs even through the window panes and finally felt a sliver of peace settle over her. For the first time in what seemed an eternity, she felt the serenity of the moment wash over her. It warmed her heart slightly and helped to melt the ice that had formed there in recent weeks. She knew she had nothing to fear from Tim; unless you counted the possibility that he would refuse to forgive her behavior towards him, or her inability to remember the real Tim McGee in the midst of what had happened.

_Had she done that? If so, then why? Grief, pain, loss….Ahh loss; that was it. She had lost the opportunity to love; the chance to shine in a relationship where she could actually have been truly blessed. All in all, that summed up how she felt, but didn't excuse the way in which she acted_. She saw that now and had she realized it earlier then she never would have lost sight of Tim's devout unwillingness to let his teammates down in any way.

But, she understood that grief had a funny way of distorting what the mind recalls; no matter how long the picture's been in place. She could only hope that Tim wouldn't lose sight of that unfortunate truth either. She was currently living in hope that her friend would be able to forgive her and would be able to gloss over the part of her that was still wrapped up in bitterness with what she now felt, was Tony's duplicity and dishonesty; not to mention selfishness and recklessness. She wasn't sure if she would be able to cope if Tim refused to forgive her. She already felt betrayed in more than one way and prayed that they could at least, start to rebuild the bridge to their broken friendship.

"Ziva?" Tim was quiet and hesitant as he entered the room; something that showed in the saddened greeting he offered her. She was pulled from her musings and turned away from the scene she had been watching almost absently.

"Tim. It is nice to see you again. You are looking much better than the last time I saw you." Ziva offered him a small smile.

Tim didn't return the smile and with an uncertainty that seemed to cement his feet in place, he racked his brain to remember the last time he'd seen Ziva. He hadn't seen her since before this whole nightmare had started! _What was she talking about? He hadn't looked bad the night before he and Tony had gone to the warehouse. All right, Tony, you promised you'd be here to help me through this, where are you?_

Tim couldn't help but grin nervously when he heard Tony's smart-ass answer to the thought that had just stampeded through his head.

"_Scaredy cat! What's the matter, you afraid she's gonna kill you with a paperclip? She's unarmed Probie, trust me, I checked." _

It was all Tim could do to keep from laughing at his friend's wisecrack. He busied himself with silently answering him and hoped Ziva hadn't seen the different emotions as they played across his face.

"_Thanks, Tony. I needed that."_

"_Yeah, I know. Now quit stalling, already!" _Tony's answer was the push he needed as he watched from where he hovered so he could keep talking quietly to Tim without getting in the way or being seen by Ziva. He was here to help, not turn the attention on to himself.

"Are you all right?" Ziva seemed concerned and watched Tim closely as he seemed to struggle with something. Tim soon pulled his focus back round to her and she saw him give a small nod.

"I'm okay, Ziva. How about you? How are you doing?" Tim switched to being completely serious in a split second and was longer even thinking about Tony.

"I am okay, McGee. I will admit it has been difficult. But…..but, I am okay." Her voice broke slightly and Tim found himself fighting the urge to wrap his arms around her. He knew she was hurting and that there was more there than just grief; but, at this moment in time, he had to play it slightly cool so he could test the water. He glanced down at the floor and decided that it was time to lay his cards on the table.

"Ziva, I know this is a lot to ask. But, do you think it's possible for you to forgive me?" _There, he'd done it! He'd jumped in with both feet and mentally prepared himself to simply embrace whatever was thrown at his delicate ability to deal with what was coming next_. Ziva face was filled with something that he couldn't read and he was surprised to hear the incredulous tone that she adopted.

"McGee…..Tim, you seek my forgiveness? I am afraid I do not understand."

"Can we sit down, please?' Tim's legs suddenly felt weak and he knew that it wouldn't be long before they buckled beneath his weight. It was the last thing he needed right now and cursed his still healing body for threatening to get in the way of this long overdue talk.

"Oh McGee, I am sorry. Yes, certainly, I know you are still recovering. I should not have…"

"Ziva, it's okay. Really. I'm alright, just need to sit for a little while." Tim hated the guilt that laced her voice and wanted to reassure her. He hoped that his words would douse that fire of tremulous guilt that she felt and took a seat on the couch. He nodded to the empty space at the side of him to let her know that there was plenty of room for her to sit as well.

"Thank you." Ziva looked him square in the eyes and offered him a rueful smile as she as she sat down next to him so they could talk without having to raise the volume above a soothing level; Her nerves simply couldn't handle anything else. "And thank you for asking me to come over so we could talk."

"I'm sorry I wasn't ready to do it sooner, Ziva. It wasn't you. It was me." Tim's apology played on Ziva's mind and left her reeling with confusion.

She still wanted to know exactly why he had asked for her forgiveness and now wondered about this apology, but settled for tackling one question at a time. "I still do not understand why you feel you need my forgiveness."

"Ziva, I know how much you loved Tony. Okay, maybe I don't know _exactly_ how much but I do know that you loved him, a lot." Tim left it there; unwilling to twist the knife in any further. His words had to be re-opening wound for her and as much as he wanted to spare her from hurting anymore; there was no way around it. They had to get everything out in the open in order for them to start afresh and repair their friendship; He just hoped she could forgive him once the throbbing on her wound had subsided.

_Probably not. She'll probably leave here hating me for sure now._ Tim thought to himself with a self-directed anger that threatened to spill over.

"_You're stressing this too much, Probie. Hear her out before you get all pissed at yourself. Come on man, you can do this."_

Tony's calm advice soothed Tim's nerves and he sent Tony a silent word of thanks for the encouragement and support that he needed right now. It was something that he grabbed onto and found himself drawing strength from the fact that his lost friend was urging him on.

He looked up at Ziva with hope in his eyes; he needed her to realize that he knew where most of her grief laid and wanted nothing more than for her to take the carrot he was dangling and talk about her feelings. Had left the door wide open and waited patiently for her to seize the opportunity.

"McGee. I am sorry. Losing Tony in the way that we did left me blind to something very important; I lost my focus and forgot who you are on the inside. I remember now, that you would never allow any of us to get hurt, it you could prevent it."

"You were grieving, Ziva. You couldn't help how you felt. None of us could. It's pretty hard to control our feelings, even now, isn't it?" Tim's voice wavered slightly.

"Yes….It is. You said you know I loved him." She waited for Tim to nod "I did. With all my heart; in a way, I've always loved him. Even when he killed Michael by accident. I feel so lonely and resent him for leaving me, Tim"

Tim reached out and grasped her hand.

"What for?"

"For everything. I do not know what to do and cannot help these feelings. I resent him for making that decision to go into that stupid building in that way; I resent him for leaving me…us; most of all I resent the fact that I have lost the one thing that seemed right in my life."

"He wasn't the only thing that's right in your life, Ziva." Tim felt his heart breaking that little bit more at her admissions. Not for him this time, but for her. He had no idea why she was opening up to him but he would let her talk and get it off her chest anyway.

"I know. It was so easy."

"What was easy, Ziva?"

"Blaming you. I could direct my anger and grief at someone and I do not like the fact that it was so easy to do. I could not get away from the resentment that I felt and now I resent Tony; the one person that I will not…" Ziva trailed off and used her free hand to swipe at the tears that threatened to fall.

"Get the opportunity to tell him how you feel."

Ziva nodded.

"He knows."

Ziva's eyes widened at the confirmation that she needed. She knew Tony knew and that he felt the same way, but hearing it from someone else drove the truth home.

"He does and that is why it hurts. There is something missing from here." She tapped her heart "I am incomplete."

"You are now, but it won't always be like that. Ziva, I was broken; I'll admit it. I still am. But I'm moving forward and know that it's the only way that I can go."

"Broken?"

"Tony literally stopped me from putting a bullet in my head. I would have done it, I mean, what the hell did I have to live for?" Tim's eyes glazed slightly.

"Everything, Tim. You have everything to live for."

"_Now_, I do."

"It is hard, yes?"

"Yeah.

"And how do you feel now, McGee?" she asked him cautiously as she gently steered the conversation back to him.

Taking a deep shaky breath, Tim slowly let it out before he looked at her and answered her truthfully. "I feel like I'm ready to do whatever I have to, so this stops being about me and goes back to being about the team."

"And do you include yourself when you say the team?" Ziva already knew the answer but needed to hear him say it out loud.

"No."

"Then, I do not understand what you mean by 'the team'."

"I mean, you, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky and Palmer. " Tim really didn't think he deserved to be a part of that and purposely kept his name off of the list. Not only that, he had yet figured out how to get past the remaining stumbling blocks standing in his way.

"You have closed yourself off to the idea of returning to our team? McGee, please…."

"No. It's not that, Ziva. I just…I haven't admitted this to anyone else yet, but I don't think I can go back there." It was a decision that he had been mulling about in his mind for a day or so. It wouldn't have been so bad if he'd hated the job, but the fact that he loved it made the agonizing decision a bitter pill to swallow.

"I understand. That is what we are talking about, yes? You returning to the team?"

"The team's not the problem, Ziva. It's…" Tim got to his feet, suddenly unable to look her in the eye as he exposed his vulnerability; his weakness. _What kind of agent was he that he didn't have the stomach to return to the squad room because he couldn't face Tony's empty desk?_ He hadn't even been able to reveal this piece of himself to Gibbs earlier and didn't know why he was telling Ziva now.

_The man had asked what triggered his feelings of wanting to give up; what would his reaction be when he learned that this was one of those triggers? Kate's empty desk and the mourning that he'd hidden deep down because he had been so wrapped up in his own guilt at surviving….Survivors guilt; that's what the shrink had called it. It seemed to be a recurring theme with him; one that the therapist had been trying to stamp out of him. After all, why should he live when the people he cared about were dying? _

He thought back to Kate's empty desk and remembered Gibbs exiling Ziva to the one just outside of the team area because the man couldn't bear to see someone else sitting there_. Tim felt the same way at the moment and didn't want to put himself in the position of seeing another empty desk….of seeing Tony's empty desk._

"It is what, Tim?" Ziva asked at his shoulder. She'd moved to his side to stand with him in a show of strength and support. She had found herself with the urge to soothe his obvious emotional upheaval and did the only thing she knew how.

"How did you do it, Ziva?" Ziva glanced sideways at him with a confused frown on her face.

"Do what? I am sorry, I do not understand."

"You've been back to work right? Since that day?" Tim's question was practically whispered and the fight to keep the tears locked away made his voice shake.

"Yes. I have been back at work for a week now."

"How did you do it? How do you keep doing it?" Tim was close to losing the battle as the tears threatened to spill over.

"Do what, McGee? Please, tell me what this is about." She moved to face him and placed her small hands on his cheeks. "I do not understand."

"I don't think I can do it again." She felt the moist dampness as two tears rolled down his cheek. They were stopped by her fingertips and she found herself reaching up to wipe them away before moving her hands back to cup his face.

"Do what again?"

"Face another empty desk, one that shouldn't be empty." The tears flowed freely; it was if the dam had finally broken as they flooded down his face. "I can't Ziva; I just can't do it anymore."

"McGee. You need to stop letting this eat away at you like this. Tony is gone and it is his own fault that it is so!" Ziva bit out with the rising anger. She was feeling more and more vengeful at Tony now that she was seeing the torment Tim was still going through, first hand.

"I spent so long playing along to protect him. I….I started to believe it myself. I still do! I should have been able to stop him; I should have been abl….."

"Enough! McGee...Tim. Stop, please stop. I will not be able to do this alone and I am sorry for everything that has happened. I need you to be strong for the both of us right now." Ziva lost the grip she had on her own tears.

"How? He shouldn't be dead, Ziva. He should be here with us now." Tim's emotions were raw and it was obvious that these harbored feelings ran deep.

"Yes, he should. But he should also have waited for the back up to arrive. It was him, Tim. Tony got himself killed and very nearly took you with him."

Tim heard the intake of ghostly breath as the words hit Tony like a mac truck.

"Don't put that on him, Ziva. Please, don't play the blame game." Tim's knees finally buckled and if it wasn't for Ziva, he would have tumbled to the ground. She lowered him down and wrapped him up in a tight embrace.

"That goes for you also. You know that, so why do you continue to do this to yourself?"

"I can't let go….I just…..I can't."

"Yes you can, Tim. Please, for me." Ziva's plea was heartfelt but Tim could only continue to sob.

"For me?" She tried again.

"Ziva….." She held on tight and sobbed with Tim as she knelt on the floor rocking him gently. It was something that they both needed; something that they both had to do in order to move forward and so, they cried as their grief was finally; at long last, shared

"It's alright, Tim. Shhh, It's alright. I will not abandon our friendship again."

"Promise?" Tim's muffled voice shook slightly as his head rested on her shoulder.

"I promise, McGee. I promise."


	43. Chapter 43

_A/N: Okay, folks, we're near the end of our long and difficult journey._  
_Tissues may be needed here._

_Shelbylou, - Thank you for all your hard work and awesomeness! Couldn't have done this story without you!_

* * *

Ducky stood at the door and looked in at Tim and Ziva kneeling on the floor sobbing in each other's arms; he had never before struggled to stay out of his loved ones emotional breakdowns and as their heartfelt words turned to the torrents of tears that he was seeing now, he had to stop himself from moving in and wrapping his arms around them to soothe away their pain. He held back though, because even he had to admit that both of these wonderful young people needed this and what's more; needed it to be just between the two of them. He had known since Ziva arrived that the bridge of their specially bonded friendship could only be fixed by their own hands and hoped that their newly rebuilt solidarity in the face of their grief stricken tears would help them along on their healing journey; the one that would hopefully mend their broken hearts.

Ducky gave them one last glance and turned back to walk into the kitchen; all of a sudden he felt like an intruder and didn't want them to both look up and see him watching them with a look of deep rooted sympathy he knew had to be written all over his face. He set about quietly setting up a tray of snacks and took two bottles of water out of the fridge; it was a given that they would soon need some kind of refreshments once they managed to regain control of their emotions, however long that took. The M.E. stood back and looked at the tray before wisely going to sit on the front porch to drink his tea and take in the peaceful serenity of his garden. He glanced up at the sky and smiled ruefully.

"Well, Mother. I hope you will take care of Anthony and the others. I will do what I can for the ones I am still blessed to count among the living down here, but I am afraid there is nothing I can do for my children on your side of the fence." Ducky often talked to his mother and even now took solace in the knowledge that he knew the kindly woman had heard him.

"_For you, my dear, dear, Donald._ _I will take good care of them." _Victoria's voice whispered on the wind and made Ducky feel more at ease about what was to come. Two roses dropped at his feet and Ducky felt his eyes well up; two roses lay on the decking with their stems crossed.

"Ahh, Mother. A red and a white rose together means unity, something that you taught me a long time ago. This truly means more than you can ever know."

"_I love you, Donald. Don't forget that my dear, sweet boy." _The whisper on the breeze was for his ears only and he bent down to pick up the roses.

"I love you too. Oh how I miss you, but know that I will see you again. Is this a goodbye?"

"_Never goodbye. I am always with you." _With that the breeze died down leaving Ducky sitting on the bench with tears shining in his eyes. He glanced at the roses and placed them gently on the table ready to put in a vase when he went back inside.

He sat back in his chair and soaked up this little piece of solitude before picking up his tea and inhaling the fresh smell of bergamot. He was feeling relaxed in the knowledge that, for now, his surrogate family were helping each other in some way or another by supporting each other through each painful step so that they could finally move forward with their lives. Even Palmer, who was currently with his family for the weekend, was beginning to pick up the remnants of joy for his life and use this new found determination to get through his days. It had been a slow progress though and Ducky knew that it would still take time to finally be able to look back and remember the fallen with a joyous grace that celebrated the wonderful people they were; but, despite the length of time it would take to fill the voids left in their hearts, the recent signs that things were looking up had been uplifting to see.

* * *

Abby finally ran out of tears and the last vestiges of energy that she had held onto drained out of her leaving her feeling exhausted and completely full of sorrow. She rested bonelessly against Gibbs' supportive shoulder as she tried to draw on the strength that he so willing offered but her body simply wouldn't co-operate. Gibbs was hit by the sheer exhaustion that she radiated and wanted nothing more than to take away her bone deep sadness that was refusing to lift. He felt useless; a feeling that he hated but he just wasn't' sure what to do with her after the day she'd had. One thing he was sure of was that she wasn't being left alone to wallow in the pain of all that she'd uncovered today. It had been a lot to take in; and all of it painful not just for her, but for those who were left trying to figure out how to help her move on from this.

"Abby, c'mon, get up and go take a shower. Pack an overnight bag and let's go. I'm taking you back to Ducky's because I want him to make sure you're all right."

"No, Gibbs. I can't…" Abby tried to protest but her weak pleas fell on deaf ears.

"Yes, Abbs, you can and you are. Ziva's already there and if everything goes right the two of you can help McGee focus on something besides this mess for a while." Gibbs laced his tone with an authoritative steel so she knew he meant business.

"After what I saw and heard today? I don't know if I can be that…normal." Abby was incredulous; _how did he expect her to face Tim when she couldn't what she'd seen and heard out of her mind?_

"Abby. Tim's been living it… _alone. _It's time for us to actually be there as a team, right now. We all saw the same tape the day we got it into evidence. Ziva Ducky and I have all had to get past it and now, so do you. You think it didn't hit any of _us_ as hard as it hit you?" Gibbs' frustration and pain for them all was palpable and he knew that the only way he could get Abby to push past this was to use the best tool he had; tough love.

"Oh, Gibbs!" Abby's voice was thick and apologetic.

"C'mon, get movin'. We leave in 15." The boss pushed with his normal way of changing the subject without argument.

"Alright! Alright!" Abby soon gave in with a smile and pushed herself up.

Gibbs couldn't help but lean over to kiss her on the cheek before she stood up. "That's my girl." he rewarded her as she headed off to her bedroom for a change of clothes and to pack her bag.

Fifteen minutes later, they were on their way back to Ducky's. The silence that filled the car was telling and thick with Gibbs silently hoping that things would only get better for his family from here; and full of Abby silently praying that she'd be able to be there for Tim and that she didn't let her friend in on her emotional crisis that she hadn't yet been able to fully sort through. It needed to be filed away so that she could move on but the new memories that infiltrated her mind were still too fresh.

* * *

Ziva managed to help Tim get back up off the floor and guided him to the closest chair; it was all he could managed as the bone crushing weariness set in. This much needed and long overdue talk between them; while successfully rebuilding the nearly severed bridge between them; had completely sapped his strength and energy and as much as he hated to admit it, he needed the physical support to move.

Tim hadn't anticipated laying himself so completely bare like that. He hadn't even seen it coming but once Ziva provided the kindness and compassion he had needed; once that had been offered, he found he couldn't stop. They shared both understanding and grief which had thrown the doors wide open and once he had started, he hadn't been able to control his feelings as they washed over him.

But, Tim was fed up with feeling completely weak and useless. He didn't want to be the source of everyone else's problems and worry anymore. _Enough already_, he silently screamed at himself. He refused to give in to this physical inclination to just let exhaustion take over so he could take the easy way out. No, Tim was done with that. And so, after only a few silent moments with Ziva sitting by in silent concern, he lumbered to his feet. Ziva was instantly by his side to help him, and together they shuffled into the kitchen where Tim sat down at the kitchen table and noticed the laden tray that had been set out for them.

"Looks like Ducky's been busy." Tim smiled at their "Uncle's" thoughtfulness. _God Bless the man! _He had done so much for Tim and had been the only person to actually realize that he needed the love and support throughout and for that, Tim was truly grateful.

"Ziva, could you do me a favor and go check on Ducky. You'll probably find him out on his front porch." Tim's request was quiet and respectful as it occurred to him that the older man may have witnessed some of the conversation between him and Ziva. If he was right; it was bound to have dredged up his own grief; a grief that, as far as Tim knew, had yet to be dealt with.

Tim remembered Ducky's pain when Kate had been taken from them; he remembered the fact that the M.E. chose to grieve quietly rather than let his pain add to theirs. It was the same now and Ducky had spent so much time looking after Tim and later, everyone else, that he hadn't given his own heart a chance to heal. The M.E. had done the same thing with his mother's passing.

It made Tim feel selfish and deeply sorry for putting him through everything that had happened and made him feel even more determined to repay the sheer level of kindness that had been shown. Now it was time to focus on Ducky and the others; there was no more need to focus on him anymore. He'd see to that.

"I will be happy to go check on him. I wish to thank him for making it possible for us to mend our friendship. Do you think he is okay?" Ziva asked gently.

"Yeah, I'm sure he is. I would just feel better if we checked." Tim put out a brave front, not wanting to worry her about it. He'd feel better about after they'd checked on Ducky, though.

Ziva reached over and kissed Tim on the cheek before heading out to find the M.E.

Tim enjoyed a couple of minutes of silence after Ziva left the room. It wasn't long, before his head was spinning with everything he'd just experienced, said and done while talking to Ziva. The first thing that popped into his head after his thoughts settled back down was how disappointed in him Tony must be.

"I'm so sorry, Tony. I know I let you down in there." Tim whispered. "Please don't leave me just yet."

"_How do you figure you let me down, Probie? You did what I asked you to do. You fixed things with Ziva; sure you went about it the hard way and knocked yourself back off your feet; but you let her help you back up. Kudos to you for that, man."_ Tony said as he sat opposite Tim at the table so that his friend could see him.

"Really?" Tim was looking at Tony with a curious look on his face. His question was full of doubt which made Tony shake his head.

"_Probie, don't you dare start second guessing yourself now. You've come too far; you've finally learned how to let the others help you so don't you dare backpedal now, you hear me? What you told Ziva? You need to work through that. We all had a hard time dealing with Kate's empty desk, but we got through it and that's why Ziva's still with us_." Tony paused slightly to let his words sink in_._

"_You remember when Ziva first started? You were the only one that actually made her feel welcome. I can't speak for everyone else, but I personally couldn't do that; I couldn't let go of Kate. That is just one of the reasons why she cares about you as much as she does."_ Tony felt the need to remind Tim to make sure he'd get the point.

"Yeah. I know this but…"

"_But, it's tough, I know. Probie, it'll probably be just the first of many tough things about moving on, c'mon, man, you know this. __**Do not**__ let the fact that you know it gonna hurt to see my empty desk be the crutch you use to not go back! **That** would be letting me down, Probie; because I know you're stronger than that!"_

"He's right, Tim." Gibbs voice came from the doorway where he stood as he leaned against the door frame watching both of his boys have another heart to heart talk. The boss was profoundly grateful to have come back in just in time to hear this conversation, beginning with Tim's newest or at least most recently revealed emotional roadblock. He knew Tim still struggled with opening up and this would have probably festered for a while, setting the young man back in terms of moving on from here.

"I know, Boss. I just…" Tim answered, taking the boss' sudden appearance in stride. He was grateful for the fact that he wouldn't need to have this conversation with him later and it was that relief that numbed him to the shock of having Gibbs' presence there suddenly.

"It's very hard, but it will get easier. Gonna take a long time, but it'll come."" Gibbs vowed with compassion.

"I don't want this to be about me anymore, but I can't help but realize it will be until I can stand on my own two feet without wavering, like this. So, maybe it's better that I don't go back to work." Tim admitted quietly, obviously unhappy with the decision he'd felt he'd needed to come to.

"Yeah?" Gibbs pushed him to verify exactly what it was he was admitting to; not wanting him to just be saying it on a moment of emotional recklessness that could impact the rest of his life.

"At least not yet." Tim amended thoughtfully; H_e loved his job at NCIS. But, would he ever be ready to face it again? _There was something nagging in the back of Tim's mind; something that he had long ago started to recognize as the fear of disappointing people; mostly Gibbs.

"It's your decision. No need to explain it, McGee. You don't have to justify how you feel" The boss' promise was sincere and had Tim silently thanking him with a small nod.

"_Don't even think it, Probie."_ Tony warned as if he could hear Tim's thoughts immediately taking him to the place of feeling that once again he'd given Gibbs a solid reason to be disappointed in him and have less respect for him.

_**Thawack**_

Tim grinned, despite the sting he now felt the need to rub out of the back of his head. "Ow, Boss, what was that for?" he asked through his grin.

"For thinkin' whatever it is Tony, here, seems to think you're thinkin'" Gibbs said with a smirk. The senior agent felt his heart lighten for a moment at the normality that this scene held; just him and his two boys.

Gibbs glanced up at Tony and frowned at the concerned expression on his lost agent's face. He knew the man too well and could tell that Tony was seeing a problem.

"_Was I right? You were already thinking that you admitting you're not ready to come back will have Boss Man disappointed in you?"_ Tony laid it out; not caring how embarrassed Tim felt about it. The former Senior Field Agent knew the problem he saw beneath the surface needed to be nipped in the bud now before it went full circle and became as huge as it had been before.

"That true, McGee?" Gibbs asked quietly.

"Yeah." Tim kept his eyes glued to the floor and felt his face flush as shame crept in.

"Well, then I guess you did earn that headslap, didn't ya?" Gibbs told him with a straight face.

Tim looked up at Gibbs and searched for the truth in those cobalt blue life preservers. After a silent minute, he found nothing except the same solid support that had been there since the man had literally caught him as he'd fallen on the floor back in his grandmother's cottage. Tony was right, that support wasn't going anywhere and at that moment, Tim _finally_ realized _and believed_ _with all his heart_ that he could trust in that truth.

"Yes, Sir." Tim answered quietly as he held his boss' gaze. He knew that the man would completely understand why he'd used the form of address he had; knew that Gibbs would not take it the less than flattering way he took it from most other people.

"Good. Abby and Ziva are out on the front porch keeping Ducky company. Whattaya say we go join 'em?" Gibbs turned the conversation round as his mind worked to process the soul searching he'd just witnessed in his younger agent, eyes. Tim had always had expressive eyes that usually gave him away no matter how hard he worked to internalize everything; this was no exception as he'd searched for the truth of just how solid this anchor was for him.

"Yeah, okay." Tim answered in quiet agreement.

"_Actually, Boss. Do you think you could get them to come inside?"_ Tony asked unexpectedly.

"What's going on, Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"You're leaving now." Tim couldn't explain it but he just knew that this was finally the goodbye that he had been dreading. Strangely enough, he felt ready to face up to the thing that had caused him so much pain but still couldn't hide the thick sadness in his tone or the tear that ran down his cheek.

"_Yeah, Probie. It's time."  
_


	44. Chapter 44

_WOW! We are very nearly there guys and We want to take this opportunity to thank you all for your kind words and support. you have been truly wonderful._

_What can we say, this has been an epic, emotional journey. There has been tears, heartache, pain and a lot of healing that needed to be done. We just hope, that this chapter gives you as much closure as it did our guys._

_Don't worry, there will be an epilogue so keep your eyes peeled for that, but we've finally, very nearly, reached the end._

_-Shelbylou_

****WARNING****

**TISSUES NEEDED**

* * *

Gibbs walked Tim to the living room so he could make sure that the exhaustion that the kid was feeling didn't cause him anymore problems; once he was settled, the senior agent left both his boys sitting side by side on the couch whilst he rounded up the rest of the family.

"You really going, Tony?" The sorrow that Tim felt was palpable and his voice shook slightly when he glanced over at his adopted big brother.

"_Sorry, man. I've outstayed my welcome here and between you and me….." _Tony broke off and looked over his shoulder; an action that drew a smile out of Tim "_Ducky's mom has been following me for a couple of hours now and it's starting to get a bit creepy."_

"_I'll give you creepy, young man. Just you wait." Victoria's voice boomed through the room making Tony flinch slightly with mock fear "How are you Timothy."_

"I'm doing better Ma'am." Tim was grinning from ear to ear at Tony's antics and felt the tension in the room lift slightly.

"_Good, that's good. Anthony, you have somewhere to be."_

"_I've just got something to take care of and I'll be right there." _Tony nodded to himself and both men felt Victoria's presence back away from the room.

"_I know where Ducky gets it from." _Tony snorted out a laugh when Tim actually laughed; it was the first time in ages and the sound was like phoenix song, strangely serene and healing.

"Yeah, you gotta love the Mallards. She means well, Tony."

"_I know, Probie and I overheard Ducky tellin' her to take care of us. They're good people, McGee; remember that."_

"I'm not likely to forget after everything Ducky's done for me. He's been the only on….." Tim was cut off by Gibbs leading Ducky, Ziva and Abby into the living room. He watched with trepidation as they all filed in and sat down.

It took them all a moment to get over the surprise of seeing Tony sitting there with Tim and the mood was somber as the realization dawned on them, that some difficult moments were staring them dead on; again.

Tony's intention had been for him to use this family meeting as a way of saying his goodbyes; he had pictured the scene in his mind and planned to simply fade out after telling them how much he loved them. He wasn't going far though, just far enough so that he was out of sight, but still close enough to be watching over them so that he could act as their guardian angel if need be. But, looking at them now, he could tell that at least one of them was not ready for him to go out in his final blaze of glory and it broke his heart to see the pure dejection in their eyes.

He didn't want to draw attention to the problem that he saw and so fazed out before moving invisibly over to them so he could whisper gently in the ear if the one he needed to help the most right now.

"_Come talk to me in the kitchen for a minute."_

Everyone settled back in their seats with grieved looks on their faces; they knew Tony hadn't gone permanently, but this short gap gave them all time to try and mentally prepare themselves for what was to come. Abby fidgeted slightly as everyone waited for Tony to re-appear before standing up and excusing herself.

"I'm gonna go get a glass of water, guys. Does anyone want one?" there was a collection rumble of 'No thanks' so Abby quietly walked to the kitchen for the brief heart to heart talk with her fallen big brother.

Tim watched her leave the room with abject concern written all over his face. He closed his eyes and silently counted to twenty before following her out of the room. He sent an apologetic look to everyone when he moved past them; one that he hoped would pacify their rising frustration at what had just happened. He heard voices as he neared the kitchen and stopped to listen in to what was being said.

"_Talk to me. Something's bothering you."_

"Tony, I can't…"

"_Yes, Abby, you can. You have to. It's written all over your face and it's not gonna help you or the rest of the team if you're keeping stuff from them."_

"You're right. I just don't know how to tell Tim." Abby's heartbroken voice travelled out to Tim and he wanted desperately to go in and hug her.

"_Tell him what, Abby?"_

"Tony, I saw the tape. I watched you die!" Abby said with a soft cry as tears once again filled her eyes. Tim moved forward into the doorway and felt his heart melt.

"Abby, you weren't supposed to see that. No one was." Tim felt his eyes fill with unshed tears at the sight of his pained friend; he felt nothing but pure anguish at the revelation and he felt his heart break at the pain that the tape had caused her.

"I know. But, I did and now, I…"

"C'mere." Tim stepped up to Abby and encompassed her in his warm embrace. He had her tightly cocooned as he put his hand on the back of her head to smooth her hair as she let it all out. Tim let his eyes drift over to Tony and silently begged him to help him figure out what to do.

"_You're doin just fine, Probie. Just go with your gut."_ Tony silently told him

After an endless block of time, Abby's tears finally ran dry. She pulled back from Tim's embrace and gave him a small, weak smile of thanks before turning to Tony and doing the same.

"Okay now?" Tim asked with concern.

Abby nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to add to what you're going through." Abby's guilt was building at causing Tim more pain.

"Abby, stop. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna get through this; all of us, together." Tim said; although if anyone had listened hard enough, they'd have heard the sliver of doubt that resided in his voice.

Abby was oblivious to the tremor in Tim's voice though and simply nodded before kissing his cheek. She moved over to Tony and kissed him the best she could before heading back to the living room.

Tim turned to the sink and gripped it so tight that his knuckles were almost translucent; his arms were stiff with tension and Tony could see the ripples of his biceps tensing under the sleeves of his t-shirt.

"_What, Probie?" _Tony asked in concern. Tim had come so far in opening up to people and now he seemed to be back to that place where he couldn't get something serious off his chest.

Tim silently shook his head and stood there in the grip of the numbness that had spread over him. He was totally unwilling to voice something that he couldn't put into words.

"_Probie, I've gotta go soon, you need to let me in here."_

"She's never gonna get those images outta her head, Tony. I still can't get them out of mine!" Tony flinched at Tim's admission and made his way over to stand next to his friend.

"_It'll be hard, but she'll get there. So will you." _Tony tried to soothe Tim; it was something that he had to do and desperately wanted his friend to stay where he was in his recover.

"Not the point, Tony. If I…"

"_Probie, don't even think it!"_

_**Thawack**_

"Ow!, What the… Boss?" Tim incredulous tone would have been hilarious under any circumstances, but these were far from normal and the situation couldn't have been any further from funny than it was at this moment in time.

"For thinking whatever it is Tony here, seems to think you're thinkin'!" Gibbs said seriously, only this time there was no accompanying grin. He had sensed the serious tone of this conversation as soon as he'd stepped into the room and could tell that Tim was closing himself off slightly once again. _What the hell is going on in here?_

"Again?" Tim asked in an aggrieved tone that despite the seriousness of the moment; was genuinely laughter inducing.

"Spill it!" Gibbs quietly ordered his younger agent as soon as the moment of laughter died off.

"I don't know…" Tim tried to back pedal in an effort to stave off the scrutinizing glares he was receiving.

"_He's trying to pick up the blame for Abby having to deal with seeing the tape, Boss."_ Tony did his part by ratting his little brother out; knowing that the cycle that he was stuck in needed nipping in the bud before it got any worse.

"That true?" Gibbs looked at Tim with the glare that the young man recognized as the 'don't you dare' stare. It was one that was guaranteed to wheedle information out of any one of the team.

"I wasn't sure if…"

"No. you **want** something to feel responsible for." Gibbs shot back with a touch of frustration.

Tim's shocked expression wasn't funny but it did give the boss the open door to finally give Tim something to do with his emotions rather than bowing down to the thoughts that had for too long run wild and taken him hostage.

"You **are** responsible; for letting go of Tony; for moving yourself forward and helping the girls move forward. How's that for responsibility? Enough of it for you to handle?"

Tim looked down with guilt and humiliation weighing heavily on him. He had no idea how to answer his boss and chose to stay silent.

"Is it?" Gibbs pushed; unwilling to let the young man wallow in the self-depreciating emotions filtering through his eyes right now.

"Yes." Tim's answer; when it came; was quiet and had enough guilt in it; that Gibbs knew there was still work to be done; but at least it was manageable and not raging out of control any longer.

"Good, now, let's get back in there so we can get this over with." Gibbs put his hand on Tim's shoulder to give him some support; he wasn't out to get Tim, but sometimes tough love was needed and the scene that he had just witness was a prime example of when he had to put his foot down to help his agent.

"_Thanks, Boss!"_ Tony said in a tone that spoke of a touch of hurt.

"You know what I mean, DiNozzo." Gibbs growled.

"_Yeah. Yeah, I do."_ Tony answered with complete seriousness.

Tony and Gibbs moved back into the living room and smiled at the expectant faces that greeted them. Gibbs noticed how every single person that sat around had automatically positioned themselves around Tim as if trying to protect him somehow; it was truly a sight to behold and so Gibbs sat in the chair opposite and glanced up at Tony.

"It's all yours Tony." Gibbs watched his oldest boy look down at him with a look of deep rooted sadness on his face and at that moment, Gibbs wanted to clamp his hand on Tony's shoulder to give him the support he needed and tell him how much he loved him.

"Ahh Jethro, we are not completely ready just yet. We phoned Mr. Palmer whilst we were outside and he is on his way over. He should…."

Ducky was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and before they knew it, a disheveled Jimmy Palmer was rushing into the living room.

"Did I miss him…Oh thank God. Tony, I'm sorry I had to waylay the Doctor and then…"

"Jimmy sit down!" Gibbs' patience was running thin and the look on Tim's face told him that the kid was already suffering because of the knowledge that this was Tony's farewell.

"_Yeah, Gremlin. Sit down. You made it and that's what matters. Hell, even if you didn't, do you really think I'd leave without saying goodbye?"_

"Well no but…I don't know ,Tony but thanks." Jimmy glanced down at his feet and shuffled slightly where he stood.

"Mr. Palmer, take a seat." Ducky signaled at the empty armchair and offered Jimmy a smile of encouragement as his assistant sunk gratefully into the comfortable cushions.

"_Okay. Guys, you know this is the most…..I can't believe I'm doing this." Tony paused and the group watched with heavy hearts as a ghostly tear trailed down Tony's face. "Sorry. Guess the emotions do carry over to the afterlife."_

Everyone chuckled slightly at the lighthearted attempt to lift the mood.

"_I love you guys and I know I never told you that when I was alive, but I do and always will. I could be a pain in the ass; I teased you all and I generally made your life hell. But you are and always will be my family and without you guys, I would never have made it as far as I did."_

Abby sniffled and wiped at the tears that rolled down her face. Tony cocked his head slightly and made his way over to kneel by his girl.

"_You, Miss Scuito, are the epitome of the love of life. No matter what your energy has always lifted out spirits. You're heart…." Tony placed his hand lightly over her heart. "Has always been kind and gentle….even if you did give me a farting hippo for a pillow."_

Abby laughed loudly at the memory of Tony lying down beside one of her lab fridges using Bert as a pillow. Every time he moved his head, the hippo farted loudly.

"But it was so funny, Tony and it was all I had at the time." Tony shook his head and laughed alongside Abby.

"_Don't ever change Abbs. You know, you are the little sister I always wanted. I gave up hope of getting one when I was teenager but then I started working at NCIS and there you were. Love you loads, Abbs."_

"I love you too, Tonyboy. Do you really have to go?" The last question was said so quietly that Tony had to strain to hear what was being said.

"_Sorry, Abb's. It's time." _Tony watched as Abby nodded her understanding and stood up to move over to Jimmy.

"_Jimmy Palmer. You have been a good friend. You know, you annoyed the hell outta me at first but you kinda grow on a man."_

"Er, Thanks…I think." Jimmy was looking at Tony with confusion written all over his face.

"_Easy there." Tony chuckled "Man, you've been one of the best friends a guy can have and I'm sorry for giving you hell all these years. I love ya man and my parting words to you are; don't let anyone give you crap. You deserve better than that." _Jimmy's eyes welled up "_That and keep hold of that woman of yours because she is hot!"_

"I don't think keeping hold of her is going to be a problem. I kind of….Well I…."

"_You what? Palmer, what are you keeping from us?" _Tony had a playful glint in his eye as he scrutinized his nervous friend.

"All this made me realize that life was too short and needed to be lived so…" Jimmy sighed in a steadying breath "I kind of asked her to marry me."

There was a collective gasp before the chorus of 'what', 'when' and 'what did she say' rang through the room.

"She kind of said yes." Everyone in the room felt their hearts melt at Jimmy's revelation "But, that's not what this is about. Tony, this is your show and we're not going to get to say goodbye again. Tony, I'm going to miss you and you would have been one of my best men if you were still….."

"_Alive? And one of them? Who's the other lucky guy?"_

"McGee." Tim's head shot up from where it was gazing down at the floor.

"Me? Jimmy, I don't know what to say."

"Yes?" Jimmy shrugged as he offered up his suggestion for an answer. Tim chuckled slightly and shook his head.

"I'll be honored but you sure you want an emotionally damaged, train wreck for a best man."

**Thwack**

"Ow….Boss!" Gibbs had moved behind Tim to deliver the obligatory head slap to the young man. Tim twisted round slightly and saw the amused glint in his boss' eye; it was highlighted by the slight grin on Gibbs' face and Tim knew exactly what needed to be said.

"I'd love to be your best man."

"_Congratulations. You deserve to be happy, just remember me in your speeches, alright?"_

"Always Tony." Tony smiled at his saddened friend and stood up to move over to where Gibbs had sat back down.

"_Boss. I don't know what to say. You've been more of a father to me than my own. You have no idea what that has meant over the years." Tony's expression changed and Gibbs saw the shadow of regret that often flickered in his lost agent's eyes every time his father was mentioned "I want to thank you, Boss. For everything….especially the head slaps."_

"I've always thought of you as a son, you know that right? Tony, I lost so much when Shannon and Kelly were…I never thought I'd be losing another kid." Gibbs did something so out of character that it made everyone in the room choke up with tears; He cried openly.

"_Losing? Ha! Boss, I can come back and haunt you if you really want me to. I'm sure they'll let me come down every now and then." _Tony winked at his boss and cringed as Victoria's voice boomed through the room.

"_Anthony DiNozzo, Junior. You know that only happens in special circumstances."_

"Mother, please…." Ducky groaned slightly at the intrusion.

"_Donald, it's my place to keep that boy in line now. I've taken him and the others under my wing."_There was a note of playfulness in Ducky's mother's voice that made the M.E. smile.

"My, dear boy, I do believe you have your very own guardian angel in the form of my mother."

"_I wouldn't have it any other way, Ducky." _Tony smiled at his old friend and turned back to Gibbs _"Boss, you have taught me so much and I'm sorry that one moment of …..stupidity for lack of a better word, has caused you so much pain. I_ _never wanted to do that and hope that you'll never feel that again. I love you more than my own father and hope that one day you can forgive me for everything that has happened."_

Gibbs' tears were flowing silently down his face.

"I already have, Son. I've always loved you like my own and am real pleased that you knew that." Gibbs' looked directly in Tony's eyes and sighed heavily before continuing. "I'm gonna do something that I don't do often; and before you say it's a sign of weakness, I'll tell you exactly what I told Duck; it's not weakness between friends. I'm sorry. I failed you; all of you. And for that, I'm sorry."

"_You didn't fail us, Boss. You made us the people we are today and that's nothing to apologize for. You've helped us over the years and for that I'm grateful. Even if the head slaps hurt." _Gibbs chuckled slightly and sighed.

"I'm gonna miss you,DiNozzo."

"_Yeah, I'm going to miss you too….Dad." _Gibbs' head shot up and a fresh wave of tears assaulted the senior agent.

"Damn it, Tony." Gibbs wiped the tears off his face.

"_Sorry, Boss. Couldn't resist." _Tony stood up and offered Gibbs a smile of encouragement before moving over to Ducky.

"_Ducky, the grandfather I never had." _Tony was standing in front of the M.E. with his arms open wide and a huge grin on his face. "_You have been there for us no matter what crap we threw you way. You understood exactly what we needed and gave it to us without hesitation. You're a good man and will always hold a very special place in my heart. I wish I'd told you all how much I love you when I was alive, but I didn't and now all I can do is leave you with my love. I love ya, Ducky."_

"As I do you, my dear boy. I will miss you Anthony; you have caused me more than my fair share of headaches over the years with your antics, but you have been a true joy to know. I won't forget you." Ducky finally gave in the to tears that he had held back for so long and let them freely flow.

"_Oh my sweet, sweet,Donald. I wish I could offer you some comfort right now."_

"You just have, Mother. Please, I know I've asked you this already, but please take care of them all for me. Just until I get there."

"_It's not your time yet, Ducky, so I better not see you up there for a while." _Tony grinned at him and turned to Ziva.

"_My little Ninja chick." _Ziva smiled at the reference and felt her heart stammer slightly. "_I'm sorry, I should have made that move ages ago. I wanted to, you know."_

"Wanted to what? I am confused."

"_Ask you out. I've loved you for a long time now but didn't have the guts to act on it. That and the fact that the bossman might have put me through the wringer for ignoring rule 12."_

"Never date a co-worker? Since when have you been one for following the rules?" Ziva was being playful with Tony, but her words cut deep and stirred the guilt he felt in his gut.

"_Following the rules? I've been pretty slack with that one. I guess I never thought you'd be interested in me. I don't know why I didn't just grow a pair and talk to you."_

"I am as much at fault. I never told you…I should have told you how much I wanted us to be together and now the chance has passed me by. You know that situation with Rivkin; it was not so much the fact that you accidentally killed him that hurt; it was the fact that I felt betrayed by you somehow. I can not explain it."

"_I understand Zee, I really do and I'm sorry for everything that I put you through. I love you, not like a friend or Sister, but like a …" _Tony trailed off slightly knowing that he needed to choose his words carefully. _"If I could turn back time, I'd have dated you a long time ago and we'd be married by now. We'd be happily living life until we grew old and I'd feel complete. You would have completed me. I love you like a lover, a life partner and my soul mate. I'm sorry; I never gave us that chance."_

Tony was gazing directly into the glassy, brown depths of Ziva's eyes and could feel the warmth of the love she held for him. He reached up and trailed his finger down the path of the tears that spilled from her eyes.

"Tony, I am as much to blame. I should have….." Ziva shook her head "Thank you. Thank you, for being you and for filling my heart. Thank you for saying what you did because I was worried that you did not feel the same way as I do. I also regret not acting on my heart and apologize for that."

Tony leaned over and kissed Ziva's lips tenderly; Ziva's breath hitched when she felt the faint pressure and reached up to cup his head. She was surprised when her hand hit something solid; not quite how she would feel had he been alive, but it was solid and her hand rested gently against it. She all but melted into the kiss before Tony pulled away.

"_I've wanted to do that for so long Zee. I love you so much and the fact that I made a mistake that has hurt you so deeply ….Zee, I'm sorry honey. I never meant to hurt you."_

"It is alright, Tony. I forgive you. Please do not forget me." Ziva's tears were coming thick and fast now and the sobs rang through the room.

"_I could never forget you, my little Ninja." _Tony kissed her tenderly on the forehead and stood up to move to Tim.

"_Last but not least, bro." _Tony grinned at the rueful smile that graced Tim's face at that comment. He almost lost it at the look of sadness that resided in the pale green depths of Tim's eyes "_It's time, Probie and I've saved you till last for a reason."_

"Why? Tony…"

"_Hear me out, Tim. I know I've caused you pain over the past few weeks and I appreciate what you did, but you need to move on now. Don't dwell on this anymore, alright?"_

"I don't know wh…."

"_Sure you can. Look at the progress you've made. Everyone knows you were protecting my honor now and I'm sorry it ever came to that. I didn't' think that I would end up on this side of the fence but hey, it happened and it's done nothing but hurt everyone around me; especially you. McGee, you are my little brother, not by blood, but in every other sense there is and I love you so much that it hurts knowing what I have put you through."_

"I love you too, Tony. What am I going to do without you there?" Tim's quiet question tore at everyone around him.

"_You live! Nothing more, nothing less. I don't wanna come down here and have to pull a gun away from your head again, I want you to live life and be happy. I'm never gonna be far away and will hear you when you speak to me. I might not be able to answer, but I'll hear ya."_

Tim nodded at his friend; his brother and sucked in a deep breath.

"Tony, if I had to do it again, nothing would change. I'd do it exactly like I did. Sure, I've got a family, but you were always by big brother and I love you so much for that."

"_I know you would. That's what makes you, you. You always put people before yourself and it nearly killed you. Don't ever change McGee, but don't ever let it get to the point where you don't feel as though you are worthy of our love or understanding. You are better than that and you're a good man." _Tony reached over and put his finger under Tim's chin to lift his head up. He waited until he had eye contact with his surrogate little brother. "_You've made amends now and have made your peace with everyone. Let them look after you. Get your strength back and then start living life to the fullest. Just do me a favor, next time you write a book, remember me in there won't you."_

"I don't think I'm ever going to write again; I can't…"

"_Yeah you can. You love writing and it'll come back. Don't give up on the things you love or the people that love you."_

"I'll try. I can't promise you more than that." Tim's earnest reply was enough for Tony and he smiled comfortably at Tim.

"_That's all I can ever ask."_ Tony dropped his hand and pulled Tim into a hug; as with Ziva, Tim was surprised to feel the solidness of Tony's embrace and started to sob on his shoulder. "Shhhh, Tim. Listen…."

The others watched with curiosity and Tony started to whisper into Tim's ear; they couldn't hear the words but they could see Tim's demeanor change as the sobs subsided. Tony pulled away and looked Tim directly in the eye.

"_You got that, Probie?"_

"Yeah, I got that, Tony. Thanks."

Tony stood and looked around as his family as they sat there with glassy eyes and heavy hearts at what was coming next. He felt Kate, Jenny, Paula and Victoria shimmer into the room and grinned broadly.

"_Looks like my escorts are here. Listen guys, I love you all and miss you more than you will ever know. I'll try to come visit sometime….if they let me that is." Tony started to cry and could see the chain reaction around the room as everyone finally let go of their tears. "I don't know how to say this, It's easy telling you all how I feel, but saying goodbye? That's the hard part."_

"Just say it, DiNozzo. That's the best way." Gibbs' reasoning voice travelled over to him and he nodded his understanding.

"_Alright. Goodbye everyone and thanks for everything. Remember to always have each other's backs, no matter what." _

_The other ghosts waved before the five of them shimmered out of the room one last time. Tim sat, transfixed on the spot where they had been and sucked in a shaky breath._

"Bye, guys. We'll never forget you."


	45. Chapter 45

_A/N: While we were planning on this being the epilogue; there were a lot of loose ends that needed tying up so we decided on another chapter for our wonderful readers. The story is coming to a close but we didn't want to leave you with unanswered questions. _

* * *

_**LAST TIME ON FRACTURED RULES**__:_

_That's all I can ever ask."_ Tony dropped his hand and pulled Tim into a hug; as with Ziva, Tim was surprised to feel the solidness of Tony's embrace and started to sob on his shoulder. "Shhhh, Tim. Listen…."

The others watched with curiosity and Tony started to whisper into Tim's ear; they couldn't hear the words but they could see Tim's demeanor change as the sobs subsided. Tony pulled away and looked Tim directly in the eye.

"_You got that, Probie?"_

"Yeah, I got that, Tony. Thanks."

**AND NOW:**

Tim closed his eyes to hide his pain from the others and to hold onto the moment Tony had just given him; it had been both beautiful and soul shattering and left him feeling the opposing forces trying to vie for pole position in his heart. He was torn between sorrow and relief and couldn't decide which way his mind was guiding him. If truth be told, he felt as though a loose tooth had just been ripped clean away from the roots; the pain all consuming at first but was soon replaced by the relief and peace of knowing that the ache can only get better from this moment on.

When Tony had leaned towards Tim and whispered in his ear, he had felt sheer love and solidarity that came from the advice that Tony had given him; friend to friend; brother to brother. Tony's hushed whisper had been sobering but the cherished words resounded loudly in his brain as he thought back to that moment.

"_Don't let me down, Probie. Put this family back together and get the team back in shape! Every one of you needs each other in their life. Don't forget, you're the big brother now. You can do this, I have faith in you!"_

Tim opened his eyes and glanced around the room. The atmosphere was thick with a silent, emotional overload in a room full of people who had one thing in common; they had loved and lost someone they held close to their heart and now they had the closure they needed to grieve; no matter how painful it was at the moment. Tim started to feel as though the heavy feelings that infused the group was starting to get oppressive and overwhelmed him to the point where he had to do something to get away for a minute.

Not only that, Tim knew he needed to do something to lead the way back. Silently, he got up and headed to the kitchen with the intent of making drinks for everyone and soon had a tray set up with cups, and a strong, hot black coffee that Gibbs practically mainlined on a daily basis. As he turned to go to the fridge, he was startled by the sudden appearance of Gibbs standing in front of him. With a small, sad smile; Tim stepped round him and made his way to the fridge to pull out the previously prepared pitcher of iced tea.

"Okay, McGee?" the boss' concern was so uplifting after the heaviness of what they'd just gone through and Tim found himself huffing out a chuckle as he set the pitcher down next to the cups. Gibbs noticed how his motions stilled as his young surrogate son rested both hands on the counter and shook his head before turning back and facing his boss head on.

"Not really sure, Boss." Tim answered with brutal honesty.

"Understandable." Gibbs watched as Tim moved to pick up the tray but stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Let me help you with that."

"No thanks, Boss. I got it."

Gibbs backed down and settled for watching patiently as Tim poured hot water into a teapot that he had prepared and grinned at the sight of his favorite drink sitting beside the bone china tea cup that Ducky favored. As Tim went to slide his hand underneath the laden tray as if to pick it up, Gibbs stepped up with an authoritative tone that told Tim that he wasn't taking no for an answer this time.

"McGee. Leave it!" Gibbs nudged him out of the way and picked up the tray.

"Hey..."

"You're still healing and I'm sure your injuries are not up to carrying this yet. McGee. Go on, I got this."

"Thanks, Boss." Tim responded with meek appreciation. His body was beginning to protest against the long hard emotionally wringing day he'd put it through and It wasn't until Gibbs mentioned his injuries, that he'd paid it any attention; he sighed heavily at the feel of sheer exhaustion and an ache round his still healing gunshot wounds and shook his head.

"Uh-huh. Why don't you have a drink with everyone and then go on up to bed. You might as well rest while you can, Tim."

"Yeah okay. I can do that."

Tim watched as Gibbs nodded once and headed back into the room; on his boss' heels and was soon walking into the room that had become too much 10 minutes earlier. His friends hadn't noticed him walk in and he caught them asking each other if he was okay; Tim was quick to reassure them all with a small smile that told them that he was okay and settled back down in the seat that he had previously occupied. He sat back and realized that today was the beginning of a new journey for them all; and Tim McGee refused to be anyone's worry again.

_Tony was right, Tim _was_ the big brother now and it was his job to bring this team back together; as much as he could without actually joining them back on the team, anyway. He knew he still had a ways to go and was in no way ready for the challenges of facing those who thought the worst of him and would have no gumption about giving voice to what they thought. But pushing them in the right direction, he could do_.

As he silently watched Gibbs set the tray down and begin pouring drinks for everyone, Tim's mind kept spinning. Despite this, his eyes were watching everyone carefully and took in how each of his family members was really doing. Surprisingly enough, all of them seemed to be valiantly pulling themselves back together almost as if spurned on to do so by his own actions.

_Hmm. Maybe this leading by example really was the way to get them back on track._

Ziva stood up from her seat and it seemed as though she was suddenly restless with the need to do something. Tim smiled at her and handed her a glass of tea that Gibbs passed to him, hoping it would settle her nerves enough to stifle the rising urge to flee.

"You okay?" he quietly asked as he shuffled up to her so that he was standing shoulder to shoulder.

"I am fine, McGee." She answered automatically; to Tim, it sounded almost robotic and made him cringe internally.

"Ziva. Don't pretend with us. Please. Surely by now, you get that we need you to be real with us." Tim urged gently without changing his tone.

"Yes, I do realize that." Ziva stopped and sighed before looking Tim directly in the eyes "And I am fine. Are you?"

"No. Not yet, but I will be; we all will; together." Tim answered her with a small smile that was meant to be encouraging.

"Timmy's right!" Abby said boisterously as she suddenly joined them.

"Abby." Tim gently admonished her; although with his nerves strung tight, he couldn't muster up a smile to go with the gentle tone.

"What? Oh! Right! Sorry. Tim's right." Abby corrected apologetically; she just couldn't help it and smiled sheepishly at her mistake.

"Thank you. Now, do either of you ladies need anything before I call it a night?" Tim asked.

"We are fine, McGee. We will probably keep each other company tonight, right Abby?"

"Yes! That's what we're gonna do" Abby agreed somewhat happily with a relieved tone; she really didn't want to be alone tonight and Ziva's offer of company was something she was infinitely happy about.

"Jimmy?" Tim turned to the Autopsy Gremlin who had come over to stand with them at Tim's shoulder; Jimmy understood the silent question that lay deep in the use of his name.

"I'm fine. I've got plans." Jimmy said in a quiet distracted tone because he was still trying to process everything he'd just been a part of.

"Okay. You need anything, you call us, you hear me?" Tim demanded quietly with a strength that betrayed his true feelings.

"Tim?" Abby asked as she tried to figure out where this new Tim was coming from.

"What?" Tim glanced at Abby with a confused look on his face and frowned when he saw the question that was being asked through those large, expressive green eyes.

"This is just so not like you. At least not this openly." Ziva explained fully understanding Abby's confusion.

Tim looked at both women with something unreadable in his expression before glancing at each of the men in the room. He sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes.

"I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed now." The reply was so sudden and sharp that it had everyone's eyes on him just before he practically ran from the room. Everyone was stunned when Tim had fled and stood there gaping.

"**What** was that?" Abby demanded after a silent minute of confusion.

"That Abigail, was Timothy rising to the occasion and stepping up to take on the role of Big Brother. I'm fairly certain that this is what Anthony advised Timothy to do in his final whispered words of wisdom." Ducky explained with something akin to sadness

"Oh, no! We didn't mean… I mean… I didn't…" Abby sputtered

"Abbs, calm down. He'll be fine. Its gonna be a big adjustment for all of us." Gibbs attempted to soothe the situation before the Goth lost all control of her feelings.

"But, what do we do now?"

"Same thing you've been doing, Abby. Keep moving forward. One step at a time; just like the rest of us."

"But, Tim…"

"Will be fine, Abby, as long as we are there to help him where we were not before." Ziva finished for them.

"Even if he doesn't come back?" Abby asked with a deep rooted worry that seemed to have settled deep in her gut.

"If and when he makes the decision to come back, Abigail, it'll be something only he can decide for himself. We can't pressure him into it. None of us should want him to do this for any other reason than because he wants to and he believes he's ready for it. Should he decide he cannot bring himself to return to NCIS; none of us should judge him for it or hold it against him. But, most especially, we should not abandon him." Ducky gently set down what he expected of them.

"You're right, Ducky. Since you're both together here, I need to ask a question, Gibbs, about you and Ducky. You remember the day before Tony's funeral when Tim was still in the hospital?"

Gibbs searched his memory and came up with the brutal confrontation that had damn near destroyed his priceless friendship with Ducky. "Yeah, Abbs, I remember that day. What about it?"

"Well, that was the day that Director Vance had me cleaning out Tim's computer and…" Abby stumbled over what she needed to say.

"And she and I both heard what happened between you and Doctor Mallard and Director Vance when you were fighting over Director Vance's banning Tim from Tony's funeral." Jimmy stepped up to the plate to help Abby out; he knew that she would struggle to tell them what she felt and wanted to lay out his own witness to the events.

"That was an extremely difficult time for all of us, my dear." Ducky tried to smooth things out and didn't like where they were heading with this line of questioning.

"I know Ducky. But, you, Gibbs! You agreed with Vance's actions against Tim! AND you and Ducky were screaming at each other! I've never felt so scared in my entire life to hear you two tearing each other apart like that! I just need to know that it's fixed!"

Abby felt her emotions slip away from her and couldn't help the tears that started to spill down her face; Gibbs stepped up to his Lab Rat and wrapped his strong arms around her as held her tightly.

"SSh. Abby, yes, it's fixed." As he infused her with the strength of his hug to reinforce his words, his gut twinged when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and his gaze was suddenly drawn up from Abby to the doorway; where one ashen faced; devastated Tim McGee stood; trying to absorb the new information that had been accidently handed to him.

_The two men that meant the most to him in the world; aside from his father; had fought so much worse than what he'd witnessed that horrible night here in Ducky's house! He'd almost been the cause of a destroyed life-long friendship too; one that was cherished beyond almost anything else in Gibbs' life. Was there nothing he hadn't ruined?_

Tim's eyes briefly locked onto his boss' as their gazes crossed paths as he turned to try to leave undetected. The fact that he had _almost_ made it without being seen but failed made him stumble. With his body having reached the end of its' endurance and his exhausted mind so full of this new information; his thoughts seemed to stutter slightly leaving him feeling disorientated and dizzy. The fact that he stumbled didn't go amiss with Gibbs and when Tim recovered slightly and grasped the doorframe, he looked up to see his boss scrutinizing him with a look that he just couldn't read; there was something in those crystal eyes that he just couldn't put his finger on. Tim let go of the thing that was keeping him upright and regained his balance fully before quickly moving away from the very people he needed to rally around.

Gibbs released Abby and glanced at Ducky who now looked positively ill at the realization of what Tim had just overheard. He could see it written in the genteel man's face; Tim would undoubtedly now be feeling the weight of guilt over this on top of everything else he was already dealing with. Knowing that only he and the M.E. had noticed Tim in the doorway, Gibbs smoothly stepped up to his friend and quietly reassured him.

"Relax, Duck. I'll talk to him."

"Jetho, I…" Ducky was distraught and fearful for Tim; something that Gibbs could see in his old friend's eyes.

"It's okay, I'll take care of it. See if you can calm Abby down." Gibbs requested in Ducky's ear before calmly setting out in Tim's wake.

As Tim struggled up the stairs, he tried to push his exhausted body to keep going past its' limits; needing to get to his room. His mind was so bogged down with everything that he wasn't even aware of his motions and stumbled couple of times; managing to catch himself both times and carry on. Tim would have fallen completely on his face with the third misstep if Gibbs hadn't suddenly appeared to help him. The older man felt his heart leap into his throat at the sight and barely wrapped his hand around Tim's bicep before he tripped again; Tim sighed slightly and resigned himself to the fact that no matter what, he would be appearing weak in front of his boss yet again but needed his help. They soon made their way to the bedroom; the journey careful and calculated because the older man was unwilling to let Tim fall, or even stumble again and even as Tim slowly lowered himself down onto the safety of the bed, Gibbs kept his hand exactly where it was; only this time, it was to offer the emotional anchor that Tim needed. They sat in silence before it got too much and Tim had to ask the question that was burning its' way through his head.

"What else am I responsible for?" The question was thrown out there woodenly as if he was expecting the responsibility of the entire world's problems to be laid bare on his shoulders.

"You're not responsible for any of it. You didn't make the decision to act for us; we're responsible for our own actions and what we said to each other, McGee. C'mon You know that."

"Do I, Boss?"

"No! You are not doing this right now. I need you to listen to me for a minute, all right?" Gibbs moved his hand off of Tim's arm and hooked his finger under his boy's chin to make him look him directly in the eyes.

"Okay." Tim's tone was far too calm. It betrayed just how far beyond upset he really was. Anyone who knew him well knew this to be a sign that he was so upset he just didn't know how to deal with it. Luckily, Gibbs knew him well enough to recognize the signs.

"Ducky and I are fine. We've worked through it and I promise you now, we're fine."

"Abby said it happened the day before Tony's funeral." A sharp pang of emotional angst made him shudder at the memory of that service; at the memory of watching everyone say their final goodbyes whilst he got to watch on a television screen with only his parents for support.

"She's right."

"So, when the two of you came to my grandmother's cottage?"

"We had already taken steps to patch the problem, McGee." Gibbs had no idea where Tim's mind was taking him at this point and frowned deeply at the confusion on soft, expressionless face before him. It was almost as if Tim had shut himself off again somehow and that worried the team leader.

"How could you have?" Tim asked in confusion.

"How could we have what?"

"How could you have patched the problem when I _was_ the problem?"

_Oh yeah! There it was in all its gruesome glory; Tim blamed himself and still felt the heaviness of guilt weighing down on him to the point where Gibbs thought he might buckle completely. _

Gibbs rocked back on his heels and felt as though he had been sucker punched; a shake of his head, he reached up with both hands and cupped Tim's face in his hands.

"McGee. Stop! Ducky and I are fine. Let's get this straight now! You were not the problem! The problem was how we handled what was being thrown at us and you got caught in the middle. You're the one we're concerned about here so help us out here, all right?"

"I asked you to stop letting this be about me, remember?" Tim's monotone voice was disconcerting and heartbreaking to hear.

"Yeah, I remember. Doesn't change the facts though, McGee." Gibbs let his hands drop down so that they were resting on his knees.

"What facts, Boss?"

"Your body's still healing and you still have to give yourself time to recover. Not to mention you've had a lot thrown at you in one day. Whether you like it or not, you are our main focus right now."

Tim looked up off the floor and searched Gibbs' eyes for the truth.

"Thank you. But, I'm okay. I don't want you all worrying about me anymore."

"Yeah?" Gibbs eyed his surrogate son warily but as he expected, he found no lie in Tim's eyes; it was as if the fist that had clenched around the young man's heart was finally releasing, giving him the chance to relax slightly.

"Yeah. Thanks, Boss. For everything."

"You're welcome, now go on, get some sleep."

Tim nodded and stood up so he could pull down the comforter. He paused slightly and leaned on the mattress with his head hung low.

"Boss. We're going to okay, aren't we? I mean everyone; not just you and I?"

Gibbs pulled Tim up and spun him round somewhat carefully to face him before pulling him into a hug ."Yeah, Tim. We're all beginning to move on now, so everyone's gonna be fine, in time."


	46. Chapter 46

_A/N: Okay, We know you were expecting the Epilogue by now - And we are very close to the end_  
_But, Tim needs us to wrap up the loose ends and get some of his questions answered first._

_We hope you'll understand._

* * *

Tim woke up to sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains and squinted slightly as his eyes tried to adjust. Sitting up, he found that he felt better than he had in weeks; well at least in the physical sense. Emotionally, he felt confused to the point where it felt as though he'd been thrown into a raging sea with a lifejacket bobbing in the water just out of his reach. As he went through the motions of taking a shower and tidying up the room, his mind couldn't seem to settle on any one thought and to the fact that he wasn't able to concentrate on anything beyond basic functions, unsettled him. He smoothed the comforter down over the mattress and sighed heavily before making his way down to grab some breakfast.

When Tim walked into the kitchen, he found the two older men already enjoying the bacon and eggs that Ducky had made for everyone. Ziva and Abby sat there happily chatting over their food and Tim couldn't help but smile at the fact that Ducky had thought of everything and made her a cheese omelet to cater for her Jewish beliefs.

"Ah, Timothy. I am pleased to see you looking better. I take it you slept well." Ducky stood up and moved over to the skillet to cook another egg for him. "I'll have breakfast ready for you in a moment. Would you like tea or coffee, dear boy?"

"Um, coffee please Ducky." Tim sat down next to Abby and smiled ruefully at her. It didn't take long for the M.E. to cook the eggs and he soon found himself enjoying a relaxed, cheerful meal with his friends.

Tim found himself thankful for the fact that despite the meal being a happy affair; it was less than boisterous and seemed to settle some of the swirling thoughts that ran amok. The three younger people took themselves out to Ducky's back yard to enjoy the fresh air and chance to stretch their legs as they strolled the acre filled with trees and nature at its finest.

"Tim, can I ask you a question?" Abby asked timidly.

"Anytime, Abby, you know that." Tim's smile was soothing and relaxed her slightly.

"You've been quiet since you joined us for breakfast. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Abbs. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like what I asked Gibbs and Ducky about last night?" It was something that had been worrying Abby since it happened and she felt as though he had to make amends for what he had heard.

"That's part of it."

"Tim. Stop for a minute. Look at me. I need to know that things are really okay between you and Gibbs."

"Abby, listen to me, all right? Things between Gibbs and I are fine. He's done nothing but bend over backwards to help me and be there for me since he and Ducky found me at my grandmother's cottage. More than that, he's shown me that he really does care. He feels really bad about the way he handled things and I'm not gonna hold that over his head. It's bad enough that my parents will."

"So, you have forgiven him?" Ziva questioned softly.

"Yeah. I've never been able to stay pissed at Gibbs any more than I can ever stay angry at you, Abby. Even you Ziva. Families screw up; they hurt each other; but they mend what's broken and they come back stronger, right?" Tim reasoned as he looked to both of them so they could see he meant business.

"Yeahl" Abby replied with an infectious enthusiasm as the relief flowed through her. Things were not just patched up between Tim and Gibbs but apparently repaired well enough to stand the storms that life threw at them without warning. She hoped so, anyway.

Gibbs and the others returned to work a short while later, leaving Tim completely alone for the first time since they'd rescued him from himself back at his grandmother's cottage. With the whole day ahead of him, he kinda felt lost as to what to do with himself. He tried to think things through but wasn't having a whole lot of luck because his mind kept getting stuck on the painful thought of trying to go back to work – only to literally see an image of Tony's empty desk staring at him like a four legged solid accusation.

It had been a while since he'd gone to see his shrink; maybe he'd be able to fit him in today. But, he'd have to take a cab and he had no money. Maybe he should just talk to Ducky. No, he could talk to his shrink over the phone, yeah, that's what he'd do.

Work was busy and complicated with a new case, so no one made it home for lunch or dinner. The opportunity to take a moment to ring Tim didn't come until 6 that night and even then it was only because Ducky was finally able to take a minute to try to reach Tim; only to get his voicemail.

"Timothy, dear boy, I'm alarmed that you are not answering your phone. We are all stuck at work, I'm afraid. Do take some money from the cookie jar on the kitchen counter and order yourself some dinner. I would very much appreciate it if you would call me and let me know you're all right."

"Duck? Got anything for me?" Gibbs asked as he came into Autopsy just as Ducky put his phone away.

"Not yet, Jethro. Have you heard from Timothy at all today since we left him?" The M.E. asked in concern.

"Nope, been busy, Duck." The Team Leader reasoned.

"Yes, I know. But, it is not like him not to answer his phone and this is the first time he's been left alone since this whole dreadful ordeal began. I'm sure you noticed he was unusually quiet this morning. After what he heard last night, I feel it is cause for concern."

"Ducky. He's been quiet since this whole thing happened. He's not his old self, not by a long shot and we can't really expect him to be right now. I talked to him last night and he's okay."

"I still don't like it that he's not answering his phone."

"Duck, if he needed help, he'd of called us by now."

"Well, I certainly hope you're right, Jethro." Ducky huffed out a sigh and shook his head slightly. The worry was palpable on the kindly face that Gibbs had learned to trust many years ago.

"Trust me. He's probably spent the day sleeping and maybe even talking to his shrink."

"Of course! The psychologist, what a great idea! Thank you, Jethro."

"What, Don't tell me you're gonna call the doc and check?"

"Certainly, I am."

"Come on, Duck. Let him be." Gibbs' exasperated tone had no effect on Ducky.

"I will, Jethro, just as soon as I check."

"Duck….."

"Jethro, I am worried about the boy. You know how bad he's been recently and despite the fact that he's getting better, the conversation he overheard last night knocked the wind out of his sails. I just want to make sure Timothy is alright."

Gibbs nodded and scrutinized his friend.

"I didn't want him to know what happened between us all. It's bad enough that he now knows Vance showed everyone that damn tape."

"I know you and I discussed his motives. However, Abigail….."

"Will get over it. Vance knew what he was doing when he showed that tape." Gibbs sighed heavily "We need to start being more honest with Tim Duck. We can't keep him in the dark about how things went because he deserves better than that."

"I don't follow, Jethro."

"It's important that he understands that Vance made that decision so he won't ever have to feel as though he's being doubted again. If he returns to work, people will know without a doubt that he didn't make that judgment call and won't give him a hard time about it."

"Ahh, I see. I agree that we need to be honest with him but I do have one request."

"Shoot."

"Wait until he questions us, and he will. We all know that. Leave the ball in his court so to speak because it means he's had a chance to think about everything and rationalize things in his own mind."

"I can do that." Gibbs glanced at his watch and shook his head "You still gonna call his shrink?"

"Of course. You know I will."

"Let me know when you've got something for me on the case, Ducky." Gibbs said with frustration as he headed back upstairs.

As he stood in the elevator while it took him to his floor, Gibbs couldn't help but pull out his phone and try to reach his absent agent himself. When he reached Tim's voicemail, he felt a twinge of concern.

"McGee, this isn't like you. Ducky's worried. Call us." He snapped his phone shut just as the elevator reached his floor and he headed to his desk. "Ziva, heard from McGee today?"

"No, I have not. Is everything all right?"

"Don't know. He's not answering his phone."

"Do you want me to go check Ducky's house?"

"No, I'll do it. You keep going through this guy's records. I'll be back. And don't say anything to Abby. Don't want her worrying for nothing."

"Certainly."

Gibbs searched Ducky's house but came up empty. Tim wasn't there and his room had been tidied up but not cleaned out. With the exception of Tim's silence all day and absence now, there wouldn't be any reason to worry. Still Gibbs gut was telling him that something was wrong.

While it wasn't' screaming at him or twisting with the urgent feeling it usually did; the 'wrong' sense was still there. With a sigh of frustration, Gibbs headed to his own house suddenly feeling the desperate need for his drink of choice. As he pulled into his driveway, he turned his car off and laid his head back against the headrest. Blowing out a sigh of frustration, he attempted to calm his unsettled thoughts and rising sense of fear.

"_Relax, Boss. He's okay. He's where he needs to be right now." _Tony's voice whispered to him as it carried on the breeze; it made Gibbs smile knowing that Tony was still watching out for his 'little brother' from afar.

"Thanks, Tony. Don't suppose you're gonna tell me where that is?"

When he opened his eyes, he found only empty air in the car with him. Half of him had been expecting Tony to be there as he had previously and the fact that he was alone made his heart drop. Gibbs had to stomp down hard on the tears that threatened to choke him up. Shaking his head to clear it, he got out of the car and headed into his house.

Tossing his keys on the table inside the door, he kept moving to the basement door; something struck him as odd and he soon realized that it was the fact that his basement door was wide open and he had to suppress a gasp when he saw Tim sitting there, propped up against a wall; his legs outstretched; his head laid back against the wall and his eyes closed. It was the steady, even breathing that told Gibbs that his youngest boy had fallen asleep on the steps; somewhere he'd never before in all of the years on the team, ventured for personal reasons.

_He's where he needs to be right now_

Stepping back away from the steps; Gibbs retreated to his entry way and quickly made a call. "Ziva, tell Ducky McGee's fine. He's sleeping. Tell him, I got him."

"That is good, Gibbs. I will tell him. "Ziva answered with an obvious sigh of relief.

Quietly, Gibbs made his way down his basement steps as carefully and as quietly as possible, moving past Tim's sleeping form to take up a seat by his work bench. He sat there watching carefully as he waited for the young man to wake up and all thoughts of his beloved bourbon seemed to melt away from his mind; only to be replaced by thoughts of how he was going to dig into what was going on with Tim.

Almost as if he sensed that he was no longer alone, Tim startled himself awake and opened his eyes slowly. At first he seemed confused, but as the fog of sleep cleared he finally looked around him and regained his equilibrium. He was shocked to see Gibbs sitting in front of him like a silent sentinel waiting for him to wake up.

"Boss? What are you doing here?"

"Think that's something I should be asking you, McGee." Gibbs said dryly.

"Why? Oh, right. Your basement. I'm sorry, I just…"

"What's going on, Tim? Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"My phone? Oh, er... I guess I left it on vibrate and haven't heard it." Tim frowned as he pulled out his phone and switched the ring back on.

"Why?"

"I just got tired all of a sudden and needed a nap, so I put it on vibrate."

"You've got Ducky good and worried."

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I'll call him."

"I took care of it. Talk to me. Why are you here?"

Tim's shock at the question was obvious and instant; as was the flash of hurt that crossed his mind as he immediately took the gentle questioning the wrong way.

"NO, You know damn well what I'm asking you. Don't even go there, McGee." Gibbs admonished sternly. "Why are you here?"

"Just wanted to see if I could feel it." Tim admitted quietly.

"Feel what?"

"The connection Tony felt with you. He told me he could always come here and talk to you about anything. I wanted to see if I could find that."

"Oh hell, McGee." Gibbs breathed out in a pained sigh of compassion for this young man whom he'd never reached out to the way he had Tony. Never had that haunted him so much as it did right at this moment.

"It's okay, Boss. I get it now. Tony and me, we were just too different. He was easier for you to relate to. It wasn't your fault." Tim's resigned shrug emphasized the dejection in his voice at the comment.

"Yes, McGee, it was my fault. Damn it! Stop trying to make excuses for everyone for the way you've been treated! I didn't try with you like I should have. I didn't want to interfere with your family's right to support you."

"Huh? That's it? That's the whole reason?"

"Yeah."

Tim was silent as he tried to process this new information. Soon the question that he'd always wanted to ask was screaming to be asked. "So, it wasn't that I wasn't…" he couldn't even finish the thought; it was too painful even now, after all these years of believing it to be true.

"NO, Tim, it was **never** that you didn't matter or that I didn't care." Gibbs vehement answer had some effect on Tim and he seemed to relax more at the firm affirmation.

"Thanks for that, Boss."

Now that was resolved; his brain could move on to the next quandary. Going back and facing Tony's desk every day, or not going back at all. Neither was an option that sat well with Tim. But he didn't know how to fix this. Several tensely silent moments went by with neither of them having anything to say. While Tim's eyes remained locked on the step he now sat above, hunched over without thought to his need to keep pressure off his recently recovered wound areas; Gibbs' eyes remained fixed on his agent; watching for a sign of what was to come. Finally, after a good five minutes of this silence Gibbs couldn't take Tim's brooding about whatever this was any longer.

"Ready to tell me what else's on your mind?"

"I'm actually worried about Ducky." Tim threw out there, not really lying because he was in fact very worried about the M.E.; but not ready to admit that he was still scared to death to do what Tony expected him to do. After all, he'd plainly stated that he'd be let down if Tim didn't get back to NCIS, but …

"Why?"

"I don't think he's had time to deal with everything, Boss. I'm not even sure you have. Getting saddled with me wasn't very conducive to having time to deal with grief. I'm wondering if Ducky would take it wrong if I took some time to go see my parents like we were talking about the other day. I think I need to spend some time with them after everything that's happened. I'm thinking that would help Ducky out, too."

"I'm sure Ducky will understand, McGee. In fact, he'll probably be relieved that you want to reconnect with your family."

"I wanna come back; here. I just don't know if I should. I mean I have no place to stay and no job."

"You take your time thinking things through, Tim, and the answers will fall into place; so long as you accept help when it's offered."

Tim thought about it for a long silent minute before he answered, getting to his feet before he did so: "Okay. Thanks, Boss."

"You're welcome, McGee. C'mon. let's get some coffee."

Twenty minutes later found Gibbs and Tim back at Ducky's with a cup of good hot coffee fresh from the nearby coffee shop that Gibbs loved. As they took their seats on the front porch, the extended silence, which had lain heavily between them on the journey back; was once again, becoming uncomfortable. But this time, Gibbs had picked up on the patterns. This silence only came about when Tim had something on his mind that he was uncomfortable talking about or too scared to admit to. And usually it was serious enough that it needed to be pulled out into the open.

"McGee, don't make me head slap you. Talk to me." Gibbs saw Tim's eyes widen slightly with surprise before the young man softly smiled for a minute.

"I'm just trying to understand how you do it, Boss." Tim admitted quietly.

"Do what?"

"Keep going back to work no matter what's changed or who's…." Tim couldn't finish the sentence as the mere thought if it still shredded his heart.

"We've all had to do to it, Tim. We can't stop living when we lose someone close to us." Gibbs' voice almost broke then. He'd never forgotten that he'd been where they had found Tim not so long ago. It had taken a very long time for him to be able to keep going in a way that was actually living; and even now, he didn't have much of a life outside work. But, if nothing else came out of this; the realization of just how much his team meant to him beyond work was enough to make sure this never happened again.

"Tony said I'd be letting him down if I didn't go back." Tim reminded him with a wealth of doubt in himself evident in his tone.

"No, He said he'd be let down if you let the reason you didn't go back be because you can't face his empty desk. That's a big difference, McGee." Gibbs in turn reminded his agent.

"What about you?" Tim asked timidly.

"What about me?"

"Will I be letting you down, too?"

"Didn't the head slap from this same conversation already answer that?"

"Boss, I need to hear you say it. Please." The quiet plea tore down any defenses Gibbs had tried to put back up.

"McGee, you need to listen to me. All right? I know that it has always been important for you not to be letting anyone down. But, right now, what's important is that you stop worrying about everyone else's feelings about this. Only you know what you can handle and what you need."

"I'm not exactly sure that's true, Boss."

"Feeling like you've been letting yourself off too easy; not pushing yourself hard enough?"

"Yeah. But, I'm still not sure if…"

"Sounds to me like you need that time away from here that we just talked about. Go spend some time with your family and take the time to figure out whatever it is you need to so you can move on."

"Some kinda big brother that makes me!" Tim said despairingly.

"That's something else you need to cut yourself some slack on, Tim. That what Tony said to you last night? That you're the big brother now?"

"Yeah.

"You know, if you think about it, that's not anything you haven't already been. The only difference is that now you're the only big brother they have. So, pace yourself and stop being so damn hard on yourself. There's no shame in easing yourself into this."

"Thanks Boss."

"What's the hardest part about facing Tony's empty desk, Tim?"

"It's just different than before."

"Before?"

"With Kate and with you."

"Me?"

"When you left for Mexico." Gibbs was left reeling at the admission and couldn't fully understand where Tim was coming from.

"What about it?"

"It was really hard for me. I mean, I had to go from putting up with Tony's crap as a Probie one day, to completely following his orders and trying to trust him as his subordinate the next. And the one person I had felt had all of our backs on the job, was suddenly just gone. So, seeing your empty desk that first day after you'd left was really hard. Seeing it every day after that with Tony behind it, was hard, too; in some ways even harder than Kate's empty desk had been to see; or even seeing Ziva behind that desk for the first time. The truth is, the only way I got through it was by believing you were coming back."

Gibbs felt a wave of guilt crash through him. He'd never before even considered what Tim might have gone through when he'd abandoned them the way he had to escape to Mexico. His only thoughts had been how Tony was adjusting to having to step back down when he' come back. Tim had done a remarkable job of adjusting even if he did seem to retreat back into his shell a little and regress back to some of his less than confident self for a while.

"You've done a hell of a job, McGee. I am real proud of you."

Thanks, Boss."


	47. Chapter 47

_A/N: Okay Here it is; the last chapter - loose ends wrapped up nice and tight  
It's a very long chapter, so we hope you'll enjoy the way things were wrapped up._

* * *

Tim walked downstairs the following morning feeling better all round; if anything, his mind had finally allowed him to sleep peacefully and he had woken up feeling hungry. He made his way into the kitchen and sat at the breakfast table to find that Ducky was waiting for him.

"How are you feeling this morning, Timothy?"

"Pretty good, actually, Ducky."

"Wonderful. I apologise that we didn't get to talk last night. Work made it a very late night. Jethro told me you wish to go spend some time with your family. I think they will be most overjoyed to get some time with you; especially with you being on the road to recovery. When would you like us to take you?"

"Us?"

"Why, yes, Timothy, surely you don't think we would allow you to drive yourself or even travel alone while you are still recuperating?"

"I hadn't thought of that, Ducky. I guess you're right." It was true, Tim hadn't even given the drive up there a second thought and now that the M.E. had reminded him of his injuries, he realized that there was no way he could make that long drive alone.

"Of course I am, and I must say, your NCIS family would want to make sure you're all right regardless."

"I know. And I appreciate it. I talked to my parents last night. They said as soon as I wanted to go, would be fine with them."

Tim thought back to yesterday and the talk he and Gibbs had actually finally had. It had been long overdue and had lifted a tremendous burden of uncertainty off of Tim's shoulders. The boss had returned to work when they'd finished talking, giving Tim the opportunity to call his folks about coming home for a bit. They had talked and managed to get past the awkwardness of the emotions that had built up because of everything that had happened and by the time he had gotten off the phone with them, he found that he felt better with that end of things; it was almost as if another chapter of this torrid affair was coming to a close and even though there was still a way to go, it was a step in the right direction.

"Well, then, as soon as you've eaten, showered and changed, we can head out. We were able to wrap up the case last night, so we have the full day to ourselves as per Director Vance's instruction." Ducky's answer brought Tim back from his thoughts.

"Wait. Why so soon? It's almost like you're kicking me out, Ducky."

"Nonsense, dear boy. Let's just say that none of us have an appetite for wasting time after this rather painful lesson of just how precious and short life can be, hmm? And we have the day off, to boot. Perfect timing. I'd say."

"Yeah. Okay. I get it and thank you but I don't feel right having the team give up their day off to do this, though. "

"Timothy, I can assure you, they will all be more than happy to do so, so stop worrying about it and get moving." The twinkle in Ducky's eyes made Tim chuckle and he shook his head with disbelief that they would do this for him.

"Okay, Ducky."

Tim headed out to the car with Ducky on his heels an hour later. Ducky was carrying the duffle bag that Tim had thrown together for the trip and managed to lock he front door before hearing Tim's gasp. Once outside, Tim had been surprised to find a spacious rental car waiting for them, with Gibbs behind the wheel and Ziva and Abby waiting excitedly in the back seat. As Ducky stowed Tim's bag in the trunk and gestured for him to claim the 'shotgun' seat, Tim couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes as he immediately thought back to the countless battle cries from Tony over the years. _"I call shotgun_

The journey was comfortably quiet as everyone sat there lost in their own thoughts. Tim found his mind wandering slightly with memories of the good time's he'd had with Tony over the years. The first one that came to mind was when they thought Tim had fired the kill shot at a scene; hell, they still didn't know whether or not he did. He remembered Tony knocking on his door and insisting that he go out until Tim snapped and sat down heavily at his desk. Thinking back now, he realized how much of a big brother Tony actually had been and the fact that his fallen friend hadn't pushed him to go out anymore that night but had instead sat with him to talk, meant more than anything. Tim could feel himself slipping deep into his own mind when he was pulled out by Abby breaking the silence with a giggle.

"What is funny, Abby?" Ziva asked as the verbal expression of mirth drew her out of her thoughts.

"I was just remembering all the car rides we've taken with Tony over the years; he'd never let it stay this quiet." Abby giggled again and shook her head slightly.

"This is true." Ziva replied with a smile of her own.

As the two of them launched into more laughter filled memories of Tony, the two senior men could only smile as the mood caught them and attempted to engulf them as well. It felt great to smile again, especially in memory of Tony; but even more than that; it felt great to be together again, as a united team and family.

While Abby, Ziva and Ducky became immersed in their memories, Gibbs glanced over at Tim who was sitting silently in the passenger seat. His face was wet but he stubbornly kept his eyes glued to the outside world as it flashed by ferociously given the speed that Gibbs was driving at.

Apparently, he could still feel the pull of the boss' look and wiped at the wetness on his face as inconspicuously as he could before turning to see what was going on with Gibbs. When he could finally see the older man's face, he offered a small smile to try to relieve some of the concern that was clearly etched in the boss'' face. Tim knew that the smile was a meager offering given the tears that had just trailed a path down his face, but he needed to let Gibbs know that he was trying to be okay as Abby and Ziva's memories of their big brother washed over him and attempted to soothe his still grieving heart. It was hard though and with every memory came the jolt of loss that he was trying so desperately not to show; they were still grieving after all and Tim wouldn't take that away from any of them; neither would he make this any more painful for any of them than it had to be.

Gibbs could see that Tim was trying to keep it together and be strong in the face of all the talk of memories with Tony and left him to it with a small smile in return before turning his attention back to the road. They had a long trip ahead of them; one that they had no intention of doing in one day given the fact that Tim was still healing and being cramped up in the car for the entire journey would play havoc on his weakened muscles and wouldn't be conducive to his recovery. No one had shared that with their fragile friend yet and had decided not to mention it so he couldn't fight their decision. Gibbs remembered kicking himself when Ducky had stressed the need to limit taxing Tim as much as they could on the journey and had called ahead to book them all in at a hotel for the night.

The fact that there were a couple of surprises in store for Tim helped keep them all in a good mood and seeing Tim relax enough to nap after only 30 minutes on the road helped alleviate some of the worried tension that they felt. Once they saw that he'd fallen asleep, Ziva and Abby softened their voices and started to discuss Tim's recover with Ducky and Gibbs.

The lack of motion woke Tim from his nap and he opened his eyes to look around. He was alone in the car. The others hadn't gone far though and his bleary eyes focused on the fact that Gibbs was actually getting ready to open his door and wake him up. Gibbs smiled as Tim turned his attention to him and held out his hand to help Tim out of the car.

"Hey. We're here. C'mon, get out and stretch your legs."

Tim took in his unfamiliar surroundings and rubbed at his face before turning back to Gibbs with confusion on his face. "Where's here, Boss?"

"The half-way point. We're stopping for the night. Got us some rooms and there's a pool. Ducky said it would be good for you to get some exercise in the water."

"But, I didn't bring…"

"Already taken care of. C'mon, here's your room key. Your bag's on the bed and Ducky's already in there, unpacking your meds. He's gonna be your next door neighbor tonight because the connecting door between your rooms will let him be available in case you need him."

"Huh? Oh…er, Okay. I guess you guys really did think of everything. Thanks."

"We try." Gibbs said with a smirk as he led the way to the room, used Tim's key card to open the door before stepping back and letting Tim go in.

Ducky soon honed in on Tim and checked him over and deemed him to be as well as could be expected given the fact that he'd pretty much sat in the same position for a couple of hours. The M.E. did notice that his muscles seemed stiff and suggested they take a relaxing dip in the pool to loosen him up.

After a relaxing 30 minutes in the pool followed by a hot shower and comfortable dinner with his friends, Tim felt the pull of exhaustion and excused himself so he could go and get some sleep. It was something he was more than ready for and he pretty much drifted off as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was shaken gently awake by Ducky and was surprised to find that he had slept right through the night without nightmares disturbing him. It wasn't long before they were back on the road and after a quick stop at the drive-through at McDonalds; they continued their journey with enough coffee to keep them going until they felt the need to take a break.

This time, Tim opted to sit in the back between his two 'little sisters' and let Ducky have the front with Gibbs, who had automatically moved to the driver's seat . The trip was seemed to be a lot quicker this time round and the surprises that the team had managed to pull together for Tim, made reaching the end of the journey that little bit more exciting; hell, it had been all they could do to rein themselves in and not give anything away; well for Abby anyway.

Abby had glanced down at the sleeping form on her shoulder and smiled fondly at the sight of Tim's lax, relaxed face as he napped. He had been talking to them one minute and the next, his head had lolled to the side and nestled on Abby; she'd been happy to have it there, giving her all the proof she needed that he was alive and well and getting better. She'd even caught Gibbs' eye in the rearview mirror a time or two as the boss had checked on his agent. Apparently, the worry hadn't quite completely lifted off Gibbs' shoulders either.

When Abby had gently shook Tim awake, she'd been quick to get out of the car after he'd opened his eyes and he'd thought that strange, until he got out of the car and saw what the excitement he'd felt radiating off of her was about. Right there in front of him, sat his car and his beloved Alsatian. He couldn't help but grin at the sight and crouched down gingerly to call his obedient dog over so he could lavish him with attention and revel in the love that he'd missed over the past few weeks.

Tim's reunion with his family shortly after that was bittersweet because on the one hand, he was relieved to be able to give them peace of mind that he was okay and well on the road to recovery, but on the other hand, it meant saying goodbye to his extended family with whom he had just started to build the bridges of friendship again. It was the family that had taken care of him and brought him back from the brink of death; literally. He almost felt like he was pushing them away or abandoning them and it didn't sit well with him.

One thing he needed to do was set the balance of peace to rights between both sides of his family. He wanted them to be whole again but knew that it was going be hard; real hard, and Tim wasn't looking forward to it. Despite this, he refused to back down and tried to search for the strength within him to succeed. _You gotta help me here, Tony. I need all them as one team. _Tim almost mentally kicked himself for still trying to depend on Tony to make things easier for him. He was grateful for the whispered answer that barely registered in his ear.

_You can do this, Probie. You don't need my help._

"Thanks, Tony." Tim said quietly with a sigh of frustration and resignation. It had to be done regardless and he headed into the study where his parents sat drinking their coffees with his team members. He glanced around and saw that Gibbs was missing but knew that he had said something about going for a walk around the neighborhood to stretch his legs after that long drive. Tim's mom glanced over and nodded slightly at him in a silent bid to see if he was alright. Tim had simply nodded in return and cleared his throat in a nervous bid for their attention.

"Hey, Tim. Where'd you go?" Abby had been so lost in conversation with Ziva that she hadn't noticed Tim's arrival but once she realized he was there, she stood up with a smile and made her way over to him.

"I was ah… I was talking to Gibbs." Tim said cautiously as he watched his parents' for their reactions.

He saw his father's eyes darken with anger and sighed heavily; he's expected the reaction but had hoped that they would be proven him wrong. His mother's eyes however, had gentled with compassion but Tim's sharp eye for his family could still see the anger that resided in them. Tim looked to Ducky for help, silently pleading with his eyes for the older man to back him up.

Ducky understood the slight, anguished look and nodded his support in a promise to stand by him while he silently waited for Tim to get the ball rolling.

"Mom, Dad, I need you to do something for me."

"Name it, Son." Tim's dad answered without hesitation.

Looking at Ducky one more time for help, he found only silent encouragement and took a deep breath. Once his courage returned, Tim forged ahead.

"I need you to forgive Gibbs."

Tim saw his father's hands clench slightly as the anger poured off him but stood firm and true in lieu of what he needed to do. He wasn't really surprised to hear the tightness in his father's voice when he spoke next.

"Why would you ask that of us after what he put you through? After the way he treated you?" Tim's father demanded.

"Dad, please. Listen?"

"Okay, go ahead."

"We all know grief does funny things to people and no one has the right to tell anyone else how to get through it, right?" Tim hoped that asking the question rather than telling them would get them to think about what he had to say by forcing an answer out of them.

"Of course."

"Okay. Then let me ask you something."

"Anything."

"Do you agree that he hurt me? That how he acted affected me?"

"Where you going with this, Son?" Tim's father asked with a note of annoyance.

"If I can forgive him and trust him to have my back – don't you think you could do the same?"

"Tim, you know it's not that easy from our perspective. You're our son and …"

"Dad. Please? I need this to stop!" Tim's frustration got the better of him and everyone in the room flinched at his loud, clipped tone. Ducky stood up and walked towards his distraught friend.

"Timothy, calm yourself, dear boy." Ducky gently admonished as he laid a grounding hand on Tim's arm. "Why don't you go and get yourself a drink and take a moment to calm down before continuing."

"Yeah, Tim, c'mon, you can show Ziva and I where we can take Jethro so he can get some exercise." Abby had quietly made her way over and linked her arm through his and stood there with her head cocked and a smile. "I could really do with stretching my legs too, so how about it?"

Tim looked at Ducky for a minute, then silently nodded and headed out of the room with Abby and Ziva. His rising anger radiated off of him and lingered in the room even as he put more and more distance between himself and his parents.

"Doctor Mallard, I know that Agent Gibbs is a close friend of yours but I cannot just disregard what he put my son through." Tim's father took the bull by the horn and jumped in before anyone else had the chance. Ducky smiled at his impetuous, frustrated statement and shook his head.

"Carpe minutam, sir?" Ducky chuckled "You certainly are one to do that, I must say."

"Carpe…."

"It's _seize the moment_ in Latin." Tim's mother grasped her husband's hand as she interrupted his question "Quite fitting really."

Ducky watched the exchange and decided to jump in whilst he had the chance.

"I would not begin to presume to tell you how to feel, Mr. McGee. I only ask that you do what is best for Timothy. Timothy has fought a very difficult emotional battle to find his way back to trusting Jethro again. But, he absolutely needs that relationship. It is more important to him than you can possibly realize. What's more, he needs it to be strong and for him to know that you remain angry and bitter at Agent Gibbs; is only hurting him. He desperately needs to be able to move forward from this tragedy but he needs your support in order to be abile to be completely comfortable with himself and his right to act on what he believes he needs."

"Doctor Mallard, we will support our son and will do what we can to help him with whatever he needs from us. That includes trying to understand and work through what Agent Gibbs' choices and decisions did to Tim." Mrs. McGee quietly replied to what she'd just been told.

"I agree." Mr. McGee offered. "but it's still hard knowing what my boy has been through. Surely you can understand that, Dr…."

"Ducky. My friends call me Ducky and I do understand; or at least I like to think I do. I have watched Timothy struggle through many ups and downs while watching over him as he also worked to physically recover and I know it will certainly help Timothy, though I do believe he will need to see for himself that things are smoothed over between the three of you before he will believe it and be able to move on."

"I know. That's just the way his mind works." Tim's mother said with a small smile of understanding just how right Ducky was. "He's always been a very complex young man."

* * *

After gently refusing to impose on the McGee's hospitality and insisting that they would be fine with driving some of the way back before nightfall; the team headed out to give Tim time with his family. When Abby had hugged Tim, her face had been wet with tears and she clung on for dear life.

"Bye, Timmy."

"Bye, Abb's, I'll let you have that one, by the way."

"Can't help it. Special name for a special person." Abby whined with a small voice.

"Yeah? Ok, maybe I'll rethink the idea. Thanks. I'll be back, promise."

"Back to D.C. or back to work?"

"One step at a time, Abb's." Tim warned gently against her rushing him.

"Okay. You call me, okay? Please don't go all silent on me."

"I'll call you. I promise. Huh, two promises outta me! You're doing well out of this deal." Tim laughed softly and felt her chuckle silently into his shoulder.

"Okay, and make sure you take care of yourself!"

"Abby, I will. I promise. Thank you for caring and being you."

"I love you. You're my best friend. And don't you forget that!"

"I won't forget it. I don't think I ever did."

Abby stepped back and moved towards the car. Ziva soon took her place and with an uncharacteristic show of support, she hugged him tightly.

"Take care of yourself, McGee. Do not forget that we are here for you."

Tim melted into her hug, thankful beyond measure for this gesture from her and for what it meant. He knew that Ziva was taking in how fragile and short life was, just as they all were and seemed to be making the extra effort with everyone.

"Thanks, Ziva. I won't forget. You and Abby take care of each other, okay? Both of you need to look after the boss and Ducky for me because they've focused on helping me through but haven't really dealt with anything themselves. Can you do that for me, please?"

"Of course." Ziva said with a small smile of encouragement and promise.

"And don't forget Jimmy."

"We won't."

After saying goodbye to Tim's parents, the women then took themselves to the car leaving Ducky and Gibbs alone with Tim and his parents.

"Timothy, you must call me anytime you need to. Although, I'm certain you have your own doctor here, I would appreciate being kept advised if anything happens with your health that would be cause for concern?"

"I promise, Ducky. I'll keep you in the loop."

Ducky smiled at the expression so commonly used on Gibbs' team.

"Very well. Take care of yourself, young man and enjoy this time with your family, but do not forget that you have a job waiting for you as well as a team."

"I won't forget, Ducky. I promise. You have to promise me something, now."

"What is it?"

"You have to promise me that you will take some time for yourself. You haven't had any of that like the rest of us have so let them look after you for a change. Take a break." Tim said with concern shining brightly in his eyes. His kindness lilted Ducky's world slightly and left him feeling emotional at the thought.

"Ah, Timothy, so very like you to think of others, but I'm fine."

"I mean it, Ducky!"

"Yes, well, all right, dear boy. I will endeavor to do just that." Ducky vowed as he squeezed Tim's arm in a gesture of support before he turned to Tim's parents.

"Thank you for your hospitality. Please don't think too badly of us for saying so, but we hope to have Timothy back among us soon."

"Dr. Mallard, we could never think badly of you. You saved Tim's life. And we can see that the rest of the team is very important to Tim as well. As long as he's been working with you all, you can be sure we've heard more than enough to know he feels very much as though you were all his family. So, we understand. But, at the same time, we won't be pushing him to do anything except making his own choices."

"Of course, that's as it should be. I might ask that you do push him to regain his strength though, light exercise should do it; and of course in the interest of allowing him the freedom to come back if he so chooses, he should build it up to moderate exercise."

"We will, Dr. Mallard. We want him strong again, too."

"Good bye, then." Ducky said as he took his leave and went to the car, leaving a very silent Gibbs alone with Tim. Tim had stood quietly and watched the exchanged between the M.E. and his parents with interest and he couldn't help the smile that curled his mouth up, when they talked about him as if he wasn't even there.

Gibbs had kept his attention divided between Tim and his parents and thought about the fact that he needed to mend fences with them right now if he had any hope of helping Tim heal and move on from this mess. Maybe it would be easier on them if they could see firsthand that things were really okay between himself and their son.

With that thought in mind, Gibbs turned his attention to his surrogate son with the hope that by leaving Tim here, his youngest agent would be able to regain the relationships with his family and the strength to come back to his NCIS family.

"You call me if you need _anything_." Gibbs requested gently as he looked Tim straight on.

"I will, Boss. Thank you, for everything." Tim answered him just as quietly and with his own eyes locked on Gibbs'

"No thanks is needed, McGee. It was nothing less than you deserved, once you take out the crap you didn't deserve. There is one thing you need to remember, aside from everything else I've already told you."

"Okay." Tim narrowed his eyes slightly as curiosity took hold.

"Your parents were never told just how far you were willing to go to escape from it all." Gibbs whispered in his ear before pulling back and laying his hand on Tim's uninjured shoulder.

The look of relief on Tim's face was uplifting.

"But, you need to know that what you told Tony, Abby overheard and repeated back to me. It's not true McGee and that is not the only reason I'm standing by you now. You need to believe that for yourself. I meant what I said. I'm here for you; no strings." The boss told him in that still quiet tone that didn't let his words travel back to the young man's parents.

"Thanks, Boss." He felt a wave of gratitude wash over him at his boss' sincere, heartfelt statement.

"You're welcome. I expect to hear from you at least once every couple of days, you got me?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Good. Take care of yourself and get your strength back while you're at it. Do it for yourself and if you want to, do it for Tony."

"Yeah. I can do that, too."

"Good." Gibbs pulled Tim into a short embrace, let him go and patted him on the shoulder and then turned to Mr. and Mrs. McGee. Tim's father saved Gibbs the trouble of having to think of where to begin.

"Agent Gibbs, for my son's sake, I'm willing to give you another chance. Don't screw this one up."

"I promise you, Sir. I won't." Gibbs decided that being respectful and utilized his training as a Marine to find the right response.

"Agent Gibbs, I wanted to thank you for keeping us informed of what was going on with our son. I know that couldn't have been easy for you when you were so much to blame for it." Tim's mother interjected the conversation between Tim's two guardians.

"You deserved to know."

"Thank you for that. I can see that Tim's faith and trust in you somehow seems to have been restored and for that I am grateful. I would hate to think he was working for someone he didn't trust to watch out for him. But, I agree with my husband. Please do a better job this time."

"I will. You have my word on that."

"That's all we ask." Mrs. McGee answered as she kissed him on the cheek before turning to go inside the house.

"I'm gonna hold you to it, Agent Gibbs." Mr. McGee said as he held out his right hand to offer Gibbs a handshake.

"I understand." Gibbs took his hand and shook it firmly before patting Tim's arm once again and getting in the car to drive the team away from Tim's family's home.

It was time to let Tim be; time to let him let his family take care of him.

Tim spent the first week simply resting and exercising and by the end of the week found that doing that little bit more every day had strengthened his weakened muscles significantly. He had also spent a lot of time talking to his family and rebuilding the relationships that had been damaged slightly during his ordeal. Jethro was the tough one though and after the initial excitement of seeing Tim, he seemed more subdued than he ever was; it was this relationship that took the most time, but by the end of the week the dog was soon bounding about him as if nothing had ever happened.

The second week bought with it the more heartfelt, deep conversations that came from the very depths of their hearts and Tim was relieved to finally sit down with Sarah and talk things through. He knew that his younger sister had gone through hell thinking the worst had happened to him and had taken her temper out at the team; it was that very reason why she had to see that he was alright and back on track. He even managed to get her to promise that she would work with him to mend her relationship with his teammates, just in case they ever needed to be there for her when he couldn't. She'd thought he was crazy to even think like that, but Tim had pushed it; the suddenness of Tony's dying weighing heavily on him as it crossed his mind that anything was possible and all contingencies needed to be planned for.

It had taken some serious analogies about families and conversations like that to get them all to understand, but finally, they got it and once they all understood fully, Tim was able to better explain things he was struggling with because their clouded minds had cleared and they were able to give him feedback from a more objective perspective.

The team spent the 1st week, trying to hold on to the belief that Tim's family was the best thing for him right now even though the possibility of them talking Tim into not coming back was real and unsettling. Ziva and Gibbs waded through the stack of cold cases that seemed to get bigger and bigger everytime they tackled them and Abby even helped with a few, since she had nothing else to do given the lack of active cases at the moment. The labrat had pretty much perched herself at Tim's desk and gone over the evidence in the files whilst soaking up the feeling of contentment at being in the midst of the people she needed to be with right now.

Ducky and Jimmy spent the 1st week stocking up on the depleted supplies and cleaning Autopsy's tables and instruments. Ducky always hated having someone else working in his domain and had half expected to come back to what he did. In all fairness, the agency had a cleaning crew for the tidy up but boredom and lack of any new case work prevailed and gave them ample time to spring clean their working environment. It didn't do anything to relieve their worry about Tim though; a tension that would lift whilst Tim wasn't amongst them.

While the second week was also spent on cold cases, the team was finally beginning to get restless and missed going out in the field. Even Ducky and Jimmy were starting to get antsy and there was only so many times you could clean a room that hadn't been used in days. Abby was ready to scream from boredom and found little relief from her music and the standard maintenance that she had done on all of her machinery; she had even cleared out her computer's memory because it was a job that needed doing and she had spent a good portion of her time in the squad room looking over the cold cases and reveling in the closeness she had to the people she loved. To be honest, they all hoped it would change soon, not that they wanted criminals to keep hurting people, but something to do other than the menial, mind numbing tasks they were doing would have been good. Having Tim back would be even better and they soon came to realize that the melancholy that had befallen them all stemmed back to them missing both him and Tony.

By the time Thursday of the second week had rolled around, Vance was antsy to know whether Tim was willing to once again become Special Agent McGee. He sat in his office debating on whether or not he should call but decided against it because he was unwilling to call the man at his parents' house. With a sigh, he picked up his phone so he could talk to Gibbs.

"_Yeah, Gibbs."_ The Team leader answered his phone near enough straight away belaying his boredom of the tasks that he was doing.

"We need to talk." was the abrupt reply Vance gave before hanging up.

Gibbs shook his head with aggravation and snapped his cell phone shut before getting up and heading up the stairs to Vance's office. He grabbed the door handle with vehemence and marched into the office; slamming the door behind him.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes I do and I'd be grateful if you could refrain from damaging my door. I need to know where things stand with McGee."

"And the reason you're not asking McGee?"

"Oh, you mean its okay for me to go around you now?" Vance sniped.

"Leon, you'll probably have to go through his parent's right about now, but, yeah, you don't need my permission. He's a lot further along in his recovery now than he was the last time you bothered to check on him." Gibbs answered as he turned on his heel and snapped the door back open in readiness to leave.

"Has he made up his mind?" Vance's question stopped Gibbs in his tracks.

"Leon, you're asking the wrong guy. That's a question you'll have to ask McGee. I will say this, though. Whatever answer he gives you give, I expect you to give him the room to think it through before you hold him to it."

"What about his shrink?"

"What about him?"

"Think he'll sign off on McGee coming back here?"

"Not until they both get the reassurance they need that you took care of the problem. If I'm not mistaken, Leon, you have yet to tell McGee that you fixed the problem, although he does know Abby saw the tape. You were supposed to keep that from happening, Leon, thanks for taking care of that so well, by the way." Gibbs felt a surge of petty satisfaction when Vance's eyes narrowed at the sarcasm.

"I wasn't even aware she was here at the time, Gibbs. It was my understanding she had taken the day off. I should have had security keep a better eye on her and let me know. I apologize for that."

"Doesn't take away what she went through when she saw it. But, she's a big girl and she made the decision to defy you so she'll just have to deal with the consequences. She'll manage."

"Good. I'll call McGee and find out what he's decided."

"And if he hasn't decided yet? I sure hope you're not giving him some kind of deadline, Leon."

"I wouldn't' do that, Gibbs but your team does need to be filled in. I'll be giving you some files to go through so you can start narrowing down the replacement for the empty slot on your team. I'll leave McGee's slot open until we know his answer."

"Hope you know the rest of my team will be weighing in on who comes on board. Hell, I'm not even sure we're ready for that yet."

"Gibbs, you are the number one team we have and SecNav wants a full compliment. I can hold off with McGee because he's on sick." Vance sat back in his chair and huffed out a short laugh. "And I wouldn't expect anything less from your team, Gibbs."

"Okay, then. Just so we're both clear."

"Tim McGee." Tim answered his parents' house phone out of habit of years spent doing it growing up. How he answered it gave evidence to his years at the Agency. He hadn't even thought of the possibly of hearing from Vance while he was here and the man's voice at the other end of the like startled him.

"_McGee. Director Vance here_."

"Um, Director Vance." Tim tried to keep the surprise out of his voice but knew he had failed miserably.

His parents had turned their attention to the phone call their son had just taken but were stopped in his tracks by a shake of the head. It didn't stop them listening in as they ate lunch though. Tim cursed the fact that the phone was in the kitchen and left him with no other option but to pull up the step stool so he could have this conversation in relative comfort; or at least as much comfort has he could feel right now seeing as he was hoping and praying that the Director wasn't calling to demand his decision.

"_How are you, McGee?"_

"I'm fine, Sir."

"_Have you had enough time to come to a decision about NCIS_?" Typical, Vance was straight to the point as usual.

"No…." Tim's voice cracked slightly and he cleared his throat before carrying on "No, I haven't. I'm sorry if that's a problem, Sir."

"_Relax, McGee. It's not a problem. I expect Agent Gibbs to start sorting through candidates for the vacancy on his team; but your position on his team is still open pending your decision."_

"Thank you, Sir. I'll try to decide soon." Tim had the feeling that Vance wanted an answer soon and started to panic slightly at the feeling of being rushed.

"_McGee, don't rush to that decision. Being sure it's what you want. And remember you'll have to be ready to go through recertification if you do decide to come back to us. You'll never get through if it's not what you want. You'll have the rigors of retraining as well so it all has to be considered carefully because it's not just the team side of it on the table right now. But, you do need to know this. I've been made aware that when I showed the security footage to the entire agency in order to put a stop to any further vicious rumors and scuttlebutt that might circulate, that Ms Scuito managed to see it as well. I am deeply sorry because that was not supposed to happen."_

Tim blanched at the revelation and struggled with his concentration as the new news threatened to let it slip. "What? Wait, you showed it to everyone in the agency? Why would you do that, Sir?"

"_It was the best way for the truth to come out, in a way that would guarantee that no more speculation and ugly gossip be spread. I thought it was the least I could do for you."_

"Oh, okay….. Wow." Tim struggled to get his head around the new intel he'd been handed.

"_Wanted to let you know that you won't have to come back to anything like what happened in the restaurant. I won't tolerate anything like that going on here."_

"You know about that? Gibbs tell you?" Tim asked in mild shock.

"_No. I got chewed out by your Psychologist._"

Tim found himself thankful for the fact that the psychologist had gone out of his way to help him and made a mental note to thank him for going far beyond the call of duty. He would have loved to be there for that conversation though because as far as he could remember, no one had ever given the Director a chewing out. "Oh….er…I don't know what to say. Wow!"

"_You could say that. Like I said, McGee, no rush. Just let me know what your final decision is when you come to it."_

"I will, Sir. Thank you."

"_No, McGee. Thank you for considering coming back. You've always been an asset to this agency and it would be a shame to lose you."_

"Thank you, Sir."

* * *

_COMING SOON: _

_What will Tim's decision be?_


	48. Epilogue

_A/N: Ah, the end. What a journey it has been. Thank you so much to all of you have been along for the ride. Those who have kindly reviewed and those who have made this story part of their list of favorites and, of course, those of you who have so graciously added us to your list of favorite authors as a result of this story._

_A thousand thank you's. We hope to see you on our other journey's both current and future._

_But, for now - let's see where this one ends, shall we?_

* * *

Tim sat in his car waiting for the stream of traffic to start moving again and could feel the apprehension climb more and more by just sitting there with the nervous energy thrumming through his body. He gulped in a deep, grounding breath to calm himself but it had little effect and as he looked down to his white knuckled death grip on the steering to stop the tremble in his hands, he felt a cool breeze sweep past him.

"_You can do this!" _Tony's voice whispered almost silently through the car and startled Tim. It was as if Tony knew what he was thinking yet again and felt the need to give him the gentle encouragement that he needed, even from a distance.

"You sure about that, Tony? Because I'm not."

"_You can do this"_

"Glad someone has faith in me." Tim mumbled and felt a slight breeze ruffle the hair on the back of his head.

"_If the bossman heard you, Probie then that Headslap would be a damn sight harder. YOU CAN DO THIS!"_

Tim released his grip slightly with a rueful smile before signaling left towards his destination.

"Thanks, Tony."

He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this and tried to think back to the exact moment when the tide had finally turned, leaving him with the feeling that he needed to do this in order to move forward and be able to get his life back on track. It was something that started off as a small nagging feeling and now it was screaming for attention leaving him with no other option but to act upon it.

There had been no warnings and no gentle pushing from the people around him; it just sprung from nowhere and he didn't really know why. What he did know was that no matter what, this had to be done in order for him to finally get the closure that he had so desperately been seeking over the last couple of weeks and he knew that he wouldn't fully heal without it.

Tim's thoughts started to drift to the people that he loved and he sighed heavily at the thought that, even though doing this for himself was important; he was doing it for everyone else's sakes too. Tim shook his head at the thought and closed his eyes momentarily; No. He'd taken Gibbs instruction to put himself first to heart and knew that this was mainly for him. The knowledge that it would everyone else was an added bonus.

Doubt started to creep in again and Tim had to push it away because he hadn't lost sight of the fact that had he been the _only _reason he was doing this, then there was a high probability that he wouldn't be doing it at all. Even though he kept telling himself that this moment was his and his alone, he couldn't get past the fact that it was something that would finally give the tight knit family hope. No matter how many times Gibbs tried to drum it into him, tonight was for everyone; to both help the living move on and the fallen be remembered with the love and respect that they deserved.

The only thing he hadn't talked about in his frequent calls to Gibbs and Ducky, and even Abby and Ziva was when he was coming back. He'd left the team in the dark, not even knowing himself when, until it had hit him like a ton of bricks that it needed to be tonight. He knew he needed for this first time facing this had to be done alone and the monumental hurdle had to be jumped _tonight_. Strangely enough, Tim couldn't even remember the journey he'd taken to get here and whether or not it was a case of he'd pushed it back into his subconscious, didn't matter because for the first time in weeks, the here and now was the only thing that he actually cared about.

* * *

Gibbs felt relieved at the fact that he no longer had to worry about Tim's ability to recover from everything that had been thrown at him because his youngest boy had stayed in touch by calling him every other night just as he'd asked him to. The one thing he did notice was, that every time Tim rang him to let him know he was doing okay, he seemed to be stronger and more determined than the last time he rang; If anything, he found himself looking forward to the phone calls where Tim chatted about the exercises he had done to gain muscle strength and had listened carefully when Tim told him that he was thinking things through just as they'd asked him to do.

It was a definite step in the right direction and the positive vibes he'd been getting the last couple of calls left the team leader with a sneaking feeling that he'd have his agent back with him before too long. Sure, Gibbs still refused to ask Tim for his decision knowing that pushing him wasn't what he needed at the moment, but Gibbs' gut was telling him that everything was going to be okay.

His gut feeling did nothing to ease his concerns and even though he knew that Tim wouldn't keep them hanging for too long and hadn't actually made his decision yet, he still wanted to hear the words ….no matter what they were. Gibbs tried to rationalize it by telling himself the lack of news meant that Tim was giving it a lot of very serious thought and wasn't saying no just yet….._Just yet? Let's hope that little turn of phrase isn't gonna apply here!_

Gibbs sat there letting everything fizzle through his mind when he was struck by….._something._ He didn't know why, but all of a sudden he knew he had to go to work. He grabbed his keys and tried to find why he was feeling this way; there was some reason; some feeling he had that told him he was supposed to be at NCIS despite it being 2300 hours on a Sunday night. That confused him even more and seeing as they actually had a weekend off and weren't even on call. He'd known that his girls, as he now called Ziva and Abby, had been keeping each other company a lot lately and were helping each other move on, step by step by having some kind of girls night in tonight and so chose not to call them. He smiled as he remembered overhearing a conversation between the two of them where they said they missed Tim; it was that chat that told him that they were both also anxious to have their friend back with them and secure in the fact that they were indeed, a family unit; something that Gibbs never thought he'd ever have again.

* * *

And so, here Tim was less than three months after Tony had been lost to them, standing somewhere he previously had no desire to be; his heart simply hadn't been in it and the thought of making that daunting move had frightened him. He stepped off the elevator but froze as his heart stuttered slightly at the sight of the only desk that could be seen from the elevator….._Tony's._

"Okay, Tony. I'm here." Tim muttered softly with his voice breaking from the emotion rising up within him. "You said I was strong enough to do this but I gotta tell you, I'm sure not feeling it right now. I told you I couldn't do this." Tim turned back towards the elevator but paused when he heard his friend's distant voice once again.

"_You're here, Probie. That proves my point. And, you're not alone like you think you are."_

"Not the same without you here, Tony." Tim could almost picture Tony lounging back in his chair and felt a wave of grief wash over him. Turning back to face the squad room, Tim stood stock still and stared at the empty desk; one that still held Tony's things because no one had the heart to move them.

"_That's a given, Probie. C'mon, even without me, you're never gonna be alone."_

Tim let Tony's words sink in and as if some divine intervention had set out to prove Tony right, Abby and Ziva suddenly materialized on either side of him, each reaching out to link their arms through the arm that they were closest to. He felt Ziva reach over and kiss him on the cheek before offering a supportive smile and couldn't do anything but nod because the simple action has left him speechless.

"You can do this, Tim." Abby told him reassuringly. "We're here for you now and we'll face his desk together, every day. And every day it'll get easier, just like it did with Kate."

"McGee, you are stronger than you realize. We all know this and I can promise you that some day this will feel normal again. You are here with us, which is exactly where you belong." Ziva reinforced Abby's words with a softness that was so rarely heard from the normally abrasive Israeli woman. He felt some of the tension bleed away and nodded before glancing round and taking in the sights of the squad room fully.

As Tim looked around at what he had known to be his home away from home, he was surprised to find Gibbs and Ducky watching them from where they stood, side by side at what was….is? his desk. The looks on their faces portrayed nothing but silent support for what he was doing and he offered them a small smile of gratitude because not matter what, he would always be eternally grateful to the saviours standing in the room. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and saw Jimmy standing a few feet behind them with a comforting smile on his face.

Tim took a deep, cleansing breath and felt his pain fade enough so that he could breathe without it hurting. Something clicked at that very moment; something that lifted his heart and made him suddenly realize that being here felt right and the fact that there were so many good memories that he shared with the people supporting him now, pretty much made him realize that being here wasn't too hard to handle after all.

Gibbs, Ducky and Jimmy all moved towards him to close the gap and finally, fully reunite the family. It was a simple action but Tim felt the confidence grow within him as his second family surrounded him; it was a poignant moment and even though Tim had space to breathe, he could feel their endless love and support envelope his heart to keep it safe.

"Have you made your decision, Tim?" Gibbs asked him quietly. "Or are you just here to face what you didn't think you could?" There was no censure in the question, only compassion and understanding.

"Both." Tim offered up a small smile to his boss. "This was my home away from home for so long."

"Have you figured out who it is you're here for?" Gibbs asked him quietly, knowing Tim needed to answer that for his own added step toward recovery.

"Both of us, Boss." Tim answered with conviction. He really was here for himself as well as for Tony. "For all of us, really."

"I'm proud of you, Son." Gibbs offered with an affectionate ruffle of the young man's hair.

"Thanks, Boss. That means a lot to me." Tim offered in return, along with his trademark smile that always lit the room.

"It's good to see you again. Really good to see you back here." Jimmy pitched in "we've missed you, Tim."

"Thanks, Jimmy."

"You're looking much better, Timothy. Time with your family has done you well." Ducky stepped forward and placed his hand on Tim's shoulder. It wasn't just a show of support and Tim had to stop himself from laughing out loud at the fact that he knew Ducky was actually giving him a quick once over to make sure he was really alright.

"Thanks, Ducky."

"You ready to tell us what you've decided?" Gibbs was reveling in the bonding moment but was anxious to know what Tim had decided; either way, he wasn't going to let Tim go again and vowed to try to be a better father figure than he had in the past, no matter which way the kid's heart took him.

"I don't have a place of my own." Tim hedged, hoping Gibbs' keen mind would pick up on where he was going with this before he had to spell it out.

"Don't need one until you're back on your feet. You've got my place and you've got Ducky's, so that's not really an issue." Gibbs reminded him, his heart lightening with the sense that he knew what Tim was getting at.

"Still got Jethro." Tim warned.

"And he'd be happy at either place." Gibbs pushed. "Come on, you telling me he doesn't like the big yards? We've all seen the mutt running around happily." The smile on Gibbs' face seemed to warm Tim slightly.

"And he's most welcome. I do so miss mother's corgi's and it's nice to have another four legged friend around the house." Ducky jumped in to let Tim know it wasn't an issue with him either.

"Thank you, both of you. I really do appreciate everything that you have done but I think it would be easier if I stayed with Ducky." Tim's honest answer confused everyone slightly.

"Whattaya mean easier, Tim?" Gibbs asked with a frown. He had no idea why it would be easier and hoped it wasn't down to some deeply rooted, sub-conscious lingering feeling from everything that had happened.

"I just think it would be awkward if I stayed with you, **Boss.**" Tim said cautiously hoping Gibbs would realize not only that it didn't have anything to do with the man personally, but also that Tim had deliberately stressed the important issue he was getting at; his position. He glanced down at his shoes and waited for the question that he knew was coming since Gibbs obviously missed Tim's covert attempt to hand him the answer without actually spelling it out.

"Why?" Gibbs asked with his confusion evident, as expected.

Tim couldn't stretch this out any longer with Gibbs beginning to look and sound worried. He raised his head and looked his surrogate father directly in the eye. Now, after everything that had happened, Tim finally felt comfortable enough to wear his heart on his sleeve with him and he knew that Gibbs would be able to read the look on his face loud and clear.

"I wanna come home"

**FINIS**

* * *

I want to take this time to offer my uptmost gratitude and appreciation for my co-author, my sounding board, and my friend:

Shelbylou

without whom, this would not have been written nearly as well or complete.

You're the best!


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